Confessions

my meat is toddler esque slightly curved and dry like a 2 month old baby rattlesnake that was run over by a park rangers speeding two door explorer. My ball sack looks like a 95 year old transvestites neck after a failed attempt at crushing a large Adams Apple. My cousin just got home from prison and he doesn't talk much. He told me he was Pelican bays very own Peter North and he splattered more faces than a face painter at children's carnival. Speaking of Peter North the other night I was streaming adult entertainment through my phone while laying in bed while commencing my nightly ritual of exhausting my penis before I go to bed and I actually blasted myself in my right eye. It burned like hell and it made me wonder what Mercedes Santos dreams about when she goes to sleep. I also wonder if my service provider is aware that 75$ of my data plan is wasted on streaming erotica and if they laugh at me.


-excerpt from the average niketalkers diary

 

Late night venting session commence.

-I'm 18 and about to start college...I'm excited but at the same time I feel that everyone else I know has something going for them and I have very few redeeming qualities. I feel like my life so far is just wasted potential. Not sure if I have the willpower to commit to anything.
-I'm afraid to be a disappointment but I feel it's too late for that.
-I'm extremely sheltered. My parents pay for nearly everything I own and I haven't even applied for a job nor prepared for a resume.
-I've been so out of shape and I eat out nearly everyday at least twice since maybe I was 10. I need to change my lifestyle ASAP yet I can't bring myself to do it. There are times where I did exercise and ate healthy and I felt so good but I always end up relapsing.
-I have no luck with females at all. My past relationships (if you can even call them that) have all ended badly.
-Speaking of females, I fell for my cousin's best friend this summer. I met her in 7th grade and she had a big crush on me initially. I didn't like her then and I rejected her. Fast forward to now, we're good friends and I realized I have feelings for her. Then I found out she doesn't want to start anything with anyone (she likes someone else) since she's going to University of Michigan. It really sucks, but I have gotten over it and I am looking forward to college girls.
-I'm an introvert and sometimes I have extremely hard times expressing myself or being social.
-I have suffered depression before...a really deep one. I hate society's views on suicide are usually negative and people generalize among other things.
-I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I understand I can change a lot of aspects for my life for the better and yet I don't. I just need motivation. I don't need anyone babying me, but it would be nice for just a little sympathy.
-On the plus side, I've been able to harness my pessimism into positive thoughts. I used to be a real downer but now I try to keep everything on the bright side. And I am much happier for it.

 

- haven't been with a women ina very long time. I had two too long relationships in and after high school (2,5 and 1,5 years) I ended up disappointed after both, so I simply don't want to, however I experienced one night stands, but didn't really enjoy them, so I'm simply rejecting everyone, except for one girl, who friendzoned me...

- Made it into the best business university in the region, am looking forward to it, although I still haven't decided if I want to do it, because of my love for art. However I do know that I won't be able to feed myself by painting alone. I honestly don1t know what will happen.

 

I feel like I was forced to get married. my wife's parents loved me and wantded me to marry her, and she basically begged me. I told her repeatedly that we should wait and it's too soon. I regret marrying her 3 -5xs's a week and we been married for a year and some change. I'm too nice and I really did not hold her to my standards until too late. The only thing that saves her is that she is mad beautiful and we have a baby.

**** really hit the fan now cuz we got in an argument, she took her wedding ring off, I threw the **** out the window while she was driving (that's where I ****** up). She destroyed my car, MacBook, Chicago bull 10s, and cool grey lebrons. We are separated now and I'm pushing for a divorce. She is doing the begging thing now to stay with me but I keep assuring her its a wrap. Now I have a really bad one who I have been seeing, I can't find one flaw with her. She cool as hell, funny, bad, cooks cleans, smart, and I told myself I wanted to be single I'm done with marriage. The truth is I can't leave this new chic alone she treats me like a king, she got me going crazy, it's just different

 

I was the same way. I grew up poor, my boys all had families with money. It was 4 of us, we would take turns spending the night over each others crib, but never mine. I would always make up excuses for why they couldnt spend the night. I would say my mom ain't letting nobody come over, or I'm on punishment or some wild story. But really I wea just poor and I didn't want nobody to know where I lived.

As far as after school, I went to the military. I ain't no recruiter but i would recommend the military if u want to create ur own lane, have ur school and home paid for, all u have to worry about are car and cell phone everything else is paid for. I did one year of college and worked full time to maintain and it's rough. My boys ain't have nothing to worry about either, but now I have a son and I'm setting things up so that he won't have nothing to worry about, but I'm still gonna make sure he knows it's important to work hard for what you want

 

I've attempted suicide twice,

1) I was so depressed with life & having a feeling of self worthlessness that I decided to try a chug a bottle of whiskey with 4 oxycodones (at home &ended up blacking out and waking up on the couch instead of my bedroom) [early 201

2) Night after the bar and had to drop off some friends, I was 10 miles away from home just need to calm my nerves so I grabbed the pregame of vodka we had left over and proceeded to drink. I kept thinking about close family members that are no longer with me & thought it would better if I was no longer here.. I ended up driving to Angeles Crest and just fell asleep in my car. [mid 2011 around this time]

lastly, I graduated LVN school last year & still can't pass my nclex

I just want to thank my guardian angels, out in heaven, looking out for me.

 

i have a problem letting things go and I hate that

People get under my skin way too easily( Women Mostly)

Im tired of waking up angry almost everyday

 

-I'd rather hit it big on a stock than work hard to get to where I want to be. Not worth it to bust your #@! for 40 years at some company only to have enough to retire and spend most of your waking hours slaving over a desk for some corporation.

-People like said above exist in my family and I can't stand their "dedication" to "hard work" which is only masking the trouble in their personal lives to escape their family and a cop out.

-Sex with the same female over and over is boring. In other words...

 

- I still think about my ex having that abortion when I was 17.... shorty would be pushing 6 years old now, and I'm only 23...I think about it everyday

-I regret not taking baseball seriously enough, played D3 ball, started out of HS as a freshman at second base, but I was content with just playing to play.

-I still hold a grudge against my old man for cheating on my mom, but as I get older....I see that its only natural instinct to man... I aint eeem mad

-I lost my virginity to my boys cousin at 13.........My boy was the look out man in his crib to make sure his parents aint come down while we was smashing....Thats a real N hahahah

 

Good ****

 

Good thread. Just some things I need to get off my chest...

- I feel like I am the most important figure in my youngest brother's life. My parents are lazy and don't care for him like they used too. My parents are very strict, almost to a point where it's unnecessary. I didn't have much of a social life growing up due to this. I kind of resent my parents for that (and other things). I don't want to see my brother go down that same path. He's a great student & a good kid. My youngest brother is the one thing that keeps me grounded.

- Sometimes I want to beat the ****e out of my other brother. He thinks he should be treated like a king even though he is the laziest sack of ****e I know. All he does is sit on his laptop, eat & watch movies. I had to give him $1400 to help him pay rent & part of his tution for the school year & the most I got was a thanks. He doesn't help my parents with anything. All he does is complain like a 10 year girl. He's always leaving a mess around the house & never cleans up after himself. I've tried to talk to him on multiple occasions like a man but when I do, his defensive shield comes up and he starting taking offense. I've tried so may times but nothing has come of it. I don't even know why I bother sometimes

- I enjoy my job very much. The only thing is that it doesn't pay me well enough. I am ready to move out & live on my own. I hate the fact that the only thing holding me is a green piece of paper. Living at home has made my relationship with my parents much worst. I never thought it would get to this point. I feel like I just need to go somewhere & start fresh. There's nothing but negativity in that household.

- If I see a girl that is attractive, I will find the most miniscule detail & use that as a reason to not approach her. I need to change my introvert ways.

 

better man than me...

not gonna lie... this might sound messed up...

but i'm SOOOO glad i got that abortion a few years back... kid would be going on... i think 3, now...

i

 

I sense humble braggington III but bruh get a HIV test, as much as you talk about girls wtf are you thinking? GO GET TESTED! That's not cool.

 

I often wondered if certain people were just born with these traits or if they were something one could develop.

I often had trouble relating to friends/girls who came from households with two parents or a decent/middle class social status. I was never envious of these people, but when I would go to their houses I would see their parents struggling to have the children contribute anything to the everyday routine....they had dishwashers and still couldn't/wouldn't do the dishes.

I didn't have a dishwasher until I was a sophomore in college and by that time I had become so accustomed to washing my dishes by hand, that I never even used it.

I grew up never knowing my father and having a mother who worked two jobs to raise 3 kids. I spent my free time helping her paint houses/do lawnwork/working every Summer with a local carpenter doing roofing/drywall/plumbing etc. I never thought twice about it or felt like my life was unfair...it just was, well normal to me, because that is all I knew and I made the most of it. I was really good at sports, especially baseball....I used to walk to my school games and no one from my family was ever there, but I understood what was more important. I think not having anyone come or anything to prove to anyone forced me to quit spending time on things like that and focus on working/making money. My brother died when I was 17 and a Senior in High School. I remember going to the mall and buying a pair of Black/Black AF I mids from Footaction with a gift card he got me for my birthday.....that same day on the way back was when I found out he was dead, how ironic...still have those shoes brand new with the receipt. Almost 10 years ago.

That event changed my life and really allowed me to start living to the max....it was too late to start playing baseball again and seize the things I used to enjoy, but it allowed me to completely change my outlook on life.

You will find yourself in terrible situations at times....whether it be from bad luck, bad decisions, bad timing...whatever, but at a certain point it is not important how you got there, but how you will get to where you want to go. Best wishes.

 

Bruh go get tested, there's no excuse. HIV doesn't immediately show symptoms and sometimes takes years to. Get tested whether you think
you're clean or not. Jesus Christ.

 

This thread kind of got me angry because the more I read some of yall post I realize I been lying to my self about some things in my own life. Must get my anger under control

 

Quit being a lil triflin' B, breh.. and go get tested.. Mouth swab and get the results back in 20mins, HIV isn't a death sentence, but hopefully the Gods were on your side up until this point. Knowing will lift a weight off your shoulders you never knew existed.