Confessions

I saw my mom get beat by one of her boyfriends when I was really young..
Dude beat her face in and took off I felt so powerless...after this happened i joined up with some other kids in the neighborhood and joined a gang.
I was 8 years old, we would sell weed for the older kids, we would also deliver other drugs to cars at the ampm
My brother who was 3 years older than I was, was hardly ever home and started getting in trouble with the law in the 7th grade, I never told him about seeing moms get beat up until I was 10..later that day he gave me a snub nose 38 in case anything else like that ever happened..
My brother taught me how to ride a bike by putting me in his mountain bike a pushing me in the street, I also learned how to shoot that gun in a rival neighborhood which I will not discuss.
 
now I'm sure we won't ever talk unless I admit I was wrong because he pretty much convinced himself he's never wrong...
You don't need people like that in your life dude, you'll be happier w/o ppl like that in your circle
 
-Really wish I took high school more seriously. Im a smart *** dude, got a 24 on my ACT but graduated with a 1.9 GPA. Now I'm in college with a 1.5 GPA (Im a freshman) after I ****** my first semester all up and I'm scared there's no climbing out of that grave. I couldn't do it in HS.. I'm scared history will repeat itself.

-I don't know what I want to do with my life and while I give off this fearless vibe this **** has me shook.

-I'm scared I'll spend my college years alone. When I graduated I cut off every chick I smashed in HS and pretty much havent come close to getting yambs since last summer. They all have boyfriends now.

-Starting to realize how anti-social I am. In HS I had hella friends, and was popular. Now im in college and I only have about 3-4. I send maybe 10-15 text a day and if I'm not working, studying, or in class I'm always alone.
 
-girls express interest in me and i never follow through due to my CRAZZY fear of rejection... so dumb of me

- I have this problem too. Self confidence, self-esteem, fear of rejection, attachment issues all play into it. I have a fear of falling for someone only for it to **** up and send me on a downward spiral.
- I don't trust people in general
- I consider myself loyal as hell. Would never cheat, would go to war for the people I love. In my mind however, I don't see myself finding a chick with the same sentiments. I've only met a handful of chicks who I thought were worth the effort. The rest I feel like I can see right through. I know this is wrong.
 
^^ Trust me fam you have PLENTY of time to climb up out of that grave. All it really takes is a little dedication, I was in the same predicament partied and didn't give a single damb about class my freshman year. Ended with a 1.7 gpa feeling just like you, and I damn sure didn't know what I wanted to do. Now I'm in my senior year with a 3.0 and grinding it out. Ask about academic forgiveness and get a few of those failing grades of your transcript when you retake a class. Now is the time to feel yourself out and find out what it is that you have a passion for and go for it, there's nothing wrong with not knowing at this stage.

As far as the social part, join something your into, anything will help. People are really friendly in college and it's an easy spot for finding like minds because they are so diverse. Just be yourself and be interested in people & it will come.

Good luck man!
 
^^ Trust me fam you have PLENTY of time to climb up out of that grave. All it really takes is a little dedication, I was in the same predicament partied and didn't give a single damb about class my freshman year. Ended with a 1.7 gpa feeling just like you, and I damn sure didn't know what I wanted to do. Now I'm in my senior year with a 3.0 and grinding it out. Ask about academic forgiveness and get a few of those failing grades of your transcript when you retake a class. Now is the time to feel yourself out and find out what it is that you have a passion for and go for it, there's nothing wrong with not knowing at this stage.

As far as the social part, join something your into, anything will help. People are really friendly in college and it's an easy spot for finding like minds because they are so diverse. Just be yourself and be interested in people & it will come.

Good luck man!
Appreciate it fam. I've never heard of academic forgiveness before so I'll make sure to read up on that and ask my counselor.

On the joining up part though.. Im black at a university that is majority white/asian. I grew up in the roughest part of my city, so I just feel like I wouldn't fit in you know? I pretty much just keep to myself 24/7. Professors don't even randomly call on me in class because im the only black in all of my courses and I assume that would make them feel prejudice. I can just be a ghost, and that seems like all I'll be capable of doing.
 
- I consider myself loyal as hell. Would never cheat, would go to war for the people I love. In my mind however, I don't see myself finding a chick with the same sentiments. I've only met a handful of chicks who I thought were worth the effort. The rest I feel like I can see right through. I know this is wrong.

So much truth right here :smh:
 
Originally Posted by CelticsFan9783  

- I consider myself loyal as hell. Would never cheat, would go to war for the people I love. In my mind however, I don't see myself finding a chick with the same sentiments. I've only met a handful of chicks who I thought were worth the effort. The rest I feel like I can see right through. I know this is wrong.
I feel the same way. Sometimes I feel like I should just be a complete b*tch because me being loyal and giving my all isnt getting me anyway.
mean.gif
 
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1. I'm not over this girl. This is probably the first woman I ever cried over.

2. I'm not following her on instagram but sometimes I'll look up her name & look at her pics when she leaves it 'public' sometimes.

3. I'm that, "loser with no future", she cheated on her BD for. (She didn't get caught up but came close)




I'm so wrong :smh:
 
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******* aint **** to me but **** and tricks. They have gone out of their way to prove it. They don't even make good friends. Even though I am a virgin, I will never look for a girl to keep. I can't wait till I start making real loot and smash chicks on rotation. If they find out, I'll simply get a new one. IDK why I love the idea of being able to keep several girls by having money that they will not get from me besides the loose change. At least I am honest with that. If I had a gf I would just cheat on her because I don't want to be the guy who has only had sex with so few women when my friends have ****** 20-70 each already. Although faking a relationship is something I might do someday. I simply don't see why I should treat a girl right if it took me getting a good job to get her. I understand she isnt the same as the girls who have treated me like **** but it is a matter of principality. These **** are all the same, she would've done the same if she knew me when I was making no money, there is no way she could prove otherwise so she will be put in the same basket.

I don't believe in love. I can't take a male seriously who says he does. Just come out of the closet already.

I am ugly. I dont say things like that to be an attention *****. I have heard it so many times as a kid that I am immune to it. Nothing could ever change it.

The ONLY thing that stops me from committing murder is the fact that I don't want to go to prison.
 
I found somebody that I really like in class but I don't think she likes me the way I like her. |I

She's just not interested in me and I know it. I feel as though I am wasting my time because nothing will ever change her way of thinking. I just want to give up but I just can't for some reason.

I need to stop smoking weed too.
 
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- I have this problem too. Self confidence, self-esteem, fear of rejection, attachment issues all play into it. I have a fear of falling for someone only for it to **** up and send me on a downward spiral.
- I consider myself loyal as hell. Would never cheat, would go to war for the people I love. In my mind however, I don't see myself finding a chick with the same sentiments. I've only met a handful of chicks who I thought were worth the effort. The rest I feel like I can see right through. I know this is wrong.

Similar situation over here, wish I had the remedy.
 
I'm always super motivated at night
Im a extreme ****-.up....def working on this

same. Sometimes I feel like I really do mess things up...



-I don't get my gf sometimes. I buy her a nexus 4 to replace her other phone that she says was giving her issues/birthday gift. I tell her I want to buy an ipad mini before I leave for travel/work and she's telling me I got to save my money (I got gift cards, chinese new year money and christmas money still) cause I don't have much money (which is sorta true). She's good at guilt tripping and she better be doing this cause she plans to take me to the apple store for my birthday. lol. :/
-I think she does this cause she thinks things I spend money on are coming out of her shiny fund.
-Sometimes I feel like she holds me back. She super motivates me sometimes, but other times makes it so discouraging with all this moving on and growing up making real money. I'm trying but at the same time its a lot of pressure.
-I'm scared/nervous about moving away for work. It will only be half a year, but I've never been to Asia so this will be a new experience and I'm not sure what to think of it yet.
-I still have tons to do before I leave. I'll hopefully blitzkreig it two-three days before and pack everything.
-I want to smash one of my good female friends. I feel like we both have something for each other but we both know we can't. smh
-If you read this, thanks.
 
Blotters you lost in the sauce

U have a extremely ****** up view on life
 
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Today makes exactly one year since I told my ex I was ready to settle down with her and her alone. She said she wasn't sure if she could do that with me because of our rocky past. Broke my heart that day. I've only made marginal improvements, and am still stuck on her. Even though it's crystal clear at this point she'll probably never feel the same. This love **** is for the birds. :smh:
 
@Blotters idk you but man I can't be that bad I hope its not...stop feeling pity for yourself bra
 
It is not self pity. These are truths that took me so long to learn since I didnt have parents or family that would teach me better
Had someone told me a long time ago I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and pain. Something I will teach my nephew since I plan on buying him a lot of fly gear amongst other things, and I'll teach him
271704


even if I have to take back everything I gave him for him to learn the lesson
 
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I am Paranoid. I always look at the outcome of my actions and always see the bad side of the turn out. I always seem to tell myself it will outweigh the positive. I am a dude who is afraid of awkwardness so I try not to engage myself in conversations or eye contacts. But I'm not awkward, its just that I get nervous about first impressions and just plain don't know what to talk about since I don't know anything about you and I don't want to start paying 21 questions.
 
My NT password was "password" until I changed it some time last year.
 
I feel like people don't want to talk to me because I always have had phones on and that's because I really love music. I feel something is off if I'm not listening to music while I'm walking or taking the bus or anywhere that doesn't take my full attention. I liked this girl but she is to young and not exactly the mature type. What sucks is that I lead her on and she got me a birthday gift that she took time to make :smh:. Girls aren't everything but my thoughts are misconstrued to think that way. I always think about the same stuff like what should I eat today, my ex, girls I like our I'm interested in. Its always the same 3 girls too.i like one of my female bff but the fact that she doesn't know any better and shows no signs of dedication is a turn off. I am probably friend zoned too because she admitted to me and my friend that she would date me if I was taller. my goal Is to stop being so pessimistic and paranoid. Just do things without thinking twice. If something catches my eye I'll tell that person right away instead of fearing the reprocussions that she might reject me. I'm always afraid of rejection even if it's small talk. I got to build up some more confidence and believe in my self more
 
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