Damn man I fell like ish now lol.... But today was a good day.... Also I am so aloof and rusty I don't even know when a chick is interested anymore
I seriously have the urge to catch a body! Not anybody specific either just anybody that pisses me off, I seriously want to become a cold blooded murderer and maybe sell some drugs. I'm tired of living in the hood, I'm tired of being broke, I'm tired of having this pint up rage to do harm to people, I'm tired of being quiet and N's not knowing how I can really get down if I let my temper loose and just say fuk it! I have this deep seated urge to just become this savage criminal and not give a damn no more but I know it will ruin my life and I'll end up like my father. The only other thing stopping me is that I'm 19 years old and I feel like if I haven't gotten into that life by now then I shouldn't at all since I'm old enough to know better. I can't help this disgusting urge though and I feel like I have a beast inside of me. You people are the only ones I have told of this, I need help, almost teared up while writing this. Dead srs
Finally went off my path of health the other day, got high as hell. At the time, I gave no damns, my nerves were out of line and it was there. Shrug.
Right now I'm simpin kinda hard on this girl, my mind is tellin me no, but my body, my body is tellin me yeah! I want it to work, but it's kind of hard. I can either cope with giving up on her, or just keep going for her and get something else on the side until that day. I'm thinking the latter, she isn't the kind you just give up on.
I'm feeling really depressed right now. Everything that made me happy then, is no longer appealing to me. Now, that simple fact is bothering me so much it's making it worse. I'm usually very cognitive with these types of issues, but I can't even convince myself of the better logics anymore.
I've spent the past three or four days of my life golfing. Yet, I'm so angry that I swing down so hard the ball always ends up cut. Had to reduce myself to the range.
There is a whole big logic behind it, my life motivation, etc. I don't want to get into it. It would be a very long post.Finally went off my path of health the other day, got high as hell. At the time, I gave no damns, my nerves were out of line and it was there. Shrug.
Right now I'm simpin kinda hard on this girl, my mind is tellin me no, but my body, my body is tellin me yeah! I want it to work, but it's kind of hard. I can either cope with giving up on her, or just keep going for her and get something else on the side until that day. I'm thinking the latter, she isn't the kind you just give up on.
I'm feeling really depressed right now. Everything that made me happy then, is no longer appealing to me. Now, that simple fact is bothering me so much it's making it worse. I'm usually very cognitive with these types of issues, but I can't even convince myself of the better logics anymore.
I've spent the past three or four days of my life golfing. Yet, I'm so angry that I swing down so hard the ball always ends up cut. Had to reduce myself to the range.
Honestly? go ghost on her and work on you. Drop the mentality of "she isn't the kind you give up on", she is, they all are. Only way to keep her is to be willing to leave her, and you're not in the mindframe right now. You're clinging to this tiny spark of light she gives you because your life is **** right now, it's not real. She can feel your energy overwhelming her and she doesn't want it. You're trying to hitch your happiness on another person, not good. Break now before it gets harder. You're gonna keep going and fall for the "side" (shorty ain't even your main, look how you're talking) and she's gonna treat you well, you're gonna cling to that too and wash, rinse, repeat.
Everybody deserves a second chance, not saying be a captain save'm but just because she is a stripper doesn't mean she won't change, take it slow... And the job situation will get better, looking for a new job myself but I refuse to be self defeated, gotta stay on this positive tip brohamI've been applying for jobs since December............of 2011 (I've worked for temp agencies in between, but not consistently). I'm slowly, but surely losing the perseverance to keep going. My apt lease is up in july and my savings is going fast, if I don't get a job soon it's back to my 9 x 10 room in my dad's crib :x
Oh and I'm dating a stripper...she's great in every other category and we were talking before she started stripping....but it still blows me that she's a stripper
. I'm a black dude with a deep voice, I can only sound so excited without sounding ridiculous.
I feel you, dated a stripper before but she was one of "those" if you get me that did it because of her past, man learned that lesson hard lol, but she sounds different, no shots thrownI knew her before she's started stripping so I know for a fact she's a stripper by "necessity" and not a stripper by choice, if you know what I mean, which is why I can still semi-tolerate it. **** still bothers me sometimes tho. If she had a "regular job" that paid all her bills she'd be a solid chick.
And yeah looking for employment is b-word. Especially when you don't get a job because you't "don't sound excited enough"
*End Rant*
You just said you wouldnt strike your sister cuz you dont want to stoop to her level a couple post back.
