- Sep 3, 2014
- 6,864
- 8,014
Nah bro. That kind of thinking landed me where i am now. Always thinking this gonna be the one bet that changes my life. I was treating betting like a second job. It was foolish thinking.
- May 12, 2019
- 644
- 1,731
willypete
Supporter
- Aug 28, 2014
- 5,520
- 10,943
First off happy Thanksgiving everyone.
While I’m thankful for my health and my family, I’m still in the same position as I was when I made this post 5 months ago. Extremely bad sprain to my ankle, messed up my calf muscle as well as grade 2 tear of my mcl all from a “slight” twist of my foot. Reading the notes, you would think I was ballin on the court and someone broke my ankles.
The depression as barely improved and that’s only because I’m so limited in what I can do physically that any hobbies I had I can’t really do anymore. Can’t really go for a drive to clear my mind since it was my right leg that’s injured. Haven’t really been able to date either due to my situation. Can’t play the guitar and make music due to the constant pain. Lost my job since they could only “hold” my position for so long and I have been extremely unlucky with finding anything new (I believe my clearance has also gone non active due to this as well smh).
I have seen an orthopedic specialist, foot/ankle specialist and pain management specialist more times this year than I have my primary doctor in the last 4 years. I have surgery scheduled for my foot early next year which will leave me on completely off of my foot for a month and a few more months with the recovery and pt.
I try to stay as positive and optimistic as possible but it’s tough. I really don’t know where I would be or if I would still even be here if it wasn’t for my family helping as much as possible. I’ve broken down more time than I can count either from the pain or because everything has been going to ****. I’ve been needing just 1 win and I’m starting to not even know what that is anymore.
Again apologies for the long post but I needed to get this off my mind and chest. And I appreciate everyone who took the time to read all this.
darthska
Staff member
- Apr 30, 2004
- 53,882
- 42,676
willypete
Supporter
- Aug 28, 2014
- 5,520
- 10,943
Two words, workers comp!I'm sorry, man. :/
Why is surgery early next year and not 2 months ago?
I’ve had 2 claim adjusters so far, the first one literally did nothing. Gave push back on me scheduling appointments and also getting treatment. I believe she was fired, let go or just left because some of the dr offices couldn’t get in contact with her anymore. I had several referrals for specialist and treatment but was told “I don’t believe this treatment is needed”
The second adjuster has a nurse worker with her as well now so there’s no delays or pushback from anyone without a medical background. The specialist that is doing the surgery is hella booked so that’s unfortunately why the surgery is so far out.
- Nov 5, 2012
- 13,899
- 6,412
Been depressed for most if not all my adult life. Last week it got really bad but im climbing out of it. I took a break from the gym and studying to reset and i forgot i cant take a break from the gym because thats when it gets worse. Im getting back on the horse again this week. I hit the gym hours ago and i started hitting the books again. Its hard and mentally crippling but i have to keep going. Im in therapy , i took shrooms ,i moved states away , gave it time. Just tired of being miserable.
MakeNTGreatAgain
Supporter
- Aug 5, 2017
- 10,271
- 11,045
damn bruh physical injuries suck alot mane
praying for ur speedy recovery
MakeNTGreatAgain
Supporter
- Aug 5, 2017
- 10,271
- 11,045
sup man
one thing i never do is stop going to the gym and praying
pray 5 times a day usually 4 if i get up late
i was thinking of skipping the gym today, had a tough monday
but went anyways and was not happy during the workout but did it anyways
perhaps u need a v8 to put a smile on ur face??? lol
darthska
Staff member
- Apr 30, 2004
- 53,882
- 42,676
- May 27, 2017
- 24,733
- 32,180
Ish is so normalized. I lost alot of respect for these celebrities who are already millionaires pushing this unto people
- May 27, 2017
- 24,733
- 32,180
Tore my MCL December 2022. I know that feeling. Simple thing that we all take for granted such as being able to walk. I was in a lot of pain. Felt useless and depressed.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. The human body can repair itself. Focus on nutrition and look up physical therapy rehab videos on YouTube. Start them and be consistent with it
- May 27, 2017
- 24,733
- 32,180
Do you play sports? Join a rec league. That high you get from competition helps with depression
- Jan 17, 2014
- 230
- 252
Have you given a thought to traveling international if able? New scenery & experiences does the mind good.
- Nov 5, 2012
- 13,899
- 6,412
I got a v8 and i miss it i gotta go get it . I figure i do that when im ready to send it to the body shop.
Thank you friend. I been going to therapy since February . Work is cool i got accolades from my manager and or lead tech . Been here a year now.Props on getting back to the gym, friend.
Do you see a counselor?
How's work?
I signed up to a new boxing gym back in July. Im not too consistent with it because i study in the evening but im pulling up tonight for cardio night
The plan is to hit Germany the beginning of summer. I ****** up alot of pictures the last time i was there so i do want to get back over there
darthska
Staff member
- Apr 30, 2004
- 53,882
- 42,676
Therapy going ok? You feel like you 2 are making progress?
Do you like your job? What do you do?
What sort of things 'relax' you? Like you said you took a break from the gym to reset... but then not going to the gym makes things worse.
There's a conflict there.
What sort of things do you like doing, no conflict? No complications? You just... like it? Binging shows? Hooping? Reading? Gaming?
da r entertainment
Supporter
- Jul 20, 2002
- 10,436
- 4,559
Been here before and can definitely relate. I broke my ankle in 2016 roller skating. I had 2 surgeries year in May and December. I have a plate in my ankle currently. I spent about 2/3 months stuck in the crib working from home. It gets better with time and gives you a new appreciation for your limbs and life as well. Keep pushing towards positivity.
- Nov 5, 2012
- 13,899
- 6,412
Therapy is a mother, its going good. Mainly just alot of vindication from my last relationship . Im still unpackin **** from that one but the one im in now is night and day, she genuinely a good person.
I like my job , im a sub station tech, im extremely grateful for it. This vs the airforce where id sit in an office pretending to be busy , im actually working with my mind and hands on a different site everyday. I got a good team of people around me that teach me on the job and i get to travel every now n then. Im going for a cert to monitor the power grid in the meantime .
Things that relax me are taking pictures of cars, i hit the beach after work if i get off early enough and now i bike around the city if i have time
willypete
Supporter
- Aug 28, 2014
- 5,520
- 10,943
Good update, today is the day I finally have the surgery on my foot and then another 8 weeks on bed rest basically. Fingers crossed this alleviates 90% of the pain I’m in from my knee to my foot and hopefully I’ll be able to drive again by May.
Thank you all for the well wishes and kind words. Just crazy how I’m finally having surgery a week before I injured myself last year (on Valentine’s Day and didn’t even get any yambs
)
darthska
Staff member
- Apr 30, 2004
- 53,882
- 42,676
Good to see your head (I’m finally having surgery a week before I injured myself last year (on Valentine’s Day and didn’t even get any yambs
) is in the right place.
Everything's going to go fine today and while you're on bed rest.
willypete
Supporter
- Aug 28, 2014
- 5,520
- 10,943
Lol thanks man. Hoping for an adamantium footGood to see your head (
Everything's going to go fine today and while you're on bed rest.
- Jan 12, 2013
- 29,104
- 41,990
Even though I thought my sessions with a local trauma-specialized psychologist had been going well and taught me a lot (in my opinion), she suddenly requested to refer to me to a psychiatrist specialized in personality disorders.
To be fair, she made it clear from on early on after the first 2 or 3 appointments that I was one of just a handful of patients in her entire career (she's in her late 30s) who had ever given her the feeling she could not trust a single word I was saying and got a manipulative impression of me.
She didn't really describe her thought process in precise detail but but it was based roughly around the combination of a big discrepancy between subject matter, facial expressions (or lack thereof) and tone of voice.
For example I'd subconsciously maintain my regular warm demeanor and tone of voice even when describing very brutal child trauma (domestic abuse, witnessing my dad R-wording my mom and trying to kill himself, ....)
In addition to that, I apparently also forget and add very relevant details in ways like "oh right I forgot about dad's suicide attempt infront of me, my bad" in manner she deemed very odd.
The reason I scheduled appointments with her in the first place was to learn more about stress, how it is processed, .... and how trauma-induced lack of empathy as a defense mechanism might affect that. When she quickly called me out for appearing manipulative, I thought she must be real good because generally I'm either described as warm, friendly, empathetic (by friends, coworkers etc) ... or as a cold manipulative sociopath (by family, former highschool teachers and to some extent my former nursing school teachers).
Until I was around 27 or so (I'm 30 now), I never told anyone about any of the childhood trauma. When my dad tried to kill himself infront of me or whatever, I just continued going to school and socializing the next day like nothing happened. Becoming numb to everything just became automatic.
An example: I enrolled in nursing school after highschool because I wanted to do something beneficial. I had the 2nd best grades on theory classes without any effort but internships is where the issues came. I had good grades at my internships too, besides my empathy score. At one particular internship, the head nurse gave me a 0/10 on empathy because of an interaction the morning after the patient I'd been caring for the past week had suddenly died overnight.
The first thing I responded to the head nurse telling me this was "oh..when is the family coming? can I help wash the body? in the meantime?"
In class we had previously been recommended to wash a corpse if it ever came up, because it'd come up one day in everyone's career anyway and it could be helpfulp experience.
Judging by the head nurse' reaction to not reply and instead immediately write a big "ZERO EMPATHY" in her internship review notes, I'm guessing I probably forgot to adjust my tone and demeanor to something more appropriate. She refused to talk to me after that one on one interaction so I never really got her exact reasoning but I probably came off as too excited.
I did end up washing the corpse anyway because they needed my physical strength (this corpse was like 300lbs of dead weight) and ended up speaking to the family, who seemed to receive me well and thanked me.
The patients' reviews were good across the board as well but it's kinda hard to overcome a 0/10 on empathy, even if only for one internship. My teachers did defend my conduct on that one but they also acknowledged it would be very difficult to not have similar incidents in the future because I don't have a normal response to sudden death and have to manually adjust my demeanor etc.
Either way I'd never get to finish nursing school because a sudden onset of various medical issues forced me to abandon nursing or any other physically intensive career path.
Back to the psychologist; she requested to privately interview my mom so she could have the reassurance from a third party that I wasn't just making up bs on the spot for some unknown reason. I don't know what was said, only that my mom verified everything I said about the domestic abuse she faced during my childhood and that she noticed my decline from being a bit too sensitive as a very young kid to having virtually no empathy by the 9th grade.
The appointment thereafter is where she referred me to a psychiatrist; because she deemed herself unequipped to handle a case like me.
Everything about the massive spike in seizures while employed points to stress of course but I genuinely have no idea what that even feels like. When I got fired by email on a Sunday (effective immediately) recently due to the new private equity owners slashing the QA department, I didn't feel anything emotionally or otherwise. I remember my initial reaction being that I found it funny these new private equity folks didn't have the balls the tell me face to face or by phone. Same thing with my best friend, who suffers from diagnosed bipolar disorder and substance abuse. I've talked her off the edge plenty of times just in the past 2 years but I don't really feel anything while on the phone reassuring her to not kill herself.
I guess in a way the self-imposed 'nothing can affect me if I don't have feelings' defense mechanism is handy in that aspect, as it allows me to stay fully calm and rational during moments where she's very emotionally unstable.
Most would probably find it very emotionally taxing but I don't have to deal with any of that.
So I've had a few appointments now with this new psychiatrist and have gotten a sort of 'diagnosis' I guess?
She dubbed it "empathy deficit disorder" but noted it is strictly a colloquial term often used in psychology for people who do have a severe or total lack of empathy but don't fit the diagnostic criteria for what you'd typically describe as a psychopath/sociopath, in other words ASPD (Anti-Social Personality Disorder).
Still no real progress on the stress issue though. Apparently this kind of ingrained self-defense mechanism can be almost impossible to break down, much less reverse it, and to be honest I'd rather retain this sort of 'immunity' to negative scenarios.
To be fair, she made it clear from on early on after the first 2 or 3 appointments that I was one of just a handful of patients in her entire career (she's in her late 30s) who had ever given her the feeling she could not trust a single word I was saying and got a manipulative impression of me.
She didn't really describe her thought process in precise detail but but it was based roughly around the combination of a big discrepancy between subject matter, facial expressions (or lack thereof) and tone of voice.
For example I'd subconsciously maintain my regular warm demeanor and tone of voice even when describing very brutal child trauma (domestic abuse, witnessing my dad R-wording my mom and trying to kill himself, ....)
In addition to that, I apparently also forget and add very relevant details in ways like "oh right I forgot about dad's suicide attempt infront of me, my bad" in manner she deemed very odd.
The reason I scheduled appointments with her in the first place was to learn more about stress, how it is processed, .... and how trauma-induced lack of empathy as a defense mechanism might affect that. When she quickly called me out for appearing manipulative, I thought she must be real good because generally I'm either described as warm, friendly, empathetic (by friends, coworkers etc) ... or as a cold manipulative sociopath (by family, former highschool teachers and to some extent my former nursing school teachers).
Until I was around 27 or so (I'm 30 now), I never told anyone about any of the childhood trauma. When my dad tried to kill himself infront of me or whatever, I just continued going to school and socializing the next day like nothing happened. Becoming numb to everything just became automatic.
An example: I enrolled in nursing school after highschool because I wanted to do something beneficial. I had the 2nd best grades on theory classes without any effort but internships is where the issues came. I had good grades at my internships too, besides my empathy score. At one particular internship, the head nurse gave me a 0/10 on empathy because of an interaction the morning after the patient I'd been caring for the past week had suddenly died overnight.
The first thing I responded to the head nurse telling me this was "oh..when is the family coming? can I help wash the body? in the meantime?"
In class we had previously been recommended to wash a corpse if it ever came up, because it'd come up one day in everyone's career anyway and it could be helpfulp experience.
Judging by the head nurse' reaction to not reply and instead immediately write a big "ZERO EMPATHY" in her internship review notes, I'm guessing I probably forgot to adjust my tone and demeanor to something more appropriate. She refused to talk to me after that one on one interaction so I never really got her exact reasoning but I probably came off as too excited.
I did end up washing the corpse anyway because they needed my physical strength (this corpse was like 300lbs of dead weight) and ended up speaking to the family, who seemed to receive me well and thanked me.
The patients' reviews were good across the board as well but it's kinda hard to overcome a 0/10 on empathy, even if only for one internship. My teachers did defend my conduct on that one but they also acknowledged it would be very difficult to not have similar incidents in the future because I don't have a normal response to sudden death and have to manually adjust my demeanor etc.
Either way I'd never get to finish nursing school because a sudden onset of various medical issues forced me to abandon nursing or any other physically intensive career path.
Back to the psychologist; she requested to privately interview my mom so she could have the reassurance from a third party that I wasn't just making up bs on the spot for some unknown reason. I don't know what was said, only that my mom verified everything I said about the domestic abuse she faced during my childhood and that she noticed my decline from being a bit too sensitive as a very young kid to having virtually no empathy by the 9th grade.
The appointment thereafter is where she referred me to a psychiatrist; because she deemed herself unequipped to handle a case like me.
Everything about the massive spike in seizures while employed points to stress of course but I genuinely have no idea what that even feels like. When I got fired by email on a Sunday (effective immediately) recently due to the new private equity owners slashing the QA department, I didn't feel anything emotionally or otherwise. I remember my initial reaction being that I found it funny these new private equity folks didn't have the balls the tell me face to face or by phone. Same thing with my best friend, who suffers from diagnosed bipolar disorder and substance abuse. I've talked her off the edge plenty of times just in the past 2 years but I don't really feel anything while on the phone reassuring her to not kill herself.
I guess in a way the self-imposed 'nothing can affect me if I don't have feelings' defense mechanism is handy in that aspect, as it allows me to stay fully calm and rational during moments where she's very emotionally unstable.
Most would probably find it very emotionally taxing but I don't have to deal with any of that.
So I've had a few appointments now with this new psychiatrist and have gotten a sort of 'diagnosis' I guess?
She dubbed it "empathy deficit disorder" but noted it is strictly a colloquial term often used in psychology for people who do have a severe or total lack of empathy but don't fit the diagnostic criteria for what you'd typically describe as a psychopath/sociopath, in other words ASPD (Anti-Social Personality Disorder).
Still no real progress on the stress issue though. Apparently this kind of ingrained self-defense mechanism can be almost impossible to break down, much less reverse it, and to be honest I'd rather retain this sort of 'immunity' to negative scenarios.
Last edited:
- Nov 5, 2012
- 13,899
- 6,412
Update.
Doing much better.
I put down boxing to do more on my studying. Knocked out reading this exam book back in april, started in that in january . Reading another manual for the exam and on chapter four (these ****s are long af
) . Still hitting the gym i dropped 10 pounds. Still biking hiking and biking. Upped my vitamin game and making sure i get some sun. Still on the grind.I wish those of you that are struggling the best and to keep going , keep staying busy.
- Jul 29, 2005
- 38,386
- 17,370
So glad you’re feeling betterUpdate.
Doing much better.
I put down boxing to do more on my studying. Knocked out reading this exam book back in april, started in that in january . Reading another manual for the exam and on chapter four (these ****s are long af
I wish those of you that are struggling the best and to keep going , keep staying busy.
- Nov 5, 2012
- 13,899
- 6,412
Thank you bro
- Jan 22, 2006
- 1,908
- 768
Update.
Doing much better.
I put down boxing to do more on my studying.
What are you working towards with your studying?
(You are welcomed to not answer)
Either way, good luck! you got this!
