Confessions

[Belgium]

Thanks for sharing your struggle, don't want to dive too deep into it, but my boy was aware enough to manipulate and I just couldn't handle the late night calls talking about nonsense anymore. I also drew several lines so it's not like I was really that involved anymore anyway.

I am pulling for him and will always cherish how he contributed to the man I am today, but I was holding on to someone who just didn't exist anymore. I just can't have him in my life anymore. He needs professional help, not a friend.

It’s good to remember that an addict’s struggle isn’t yours to bear. On paper, ‘cutting someone off’ sounds pretty brutal but it’s often a necessary aspect of dealing with addicts.

There’s only so much stress from the burden and possible manipulation someone can take before the addict is no longer the only one in the room suffering from mental distress.

I know firsthand how tough those situations can be. My unique inability to evoke negative emotions and stress is the sole reason I’m even able to always be there for my good friend despite her bipolar syndrome on top of that.

She’s lost a lot of friends but she knows why and doesn’t blame them. After all she has a Masters in Clinical Psychology.
One the other hand she sometimes tends to push people away because she believes she’ll only hurt their feelings in the end.

She’s tried the latter with me as well on a night out. All of a sudden she started to repeatedly threaten and fantasize about killing me by stabbing. That continued for the remainder of the knight. Those threats don’t have any emotional impact on me so I made it my mission to not leave her alone and make sure she gets back home safe and sound. Back infront of her home she finally broke down in tears, not knowing how or why she’d behave like this, …
I made sure she got into bed, gave her a sleeping pill and then left.

She called methe next day as she’s well aware I’m the only friend of hers who’s capable of dealing with all that. I can tell her an infinite amount of times that she won’t lose me but I can’t seem to erase that concern.

As my psychologist said about that night, no sane person would put up with that, nor should any one person be expected to do so.

Your own mental health and boundaries come first. From what I can tell, you tried to support but could no longer handle it mentally. That’s fine. You made the right decision.
It’s also good to keep in mind that the more fractured your own mental health is, the less effective you can be as a role model for that person.

My mental health is certainly completely messed up but in a very different way. It’s consistently rock solid when it has no right to be. I view it as beneficial for dealing with struggles, others sometimes see it as sociopathy.

 

[rbk93]

I might love video games(or Xbox) more than shoes.

 

[andretti]

I use to take vacation and not tell my ex. Id just stay home and watch tv n **** or work on my car

 

[MakeNTGreatAgain]

I use to take vacation and not tell my ex. Id just stay home and watch tv n **** or work on my car

this sounds like some married with children situation

 

[TURBO UNO]

I use to take vacation and not tell my ex. Id just stay home and watch tv n **** or work on my car

Username checks out

 

[andretti]

this sounds like some married with children situation

Not even, just never a dull moment during that time

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

this sounds like some married with children situation

 

[andretti]

3 years sober today

 

[Walk like Denzel]

3 years sober today

Good **** my boy

 

[cragmatic]

NT,

I am hurting. Was looking for this thread yesterday and it popped up today.

Lots of backstory and def not going to share everything. In fall of 2023 my child’s mother and I finally were done for good. My daughter was 2 at the time. The relationship was abusive and from my side of the story I was the victim. Without diving into it, there was a lot of trauma involved and I was in a, delicate mental space I guess.

A little over a month later, I met someone who I instantly had an immense connection with. Against my better judgement I hopped into a relationship with this girl, and she ADORED me, was obsessed with me, would text me for hours etc. We have had our ups and downs like any couple but when she moved across country and we became long distance(first year of residency) it really felt like she became a different person. Within a few weeks she was telling me she didn’t want to move back (I have split custody so I don’t have the option to move) and that really hurt. This came up another time or two. And then after she visited home in December, she said she realized she would move back so we could start our life of living together when that time came.

A few text arguments over lack of communication, etc, and me trying to calmly share how it makes me feel, turned into her turning my feelings around on me and her becoming extremely defensive, hostile, and argumentative. This happened on Christmas Eve once again and when I tried expressing how I didn’t know how to communicate my asks/needs, me using the phrase “passive aggressive” set her off from 0-100 , while I was calmly trying to work through the communication. This was a chain reaction and got out of control and it got extremely ugly and we both said some things.

I’m in the stage where I feel like she was the one, and I’m never going to meet someone like that again.

But then on the other hand I tell myself that someone who was my person and loved me, wouldn’t treat me this way, over basic communication asks within a long distance relationship. Someone who loves me the way she once claimed she did, wouldn’t taunt me saying they won’t move back and basically told me if I want to be with her I’d had to go to only seeing my daughter during the summer. Someone who’s my person would never position me with that at all.

It hurts to let go of who I thought she was, and I’m still full of confusing. I’m going to therapy next week. I’ve had trouble finding joy in anything and just feel a constant pit in my stomach.

NT I’m hurting

 

[DripNick]

someone who was my person and loved me, wouldn’t treat me this way, over basic communication asks within a long distance relationship. Someone who loves me the way she once claimed she did, wouldn’t taunt me saying they won’t move back and basically told me if I want to be with her I’d had to go to only seeing my daughter during the summer. Someone who’s my person would never position me with that at all.

Precisely

I’m in the stage where I feel like she was the one, and I’m never going to meet someone like that again.

Plenty fish in the sea, fdb

 

[MakeNTGreatAgain]

NT,

I am hurting. Was looking for this thread yesterday and it popped up today.

Lots of backstory and def not going to share everything. In fall of 2023 my child’s mother and I finally were done for good. My daughter was 2 at the time. The relationship was abusive and from my side of the story I was the victim. Without diving into it, there was a lot of trauma involved and I was in a, delicate mental space I guess.

A little over a month later, I met someone who I instantly had an immense connection with. Against my better judgement I hopped into a relationship with this girl, and she ADORED me, was obsessed with me, would text me for hours etc. We have had our ups and downs like any couple but when she moved across country and we became long distance(first year of residency) it really felt like she became a different person. Within a few weeks she was telling me she didn’t want to move back (I have split custody so I don’t have the option to move) and that really hurt. This came up another time or two. And then after she visited home in December, she said she realized she would move back so we could start our life of living together when that time came.

A few text arguments over lack of communication, etc, and me trying to calmly share how it makes me feel, turned into her turning my feelings around on me and her becoming extremely defensive, hostile, and argumentative. This happened on Christmas Eve once again and when I tried expressing how I didn’t know how to communicate my asks/needs, me using the phrase “passive aggressive” set her off from 0-100 , while I was calmly trying to work through the communication. This was a chain reaction and got out of control and it got extremely ugly and we both said some things.

I’m in the stage where I feel like she was the one, and I’m never going to meet someone like that again.

But then on the other hand I tell myself that someone who was my person and loved me, wouldn’t treat me this way, over basic communication asks within a long distance relationship. Someone who loves me the way she once claimed she did, wouldn’t taunt me saying they won’t move back and basically told me if I want to be with her I’d had to go to only seeing my daughter during the summer. Someone who’s my person would never position me with that at all.

It hurts to let go of who I thought she was, and I’m still full of confusing. I’m going to therapy next week. I’ve had trouble finding joy in anything and just feel a constant pit in my stomach.

NT I’m hurting

sorry to hear dat brudda keep ur head up

 

[darthska]

NT,

I am hurting. Was looking for this thread yesterday and it popped up today.

Lots of backstory and def not going to share everything. In fall of 2023 my child’s mother and I finally were done for good. My daughter was 2 at the time. The relationship was abusive and from my side of the story I was the victim. Without diving into it, there was a lot of trauma involved and I was in a, delicate mental space I guess.

A little over a month later, I met someone who I instantly had an immense connection with. Against my better judgement I hopped into a relationship with this girl, and she ADORED me, was obsessed with me, would text me for hours etc. We have had our ups and downs like any couple but when she moved across country and we became long distance(first year of residency) it really felt like she became a different person. Within a few weeks she was telling me she didn’t want to move back (I have split custody so I don’t have the option to move) and that really hurt. This came up another time or two. And then after she visited home in December, she said she realized she would move back so we could start our life of living together when that time came.

A few text arguments over lack of communication, etc, and me trying to calmly share how it makes me feel, turned into her turning my feelings around on me and her becoming extremely defensive, hostile, and argumentative. This happened on Christmas Eve once again and when I tried expressing how I didn’t know how to communicate my asks/needs, me using the phrase “passive aggressive” set her off from 0-100 , while I was calmly trying to work through the communication. This was a chain reaction and got out of control and it got extremely ugly and we both said some things.

I’m in the stage where I feel like she was the one, and I’m never going to meet someone like that again.

But then on the other hand I tell myself that someone who was my person and loved me, wouldn’t treat me this way, over basic communication asks within a long distance relationship. Someone who loves me the way she once claimed she did, wouldn’t taunt me saying they won’t move back and basically told me if I want to be with her I’d had to go to only seeing my daughter during the summer. Someone who’s my person would never position me with that at all.

It hurts to let go of who I thought she was, and I’m still full of confusing. I’m going to therapy next week. I’ve had trouble finding joy in anything and just feel a constant pit in my stomach.

NT I’m hurting

******* sucks, bruh.

Are you good?
Head spinning?
Looking for answers?
Just needed to vent?

 

[a blinkin]

It hurts to let go of who I thought she was,

It hurts, but letting go is the only option. Otherwise you’ll only be adding unnecessary hardship to your life.

 

[willypete]

NT,

I am hurting. Was looking for this thread yesterday and it popped up today.

Lots of backstory and def not going to share everything. In fall of 2023 my child’s mother and I finally were done for good. My daughter was 2 at the time. The relationship was abusive and from my side of the story I was the victim. Without diving into it, there was a lot of trauma involved and I was in a, delicate mental space I guess.

A little over a month later, I met someone who I instantly had an immense connection with. Against my better judgement I hopped into a relationship with this girl, and she ADORED me, was obsessed with me, would text me for hours etc. We have had our ups and downs like any couple but when she moved across country and we became long distance(first year of residency) it really felt like she became a different person. Within a few weeks she was telling me she didn’t want to move back (I have split custody so I don’t have the option to move) and that really hurt. This came up another time or two. And then after she visited home in December, she said she realized she would move back so we could start our life of living together when that time came.

A few text arguments over lack of communication, etc, and me trying to calmly share how it makes me feel, turned into her turning my feelings around on me and her becoming extremely defensive, hostile, and argumentative. This happened on Christmas Eve once again and when I tried expressing how I didn’t know how to communicate my asks/needs, me using the phrase “passive aggressive” set her off from 0-100 , while I was calmly trying to work through the communication. This was a chain reaction and got out of control and it got extremely ugly and we both said some things.

I’m in the stage where I feel like she was the one, and I’m never going to meet someone like that again.

But then on the other hand I tell myself that someone who was my person and loved me, wouldn’t treat me this way, over basic communication asks within a long distance relationship. Someone who loves me the way she once claimed she did, wouldn’t taunt me saying they won’t move back and basically told me if I want to be with her I’d had to go to only seeing my daughter during the summer. Someone who’s my person would never position me with that at all.

It hurts to let go of who I thought she was, and I’m still full of confusing. I’m going to therapy next week. I’ve had trouble finding joy in anything and just feel a constant pit in my stomach.

NT I’m hurting

I hate to put things into perspective but she was your rebound joint after your bm. You moved too fast with putting all your eggs in one basket and getting into a relationship. The moment y'all became long distance is what put a split between y’all, she might’ve found someone else with no kids or she’s enjoying the “single” life.

The therapy should help unpack some of that trauma and any emotional baggage you may have brought into that relationship as well. Now with y’all basically on the outs, going to recommend the same advice from the TAY threads.

Hit the gym
Start eating better
Become more active for your child (don’t let them see you hurting famb)
Pick up a new hobby
Sexy yourself up and put you first
Don’t be afraid to hit any of our inbox if you need words of encouragement

 

[lovehateself]

itll take time

plan a trip and get away from what reminds you of the past

 

[darthska]

single peace > miserable relationship

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

single peace > miserable relationship

Yeah to pleased someone else that doesn't give a **** about you is pointless..

 

[andretti]

Best advice on that is to give it time.


Get angry, be sad but its better to just get it all out and process it, thing is when you finally start dating again you’ll wonder why you said those things. In that time try to figure out what you can do to be a better person. cragmatic

You wana vent dm me, always welcome

 

[fluid hips]

Yeah to pleased someone else that doesn't give a **** about you is pointless..

Yea that's why I cringe when mfs say happy wife, happy life

You shouldn't be responsible for someone's happiness

 

[cragmatic]

******* sucks, bruh.

Are you good?
Head spinning?
Looking for answers?
Just needed to vent?

I’m here. Have still gone to work everyday and perform. I have been in the gym once. But yeah, my heads spinning, and I’m also looking to vent, and looking for the laughs/support NT provides.

itll take time

plan a trip and get away from what reminds you of the past

The tricky part is we traveled a lot together and she was the one who got me into the hiking/outdoor world. It’ll take time, and right now I’m just afraid it’ll remind me of her too heavily.

I am actually pretty set on taking my daughter to Disney… the money I was going to use for the Valentine’s Day week trip we had, I’ll turn around and use. My daughter is 4, and when we visited my now ex in November, it was a blast traveling with her on my own. Maybe I’m being overly ambitious but this is what I’m thinking.

I hate to put things into perspective but she was your rebound joint after your bm. You moved too fast with putting all your eggs in one basket and getting into a relationship. The moment y'all became long distance is what put a split between y’all, she might’ve found someone else with no kids or she’s enjoying the “single” life.

Hit the gym
Start eating better
Become more active for your child (don’t let them see you hurting famb)
Pick up a new hobby
Sexy yourself up and put you first
Don’t be afraid to hit any of our inbox if you need words of encouragement

You’re absolutely right, when we became long distance things changed. It just threw me for such a loop as the way she once idealized me and put me on a pedestal, so the shift was very confusing. I appreciate all the kind words from you and everyone. She got me into the hobby of hiking and I know I can’t let the hobby be ruined because things didn’t pan out, but could take some time.

When I went through it when my child’s mother and I split, the therapist I was seeing at the time put “borderline personality disorder” in my head, which didn’t do me any favors. Sent me down a google rabbit hole and had me almost having a panic attack the things I’d read. Idk if anyone has a personality disorder, but there are certain things that fit with my child’s mother, and then with my no ex, similar experiences that brought me back to that google rabbit hole.

When I discussed how she “idealized me”, they say people with BDP will often “love bomb” someone and then eventually they flip and will “devalue” them, which I certainly feel like has happened. And then at the end they “discard” you.

Definitely something I’m going to have to discuss with my new therapist. It just feels like this whole experience, has my point of view with trusting people really skewed. It was like a night and day switch with her and I just don’t get how people can flip so drastically.

If anyone is familiar with the term DARVO (Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender) which is what felt like she did to me on Christmas Eve as well as pretty much any recent memory of me trying to address something. I feel like I’m throwing around all the therapy buzzwords but idk how else to describe what I experienced. Would love to dive into a few more examples but I’ve already typed a ton so maybe in a bit.

Thanks NT

 

[lovehateself]

focusing on your daughter is the best thing you can do
not just for her but for you too man


also, holla at me if you tryna hit any NP's in the west

 

[cragmatic]

focusing on your daughter is the best thing you can do
not just for her but for you too man


also, holla at me if you tryna hit any NP's in the west

Im hoping to try to get out there at some point this year. I’ll let you know for sure!

 

[cragmatic]

Yea that's why I cringe when mfs say happy wife, happy life

You shouldn't be responsible for someone's happiness

I did so much for this girl and it was like it was never good enough. She would constantly complain about how trash the men her sister and friends date are, and then take for granted everything I’d do for her. I feel like a fool.

 

[willypete]

I did so much for this girl and it was like it was never good enough. She would constantly complain about how trash the men her sister and friends date are, and then take for granted everything I’d do for her. I feel like a fool.

If she was doing backhanded complaining about others around you, just imagine what she said about you when not around. Don’t imagine that seriously.

Whatever your past therapist said, forget that and don’t bring it into the new session. Try to go in there with an open mind and do not google any labels for your own sanity. I’m sure half of us on here are somewhere on the spectrum (I’m pretty stupid myself) but just stay strong and keep things under control mainly for your daughter.

We here for you pa