Confessions

[DripNick]

You shouldn't be responsible for someone's happiness

 

[cragmatic]

I know it’s way too soon, but I downloaded Hinge… pretty close to deleting it.

Using the app makes me wanna chew glass it’s awful

 

[cragmatic]

One thing I wanted to share because it’s comical how much of a nightmare scenario it was.

Two years ago me and the most current ex went Toronto for a weekend, and on the way back we picked my daughter up from her moms. My daughter’s mom passed my now ex, a note with her number. She gave me the note and didn’t do anything with it.

When things were getting ugly, she was DEMANDING I give her my child’s mother’s number so she could message her about that. I told her it was probably for emergencies with my daughter, but the manipulative demands wouldn’t stop. She ended up finding her on Facebook and messaging her. Blah. Absolutely insane to me.

I was open with her about my past and she used it to turn it against me and tried to team up with my ex when I was the most down. What a low low person.

 

[willypete]

Huh, unless you were abusive (physically or verbally) or a terrible parent I’m not understanding why your bm would give your ex their number. Your bm have you on child support or trying to get full custody? Otherwise I’m not understanding what info would need to be passed unless you were abusive or a ****** parent.

Should’ve deaded the relationship after she was demanding for your bm’s number anyway. That flag was redder than China’s.

 

[cragmatic]

Huh, unless you were abusive (physically or verbally) or a terrible parent I’m not understanding why your bm would give your ex their number. Your bm have you on child support or trying to get full custody? Otherwise I’m not understanding what info would need to be passed unless you were abusive or a ****** parent.

Should’ve deaded the relationship after she was demanding for your bm’s number anyway. That flag was redder than China’s.

My BM claims it was for “emergency’s” with my daughter, which I’m calling BS. I’m a great and very present parent and def wasn’t physically/verbally abusive. I honestly think she was just trying to stir the pot as she was known to do. My BM and I are on good terms today, and it just was baffling why she was so obsessed trying to reach out to BM about this note from two years ago lol.

The flag redder than China before this happened, and was sort of the catalyst for things getting extremely ugly, current ex was threatening to contact my employer/boss with intentions of getting my reprimanded…. Because I texted a female co worker/friend who I really only talk to at work, after the Halloween incident and my ex being verbally abusive to me at that time. I don’t think I did anything wrong venting to a coworker (female) but my ex swears up and down it was “emotional cheating” which I don’t think it was, there was nothing flirtatious in nature at all and it’s a friend I’ve had for years. But threatening to contact my employer about it cause you’re upset…. Insanity.

 

[andretti]

I’m here. Have still gone to work everyday and perform. I have been in the gym once. But yeah, my heads spinning, and I’m also looking to vent, and looking for the laughs/support NT provides.



The tricky part is we traveled a lot together and she was the one who got me into the hiking/outdoor world. It’ll take time, and right now I’m just afraid it’ll remind me of her too heavily.

I am actually pretty set on taking my daughter to Disney… the money I was going to use for the Valentine’s Day week trip we had, I’ll turn around and use. My daughter is 4, and when we visited my now ex in November, it was a blast traveling with her on my own. Maybe I’m being overly ambitious but this is what I’m thinking.




You’re absolutely right, when we became long distance things changed. It just threw me for such a loop as the way she once idealized me and put me on a pedestal, so the shift was very confusing. I appreciate all the kind words from you and everyone. She got me into the hobby of hiking and I know I can’t let the hobby be ruined because things didn’t pan out, but could take some time.

When I went through it when my child’s mother and I split, the therapist I was seeing at the time put “borderline personality disorder” in my head, which didn’t do me any favors. Sent me down a google rabbit hole and had me almost having a panic attack the things I’d read. Idk if anyone has a personality disorder, but there are certain things that fit with my child’s mother, and then with my no ex, similar experiences that brought me back to that google rabbit hole.

When I discussed how she “idealized me”, they say people with BDP will often “love bomb” someone and then eventually they flip and will “devalue” them, which I certainly feel like has happened. And then at the end they “discard” you.

Definitely something I’m going to have to discuss with my new therapist. It just feels like this whole experience, has my point of view with trusting people really skewed. It was like a night and day switch with her and I just don’t get how people can flip so drastically.

If anyone is familiar with the term DARVO (Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender) which is what felt like she did to me on Christmas Eve as well as pretty much any recent memory of me trying to address something. I feel like I’m throwing around all the therapy buzzwords but idk how else to describe what I experienced. Would love to dive into a few more examples but I’ve already typed a ton so maybe in a bit.

Thanks NT

Get back to the gym , it keeps the depression at bay and hangin with your boys, stay busy doing other things so you dont dwell on it all day.

Id suggest you steer clear of dating for a while until you get right, dont wana bring all that to a new woman while you still going through it all

 

[cragmatic]

I had started doing deadlifts again recently. Within the last few months. An older co worker inspired me lol.

It had been YEARs since I deadlifted, def has felt good doing it again.

 

[art vandelay]

May have, emphasis on the word may, stage 3A CKD, and honestly, I don’t even care.

 

[degenerate423]

May have, emphasis on the word may, stage 3A CKD, and honestly, I don’t even care.

Hope you’re good .

 

[Belgium]

3A CKD

If I understand correctly, stage 3 CDK is still manageable without dialysis though right if you do end up having it?
Either way definitely get that checked all the way so you know the exact status of your kidneys.
My liver's a little damaged on and off but as long as it doesn't get past a certain point, it simply regenerates the damage. You don't get that kind of luxury with kidneys no matter how small the damage is. Once the damage is there, it stays there.

Hope everything goes well. That kind of "and honestly I don't even care" apathy can reduce stress and keep your mind clear but it's worth keeping in mind that apathy is often just a coping mechanism to avoid properly confronting unfortunate circumstances. Speaking from personal experience, it's important to find a good balance.

 

[rbk93]

If I work retail(again), don't think I want to work anywhere outside of Foot Locker.

Otherwise, I'll move on completely.

 

[cragmatic]

Had a really good talk with a different co worker who’s a little older than me, helped put things into perspective. She then invited me to spin class and said there’s lots of single women there. She will be a great wing woman to meet people in real life.

It still hurts but each day is getting a little easier.

 

[andretti]

cragmatic how you holdin up?

 

[MakeNTGreatAgain]

May have, emphasis on the word may, stage 3A CKD, and honestly, I don’t even care.

prayers up brudda

 

[cragmatic]

cragmatic how you holdin up?

Thanks for checking in.

I’m doing better. Still finding it hard to be motivated to do hobbies/things I enjoy doing. I have my first therapy appt tomorrow and am excited about that.

I DID go on a date Monday with a very attractive girl, I thought the date went well, she ended it with “let me know when you’re free if you wanna see me again.” But then kinda ghosted after… like why make that last comment if you didn’t mean it

It was a good distraction for a few days leading up to the date, and I feel made me realize I just need to pause from the dating world for awhile. It was good to get out there for a night though.

 

[wayniac211]

Sometimes I whisper 67 when I'm chillin solo dolo

 

[Mark Antony]

Sometimes I whisper 67 when I'm chillin solo dolo

 

[cragmatic]

I think this may be the first time in my life I’ve felt legit heartbreak. I feel it in my chest everyday. It’s not bad when I’m at work but damn this ish hurts.

 

[NToweG]

Stay busy fam

 

[darthska]

I think this may be the first time in my life I’ve felt legit heartbreak. I feel it in my chest everyday. It’s not bad when I’m at work but damn this ish hurts.

T H E R A P Y

 

[cragmatic]

T H E R A P Y

I had my first season on Thursday. I liked him a lot. Going every other week. Can’t wait for the next one.

I was pretty much discarded, what hurts the most.

 

[cragmatic]

Anyone ever have an experience with a narcissist? The more I think about it, it totally tracks.

 

[brian8598]

I know I'm late to the party, but I think it's time to exercise that 2A

 

[suberzat1]

Had a really good talk with a different co worker who’s a little older than me, helped put things into perspective. She then invited me to spin class and said there’s lots of single women there. She will be a great wing woman to meet people in real life.

It still hurts but each day is getting a little easier.

What city are you living in?

 

[cragmatic]

What city are you living in?

I’m in Grand Rapids in Michigan