Divorce stories WHERE EVERYTHING TURNS OUT FINE. Do they exist?

[darthska]

Talk to me.

Seems like EVERY SINGLE CASE of divorce includes one (or more) of the following):
- parents fighting each other in court for custody
- parents fighting each other in court for certain possessions
- parents fighting in court over financial responsibilities
- kids develop personality disorders (turn emo, develop anger problems, develop behavioral problems they didn't have before the divorce)
- eventually, step-parents enter the scene and the kids don't like the step-parents
- problems in school for the kids

Have any of you been through/had parents that have been through a PEACEFUL, CIVIL divorce? Do any of you KNOW anyone who has? I mean, sure it's possiblefor to people to just say 'I know you're a great parent, and you know I'm a great parent, but we're just not right for each other. Let'sjust call it quits, but without any drama and without any court fights. You go your way, I'll go mine.'

Sure, that's possible... but... WHY THE HECK DOES IT NEVER HAPPEN?!

At least not from what I've seen, and I'm generally pretty observant.

Surely I missed a few examples where everything turned out fine.

Right?

 

[falcon4567]

I had an ex who's parents had a more or less amicable divorce, my professor also mentioned that his mom and dad actually ended up becoming better friendsafter they split.

 

[CP1708]

I can't think of any. And by the day I meet more and more divorced people. Divorces are like friggin badges of honor nowadays I swear.

 

[neighb0rh00d]

Why marry if they didnt get along?

 

[lazy b]

You getting divorced ska?

 

[airmaxpenny1]

A girl I used to mess with in High School Parents were divorced but still on good terms. Both were remarried and got along with one another.

 

[elpablo21]

My mom and dad had a pretty good relationship after they split up....there wasnt any custody battles for us (the kids) either...My sisters ended up going withmy mom and I went with my dad...Alot of extra drama was avoided during their divorce from my POV, but I was young also so maybe I didnt see the big picture

Also neither re-married nor had more kids after the split

 

[darthska]

Elpablo21:

---

My mom and dad had a pretty good relationship after they split up....there wasnt any custody battles for us (the kids) either...My sisters ended up going with my mom and I went with my dad...Alot of extra drama was avoided during their divorce from my POV, but I was young also so maybe I didnt see the big picture

Also neither re-married nor had more kids after the split
Interesting. How old were you, and how old are you?

 

[salviboy7]

Originally Posted by Lazy B

You getting divorced ska?

Hmmm

 

[elpablo21]

Originally Posted by 23ska909red02

Elpablo21:

---

My mom and dad had a pretty good relationship after they split up....there wasnt any custody battles for us (the kids) either...My sisters ended up going with my mom and I went with my dad...Alot of extra drama was avoided during their divorce from my POV, but I was young also so maybe I didnt see the big picture

Also neither re-married nor had more kids after the split

Interesting. How old were you, and how old are you?
I'm 24 now...I was around 10 years old then

 

[sn00pee]

divorce and happy ending can never be happily married.

 

[5am6oody72]

I mean, sure it's possible for to people to just say 'I know you're a great parent, and you know I'm a great parent, but we're just not right for each other. Let's just call it quits, but without any drama and without any court fights. You go your way, I'll go mine.'


Most people who would be the type of person to react that way to a problem/be reasonable wouldn't be getting a divorce in the first place (IMO anyways).

 

[solematic j21]

I think a pair lasts longer when they arent married.

 

[classy freshman]

Somebody give me the blueprint... I might be needing it

 

[nawth21]

No. in fact, if kids are involved the parent don't have to be married/divorced for there to be drama. Though I will say my step daughter likes me. And even*that causes drama. She calls me the cool one, oh lord but that's a different issue. She's known me since she was 4 though

 

[mytmouse76]

Originally Posted by Elpablo21

My mom and dad had a pretty good relationship after they split up....there wasnt any custody battles for us (the kids) either...My sisters ended up going with my mom and I went with my dad...Alot of extra drama was avoided during their divorce from my POV, but I was young also so maybe I didnt see the big picture

Also neither re-married nor had more kids after the split

did you guys choose which parent you went with? i know if my parents got divorced when i was younger my brother and me (

) wouldn't want to be split up...we've talked about it before...

 

[elpablo21]

Originally Posted by mytmouse76

Originally Posted by Elpablo21

My mom and dad had a pretty good relationship after they split up....there wasnt any custody battles for us (the kids) either...My sisters ended up going with my mom and I went with my dad...Alot of extra drama was avoided during their divorce from my POV, but I was young also so maybe I didnt see the big picture

Also neither re-married nor had more kids after the split

did you guys choose which parent you went with? i know if my parents got divorced when i was younger my brother and me (

) wouldn't want to be split up...we've talked about it before...

I mean yeah it was kinda weird cause my sisters werepretty much going to stay with my mom...My mom had the house, my pops didnt have a spot yet and in a way I felt obligated to go with my dad....I just didntwant to leave him solo in a situation like this especially since my sisters went with my mom. I wanted to support my pops

 

[shuges]

Originally Posted by Lazy B

You getting divorced ska?

First thing I thought. Like... my mans is trying to tell us something?

But yeah, I was JUST having this discussion today. I feel as if I'm gonna be a bachelor for a minute longer.

Cuz I don't see the purpose in trying to settle down if you still wanna run around and dig these ohhhhs out.

 

[superblytrife]

Originally Posted by SHUGES

Originally Posted by Lazy B

You getting divorced ska?

First thing I thought. Like... my mans is trying to tell us something?

But yeah, I was JUST having this discussion today. I feel as if I'm gonna be a bachelor for a minute longer.

Cuz I don't see the purpose in trying to settle down if you still wanna run around and dig these ohhhhs out.

By all means, do NOT get married if you're still wanting to run around. If more people thought clearly like you, there would be less divorce in ourcountry.

 

[cidman911]

I don't think I believe in marriage.

Too much putting up with other people's BS.

I can't deal with that...not anymore. I'm getting old and grumpy I guess.

 

[cidman911]

I think I would only get married if I been with a girl for like 8-10 years and we been moved in with each other and worked out all possible little problemsbefore getting locked into something so serious as marriage.

Marriages that happen too quick (Say you known them for 0-3 years) are doomed to failure or at least super huge problems.

But that's my opinion.

 

[vidasman]

Regrardless if its SKA, this topic is serious to me, Im lookin at this with OPEN EYES. I got twinsinvolved in my situation and im trying my hardest to make it work with her, but shes not having it at all. We dont have the custody thing going YET and I dontwant it to be that way but im hoping theres some light at the end of all of this. The kids are the ones who HURT the most from it and get traumatized thebiggest. Its like I know they are the ones going to be divided and not have normalcy. I dont know if you guys have faith in GOD but this situation has broughtme closer to him because miracles only happen through him and I feel like thats what its going to take...

 

[darthska]

^ Trip out on this: did you know that some states require that someone pay child support to the other in order for benefits like MedicAID or food stamps to beapproved.

So if a female is going through a divorce and her and him just agreed to split ways and not fight about anything, and she goes to the welfare office trying toget food stamps or MedicAID or something, in some states, they'll ask how much child support she's getting. Actually, in most states. And if sheresponds with something like 'Nah, we're not doing the whole 'custody battle' and 'Set up child support' drama. We're bothresponsible parents and we split our time with our children equally, so no one's paying anyone child support,' they'll hit her with the 'Wellthen you don't need food stamps or welfare or MedicAID or anything, so get back to us when someone starts paying someone else for child support.'

That's why I'm saying, there just are no examples where everything turned out fine for everyone. Even if the two split up peaceably, someone with someauthority somewhere along the way will throw a cog in the machine.

Oh, and if you think that it's only possible for people to go after each other for child support, you're wrong. Two people can get divorced, go theirseparate ways, and everything is everything, but then once the state gets word of the split up, they CAN decide for themselves who to go after for childsupport... and then go after them.

And of course it's usually the man.

Y'all be careful. I mean... REAL careful.

Think about this stuff beforehand. People think divorce is an easy option, like 'Yeah, let's get married, girl. I love you so much,' thinking inthe back of their mind 'And if we do have a fallout, then we'll just get a divorce, no biggie.'

It is a biggie.

People lie.

Numbers don't.

Look at the numbers.

 

[vidasman]

Oh, and if you think that it's only possible for people to go after each other for child support, you're wrong. Two people can get divorced, go their separate ways, and everything is everything, but then once the state gets word of the split up, they CAN decide for themselves who to go after for child support... and then go after them.
Why would the STATE interfere with that if both parents agreed to not go after child support from one another?? Likewhat would be the cause for the state stepping in and having a say so?

 

[darthska]

What would be the cause? I have no earthly idea.

How does it go down? Usually like this (like I briefly mentioned before):

(and I'm just going to use a female applying for MedicAID/welfare assistance/food stamps, since that's who usually gets approved)

her: Yeah, I'm here to apply for welfare assistance and MedicAID.

state: Alrighty, no problem. Where's dad?

her: Oh, we jut recently split up. He's in Alaska, having the time of his life.

state: Awesome. So how much child support has been set up? He's the one paying child support, right?

her: Oh, no, no, no. We just split up, with no extra worries. We split up, he ended up moving out, and that was that. Wedidn't want to get into custody battles or child support issues. We split our time with little Amy here equally, so we each just pay for our own things forher whenever we have her. I just don't have a job yet and he does, so I was needing a little help until I get back on my feet.

state: Riiight. He has a job and you don't. Sounds like he should be paying for child support before you come askingfor our help. If he's not paying child support,, then you must be fine. If you're fine, then you must not need our help.

her: No, I'm not fine. I just don't want to burden him with paying for little Amy when I have her AND when he hasher.

state: Sounds awesome. Get back at us when child support has been set up.


And from there, what can happen is this: the state can hit up Dear Ol' Dad in Awesomeville, Alaska without Mommy Dearest even knowing. Like, he just goesto check his mail and gets a statement that his next paycheck will be deducted ____ amount of dollars for child support, and that will continue.

Like you asked: why? I have no idea. I guess to ensure that cases of spousal abuse are answered, and intimidation tactics ("Swear to god, you better notgo to court and get me for child support. I'll kill you") are avoided.

That's about all I can come up with.

And that's a good reason, don't get me wrong. But it sucks for those that really and truly are just trying to peaceably part.