From the British Office (the superior Office in my opinion):
"Who said famine has to be depressing?"- David Brent
"My dad, for example, he's not as cosmopolitan or as educated as me and it can be embarrasing you know. He doesn't understand all the new trendywords - like he'll say "poofs" instead of "gays", "birds" instead of "women", "darkies" instead of"coloureds". -Gareth Keenan
"Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous! No - purely social. I know someone who is an alchoholic and it is no laughing matter - particularly for his wife. Andshe's got alopecia. So... not a happy homelife." -David Brent
Gareth: All right then Einstein if you're so clever, what am I thinking about now?
Tim: You're thinking how could I kill a tiger armed only with a biro?
Gareth: No.
Tim: You're thinking if I crash land in the jungle can I survive by eating my own shoes?
Gareth: No and no you can't.
Tim: What are you thinking Gareth?
Gareth: "I was thinking will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster then a shark?