Girl Issues (Marriage?)

dtor

dtor

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so Ive been with my girl for almost 3 yrs. We have a four month old son together. ups n downs, off n ons like a lot of relationships. When we first started I was all gung-ho about marriage now I complete despise the idea of it. I feel like its pointless and changes nothting. just a ring and ceremony then things are back to how they were a day before. So recently here favorite phrase is "im keeping my options open" i  reference to being with me and our relationship. She says shes happy with me NOW but sooner or later shes gonna want/need to be somebodies wife and is getting married with or without me. What would you do in this situation? play the role til that day comes? End the relationship because its basically false? Do your thing on the side cuz u assume she is? im at a stalemat i love her and my son but...theres alotta variables
Weigh in
 
so Ive been with my girl for almost 3 yrs. We have a four month old son together. ups n downs, off n ons like a lot of relationships. When we first started I was all gung-ho about marriage now I complete despise the idea of it. I feel like its pointless and changes nothting. just a ring and ceremony then things are back to how they were a day before. So recently here favorite phrase is "im keeping my options open" i  reference to being with me and our relationship. She says shes happy with me NOW but sooner or later shes gonna want/need to be somebodies wife and is getting married with or without me. What would you do in this situation? play the role til that day comes? End the relationship because its basically false? Do your thing on the side cuz u assume she is? im at a stalemat i love her and my son but...theres alotta variables
Weigh in
 
You can't fault her for wanting to be married. If you're not going to give her that relationship, she'll leave and get it elsewhere.
 
Honestly, it sounds like both parties are just going through the motions in the relationship.  Marriage can be a wonderful thing with your soul mate.  If you and her ever do decide to get married then I would suggest marriage counseling prior to the nuptials.  I wish you the best in your relationship.  
 
Honestly, it sounds like both parties are just going through the motions in the relationship.  Marriage can be a wonderful thing with your soul mate.  If you and her ever do decide to get married then I would suggest marriage counseling prior to the nuptials.  I wish you the best in your relationship.  
 
You can't fault her for wanting to be married. If you're not going to give her that relationship, she'll leave and get it elsewhere.
 
I feel like its pointless and changes nothting
the fact that your girl sees it at something more should actually make it mean something...

it's stability, it's soundness in the relationship, it's safety, etc.. all those things wrapped into one word.
You're a couple.. you have a son... you do everything that a married couple does(do you live together?)
You say you love her...so other than your notions of marriage...what's the hold up?

her "favorite phrase" is b/c she sees that you aren't committing to her 100%...so it's a defense mechanism. You have to prove to her that you are committed 100000%...
so like Nawth said. If you can't give her that.. then she'll leave.
Click to expand...
 
I feel like its pointless and changes nothting
the fact that your girl sees it at something more should actually make it mean something...

it's stability, it's soundness in the relationship, it's safety, etc.. all those things wrapped into one word.
You're a couple.. you have a son... you do everything that a married couple does(do you live together?)
You say you love her...so other than your notions of marriage...what's the hold up?

her "favorite phrase" is b/c she sees that you aren't committing to her 100%...so it's a defense mechanism. You have to prove to her that you are committed 100000%...
so like Nawth said. If you can't give her that.. then she'll leave.
Click to expand...
 
yea she lives with me. I feel ive shown by actions that im all the way committed a ring isnt going to change that. I guess if she leaves due to not getting a ring when I provide her with everything else then so be it. Thats just selfish
 
yea she lives with me. I feel ive shown by actions that im all the way committed a ring isnt going to change that. I guess if she leaves due to not getting a ring when I provide her with everything else then so be it. Thats just selfish
 
but do you say it in words?

you call it selfish...but here's the thing... most girls from the time they are 6-7 start thinking about the day they get married. They imagine every single thing from the wedding dress to the type of flowers to what food is going to be served.. Now imagine after all those years...the person you're with who had initially said they were "gung-ho" about getting married... has now had a change of heart and now things marriage is pointless.
1. you've blown that entire scenario up in her head
2. by switching the script. you've further indicated to her the transitory nature of the relationship
 
but do you say it in words?

you call it selfish...but here's the thing... most girls from the time they are 6-7 start thinking about the day they get married. They imagine every single thing from the wedding dress to the type of flowers to what food is going to be served.. Now imagine after all those years...the person you're with who had initially said they were "gung-ho" about getting married... has now had a change of heart and now things marriage is pointless.
1. you've blown that entire scenario up in her head
2. by switching the script. you've further indicated to her the transitory nature of the relationship
 
A girl’s urge to pressure you to marry is inversely correlated to her depth of love for you.That's what's wrong with females in the USA. They are programmed since childhood that their wedding day is the most important event in their lives. "I'm keeping my options open"Disrespectful broad.
 
A girl’s urge to pressure you to marry is inversely correlated to her depth of love for you.That's what's wrong with females in the USA. They are programmed since childhood that their wedding day is the most important event in their lives. "I'm keeping my options open"Disrespectful broad.
 
Let me ask you something OP, If I told you I wanted to buy your car, how would I be able to show you I was serious about it? Probably by giving you the money you require for it, right?

The same way, your girl wants to know you are serious about your relationship. Sure you think ring and ceremony and don't forget "legally" being married is the difference, but in her mind and heart she can see you are not truly committed. If all it takes is a ring, ceremony, and paperwork to make your girl happy why, if you love her like you say, wouldn't you do it?

If you don't want to then nobody is forcing you, you can leave. For the simple fact that you are asking for advice tells me you don't want to leave because she does something for you. So it's going to all come down to what you want for your life and the life of your child.
 
Let me ask you something OP, If I told you I wanted to buy your car, how would I be able to show you I was serious about it? Probably by giving you the money you require for it, right?

The same way, your girl wants to know you are serious about your relationship. Sure you think ring and ceremony and don't forget "legally" being married is the difference, but in her mind and heart she can see you are not truly committed. If all it takes is a ring, ceremony, and paperwork to make your girl happy why, if you love her like you say, wouldn't you do it?

If you don't want to then nobody is forcing you, you can leave. For the simple fact that you are asking for advice tells me you don't want to leave because she does something for you. So it's going to all come down to what you want for your life and the life of your child.
 
Originally Posted by aaronpayumo

"I'm keeping my options open"Disrespectful broad.
Click to expand...


that's the most foul thing I've heard all day, I hope your keeping her in the house for the kid because I'd give her the boot. There's a 95% chance she will see another guy behind your back, if she hasn't already.

2 options
1. Get into a marriage that's destined to fail
2. Continue a dry/awkward relationship until %$$! hits the fan

This is why you just don't get anyone pregnant, oh yea and pics
 
Originally Posted by aaronpayumo

"I'm keeping my options open"Disrespectful broad.
Click to expand...


that's the most foul thing I've heard all day, I hope your keeping her in the house for the kid because I'd give her the boot. There's a 95% chance she will see another guy behind your back, if she hasn't already.

2 options
1. Get into a marriage that's destined to fail
2. Continue a dry/awkward relationship until %$$! hits the fan

This is why you just don't get anyone pregnant, oh yea and pics
 
Originally Posted by aaronpayumo

A girl’s urge to pressure you to marry is inversely correlated to her depth of love for you.That's what's wrong with females in the USA. They are programmed since childhood that their wedding day is the most important event in their lives. "I'm keeping my options open"Disrespectful broad.
Click to expand...
 
Originally Posted by aaronpayumo

A girl’s urge to pressure you to marry is inversely correlated to her depth of love for you.That's what's wrong with females in the USA. They are programmed since childhood that their wedding day is the most important event in their lives. "I'm keeping my options open"Disrespectful broad.
Click to expand...
 
A lot of guys don't like the thought of marriage. One girl the rest of your life...blah blah blah.

You loved her enough to have a child with her. You once wanted to marry her.

If you think marriage really isn't a big deal and its just a ring and ceremony...then just do it for her.


Prenuptial Agreement!!! Just in case.
 
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