I’ve Perfected Being Alone……. Is That A Problem?

[kingkoopa]

I was listening to a podcast with Bomani Jones and Roy Woods and they touched on this topic.

I got everything I need and want right now.

I’m good on waking up going to work, going home.

I don’t really go out.

Maybe once a month with coworkers.

Most of my relationships stall out because I just don’t need to deal with their problems.

I’m good.

But I’m also getting a lil to long in the tooth to be out here single.

I feel a little stuck.

Am I trippin?

 

[Extrait de Minimalisme]

I prided myself on being a loner, and not ever “needing” to surround myself with people. I have drinking friends, fams from the kids school, new tings and old flings.. However, this past holiday season was the LONLIEST I’ve felt ever in my life. As a 39 single, co parenting dad of two, if I’m not with my kids, which was a lot lately, I’m lost. Listening to records/music at home don’t scratch the itch, going out shopping and thrifting doesn’t anymore, dating aimlessly doesn’t either. For the first time ever, I feel ready for a partnership of some sort, it could be unconventional, long distance, whatever, but I want someone to mutual pour into me as I do them.

I try to take account of what my life is lacking, and what brought me to this point, materially I have everything I could ever want. But there is some huge void of fulfilling and enriching experiences I feel I’m missing out. I’ve traveled enough for three lifetimes but if money was no option, I’d be on the road two weekends out of the month solo or with the kids.

You’re not buggin bro, we’re getting old and settled/nested. Pour into yourself continually and I think someone that fits into your world will appear.

Both of my parents are 70+, single, and very little social life. The possibility of that scares the shht out of me.

 

[finessence]

It’s good for you. Helps you think clearly also. I’m that family member or friend who doesn’t smoke or drink. Never needed it to be sociable. I tell them to not involve me in drama or nonsense either.

I’m sociable when I want to be, and alone when I want to be.

I grew up as an only child so, doing things solo was never an issue to me.

If the social engagement is good, fun, productive and amongst people I enjoy, I’m all for it. If not, I don’t go.

It’s a balance

Broken, drama filled, ignorant, negative, or people who always talk about other people… I steer clearrrrr of them.

I do not like being around miserable people. And, I am not your therapist. Everyone on this earth has problems

 

[3stheluckynumbe]

It’s easy being alone. It’s hard finding your partner. That person that is actually considering you as they want to be considered.

It doesn’t help that we’re in an era where dating to some is being tricked on smh.

Idk, I’m riding solo outside of my kids so I definitely understand the feeling of not having many connections. Just pour into self and work on you so when your partner comes along you’ll be prepared.

 

[ahat]

Need a balance imo

 

[1995]

 

[703 hwy]

Most of my friends are still from HS. If I go out that’s who I’m normally with. Plus, I’ve been in a relationship for a while. I enjoyed my “lonely” days but unfortunately I’m a lover boy .

Nothing wrong with it OP. Just gotta balance it out.

 

[seasoned vet]

I was listening to a podcast with Bomani Jones and Roy Woods and they touched on this topic.

I got everything I need and want right now.

I’m good on waking up going to work, going home.

I don’t really go out.

Maybe once a month with coworkers.

Most of my relationships stall out because I just don’t need to deal with their problems.

I’m good.

But I’m also getting a lil to long in the tooth to be out here single.

I feel a little stuck.

Am I trippin?

nothing wrong with it.

never understood peoples need to have people with them when they do things.

 

[Extrait de Minimalisme]

It’s good for you. Helps you think clearly also. I’m that family member or friend who doesn’t smoke or drink. Never needed it to be sociable. I tell them to not involve me in drama or nonsense either.

I’m sociable when I want to be, and alone when I want to be.

I grew up as an only child so, doing things solo was never an issue to me.

If the social engagement is good, fun, productive and amongst people I enjoy, I’m all for it. If not, I don’t go.

It’s a balance

Broken, drama filled, ignorant, negative, or people who always talk about other people… I steer clearrrrr of them.

I do not like being around miserable people. And, I am not your therapist. Everyone on this earth has problems

I’m dolo before I let any drama in my life. I am a little more empathetic tho, and have played therapist to my friends countless times. I have the capacity for advising and guiding, and when I feel it’s taking away from my mental, I put up the necessary boundaries.

I’m a boring dude, through and through, so I live vicariously through other people’s drama.

 

[tr1ll]

You know this is when it happens, right?

 

[seasoned vet]

I’m a boring dude, through and through, so I live vicariously through other people’s drama.

isnt it peaceful?

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

Most of my relationships stall out because I just don’t need to deal with their problems.

I’m good.

But I’m also getting a lil to long in the tooth to be out here single.

I feel a little stuck.

Am I trippin?

I dealt with the same problem last year.. I tried dating all different types of women.. All different types of races.. All different types of ages.. I tried my best to be in a serious relationship.. To find the *one*

And I FAILED..

Over and over and over again..

The bottom line..

All women have a motive.. even the most modest woman..

 

[jape]

Being happy alone is a great survival skill. You don’t need anyone to be happy or content but you’ll always have that longing of being social because we are social animals and it’s been programmed in to our evolution to survive. The reason humans have survived and grew so large is because of our ability to live in communities and large groups.

So you need both to be happy. solitude for peace and tranquility but community for safety and reproduction.

 

[Fozz]

I don't think it's a problem. I've learned that it's okay to do some things alone. But for me, that's because I'm married with two little Fozz's. Having those moments of silence or moments to myself really helps

I've accepted that my job doesn't really allow me to hang out with co-workers after work hours. I'm surrounded by boomers who are grumpy or are MAGA.

 

[kingkoopa]

You know this is when it happens, right?

?

 

[Comparison Ford]

I lived alone from 2017-2020. My friend group lived about an hour away and I’d see them maybe once a month due to conflicting work schedules.

I’ll admit I had some good times being alone for that long. Online dating was like fishing with dynamite during that time. Too damn easy to start talking to a girl and convince them to roll through when I lived without roommates. Felt like I was smashing my way through the phonebook. I also spent a lot of time getting better at cooking since I wasn’t going out to restaurants by myself. I look back on these memories fondly and a lot of those cooking skills still come in handy.

Underneath it all though, I was actually pretty lonely and unfulfilled. I was filling the emptiness in my life with alcohol and using it as a tool to stave off the boredom of being so isolated. It eventually got to the point where I started drinking more than I was comfortable with and I saw the consequences of my consumption coming down the pike.

Fortunately I was able to keep things under control enough to where I never fully spiraled out of control. I ended up taking a trip to Amsterdam with my friends by the end of this time and did some shrooms while I was over there. On the comedown I acknowledged that I needed to make some changes to my life—primarily that I needed to stop seeking out immediate pleasures that left me feeling empty after they were done. For me this meant I had to re-examine my relationship with alcohol, stop treating women as conquests, and to start seriously looking for meaning in a long-term relationship.

On the way back home from the airport I hit up one of the girls I would occasionally smash to chill. She was cool and had a good head on her shoulders, so I suggested that we should consider taking things more seriously. She told me she didn’t trust me based on my past behavior, and she was right to feel that way.

After she left that night we never spoke again, but a week later one of my old coworkers randomly messaged me and we ended up meeting up. I never really viewed her romantically, but she was always easygoing, funny, and smart. Pretty quickly I realized I liked her and that she had everything I was looking for in a partner.

Fast forward 5 years and now we’re happily married and building a great future. We both stopped drinking, made a commitment to healthy habits, and we love and support each other every step of the way.

I had my fun being alone, but now that I know how the other half lives I never wanna go back to that lifestyle. Props to those that can make it work for them, but at the end of the day it just wasn’t for me.

 

[tr1ll]

?

Thats when you mess around and find somebody.

 

[MakeNTGreatAgain]

i am fine with being alone, i can go awhile without seeing my buds
but man i gotta see family very often
and i can't live without my girl, kills me when she not around

 

[Master Zik]

One of the few sayings I live by

Just cuz you're alone, doesn't mean you're lonely.

But I'm a borderline misanthrope. I easily thrive on my own but I can admit as an extroverted introvert mastering one will leave the other rusty. What use to be a switch depending on the situation is more like a dimmer dial now and I'm rarely rotating to the brightest setting.

Just gotta find balance or at least try. No need to try and force it just cuz you think you might be missing out. Aim for (personal) happiness but don't take being content for granted.

 

[2pacalypsenow]

being content with loneliness is such a back bone most people don't have, and a hard pill to swallow for most. Being alone is the most freedom someone has

 

[Dr.BlasterCombo]

Both have their advantages, but understand at the end of the day there’s gonna be a time where you’re not gonna be able to wipe your own ***. Companionship becomes a necessity later in life.

 

[Comparison Ford]

^People really overlook this. ****'s all good for right now, but the older you get the more socially isolated you become. It's no surprise that the elderly suffer from depression at the highest rates out of anybody.

Spend a day volunteering at a nursing home and it might scare you straight.

 

[TSCQ]

i thrive being alone, but at this stage in my life a sense of community is important for mental well being.

 

[sooperhooper]

Nothing wrong with peace, quiet and freedom.
I was an only child so it was normal for me to do stuff solo. 41 and l still don't mind in most cases.

 

[finessence]

^People really overlook this. ****'s all good for right now, but the older you get the more socially isolated you become. It's no surprise that the elderly suffer from depression at the highest rates out of anybody.

Spend a day volunteering at a nursing home and it might scare you straight.

I don’t think that’s true. Some people socialize and are alwayssss around people… and are as depressed as it gets. Those senior citizens either were already clinically depressed most of their lives.

Happiness is a state of mind that you, and only you can acquire. You’re responsible for your own happiness.

Look how disconnected and digitally reliant people are. People barely know how to have conversations anymore. No one has time (at least I don’t) have time for people with terrible communication skills. Especially adults.

A lot of people hide behind their phone nowadays. That’s really why I don’t socialize like I use to. I don’t need someone constantly taking photos or trying to floss for others. You’re not having a genuinely good time.

Again, everything isn’t all bad, just certain aspects of our society have drastically changed.

You can’t have old school values, but have new aged motives.