Lost my fiance right after Thanksgiving. What was the hardest death you've dealt with?

Man my condolences fam. I truly hope with time it will get better.

I've lost all of grandparents but I was pretty young when 3/4 of them passed. I recently lost my grandmother but we spoke different languages so I never had a real chance to bond (which sucks).

My stepmom died last year, as well as one of my college roommates. Both of those were tough. Won't front it took me months and a new job to really have a fresh start for a min **** was incredibly dark.
 
So sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

Nothing I’ve experienced comes close to what you’re going through now. I lost my grandpa in 2020. He lived w/ my parents so we were close. I would say time healed that wound. And I made an effort to think about all the good conversations we had over the years.
 
Very sorry to hear that OP, my condolences. It's hard to think of a tougher situation than what you're going through. It's already a great sign that you're talking about it here, make sure you get all the help you need.

Personally there's only been one death that really hit me but I was very young at the time. One of my closest friends in the 3rd grade, a classmate, accidentally killed himself. He was actually a couple years younger than me and our other friends but was very intelligent and skipped 2 grades.
His family had a relatively large farmland property, and apparently one day he was playing with his little brother on a big pile of sand. Somehow he ended up being swallowed by the sand, unable to climb out, and had suffocated by the time the parents rushed to the scene.
I heard about it on the radio at the time while at a friend's house, but the radio only described the circumstances and it taking place on a farm on (street name). My friend and I didn't realize initially but found soon after that the accidental death being described was one of our mutual closest friends.
Beyond that, I have no recollection of how I processed it, so I imagine being so young made it less difficult.
 
gymjones said:
I still find myself randomly crying. We were together for 8 years and I was the last person she spoke to before dying. She had complications with her surgery and I had to bring her back in to the hospital. She never made it out. I had to tell her kids (my step kids) that now they have 2 dead parents. What was the worst death you had to deal with?
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How long ago did this happen, and have you been to therapy? I’m so sorry for your loss. That sounds truly truly devastating.
 
eracism said:
Love isn't infinite?

Over the holidays I caught up with 2 men who lost their wives in recent years, both to cancer. We're talking 20-30 year relationships. They both have new partners and seem happy. The pain is never going to go away but living is better than ruminating.
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The man lost his wife 2 months ago, its not just “youll find love again dont worry”. Youre essentially downplaying his situation.

OP sorry for your loss man, its gonna be tough theres gonna be good days and a lot of bad days. Take the small W’s when you can and heal at your own pace. You dont have to do this or that, or put a timetable on it. Its a terrible time for you and your family, things will get better but for now be gentle with yourself, your family, and like I said take those small W’s when you can, it can be as simple as going on a small hike, a good gym session, a laugh with some friends, anything to crack a smile. On those sad days too, be sad, its ok to be sad, its ok to cry, let it out and be vulnerable for a bit. You dont have to be strong all the time.
 
Can't even begin to imagine OP, I'm so sorry.

I lost a friend on my birthday once, one of those friends that you're close with but just not always in constant contact with. Didn't find out until months later meaning I missed the funeral, etc. We had no mutual friends so it just never made its way to me until I hit her up one day and never got a response so hit FB and saw all the messages. I always make sure to check in with all my friends no matter how close periodically now.

Lost two friends I grew up playing soccer with the past three years. Once to Cancer in his 30's, left behind a wife and family of 4. The other one was a close childhood friend that I played with all the way until college, took his life a couple of weeks before Xmas 2020 on a train track. The last time I saw him, he didn't look great and the last thing he said to me was "we all need to hang out more often, not just when someone dies." Don't think I will ever get over that.

My thoughts are with you OP, I can't even imagine but I hope things get better, stay strong.
 
I'm very sorry for your loss, OP. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Hope you somehow find peace and tranquility.

Hardest death that i have experienced was losing my grandfather a few days before this past Christmas. it still hurts since he was the one who take of care me as a child while my parents were in abroad working. I was really close with him, so from time to time, i still tear up when i think about memories we've shared together. I haven't fully accepted the fact that he's no longer with us, but hopefully as time goes on, it'll make it easier.
 
So sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine.....
I hope you are taking care of/ time to yourself

My ex sis in laws BF hung himself. They had a fight and she stormed off to have a girls day and came back and found him in the garage. What blows my mind is the day he did it, was by far one of the greatest day me and my ex wife had as a married couple(got married 3 months earlier, he attended ) and right at the end of the day we get that call. I was also in film school at the time and we had to partner up and do these "news reports" on any subject we wanted to.
For my half we covered the BF, who brewed beer. So a month prior to this guy offing himself
we literally had hours of footage of this guy. My partner just stopped talking to me and it really sucked because we worked so well together. We didn't have to edit it and got an A
That night was so surreal because we got the call at 10pm then after the ambulance came we had to drive 30 miles so she could tell his parents(2am)
We kinda just show up at their door, my SIL asks if there's a room where me and my ex can chill and she proceeds to tell them, and we just hear wailing and cursing.
I mean they went through all 7 stages in that night.
Looking back I'm ok about it(I do therapy), but I'm pretty pissed about how it affected my SIL, she went down a road of drugs and she's recovered and better now. My ex wife was also going through it. She actually got him a job and fought hard for him to get that job and after she told literally everyone we knew to never ask her to put someone on. They worked in tissue donation and that became a whole thing because they had to go through all the families he talked to to see if something set him off.

The other one was my ex Father in law. He was a raging Alcoholic and it caught up to him. He was placed in hospice and couldn't talk, skin was yellow from being Jaundiced.
To say we had our differences was an understatement. He wasn't only racist to me but also abusive to his family. One day he motions for me to come over, grabs my hands and essentially apologized with tears in eyes. Next day he died, since he was in hospice the body is just there and my ex wife/SIL are kissing his corpse. It blew my mind because someone who was literally on their deathbed felt like they had to make amends with me before they left. That was definitely an experience and I hope I'm never in that position, because I will never forget the fear in this guys eyes as it became extremely evident(to him atleast) his days were numbered. His death actually became the catalyst for me to be sober today and I'm very proud of that. I hope he is too.
 
dhart48 said:
So sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine.....
I hope you are taking care of/ time to yourself

My ex sis in laws BF hung himself. They had a fight and she stormed off to have a girls day and came back and found him in the garage. What blows my mind is the day he did it, was by far one of the greatest day me and my ex wife had as a married couple(got married 3 months earlier, he attended ) and right at the end of the day we get that call. I was also in film school at the time and we had to partner up and do these "news reports" on any subject we wanted to.
For my half we covered the BF, who brewed beer. So a month prior to this guy offing himself
we literally had hours of footage of this guy. My partner just stopped talking to me and it really sucked because we worked so well together. We didn't have to edit it and got an A
That night was so surreal because we got the call at 10pm then after the ambulance came we had to drive 30 miles so she could tell his parents(2am)
We kinda just show up at their door, my SIL asks if there's a room where me and my ex can chill and she proceeds to tell them, and we just hear wailing and cursing.
I mean they went through all 7 stages in that night.
Looking back I'm ok about it(I do therapy), but I'm pretty pissed about how it affected my SIL, she went down a road of drugs and she's recovered and better now. My ex wife was also going through it. She actually got him a job and fought hard for him to get that job and after she told literally everyone we knew to never ask her to put someone on. They worked in tissue donation and that became a whole thing because they had to go through all the families he talked to to see if something set him off.

The other one was my ex Father in law. He was a raging Alcoholic and it caught up to him. He was placed in hospice and couldn't talk, skin was yellow from being Jaundiced.
To say we had our differences was an understatement. He wasn't only racist to me but also abusive to his family. One day he motions for me to come over, grabs my hands and essentially apologized with tears in eyes. Next day he died, since he was in hospice the body is just there and my ex wife/SIL are kissing his corpse. It blew my mind because someone who was literally on their deathbed felt like they had to make amends with me before they left. That was definitely an experience and I hope I'm never in that position, because I will never forget the fear in this guys eyes as it became extremely evident(to him atleast) his days were numbered. His death actually became the catalyst for me to be sober today and I'm very proud of that. I hope he is too.
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Read all of this fam. Happy for you.

I quit drinking a couple months back , I still smoke but I'm trying to ease my way off of that too. This post gives me hope.
 
eracism said:
It's always gonna hurt. Just try to fill your days with things that bring you happiness. You are young (I assume) and will find a new partner eventually. Love never dies.
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i feel it. Love never dies .. his wife upstairs wants him to keep moving! idk bout him finding another partner yet but don’t ever stop loving OP..
 
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