NT: ANOTHER relationship thread......

jordan for president

jordan for president

96
14
Joined
Nov 23, 2004
What up NT,

So after years of coming to the forum and seeing the bountiful relationship threads....I've finally decided to see ya'll out for some advice...

Here's the story: My girl and I have been together for 11 months. Im 22, She's 23, and we just graduated from college this past year. We had a longhistory before we started dating and were basically best friends (yes, i wasnt smashing...thanks) for two years before we decided to give dating a try. Anyway,we're both pretty focused on school and are each trying to incorporate the whole med school route into our futures. Recently, she's been talking aboutthe future a lot. I mean, she's got the right to plan and all, so I'm not complaining about that, but she's been asking many questions regardingour relationship. She says "I don't want to go to med school for 4 years and do 4 years of residency and be in a relationship and have nothing to showfor it." Does this mean she wants some kind of future security between us? I feel like she wants me to promise I'm going to marry her and all, butI'm honestly not even in the mindset to make that kind of decision right now. What would you guys/girls do? I'm not saying I don't see myselfmarrying her, because she is definitely wifey material, but I AM saying that my mind can't even fathom making that decision. I mean, I'm 22 and canbarely take care of myself.

What should I do guys? Should I be upfront with her and say that? Would you continue this relationship if you were in it? Any insight is greatly appreciated.

Thanks NT.

Cliffs:
-Been dating 11 months. Went from best friends for 2 years to dating.
-She wants to know about our future.
-My mind can't even fathom making a marriage proposal or anything of the sort.
-Should we keep dating, seeing that she clearly wants some sense of future security, but I cant even relate to that kind of decision at this point in my life?

Pics: I'll post when I get home im on the cell.

Thanks.
 
haha.. after all the YNS, NO PICS posts... there will be some substance in this thread.

My advice is this. The ONLY thing that will work in this situation is to be honest with YOURSELF first... and then be honest w/her. If you know she's"wifey" material (GOSH i hate that word) ... what's the problem? You can't take care of yourself? GROW UP!!! Start taking care of yourself.

If you're not ready to be in a committed relationship and the thought of 8 years of school/residency is scaring you, then you're obviously not readyand you need to communicate with her. THink about the things you're BOTH going to go through during that time. Are you willing to put up with the crap yourgirl is going to give you when school gets harder? Are you going to be able to answer her questions when she asks you why YOU'RE not ready?

I see what you're saying... You probably care about her more than you're ready for right now, but you don't want to take that next step. Like Isaid, just be honest with her. You might even be taking what she's saying the wrong way. Ask her how she feels and what she thinks about this. What if shegoes away to another school and you guys lose touch?

talk to her... she what she says... and be honest with yourself. If you're not happy, there is NO WAY you can make any woman happy.

Good luck!
 
Are you in love? I think the answer to this question will answer the rest.

I know the thought of marriage is scary but it's only as scary as perception you have of it. I think the symbolism behind marriage is what is scaring you,but think about how life would be without her. I think that time before you started dating was important because you got to know her as a person. If she makesyou happy then I would give it a chance, I've realized that life is much more fulfilling when you have love in it, family, friends, spouses etc. There isnothing like having a woman who is committed to you by your side, it makes life much more easier.

I hate the thought of labels, but this is what I told my girl, if it takes for you to call me your boyfriend for people to understand, then go ahead. After allit's between the both of you and no one else. Just don't be stupid and cheat on her, if you're not ready to let go of the pettiness that comes withthe social scene then I think you're wasting your time.

I'm 23 if it matters.
 
11 months? You would be a damned fool Lamar Odom Jr.

A damn FOOL. I hope you aren't thinking about this seriously.

FInd yourself FIRST.

Get married after that.

If she can't understand, then you might have to let her go.
 
11 months of actually being together is kind of short...but you guys were best friends and there is no time limit on knowing if you are in love with someone.You just have to know the difference between love and lust. However, you are asking us questions that only she has the answers to. Be up front with her andtell her what is on your mind just how you came to general and typed it up. If she cant respect your honesty then she's a no-go anyways. Also, med schooland relationships almost always fail...so i hear. People just never have time to spend with their boos with residency and all. but good luck.
 
No commitments if you've only been dating 11 months. You're still young relatively speaking, no need to rush yet. If she wants to speed things up andwants a plan in place, then you need to sit her down and have a discussion. Tell her you can't commit to anything long term right now and doing so couldnegatively effect both of your lives. If she's going to med school then residency, I really don't think throwing in a young marriage into the mix isthe best idea. Best advice is... stay together but with no proposals, promise rings, anything like that, if you two can survive med school, then marriage seemslike a good option.

No sense in rushing into a long term commitment after less than a year.
 
Originally Posted by jordan for president

What up NT,

So after years of coming to the forum and seeing the bountiful relationship threads....I've finally decided to see ya'll out for some advice...

Here's the story: My girl and I have been together for 11 months. Im 22, She's 23, and we just graduated from college this past year. We had a long history before we started dating and were basically best friends (yes, i wasnt smashing...thanks) for two years before we decided to give dating a try. Anyway, we're both pretty focused on school and are each trying to incorporate the whole med school route into our futures. Recently, she's been talking about the future a lot. I mean, she's got the right to plan and all, so I'm not complaining about that, but she's been asking many questions regarding our relationship. She says "I don't want to go to med school for 4 years and do 4 years of residency and be in a relationship and have nothing to show for it." Does this mean she wants some kind of future security between us? I feel like she wants me to promise I'm going to marry her and all, but I'm honestly not even in the mindset to make that kind of decision right now. What would you guys/girls do? I'm not saying I don't see myself marrying her, because she is definitely wifey material, but I AM saying that my mind can't even fathom making that decision. [color= rgb(204, 0, 51)]I mean, I'm 22 and can barely take care of myself.[/color]

What should I do guys? Should I be upfront with her and say that? Would you continue this relationship if you were in it? Any insight is greatly appreciated.

Thanks NT.

Cliffs:
-Been dating 11 months. Went from best friends for 2 years to dating.
-She wants to know about our future.
-My mind can't even fathom making a marriage proposal or anything of the sort.
-Should we keep dating, seeing that she clearly wants some sense of future security, but I cant even relate to that kind of decision at this point in my life?

Pics: I'll post when I get home im on the cell.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
indifferent.gif
 
Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican


A damn FOOL. I hope you aren't thinking about this seriously.
Click to expand...
N' said MARRIAGE
smh...and stop these relationship threads.thought eveyone on NT was whippin it out and bouncin?
 
dont do it. that was one of the reasons my parents didn't stay together , they were way too immature. divorce is not a good look.
 
why don't you ask her this?....

"short of an engagement ring...what would make you feel secure in our relationship?"
 
Originally Posted by SoleWoman

11 months of actually being together is kind of short...but you guys were best friends and there is no time limit on knowing if you are in love with someone. You just have to know the difference between love and lust. However, you are asking us questions that only she has the answers to. Be up front with her and tell her what is on your mind just how you came to general and typed it up. If she cant respect your honesty then she's a no-go anyways. Also, med school and relationships almost always fail...so i hear. People just never have time to spend with their boos with residency and all. but good luck.
Click to expand...
 
You have only been with this woman 11 months. being friends for 2 years means NOTHING. You have been with this woman for 11 months.
You are NOT ready to get married.
You don't WANT to get married right now.
So why are you even considering making this life decision if you don't want to do it nor are you ready to do it?

Come on man.

Like Dirtyman said, talk to her. Let her know how you feel. If she has a problem with it and feels as though she NEEDS to get married, she has to find loveelsewhere

jordan for president wrote:

I mean, I'm 22 and can barely take care of myself.

If you don't trust your instincts dude. Come on man, you answered your own question. Get yourself together. Get your career together. If sheis still there ok do it, if that is what you want. If not, there will be someone else in the future. You are too young man. Don't POTENTIALLY throw yourdreams away for this
Click to expand...
 
Originally Posted by Big J 33

No commitments if you've only been dating 11 months. You're still young relatively speaking, no need to rush yet. If she wants to speed things up and wants a plan in place, then you need to sit her down and have a discussion. Tell her you can't commit to anything long term right now and doing so could negatively effect both of your lives. If she's going to med school then residency, I really don't think throwing in a young marriage into the mix is the best idea. Best advice is... stay together but with no proposals, promise rings, anything like that, if you two can survive med school, then marriage seems like a good option.

No sense in rushing into a long term commitment after less than a year.
Click to expand...
Great response. I didn't even see this one. I agree 400%
 
I don't know much about the rest of your relationship but the psychology of this girl in this situation should be troublesome for you.
Considering your age, your short time actually together, her upcoming residency, and your obvious position on the long term commitment, she should not bemaking these repeated attempts at bringing up the issue of marriage.

She is putting the value of a ring on her finger over the value of having a supportive man and/or a strong friendship background with you.
If you don't sit down and talk with her and be honest about your position now, it will only get worse.
The only thing at this point that she needs to "show for" your relationship is YOU.
 
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