NT, How do you cope with death..... Serious Question

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So, as of lately it feels alot of people I know, grew with up are getting killed/dying. I've moved from my hometown for some years, but every year it seems more bodies. Today I got some shocking and sad news when I found out my first ever best friend from elementary was shot and killed last night. Really has me shakin up, reminiscing on how my older brother and his older sister use to make us fight.... all the good times. I know back in '07 when my Unc passed I didnt handle that right and felt i wasted a good 2-4mths of my life wasting away. Its hard knowing I cant even pay my respects being 1000's of miles away. Only thing on my mind is to roll up, smoke, and cop a bottle of Henny.

I really want to know how do you guys cope?
 
Grieve. Get it all out of your system by talking to someone you can confide in, or have a good cry. Remember all the good times. That is key. Don't let any of the negatives that may have existed between you all into your grieving process. Their death alone proves that life is indeed too short to hold on to any negativity.

Realize that the best way to honor their memory is to live your life doing your absolute best. No slacking. Live a prosperous life for those that do not have that luxury.

May your loved ones rest in peace fam
 
This topic hits home with me. I ask myself this same question every couple of weeks.

My little brother killed himself on Feb 4 2009. He was only 18. That same day I had my second surgery for thyroid cancer. That was the WORST day of my life. To hear those words that my only brother- the person that i knew would always be there - was dead, stills gives me chills 4 yrs later. Typing this right now is kinda uncomfortable to me.

When it first happened i honestly want to kill someone or even myself. For the next couple of months,I was angry at EVERYONE that wasn't fam. I wondered how could ppl go about their everyday lives happy when my best friend/brother wasn't here? I wanted to cry every night but I couldn't because I had to comfort and be strong for my mom, who actually did cry loudly all night.

I too feel like i wasted months, even a year or two living like i didn't care about anything. I wasted thousands of dollars on alcohol ( Went to liquor store 2X a day for months after his death). Eventually I learned to live again, though I still have my moments.

I believe that the pain never really goes away/ subsides, you just learn/adapt and live with it.


Death isnt an easy thing for anyone. Its crazy because my family is very small, with most of the older member (50+) dying in the last 10 years


Sorry for the long response, this actually helped me a little due to the fact that i really still don't/cant talk with anyone about it a lot, withought getting caught up in my emotions.
 
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Everyone does it their own way, my advice is to really focus on celebrating that persons life and not dwelling on the idea that they are gone.

Gotta think about their life as a timeline, there's a beginning and an end. All the events that happened in between are to be remembered and celebrated. Don't try to think about "aw man I wish my homie was here for this" I didn't enjoy quite a few major events in my life cuz I just couldn't get over my mom not being there with me. Had to learn tht I was lucky enough to have her around all the years I did.

As far as paying respects, do something you and your friend used to enjoy doing, smoke, have a drink whatever, paying respects isn't about goin to a service or anything like that, it should be personal between you and him.
 
a blinkin said:
Grieve. Get it all out of your system by talking to someone you can confide in, or have a good cry. Remember all the good times. That is key. Don't let any of the negatives that may have existed between you all into your grieving process. Their death alone proves that life is indeed too short to hold on to any negativity.

Realize that the best way to honor their memory is to live your life doing your absolute best. No slacking. Live a prosperous life for those that do not have that luxury.

May your loved ones rest in peace fam
Click to expand...

This is spot on. I gotta say crying does help. Even now every once in a while I purposely let off a good cry when my tensions/anxiety are high and i feeling down.

What keeps me living everyday is the goal to make my brother and the rest of my deceased family &friends proud and to honor them, because i know when i see them again that will make them smile
 
Depending on the circumstance I just remember the good memories shared with that loved one and know they're in a better place. They would want you to continue living life. Sometimes to have to keep yourself occupied and around good people so the grief won't hit so hard.
 
Nobody and I mean nobody will understand the pain you feel. I wouldn't even bother sharing it unless you want to. What makes me sick is after a few years, all those people that seemed to comfort you and say they are with you, forget about what happened. They act like everything is alright, like nothing happened. I got affected the most from a close one's death and not one person cares. Maybe im young and immature but I take responsbility for what happened and will never forgive myself. I get a sudden rush of emotions when somebody mentions his name, mostly anger and guilt

I use that pain and motivate myself.
 
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Its really no sure way to handle it besides time. As stated above, grieve but you have to continue living. Think of it as if said person was with you, how would they feel if they knew they cause you so much pain. Grieve and live on, i will be hard depending on the person but just what you have to do.

I'm unfortunately accustomed to experiencing death, my first two bestfriends died when I was young, one in a house fire and another killed by her mother. My grandmother died when I was in the 3rd grade and I was in the house went she passed away. 30 yr cousin died my senior year of HS and then a classmate and friend died a few months later in a hit and run. Grandfather (only male role model I had) died two summers ago and it was a slow painful one due to his multiple illnesses and cancer.

and I'm only 23. Been to too many funerals in my short lifetime.

Real talk, if you need someone to vent with PM me. That goes for anyone honestly.
 
I just try to focus on the times spent with those lost and the good experiences shared. Remember that no matter how death comes, it always will, and mostly before one is ready. But if you can have at least one positive moment with those that are gone, that is best to hold on to, for as long as you can. They would love to know that they were a good memory and that they aren't forgotten. Its never simple dealing with a loss, but the sooner you accept it the better. And the more their positive influence or good relationship with you is highlighted rather than the circumstances of their absence, it'll help curb some of the hurt and can keep you from falling into deep depression.

May those of you dealing with this find peace, mercy, and comfort.
 
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I don't even trip about death

The body dies but the soul is immortal thats why im not afraid to die

I know ill meet them again

Till then i must maintain
 
I appreciate it, Im a Moet bottle deep with a fifth of henny to for a couple shots. I know time will heal it, But thinking how Im 26, he was 27 so young....with kids. How it happened is even more messed up. In the club, bump in to someone, have few words, you push someone into someone else. That someone else busts a shot, you start running and bang bang two in your back while running. Its beyond ignorant. Im in a constant remembering state of mind.... alot of first moments was with my fam... from first best friend to getting white girls to french kiss in 1st grande snd smoking trees in 6th grade for first times.

Live fast. die young is the expression.... but the good die young.

I really do appreciate all replies and insight. Hard times make me look for advice from every angle.
 
th3answ3r said:
Nobody and I mean nobody will understand the pain you feel. I wouldn't even bother sharing it unless you want to. What makes me sick is after a few years, all those people that seemed to comfort you and say they are with you, forget about what happened. They act like everything is alright, like nothing happened. I got affected the most from a close one's death and not one person cares. Maybe im young and immature but I take responsbility for what happened and will never forgive myself. I get a sudden rush of emotions when somebody mentions his name, mostly anger and guilt

I use that pain and motivate myself.
Click to expand...

from the replys one can tell who really lost someone close to them and who just merely lost someone...

everything you said i felt for the past 7 years, except the pain for motivation part, i kinda use my pain to slowly self-destruct, and i feel like with every passing year I'm getting closer to full blown self destruction, its a mission just to feel normal again.
 
My mom passed when I was a boy of breast cancer that metastasized. I didn't cope with it well, didn't talk with friends or family, or get counseling/therapy. I cooped myself in my room and got lost in TV shows and movies and what-not. I lost about 30 pounds because I couldn't put any food down (my stomach would rumble from hunger, then I'd go to eat and feel sick). Everything heals with time, let it out, talk about it. I did things that I would always do with my mom, we'd always go out to eat at this one joint, so I always go there to eat when I'm back home and stuff like that helped me a lot
 
EazyE: Thanks for sharing, man. That was inspirational for putting life in perspective.

Kubler-Ross Model: Five Stages.

Denial: This can't be happening to me.

Anger: Why is this happening to me? Life is unjust.

Bargaining: What if, if only-type situations run through your mind.

Depression: I find people often self-medicate through alcohol or drugs.

Acceptance: They say time heals all. The pain doesn't go away completely, human beings just learn to cope with the circumstances and move on without forgetting the memory of their loved ones who have passed on.

"Only the good die young."
 
This thread is actually kinda cool. Listening to other people who have went thru similar things and me letting things out is helping. Ive been a lurker for a looong time but with this thread I felt i need to give my two cents.

I hope all of you who have lost someone close gets through it, Its a tough road, but there is NO OTHER OPTION but to keep living.
 
Agreed, I find it helpful to vent/release your thoughts, feelings, and pain. I'm usually a very private person, but I feel comfortable sharing certain personal experiences in dealing with death.

Currently, a 22-year old girl from a local, private HS jumped off the George Washington Bridge on her birthday. She was dealing with depression, medication (over-medication perhaps, I can't confirm that), and bullying. She interned in NYC. The fashion world seems to be more ruthless than I ever thought. She left a note with five people that should never attend her funeral. A lot of people are left in pain. Her parents and family friends.

More personally, a family friend was diagnosed with late-stage pancreatic cancer. His daughter is my age and just recently completed college at Parsons. They live on a tight budget and paying off college debt makes the situation even more serious with the family friend (man of the household) given six months to live. How do you even prepare for death? What would you do with six months to live? How do you say goodbye the best way possible to your loved ones?

I read a random story on Valentine's Day. A 50-year old man passed away and this was the first V-Day for the widow. A flower shop sent her a bouquet of roses. She became very upset and annoyed, calling the shop to complain that they weren't for her. The owner of the flower shop said it was in fact for her, her husband had paid for a lifetime of flowers so she would never spend a Valentine's Day without.
 
When my cousin committed suicide on 11.13.'08 that was real hard...I cried. It wasn't her first attempt, so when it "really" happened...everybody took it hard.

I try to spread suicide awareness & help other friends who have dealt w/ it w/ their friends...so it kind of helped, knowing how to deal w/ it.



My big brother, passed, in a car accident on 8.4.'10...I was mainly in shock...then cried & it really hit me that he wasn't coming back. I just try to live life w/ no regrets & do it big like he's still here with me.

Death is crazy............but we ALL have to go one day.
 
We born to die...part of life.

Learn to accept death...beautiful thing is that you never know when,,,,

With that being said, I Don't cope with it. It doesn't bother me.

Ppl thinks something is wrong with me because of it.
 
How often do you guys think about your own death? Like...when your in your 70's/80's...do you guys ever just get quick thoughts like "Damn..someday man."
 
I've gone to a few funerals as far as I'm concerned only one person I've known that died has truly mattered and I miss.

He was really a great man, think I want to give my son's middle name to him.

Really worried about my great-grandmother though. She's just been around with me for so long, and she's pretty healthy but she's finally slowing down a bit. (I seriously would've said 2-3 years ago she might've been able to casually play a sport.

On topic: Just gotta accept it's going to hurt and time truly heals all wounds
 
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