Ponderisms

1,558
2,561
Joined Jan 12, 2005
I got a good laugh .....

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. 

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it
 comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. 

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously
. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. 

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.



The only difference between a groove and a grave is the depth.
 



Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. 



Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? 


Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. 

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. 



How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
 



Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' 


Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its butt.'
 

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? 

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? 


Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
 
 
20,780
8,794
Joined Apr 15, 2007
Really liked the post so here are a bunch more sorry about the repeats:

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to
smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you
going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point
to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
 
14,392
241
Joined Feb 5, 2009
@
"Does the Alphabet song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?"
"Why did you just try singing the 2 songs above?"
Got me with that one.
 
21,256
11,365
Joined Mar 28, 2004
Originally Posted by Ruxxx

@
"Does the Alphabet song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?"
"Why did you just try singing the 2 songs above?"
Got me with that one.

me too.
ABCD Little Star...
 
3,378
184
Joined Mar 13, 2009
This really got me


At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells...
'THEIRS'?
 
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