Question for MARRIED people here

I don't think he has trust issues just because he is worried about this situation. I think he sis aying he would have an issue with ANYONE. I canunderstand where he is coming from. A joint account of any kind is foreign to someone who has been out for them their whole life. OP, these are legit concerns.
 
Originally Posted by s dubl

Originally Posted by superbness

Originally Posted by itsmedallas

joint bank accounts. if you dont trust her then dont marry her
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I never said I dont trust her. I was just giving reason as to why not...[color= rgb(0, 255, 0)]I dont like the fact of askin gmy wife when and how I can spend my own dang money[/color]..LOL

She pay her side of bills and I pay mines. I dont see a reason for a joint..Savings I can see that. We each can put some money away in savings each month..


Would if you made 100k a year and your wife only made 30k, would u still do joint.HAHAHA
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its not "asking" is respecting your other. Ive always made more money than my wife and the account has always been joint. If we want to purchase something we consult eachoter. How would you feel if she made 100k and you made 30k?
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I wouldnt care if she made 100k and did not want joint. As long as house bills is paid and we lived like we actually made 100k a year plus my 30k i wouldntmind. As long as if I needed something she had my back
 
But also remember, NT are the same group of dudes that believe once you get married a man SHOULD have over all of his personal passwords to his wife.

I also agree with
KEEP personal bank accounts
SHARED account only for bills/household issues
 
DCAllAmerican:
I don't think he has trust issues just because he is worried about this situation. I think he sis aying he would have an issue with ANYONE. I can understand where he is coming from. A joint account of any kind is foreign to someone who has been out for them their whole life. OP, these are legit concerns.
EXACTLY!!!

I didn't really take it as him not trusting his girl; I took as him just having a problem letting ANYONE have free access to his dollars, and there'snothing wrong with that.

I think space in a marriage is essential to the success of the marriage. And if 'space' in one marriage is defined as 'separate bank accounts',then so be it; go separate on the accounts.

Couples that do everything together and only want to be with each other whenever they have free time and have joint bank accounts and joint trust funds andcook together every single night and ask each other's permission before going to Walmart alone... those couple don't last. You need some space, someroom to breath and maintain your own identity, your own person, your own freedom. If one of the ways you maintain your sense of self is by keeping your accountto yourself, then by all means, do it.

And I'll flip it like this: if you're with a girl and things are getting serious and you mention that you want to keep your account to yourself and shetries to pressure/guilt you into having a joint account, I'd see that a a red flag if I were you.
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Space is key. But for some reason many of us are conditioned to believe that marriage is some sort of union that should strip us all of ALL of ourindividuality. You should grow as an individual and you should continue to have the right to your privacy. Personal privacy shouldn't vanish just becauseyou are married. Privacy is a good thing and privacy does NOT mean you are hiding anything. Another misconception.

Just like the giving your wife your passwords thread. People say that if you have nothing to hide means you should hand over your passwords. I just can'tagree with that at all.

For those of you that believe in joint accounts for PERSONAL reasons, why?
 
Originally Posted by 23ska909red02

DCAllAmerican:
I don't think he has trust issues just because he is worried about this situation. I think he sis aying he would have an issue with ANYONE. I can understand where he is coming from. A joint account of any kind is foreign to someone who has been out for them their whole life. OP, these are legit concerns.
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EXACTLY!!!

I didn't really take it as him not trusting his girl; I took as him just having a problem letting ANYONE have free access to his dollars, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I think space in a marriage is essential to the success of the marriage. And if 'space' in one marriage is defined as 'separate bank accounts', then so be it; go separate on the accounts.

Couples that do everything together and only want to be with each other whenever they have free time and have joint bank accounts and joint trust funds and cook together every single night and ask each other's permission before going to Walmart alone... those couple don't last. You need some space, some room to breath and maintain your own identity, your own person, your own freedom. If one of the ways you maintain your sense of self is by keeping your account to yourself, then by all means, do it.

And I'll flip it like this: if you're with a girl and things are getting serious and you mention that you want to keep your account to yourself and she tries to pressure/guilt you into having a joint account, I'd see that a a red flag if I were you.


DITTO My man.. You couldnt have said it better!!!!! Exactly my thoughts. Everything you said is correct. I even tell her like my computer I built is mines orthis area in the closet is my area, lol why chicks get mad like its all our space or its both of ours. I try to tell her, I need something to say it mines, Ineed my own identity,my own self, own space.

I told her we aint guaranteed to be together for life. Heck, its a 70% chance we split up, so why dont we act like it
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i usally have one joint acct. w/ my wife and then i have my own. she also does the same thing. we put a certain amount to each acct. that's the bestway.
 
If you really feel she might run off with the money ya both saved then I don't know why you are marrying her.
I'm engaged and been with her for 10 years an what I did was give her access to one of my 3 accounts, that's "our" account, you both can haveyour own account and have a joint account aswell.
 
Like others have said...

Joint account for bills (food, utilities....), investments, savings...two separate accounts for personal money...

If she wants to fly off to Paris with her girls or drop $500 for some pumps no biggie because that's coming out of her personal money and vice versa. Sothere's never any argument about how much I spend on kicks or how much she spends on purses...cause that kind of stuff comes out of the personal accounts.

We have it set up where both are checks are direct deposited into each account (90% Joint, 10% personal) and we have to check with each other before we use anyjoint money for anything other than what I stated above. Works great for us but to each his own..
 
let her think you guys have a joint account, put a lil bread in it make her happy, but keep the real loot real well hidden from everyone.
 
We have seperate bank accounts but she just takes my card anyway when she wants something.
We have the passwords to each others accounts so its never a problem. Been married for 7 years so thats frivolous now.
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Joint. And my wife pays all the bills.

BTW, forget about joint checking account....we also have joint access to our investment accounts....that's where the dollars are.
 
Really, what is the purpose of having joint "Personal" accounts? Joint accounts that aren't spent on bills, etc.............?

Marriage doesn't mean NO PRIVACY or EVERYTHING must be shared. This isn't the fairy tales man
 
Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Really, what is the purpose of having joint "Personal" accounts? Joint accounts that aren't spent on bills, etc.............?

Marriage doesn't mean NO PRIVACY or EVERYTHING must be shared. This isn't the fairy tales man
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that all depends on how you view marriage..
 
Well that is how I view marriage. I think the whole, "Nothing is private. NO secrets. Everything is shared. Everything WE not me." is BS. Just apipedream sold to us by the media. Well sold to women and they somehow force their views on the men. I won't say force, they just get their way basically.

I am NOT saying that I believe in infidelity, or stealing, or any other extreme situation any one of you will accuse me of since I don't believe in thatview of marriage. I just feel folks need some space. EVERYONE doesn't need that space, but I feel as though I would need my space.

My personal account will stay.
We can have a joint account for bills etc.........Hell that might not even be needed to be honest.

Dirty, how do you view this situation? I don't think you are married but you should have an idea of how you and your folks would operate.
 
I believe in having a joint account...but this is a nice arrangement too.

We have it set up where both are checks are direct deposited into each account (90% Joint, 10% personal) and we have to check with each other before we use any joint money for anything other than what I stated above. Works great for us but to each his own..


When you get married....everything IS indeed shared. You don't have to give up your privacy, space or all your free time.... but you DO have to considerthe other person when you make decisions....period.

You can't just go out whenever you want without letting the other person know
You can't just go out and buy whatever you want without letting the other person know
You HAVE to think about how your decisions whether financial or life, will affect your spouse...that's what a marriage IS

So yes....everything is indeed "WE," but the "We" have to decide on how much of "ME" time (and/or money in this case) each otherget.


if someone can't handle that....then I don't think they're ready to be married.
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Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Really, what is the purpose of having joint "Personal" accounts? Joint accounts that aren't spent on bills, etc.............?

Marriage doesn't mean NO PRIVACY or EVERYTHING must be shared. This isn't the fairy tales man
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My wife and I have personal accts. but we have it set up so both could have access to each others in case of an emergency.

We like having our own money and being able to spend it freely as long as all the joint expenses, savings and other items are taken care of with our Jointaccts.
 
Good last 2 posts.

I am just against folks that ONLY have joint accounts. Well not against it, I just don't understand the logic in it.

But I agree with the last 2 posts.
 
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