Relationship poll: Would you...

[dearwinter219]

...ever give your "other" a set time frame to accomplish goals you've set for him/her...or else?
(Things like finishing school by____ or moving out by____)

...ever set out to change his/her goals?
(things like what he/she plans to do career wise)



(This isn't related to that last thread I made btw..)

 

[dirtylicious]

nope... I wouldn't "give" her deadlines and ultimatums...

but I'd encourage her to accomplish what she wants consistently

 

[antbanks81]

No deadlines because if they don't make it, what you gonna do? If you stay and break your own word then you are sending the wrong message. You just gottacontinue to encourage them. Now if they are not making a real effort, you need to determine your exit strategy.

 

[thytkerjobs]

no and no.

 

[deletedelete]

or else?

that's on some parent type steez

 

[dearwinter219]

I'm not the one making the demands...

Shorty asked me why do I need to make music and I damn near lost it. Actually, I did lose it, but I found it again....... You stole my logic Dirty. Like, howyou gone tell ME when I need to get MY %*@% accomplished? I'd never give her an actual date on the calender ahead of time like, "Yo Red, get all yourproblems fixed by thursday or I'm not gonna help anymore, I'll just leave you". Apparently, I need to move out of my pops crib now, even thoughI'm able to commute to school, not pay room/board, skip the meal plan stuff, and save money in general by working and schooling from home -- thus speedingup my graduation. On top of that, I have 5 months to "Get MY %*@% together.....for us"....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...........

I might have to start scouting new prospects for the upcoming season

 

[newkidtadagame]

Yessir, because my girl is good for making a plan and then getting afraid and not doing it. I've never told her to do anything stupid, last thing I askedher to do was get her **+ some counseling. We ended up breaking up shortly after, for a TON of reasons. I don't think I'm "controlling", butif you're not making a gameplan and it effects me, I'm gonna damn sure make some strong suggestions..

 

[dearwinter219]

^And you JUST asked me about my "crazy lightskinned girl"...

Anyway, I feel that and that's what she THINKS she's doing for me.......but I don't need a new plan. HER plan for me involves leaving my progressI'm making w/ my music and moving down to ATL with her in the summer. MY plan for me involves finishing this school year and maybe one more, saving upabout a stack, making some more progress with my music, then moving to the A. I want to get AS MUCH done in Indiana as I can before I jump the nest. She'ssilly enough to move w/o a dime saved up, Me on the other hand, would rather have a fall back stack in case jobs are harder to find in this economy

. Atleast I'll be able to buy groceries or whatever... nah mean? And she says she never sees me making progress in my music.. which is funny because I openedup for plies a month ago, opened up for Crucial Conflict the week before that, I'm filming my music video saturday, I'm headlining my own concertseries as we speak, recording for a solo mixtape, working on an upcoming compilation, planning to go to Terra Haute to do songs for my dude's project --and all of this is made possible by the label me and my dude forged in 05 while I was still a junior in HS. And the very last time I asked her to come to thestudio with me, she had a funky *%# attitude so I took her home and I was unable to finish my session

Did I mention I got this new job on deck where I would take care of the sick and disabled in their homes, which is actually the very same type of stuff thatmade me want to get into nursing in the first place?

........ women are ******ed Court

 

[-Red-]

I read your last thread regarding this young lady and I would say that she is prolly uncomfortable with your pushing her to step outside of her comfort zonefor her own benefit so now she's attempting to divert the attention off of herself and onto you as a coping mechanism. I've been there my dude and Iwill tell you that when you push females to grow as people and stand by their side even when they fail to do so they often can't take it because they arenot used to someone unconditionally loving them for unselfish reasons. My ex couldn't understand or deal with this and pushed me away hard. You have anuphill battle on your hands fam.

 

[dearwinter219]

^Is that what it is? Hmm... maybe this IS related to my last thread. She's a trip though. The funny thing is that I was at work yesterday talking to anolder white g-man about us. He's 48 and married and a lot like myself, except he's a baptist minister that likes country music and McCain

. Still,Brian is REEEEEEEAL cool dude . (sidenote: his wife is the %*!. Directir of the place that will be hiring me and he's the one that gave me their card andsaid to use the two of them as references

. Like I said, REEEEEEEEAL cool dude).

So as we were talking, like we always do at boring %*! Americall, he surmised that our problems would dissolve if I married her. He says that all she REALLYwants is commitment. I told him that I am committed but that her head was where her problems were and that I couldn't marry a girl that could love metuesday and flip on me wednesday. Before I could tell her what he said (he offered to minister the wedding

), she proved me right. I'm glad I'm notthe type to sweat a chick. If she comes around, eventually she'd be Mrs. Young Rill... if not, I'll be aight. The only women that could effect me THATmuch already passed away. I'll be good eventually, w/ or w/o this girl.

 

[BaltimoreLove]

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

nope... I wouldn't "give" her deadlines and ultimatums...

but I'd encourage her to accomplish what she wants consistently

you sound soft dirty, and because of that a g'd up +%$$% like me would snatch yo woman,


anyway if a chick ain't out her parents house, or in school or doing something with they life besides getting pregnant and going on Maury, you need a newwoman, word b...

 

[newkidtadagame]

On a related note..maybe you should try to find out WHY she feels this way. Maybe in her mind these are legitimate claims..

For instance, everytime my girl starts drinking my attitude heads south. Like I will legit ruin a night with it, mainly because I don't like her to drink.But the reason WHY I don't like her to drink is because I'm afraid shell a) become an alcoholic (runs in the family), b) shell choke and die in hersleep (she has puked in the bed and kept sleeping!). She feels that she can handle her liquor, but when I told her my worries, se could respect that. Shedidn't STOP drinking, but her consumption has def dropped. But ill tell you like I told her, "if its REALLY what you want, I'm not going to makeyou do anything. But if I have to make a decision based on the current situation, you may not like it." Never be afraid to do what you really feel isright for you.

 

[htownrox14]

my girl told me I had to graduate from college by december or she would break up with me... It sucked, but motivated me more... and im going to graduate.

 

[jordanpheen]

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

nope... I wouldn't "give" her deadlines and ultimatums...

but I'd encourage her to accomplish what she wants consistently

^^^agreed

 

[iblink]

I find that it's just more logical to look for a woman who's already accomplished a few things, rather than getting with someone who's in thebeginning stages of getting @++# cracking.

If you land a chick who's already in school, not at home, and doing well for herself, then you won't need to give her any ultimatums, as she'salready ahead of the game.

 

[pastellove88]

No I wouldn't give them set times and dates aslong as they are doing what they gotta we straight.

unless she had nothing going for herself. but I doubt I would be in that situation

 

[dearwinter219]

A few things about my lady, because some of ya'll have my thread backwards:

-employed
-in school
-independent
-FOCUSED (damn near too much)
-attractive (duh.. peep the avy)

She's not a lazy couch weight. She's the aggressive, pushy one-- pushing me to do all of the above. She thinks I'm not grown because I stay withpops. The REASON I stay with pops, first of all, is because he wants me to. We lost my mother and since then our fam structure has been wavy at best. He likeshaving me and my brother around because of that. BUT, since I'm here, I work, go to school, and do my music. So in essence, I'm very grown. She thinksshe's more mature bcause she's out the house (well in a dorm) so she thinks I need to follow in her footsteps. But I remind her all the time, wecan't both be broke, struggling, college kids. Until I finish school, I don't mind mooching off of pops and he doesn't either. Now she may have apoint, seeing as I don't focus on my schooling much, but still.

 

[dublbagn]

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

nope... I wouldn't "give" her deadlines and ultimatums...

but I'd encourage her to accomplish what she wants consistently

well put....

 

[fanatic15]

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

nope... I wouldn't "give" her deadlines and ultimatums...

but I'd encourage her to accomplish what she wants consistently

Basically. If she has a problem with your time line then you need to reevaluate things.

If you don't actually have a time line then I can see why she would be frustrated, but that is not reason to give demands. she should let you know whatshe wants and you should let her know what you want. If you are both okay with what each other says then you can move forward. If not, then you have todecide if what was said is worth it in the long run and proceed from there.

 

[produccionfrescos]

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

nope... I wouldn't "give" her deadlines and ultimatums...

but I'd encourage her to accomplish what she wants consistently

[color= rgb(255, 0, 0)]Agreed.. but at the end of the day:[/color]

Originally Posted by SiMPLYDiMPLY

that's on some parent type steez

 

[dirtylicious]

Originally Posted by PeterJamesThe3rd

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

nope... I wouldn't "give" her deadlines and ultimatums...

but I'd encourage her to accomplish what she wants consistently

you sound soft dirty, and because of that a g'd up +%$$% like me would snatch yo woman,

aren't you like...19?

 

[blackmagnus514]

Lol @ the card pulling.

When red mlps said is SO true.

On the same token, I'll be damned if my girl gave me a deadline to accomplish life goals.

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

I would never set a deadline for my girl...if you love someone you'll stick with them and encourage them through whatever obstacles are in their path. Anultimatum on the other hand would be necessary only if your guy/girl is doing something that is detrimental to themselves as well as for the relationship suchas drinking too much or doing something that doesn't make you feel good about the relationship.

My girl gave me an ultimatum to find a job by a certain month or she'd be leaving when i told her that i was focusing solely on some intense core majorclasses, and at the same time i had enough dough saved from working nonstop 2 years prior so that money wouldn't be an issue for us. When she gave me thatdeadline i got so heated because i would never do something like that to her...so i calmed down and explained my side of the story to her and then told herplain out "maybe we should break up if this is how things are going to be"

She wanted to play it off like she didn't care, but when she saw the look in my face that i was serious i think it let her know what kinda guy i was.Needless to say after the school year was over i had a 3.866 average i got another job and we're still together...and she never tried to do that ultimatum!@#$ again.