Textsfromlastnight.com LMAO

[soltheman]

Originally Posted by Size 15 Please

"(612): im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me"


LMAO

MPLS,

 

[primavera vills]

I read every page and even went to the site. I laughed out loud plenty of time

 

[King of Trash Style]

Posting to come back later.

 

[bjm5295]

Someone sent this to me a few weeks ago...

Dude can u cme pick me up i jst woke up im in new york no pants and im preety sure i killd someone last nite

 

[snaggykicks]

Originally Posted by Lieutenant Kif

Originally Posted by essential

(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

i'm going to be laughing for days

 

[maddenfan04]

even though you can't tell which ones are real or fake ( most are probably fake )
still funny...

 

[highrep87]

Originally Posted by essential



(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

 

[KingParappa]

(301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

(301): I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
(443): How'd that go?
(301): Hes on his way with a baseball bat...

(301): There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself

(301): Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
(760): You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

 

[optimusprimeaphia]

(770): Do they #@%@ in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time


(770): Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet


(770): Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?


(67: why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
(770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle



(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

(847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

 

[fear the mongolian chop]

(206): he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone

 

[d3772000]

(609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
(1-609): and?
(609): RIP clitoris


(404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404): Two?
(404): Two.

 

[ryda421]

 

[venom lyrix]

yea i check this site every day...great time killer

 

[bkroc915]

(601): your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible... (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in thefiction section

 

[juicy j 32]

These three got me dying:

(816): She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.

(402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

(631): i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

I'm about to do some browsing.