The Emasculation of young males by Single moms

[longstroke]

Let's discuss, do you agree?

 

[ninjahood]

might be on to something there op....

 

[rusty shackelford]

I don't exactly fit the criteria, but for the vast majority of my life I've had an absence of a father.
I don't feel like I'm not manly(I'm only 16 for gods sake) but I it sucks getting beat by someone you could literally throw.

 

[futuremd]

I'd be lying if I said I didn't see it...but it depends how important you think gender roles are, what they are, and if people NEED to be held to whatever they are.

Its no surprise to anyone that boys raised by their mothers and without some male figure tend to start behind when learning about how to interact with women etc. Obviously it doesn't apply to everyone, nor is it universally indicative of a mother's ability to raise her kid(s).

 

[obina]

Dead beat dads is the cause of dudes becoming less manly? Don't really follow, but I'd love to hear some comments. I live in a household where my mom is more of the man than my dad is and me and my bro are pretty manly.

 

[AEA18]

What about all the pro athlete's raised by their mothers/grandmothers?

 

[rusty shackelford]

I'd be lying if I said I didn't see it...but it depends how important you think gender roles are, what they are, and if people NEED to be held to whatever they are.

Its no surprise to anyone that boys raised by their mothers and without some male figure tend to start behind when learning about how to interact with women etc. 

This is true. My mom made sure to pay extra attention to make sure I put women on a pedestal.
With no father figure around you have to develop your own "game" from scratch.
Basically I was taught the skills to simp, but I had to learn the skills to pimp.

 

[longstroke]

Dead beat dads is the cause of dudes becoming less manly? Don't really follow, but I'd love to hear some comments. I live in a household where my mom is more of the man than my dad is and me and my bro are pretty manly.

Interesting comment.

So, do you think that you imitate your mother's demeanor, moreso than that of your father's? Also, how do you define manly? Confrontational, or observant?

 

[numbah1grimey]

I was raised by a single mother, and, up until I was 7 y/o, I was the only male in house with 6 women (my aunt, and her 4 daughters, and my mom). And, it's crazy, my pops stayed right down the street. My moms use to try to force me to go hang with it but, I aint want to be near that crustacean. I turned out straight but, I know some dudes in my hood who were raised by single mothers or, in female dominated households who turned out otherwise.

Most of these Black Dads aren't crap. My old boy is quick to criticize me but I'm like "You have some nerve bruh, you didn't teach me a damn thing". My moms taught me all I know and, I will forever give her that credit. Pops even tried me once and, spoke as if he had any positive impact on my upbringing. Damn near wanted to open-hand his face. Real talk, all these black guys who are older-heads screwed us up big time. This is the fatherless son generation and, ya'll see how it's playing out.

 

[00david00]

Didn't have my pops around from 3 years old till 10, and wasn't really close with him till about 15

Since then we've developed a really close father son relationship, and he really has changed the way I would look at a lot of things, including dealing with females.


just my experience

 

[longstroke]

What about all the pro athlete's raised by their mothers/grandmothers?

Interesting question. I for one think it may explain the downfall of many athletes growing up without a male role model. Take a look at Magic Johnson and Micheal Jordan. Both had strong fathers in their lives, then take a look at someone like Allen Iverson.

 

[futuremd]

What about all the pro athlete's raised by their mothers/grandmothers?

Interesting question. I for one think it may explain the downfall of many athletes growing up without a male role model. Take a look at Magic Johnson and Micheal Jordan. Both had strong fathers in their lives, then take a look at someone like Allen Iverson.

Major extrapolation. I think you have to account for the fact that when you grow up without certain things regardless, having fame and money is going to change you regardless. Not having adequate family support just exacerbates that.

I don't think you're wrong, I just don't think the correlation is as solid. There are still some major screw-ups who grew up in decent homes. 

 

[the hater boxden]

What about all the pro athlete's raised by their mothers/grandmothers?

A lot of them had father figures which is why they succeeded in comparison to their peers that may not have made the pros or got that d1 scholarship

word to lebron. he had plenty of male figures to look up to growing up.

 

[longstroke]

Major extrapolation. I think you have to account for the fact that when you grow up without certain things regardless, having fame and money is going to change you regardless. Not having adequate family support just exacerbates that.

I don't think you're wrong, I just don't think the correlation is as solid. There are still some major screw-ups who grew up in decent homes. 

Oh there is no doubt about that.

I remember Magic, not the media, talking about seeing his father work, and then work hard. Then, also talking about his work ethic, never complaining about the work that he had to do, in order to take care of his family. 

But when they talk about players like Iverson, the media plays up her struggle, then success through her son.

 

[obina]

Interesting comment.

So, do you think that you imitate your mother's demeanor, moreso than that of your father's? Also, how do you define manly? Confrontational, or observant?

I'll define how my mother's characteristics that I relate to what I feel a man should be. She has a extreme take charge mentality in which she basically takes responsiblity for almost everything. She has a caring but she has a strong straight forward mindset. In other words, my mom has a single mother mindset even though my father is still around and lives in the house. My pops just be working and chillin and whatever my mom says goes lol.

 

[maxelite]

Great thread

 

[longstroke]

I'll define how my mother's characteristics that I relate to what I feel a man should be. She has a extreme take charge mentality in which she basically takes responsiblity for almost everything. She has a caring but she has a strong straight forward mindset. In other words, my mom has a single mother mindset even though my father is still around and lives in the house. My pops just be working and chillin and whatever my mom says goes lol.

So from what I gather, your idea of masculinity means being a boss, correct?

If so, that's cool. But there is a definitive masculine trait in being cool like your pops, no worries, no drama. I'm sure that you know that though.

 

[obina]

So from what I gather, your idea of masculinity means being a boss, correct?

If so, that's cool. But there is a definitive masculine trait in being cool like your pops, no worries, no drama. I'm sure that you know that though.

There is more to his lazyness but I dont wanna expand on my pops. But yes, I do attribute being a leader as manly and masculine. Who wants to be scottie pippen? I rather be Mike.

 

[blakep267]

I mean, not having father figures can steer young men towards other stuff like street life, but the emasculation can happy in any household.

 

[longstroke]

There is more to his lazyness but I dont wanna expand on my pops. But yes, I do attribute being a leader as manly and masculine. Who wants to be scottie pippen? I rather be Mike.

Ahhh, but some would say that Scottie showed great security by accepting his role, which is incredibly masculine. I understand what you are saying though, being able to lead is a wonderful trait. However, one must learn how to lead. Jordan didn't bust out the gate being Jordan. At one point, he had to be Scottie Pippen as well, word to James Worthy.

 

[obina]

I mean, not having father figures can steer young men towards other stuff like street life, but the emasculation can happy in any household.

By Nt's logic it also leads to skinny jeans and extreme metrosexual behavior.

 

[longstroke]

By Nt's logic it also leads to skinny jeans and extreme metrosexual behavior.

I don't rock skinny jeans, but I was raised by my father. He was from a different time, back when men were looking to define themselves through their masculinity in different ways. They sort of flipped the whole man as the provider on its head, understanding that women had to bring something to the table as well, other than simply what's between their legs. So men like my pops saw themselves as being taken care of as well. I got loot, so must you! The days of my bustin' my butt for you and you alone, are over. If something happens to me, what are you going to do? Let another man into that house I bought, so that he can run things?

Not happening.

This is how my father broke it down to me, and I appreciated it. I grew up without the pressures that many of my boys did while growing up, then didn't realize it until I became an adult. My mom never hit me with guilt, so women have never been able to use that game on me. I don't feel sorry for them, so I've never put them on a pedestal. You are responsible for your own self, and do not try and live your life through me.

Most women I date think that I am a bit too hard, but hey, I don't have to go home to some chick, one that I really don't want to go home to either. 

 

[216301baller]

Op I swear that's my mindframe..women think I'm way too hard on them..I just see thru the bs

 

[fantastic4our]

Ahhh, but some would say that Scottie showed great security by accepting his role, which is incredibly masculine. I understand what you are saying though, being able to lead is a wonderful trait. However, one must learn how to lead. Jordan didn't bust out the gate being Jordan. At one point, he had to be Scottie Pippen as well, word to James Worthy.

I agree with this statement. Being "the boss" and being "a man" are not one and the same. Sometimes you have to accept a supporting role.

 

[longstroke]

Op I swear that's my mindframe..women think I'm way too hard on them..I just see thru the bs

That victim thing can be pretty transparent, right?