The worst Madden '07 player sends a letter to John Madden.

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Jun 12, 2011
To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07
Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington ********. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is %@#%!%* %@%!@!*% and you should kiss my mother-%@#%!%* %@%. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his %@% on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80. You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a %@#%!%* 12. I rate you a %@#%!%* 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery %@% a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-****. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly @##@ and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. #%#!, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as ******ed. Rod “He Hate Me
 
The title alone made me
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IB4M
 
The breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron.

Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form.

Cave men had better hold of the English language. 
 
Spoiler [+]
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