iblink
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Still waiting for dude to elaborate on the thought of being committed to a single person. How and why is that the case?
To those NT'ers in a marriage or serious/committed relationships
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Me and my girls relationship is a bit different than some relationships.. I've almost committed suicide and she was the thought that kept me from jumping. I didn't want to leave her here blaming herself for me doing that to myself. I've been there for her through so many healing processes of emotional scars that if I leave her then all of those will re open and be even worse. She will most likely hurt herself. If I leave and we are done, my depression will most likely take over my life and who knows what I'll do. I'm not saying everyone is like me, but for me in order for me to completely feel like I need to stay and deal with all the stupid bickering and whatnot, I need to have a mentality that I'm married and can't leave unless my life is a miserable hell or she seriously @#$%# up. A lot of people in my family are divorced, and I told myself that I didn't want that.Originally Posted by MrWavez
Originally Posted by spizike231
Man I swear, as a writer I've always wanted to write a book about what being in a long relationship is really about.. after about a year, it's all the same for the guy. For the female most of the times, she will always look forward to them doing new things. A guy it's always the same. (Go on a date, hang out, get it in, see them the next day and just chill, then repeat in a few days). Unless you live together, then that's completely different.. but I'm not living w/ my girl yet so I can't elaborate on that.
Love isn't the feeling you have of always wanting to see someone every day when you've been dating for a month or two.. being in love is wanting to strangle eachother and rip the other person's hair out and restraining yourself from doing so because you know that you need them. Love is feeling like your life is normal and that you have someone that you CAN'T leave. Like a sister only closer, ya know? All that cliche crap about being able to tell each other everything, say anything about anyone to them, or even being there for each other when someone dies.. I know that when I lose family, she's the one person that I need the most to be real.
As for the fighting, me and my girl fight every damn day about the stupidest things you could possibly think of; trust me. THE STUPIDEST. But I will eventually prove my point and see no point in arguing anymore because I'm always right () and I'll just stop arguing. Moving on and not talking to her for a while until she cools off. Unless it's a huge argument about some dude or chick that she doesn't feel right about. Then we'll go through it all and come to a solution.
I gave her a promise ring this last Christmas after she met my Grandmother for the first time, and she gave me a form of promise (DMPs) for Valentines day.
Also, I've also come to the realization that I'm committed to a single person and I can't do anything about it. It's scary and very bittersweet, but if you feel like you're not ready then it's better to get out sooner than later.
Overall my experience is really good, but that has a lot to do w/ my girls personality. Who she is and how she acts.. I know she wouldn't do anything behind my back and whatnot. She treats me amazing and all that jazz so I'm happy.
what? i was feeling you up until this. this cant mean what i think it does...elaborate bro
For those in long lasting relationships, wouldn't you feel like if you dated your girl for years and broke up with her, then all of those years would be thrown away basically? All that money spent, time spent arguing, worrying, stress, work, everything would just been done to not matter? I know I would, but maybe that's just me.
Either way, what I put is my own input on what the topic asked for, my age and relationship time shouldn't matter if you can relate somewhat to what I'm saying.
EDIT: If you were wondering about the "committed to a single person" part, I mean the fact that in a serious relationship most of the time, you can't go around messin w/ other girls. No cheating basically. You're committed to only havin sexual encounters with her during a serious relationship.
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11 years. I cant say its been easy, but at the end of the day she knows I got her back and she has mine. Keep others out yo bizz and keep it moving. As long as both of yall know that the minor stuff in life doesnt matter and you are both working toward a larger goal then things will work out.
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Communication, fam. You need to talk to her and tell her that the past is the past in your book and if she's doing all this to get back at you then you get the point. YOU need to work harder than ever to show her that you want her to take those steps with her and that you want a future. Treat her like you're a damn movie boyfriend if you need to in order for her to think of you in that light again. (That is, if you REALLY want a future with her and you think all the effort would be worth it.)
If things are starting to turn around, then now is the perfect time for you to start showing you care and want what you just said.. You have good intentions homie and if you guys have been together for 3 years, then she most likely wants or wanted the same thing at one point.
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This is essential to having a long-lasting (and healthy) relationship.
I've been w. my girl for 8 years now. If one of us does something to upset the other, it's dealt with immediately. We've seen so many relationships over time that have fallen apart because neither person is up front. If you harbor feelings or internalize things, there's a good chance that the resentment that you have will (or could) ultimately lead to the demise of your relationship.
Maintaining an open-line of communication is what keeps us going strong.
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For the first time in my life, I have found a woman who appreciates me for who I am, not for any other reason than to just be around me. I am the type of dude to be more aloof, and not gonna lie, I have found the faithful thing a little tough, but aside from a vacation (doesn't count) I have not touched another woman for the year and a half we been together.
I used to hate the idea of having a girlfriend, so much drama, #!$*$@, and scallywags all just looking to get slammed by the next bbc they see, laundry rooms, dance floors, bar bathrooms, you name it man, it was always the next notch that I was looking for, and then I met her.
It's kinda hard to explain, but sadly, the best comparison is shoes, I used to love jordans, the feeling of putting them on, copping them from the store, the whole nine, then 1 day, the feeling wasn't there any more, so my solution was to move on to a shoe that did (kobe's) kinda the same with committed relationships, I had my girl for a few months, and I was checking my stock status on the market, and the nasdaq was looking right, but all I could think about was my girl. So my solution was to wife that.
I always thought it was corny when dudes or women I knew would always be like I want her to just be happy, I was a doubter that alturism still existed, I wanted that agape love. I found it man, and I couldn't be happier, if we broke up for WHATEVER reason, I do and will always want the best for her.
I used to hate the idea of having a girlfriend, so much drama, #!$*$@, and scallywags all just looking to get slammed by the next bbc they see, laundry rooms, dance floors, bar bathrooms, you name it man, it was always the next notch that I was looking for, and then I met her.
It's kinda hard to explain, but sadly, the best comparison is shoes, I used to love jordans, the feeling of putting them on, copping them from the store, the whole nine, then 1 day, the feeling wasn't there any more, so my solution was to move on to a shoe that did (kobe's) kinda the same with committed relationships, I had my girl for a few months, and I was checking my stock status on the market, and the nasdaq was looking right, but all I could think about was my girl. So my solution was to wife that.
I always thought it was corny when dudes or women I knew would always be like I want her to just be happy, I was a doubter that alturism still existed, I wanted that agape love. I found it man, and I couldn't be happier, if we broke up for WHATEVER reason, I do and will always want the best for her.
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funny how this thread pops up, i had this on my mind yesterday. my question is, when do you realize that you will have no problem being committed and with this person for a very long time? what about that woman makes you okay with giving up that single life? also being in a serious relationship at a young age even really worth it?
iblink
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Great respOnse. Dudes always trying to validate that one time that "doesn't count"
iblink
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For me, I realized I would have no problem committing to her after I lost her. I wAs running through #**!@! left and right to the point where I would get my nut, roll over and think to myself "what the hell am I doing?" I didn't want that hit and quit thing any more. She was the only girl I could be around and not have sex on my mind. We had legit conversations and all tht good #*++. But I was a young frat boy and easily influenced. Gave up the good thing I had with her to live it up in college. Then I realized that all this is temporary. The "life" and the people in it. I realized I wanted something substantial, but when I tried to make it happen, I was met with such opposition and resistance on her part. Hurt for months and had to deal with the fact that I was responsible for bringing us to that point. She's coming around slowly, but I still get scared things may regress. It's the mere fact that I can't stand the thought of losing her that lets me know I wouldn't mind committing.
There was a time where she made me feel safe and legitimately loved. Things are different now, but I'm hopeful that I can get her back.
As far as being young, I'd say you never know when it's your time. For me, I had to get it all out of my system before I could entertain the idea of being with one person. My actions while "getting it out my system" though have lead me to my current dilemma.
There was a time where she made me feel safe and legitimately loved. Things are different now, but I'm hopeful that I can get her back.
As far as being young, I'd say you never know when it's your time. For me, I had to get it all out of my system before I could entertain the idea of being with one person. My actions while "getting it out my system" though have lead me to my current dilemma.
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The problem for both of you is to regain that trust in one another again. She lost trust in you for what you did in college and I know that you definitely are harboring doubts of it right now due to the rumors you heard about her recently. If you can't rebuild that trust, which in most cases never occurs, then you might have to move on. I don't want to burst your bubble but it's just the reality of the situation. I wish you luck though.
iblink
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Yeah. I know. The trust thing is going to be one hell of an obstacle to get past. I can just hope for the best, but I'm expecting tr worst at this point.
U
User 37837
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My girlfriend always wants me to be around her. Ninja's just want to chill with the homies sometimes manOriginally Posted by HUYNHer
People say [and I agree] that I have one of the healthiest relationships ever. I've been with my girl for over 3 years and I hope that the relationship continues to grow. Fighting and bickering definitely happens, but most of the time either one of us could chalk it up to work/school-related stress. I personally think I have a keeper because she:
(a) is a homebody at heart [which I love; I would never want a girl that wanted to party more than I do];
(b) is nurturing as $#%% [I live with her and she's been on the dishes and laundry tip since Day 1];
(c) respects "me" time [I could kick it with my homies all night in an environment rampant with big booty !!###+! and could come home at 3:00 to a back rub and sandwich to soak up the alcohol]; and
(d) is truly fun to kick it with [nothing beats going on a movie date/grocery shopping spree/jog with your girl at your side--just gottaright before].
Plus, it's key to be completely honest. Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood, I'll just pop off on her...give it a couple minutes, then apologize. You gotta know you're crossing the line yourself...
Yup.
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Id say after you get out of high school its worth it. The thing is you dont just hit 27 or 28 then BAM, marriage happens.
Its something that should be built up from a solid foundation. A friend, which turns into a long time friend, which turns into a very very long time friend, your wife.
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Blink, why do you now subscribe to the Soul Mate talk?
And what is a Soul Mate in your opinion? Are you only allowed to have one?
I personally think it is TV talk. There are hundreds of thousands of people that are very good matches with you and/or a lot of other men. Finding them is the tough part. But Soul Mates? As if you are linked by the cosmos by some devine intervention, TV talk.
Very good matches exist though.
And what is a Soul Mate in your opinion? Are you only allowed to have one?
I personally think it is TV talk. There are hundreds of thousands of people that are very good matches with you and/or a lot of other men. Finding them is the tough part. But Soul Mates? As if you are linked by the cosmos by some devine intervention, TV talk.
Very good matches exist though.
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IM SORRY OP BUT I HATE THE FACT THAT YOU MADE THIS THREAD. JUST ABOUT A MONTH AGO MY GIRL AND I GOT INTO A FIGHT OVER THE STUPIDEST THING AND WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 3 YEARS AND LIVED THE 3RD YEAR TOGETHER. DURING THE COURSE OF THE YEARS OF COURSE THERE WERE FIGHTS AND ARGUMENTS BUT IT ENDED A MONTH THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE.
I JUST SAW HER ABOUT AN HOUR AGO AND WE TALKED. IM FIGHTING WITH MYSELF WHETHER TO TRY AND GET HER BACK.
I JUST SAW HER ABOUT AN HOUR AGO AND WE TALKED. IM FIGHTING WITH MYSELF WHETHER TO TRY AND GET HER BACK.
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One thing I will tell you is to take the chance.
iblink
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I don't know if I'd call it soul mate talk. But I have grown up a lot in the past four or five years, when I used to downplay the possibility of love. I think it's more so my realizing that I found a good one who I don't want to lose. I don't dismis the idea that there may be someone else out there whom I could be equally, if not more happy with. Simply working with the here and now aspect of life. Where I am now in life, I think she'd be a good fit (if we could seriously move beyond this current rough patch) and could so prove to be a great fit for a future.
I do believe in the idea of a soul mate. That being another person whom is completely compatible with yourself. Good, bad, indifferent, etc. I see couples who've been together for 70+ years and have attested that the thought of leaving each other never crossed their minds. That leads me to believe that a person's soul mate exists. I do think it's a rarity to actually find that person. And yes, it's only one.
I do think the concept of love has been muddled by the media. People, especially younger ones, see this romanticized idea of two people being head over heels for each other and attempt to apply the concept to the next person they are attracted to.
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I TOOK THE CHANCE. TOLD HER I WANTED TO BE WITH HER AND PRETTY MUCH PUT MYSELF OUT THERE FOR HER TO DECIDE AND BY THE WAY SHES ACTING AND SPEAKING TO ME IT SEEMS SHES LEANING TOWARDS GETTING BACK TOGETHER.
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I do believe in the idea of a soul mate. That being another person whom is completely compatible with yourself. Good, bad, indifferent, etc. I see couples who've been together for 70+ years and have attested that the thought of leaving each other never crossed their minds. That leads me to believe that a person's soul mate exists. I do think it's a rarity to actually find that person. And yes, it's only one.
How are you so sure that it has never crossed their minds? Of course they will say that but I believe it crosses everyone's minds. Thinking about how green that other yard it. Happens to us all.
I just personally don't think Soul Mates exist. You have great matches, excellent matches, good matches, ok matches, bad matches. Every relationship falls somewhere in there somehow. Just think it is fairy tale talk.
But back to the OQ, the concept of being with 1 person forever scares me. Just a hard concept to grasp. Never will I ever commit to 1 thing for that long so doing that just seems like such a hard thing to do.
