Toughest decision of your vol. hard choices

DCBatman said:
20 he won't go to the military
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20 is still relatively young, especially in today's age. I know 30 year olds like this. Not an excuse, but he's not an anomaly.

You should tell him he needs to start doing something and making moves to earn his keep. Help pay a little rent. Chores. Job corps. Something. Just sitting around doing nothing is unrealistic. Even getting a part time job at Amazon or something like that sounds like it would be a step in the right direction.

You could also consider sending him to some type of counselor, career specialist, or something a long those lines to get some professional feedback.
 
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getback said:
20 is still relatively young, especially in today's 20. I know 30 year olds like this. Not an excuse, but he's not an anomaly.

You should tell him he needs to start doing something and making moves to earn his keep. Help pay a little rent. Chores. Job corps. Something. Just sitting around doing nothing is unrealistic. Even getting a part time job at Amazon or something like that sounds like it would be a step in the right direction.

You could also consider sending him to some type of counselor, career specialist, or something a long those lines to get some professional feedback.
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could also get him or let him borrow a car and do uber or doordash. Being a bellman and working jobs similar in my early 20s made me appreciate stuff. He has to learn the value of work.

I worked 2 jobs on several occasions. I was working at home depot from 7am - 1pm, then the westin hotel from 3 - 11pm. Also, I’ve worked for my dad with his construction business finishing concrete and pushing wheel barrows. That stuff definitely made me value my money and work ethic.
 
Don’t kick your son out. He’s going to be all you have one day. He’s smarter than the rest of ‘em. I wouldn’t want to produce or give myself up for this **** world we live in either. It’s a sign of culture. There’s nothing wrong with him.
 
youngwolf said:
Turning state’s witness against my best friend.
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gunna need more details fam, u snitched once do it again to us we listening
murkn3m said:
Pullin out or not
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thats easy, dont pull out :evil:
DCBatman said:
He has a job been working for going on two years. I hate when people say what I have been doing or how can I fix this like I haven't. He has been with me since he was 10. He barely sneaked by in school every grade until he failed his senior year and dropped out( yea very smart right). Don't put the blame on me because like I said me my wife basically all the family tried to help him for YEARS. How can I help you when you don't even wanna help yourself?
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failling out of school doesnt mean ur dumb, i failed out of my undergraduate and was academically disqualified simply bcuz i wasn't interested in the courses. went back and finished with a 2.1 Now went back again for my masters. He just seems so very lost and u are the only one who can guide him to the lighthouse.
maybe spend a weekend camping or on a trip with him to kinda break it open. its very hard for kids to open up to their parents especially when they are not meeting ur expectations.


DCBatman said:
I haven't given up that's why I'm in this thread it's a hard decision. I told him I'll get him a apt and pay his first months rent. Hes not my only child and I could care less if he comes to visit me when I get old lol like who cares about that? I have other children to raise which my other two are doing just fine. Like I said how can I help somebody who won't help themselves?
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It's hard but once you help someone realize that they are more than capable of helping themselves they will change.

some people just are scared to do things because they dont want to continue failing.

once he realizes failure is a great tool to move forward he will be shining
 
getback said:
20 is still relatively young, especially in today's age. I know 30 year olds like this. Not an excuse, but he's not an anomaly.

You should tell him he needs to start doing something and making moves to earn his keep. Help pay a little rent. Chores. Job corps. Something. Just sitting around doing nothing is unrealistic. Even getting a part time job at Amazon or something like that sounds like it would be a step in the right direction.

You could also consider sending him to some type of counselor, career specialist, or something a long those lines to get some professional feedback.
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I think the kid knows what he's suppose to be doing, might need a little push.

I would suggest helping him get a job at a retailer like home depot or lowes where he has to do physical labor but still see people who are jobs for 20 years not really progressing. really opens ur eyes and also makes u not wanna do physical labor lol

either way, its nice that he cares about his son. thats beautiful
 
DCBatman said:
He has a job been working for going on two years. I hate when people say what I have been doing or how can I fix this like I haven't. He has been with me since he was 10. He barely sneaked by in school every grade until he failed his senior year and dropped out( yea very smart right). Don't put the blame on me because like I said me my wife basically all the family tried to help him for YEARS. How can I help you when you don't even wanna help yourself?
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What type of work does he do? Maybe encourage him taking up a trade..what are his interest as well?

If you're looking for a labor job..tell him to apply for college hunks hauling junk...its minimum wage but it's also a fun job...your never in the office, you have multiple assignments a day, you get to keep the items that are put on the truck, and he'll be around guys his age

I worked for them when I was 21 and I can honestly say that was best summer job I had when I was in college
 
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Maybe take him to therapy..he might be soft but giving him the opportunity to express himself might change his perspective on life
 
That's for all the advice brothers but all the things y'all suggested I have done already. That's why I said I tried everything. He failed outta high school his senior year bruh. Idk about y'all but that's dumb *** hell to me. He works at McDonald's been there since he was 16. Tried therapy he won't talk just give you this dumb look on his face. Beatings don't work punishment don't work. Told him about trade school. ( I'm a electrician) not something he interested in. Said he wants to be a YouTuber and a cartoonist. He draws pretty good but hasn't put any effort into making a profile. We have bought him multiple art supplies and put him in art classes but he always missed the classes. Bought him a laptop and camera to start youtube. He broke the camera and rather play videogames on the laptop.

He has chores. He does them only after me and my wife reminds him 100 times. Hell I gotta tell him to brush his damn teeth.

Like I said I told him I'll get him a apt and pay his first months rent. When I say imma kick him out doesn't mean he can't come back. I'm just saying I think he needs a lesson of tough love. To truly see how the real world works.
 
DCBatman said:
That's for all the advice brothers but all the things y'all suggested I have done already. That's why I said I tried everything. He failed outta high school his senior year bruh. Idk about y'all but that's dumb *** hell to me. He works at McDonald's been there since he was 16. Tried therapy he won't talk just give you this dumb look on his face. Beatings don't work punishment don't work. Told him about trade school. ( I'm a electrician) not something he interested in. Said he wants to be a YouTuber and a cartoonist. He draws pretty good but hasn't put any effort into making a profile. We have bought him multiple art supplies and put him in art classes but he always missed the classes. Bought him a laptop and camera to start youtube. He broke the camera and rather play videogames on the laptop.

He has chores. He does them only after me and my wife reminds him 100 times. Hell I gotta tell him to brush his damn teeth.

Like I said I told him I'll get him a apt and pay his first months rent. When I say imma kick him out doesn't mean he can't come back. I'm just saying I think he needs a lesson of tough love. To truly see how the real world works.
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I'm not perfect myself but I have an idea that you can try.

What he's doing on the day-to-day basis is obviously going to have him end up somewhere you and him dont want to see. So show him.(I have a family member in a similar situation).

Show him and discuss with him that life is about decisions after decisions and one must be disciplined to stick to them. It's not a race, it's a marathon(RIP Nipsey).

But show him. Informed him if he continues to make unpleasant decisions in life, where that can lead to. Homeless, on drugs, multiple baby mothers, in jail, etc. < I know that's somewhat extreme but the decisions he's making is where it all starts. So show him. Take a ride down to your skid row, where druggies are at, where the prostitution is at. Scare'em straight. Show him where those decisions could possibly lead to.

On the flip side, show him. Again, Life is about decisions. Ride up to the hills, where the "rich" live and ask him. "What do you think these people did to live the comfortable life their living?" Show him the mansions, the happy kids playing outside with their golden retriever with no care in the world of drive-by's & robberies. Other than having a golden spoon, a lot of those people made decisions in life that weren't just sitting at home with no motivation and playing video games all day. I know it's close to being extreme but hopefully that plants a fork in the road mindset that will remind him of his results or consequences after every decision is made.

Hell, it helps me sometimes to drive through Beverly Hills every once in a while. I go back home asking myself why I'm not there(yet) and what is it that I need to do to be there or somewhere like it. Its always a wake up call for me. Just my 2 cents. I hope it helps brutha.
 
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NToweG said:
I'm not perfect myself but I have an idea that you can try.

What he's doing on the day-to-day basis is obviously going to have him end up somewhere you and him dont want to see. So show him.(I have a family member in a similar situation).

Show him and discuss with him that life is about decisions after decisions and one must be disciplined to stick them. It's not a race, it's a marathon(RIP Nipsey).

But show him. Informed him if he continues to make unpleasant decisions in life, where that can lead to. Homeless, on drugs, multiple baby mothers, in jail, etc. < I know that's somewhat extreme but the decisions he's making is where it all starts. So show him. Take a ride down to your skid row, where druggies are at, where the prostitution is at. Scare'em straight. Show him where those decisions could possibly lead to.

On the flip side, show him. Again, Life is about decisions. Ride up to the hills, where the "rich" live and ask him. "What do you think these people did to live the comfortable life their living?" Show him the mansions, the happy kids playing outside with their golden retriever with no care in the world of drive-by's & robberies. Other than having a golden spoon, a lot of those people made decisions in life that weren't just sitting at home with no motivation and playing video games all day. I know it's close to being extreme but hopefully that plants a fork in the road mindset that will remind him of his results or consequences after every decision is made.

Hell, it helps me sometimes to drive through Beverly Hills every once in a while. I go back home asking myself why I'm not there(yet) and what is it that I need to do to be there or somewhere like it. Its always a wake up call for me. Just my 2 cents. I hope it helps brutha.
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Great idea thanks brother :pimp:
 
DCBatman said:
That's for all the advice brothers but all the things y'all suggested I have done already. That's why I said I tried everything. He failed outta high school his senior year bruh. Idk about y'all but that's dumb *** hell to me. He works at McDonald's been there since he was 16. Tried therapy he won't talk just give you this dumb look on his face. Beatings don't work punishment don't work. Told him about trade school. ( I'm a electrician) not something he interested in. Said he wants to be a YouTuber and a cartoonist. He draws pretty good but hasn't put any effort into making a profile. We have bought him multiple art supplies and put him in art classes but he always missed the classes. Bought him a laptop and camera to start youtube. He broke the camera and rather play videogames on the laptop.

He has chores. He does them only after me and my wife reminds him 100 times. Hell I gotta tell him to brush his damn teeth.

Like I said I told him I'll get him a apt and pay his first months rent. When I say imma kick him out doesn't mean he can't come back. I'm just saying I think he needs a lesson of tough love. To truly see how the real world works.
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does he have a girlfriend? He might just need some coochie. How is he around women?
 
Choosing between trump and Cruz in the primaries. Both were so damn good. Hard to decide. In the end I went with the Messiah and it paid off.
 
doublemesh96 said:
simi related;

my worst decision ever was choosing to go to clippers vs warriors instead of lakers vs raptors on January 22nd 2006. It HAUNTS me. I would’ve been like 8 rows back.
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Which one did you go to? Not sure if he was injured or not at the time but I hope you picked to see Kobe.
 
DCBatman said:
A choice I have to make is if imma kick my son out or not. I know that sounds mean but idk what else to do. He is lazy doesn't want anything outta life but to sleep and talk on the phone. His mom already kicked him out that's why he is living with me. Me and my wife has tried everything to get him on the right path but it's been years and no change. I think he needs a taste of reality. How truly tough it is out and the real world.
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Did your son by chance vote for Joseph Biden or Bernard Sanders? This would explain da laziness.
 
DCBatman said:
Great idea thanks brother :pimp:
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I think I saw you mention earlier that you were considering getting him an apartment and paying the first month’s rent...

Not sure if someone already said it but that would be the worst thing you could ever do. If he stops paying the rent and gets evicted your credit will go up in flames.

Stop paying for everything. Take back things you have purchased and let him marinate in that.

Give him a reasonable deadline for things to change.

Next time you see his girlfriend ask if your son can go live with her.
 
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