wolf shirt

1,683
39
Joined May 25, 2008
Late but good none the less.

I accidentally spilled a glass of Tuscan Whole Milk down the front of this shirt, and my soul was torn from my body and thrown into heaven by a jealous God.
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

What am I to do? Words cannot capture the true essence and ambiance of this shirt. Wait, "shirt" doesn't do it justice, in fact it almost seems sacrilegious. For the remainder of this review, we will refer to this item as "It Is", as I feel if I don't offer the respect that is due, I may be stricken dead and my body sliced into crosscut shredder type pieces.

I love "It Is". I love it more deeply than I could ever imagine possible. We are kindred spirits, "It Is" and I. We know everything there is to know about one another. We spend hours and hours just reminiscing about the old days when we first met. I feel like a real man again when I am with "It Is".

The secret is out, yes, "It Is" will give you powers. Amazing powers. I can now make perfect toast every time I grill bread. For parties and gatherings, I am able to supply the EXACT number of condiments that will be used. No food waste ever, and nobody wishing for more Gulden's Brown Mustard. The final superpower I have developed is that I now have the ability to calm jittery squirrels. The shirt, through me, reaches into the inner recesses of the rodent psyche and focuses them on the serenity prayer.

I am unworthy to tout the greatness of "It Is". However, if I were to die tomorrow, I would be 100% satisfied with my life, beginning to end.

I love you "It Is".... I love you in a very sensual way. You are my soulmate.
 
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