What's good man. First of all if all you want to know is what can improve your rapping specifically I'll just focus on that. (Obviously there ismixing work that needs to be done in general.)
In terms of your rapping I'll break it down like so: (Remember these are just personal observations)
Flow: Certain points of the verse you were on flow but you find ithard to forsee how syllables work WITH you in fitting flow. Know the syllabic count of the words you are using because you will flow better instead of puttingthe wrong empahsis on certain syllables like you did a couple times.
punchlines: Your punches were very generic and predictable. I wasnot impressed or interested in digging deeper. Seeing as I don't really know who influences you or anythign I cant say that you were trying to be awordsmith and failed, however for the content and concept of the verse I would expect you to deliver somethign fresh in terms of metaphors and you didnt fam.Spend a little more time writing your metaphors and entendres for cliche verses like this and you'll get a ton of response
. Trust. ( i.e Drake
)
Delivery: Your delivery was weak. POINT BLANK PERIOD
. Nothing much more to say, work on getting your listener interested in your verse and speech. Liven up your voice and put on a show fam. I cant reallystress anything else here.
All in all those are the main points I think I could've touched on without getting too far into the subject.
Work on those and you should be progressing.
And if you think im just a dude behind a screen who doesnt practice what I preach, I also rap as well.
Heres my myspace and etc, feel free to critique me as well:
www.Myspace.com/Sayhi1
Good luck fam.
