35+, never married man... society's perception...

fontaine

fontaine

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I work with a guy that 39 years old never been married and doesn't have any kids.

He's been in corporate finance for 15 years, whether it be accounting, capital structure, budgeting.... He's made his rounds...

He's doing pretty well right now... Maybe low 100k range. Might be higher b/c our company pulled him from his old company, And he was at 97k there...

He told me that as a 39 year old man that has never been married and doesn't have kids... There's a totally different perception of him, and it leads towards negativity.

We discussed how society looks at these men as immature and selfish, or even gay, if the haven't married or had kids by a certain time.

He even told me that jobs look at married men as a saferbet.

Silly me, I was told companies want a guy that is willing to work his tail off, and be mobile... Take jobs where ever they want you to go.

He said that they do, but corporate perception would rather you do that with a wife and kids. They know you're going to work hard, and its a tough decision if you want to take a job that pays 20k more in Denver....

A single , no kids guy would likely jump at that and leave them hanging.

He said that being married matters in the workplace and in society... People always question whether something is wrong. He said even his mombs thought he was gay...

He responded with "Naw ma... I just getting different b*****s" :lol:

It seems like at that age... Its a BENEFIT to being divorced once...

Dude has a HUGE nest egg saved up... And is so cautious about getting married because he's seen a large majority of his friends fail at it and lose BANK... or are miserable... Plus he says he hasn't found the right chick...

He cautions me to be VERY selective about who to marry because the myths of women wanting to lock down a successful dude past 30 with no kids is SO blatant... Chicks be trying to rush him into marriage, introduce him to their kids so he become daddy... Allat...

What do y'all think about it? I'm no way going to force myself into something like marriage and kids. I just find it interesting that this is how people think...

BTW... Dude gets yambs on the regular... :lol:... So we're not talking some lame here...
 
I understand some of the benefits of being married in the corporate world and it makes sense.

None of those things should really cross your mind though.

My brother just got engaged at 36 and one of the partners in his firm is in his early 40s and just got married for the first time
 
Companies want you married with kids so that you wouldn't switch jobs as often

Dude can wear a band if he wants to appear married to coworkers and if someone asks, he can just say he is private about his family and refuse to give any more info
 
That guys life sounds like both happiness and misery.

I feel I may end up that way as well. IDK man. this subject really hits home for me because at 28 I want to at least find a girl that is on the same wavelength with me so that we can start something off in the direction of a family. I'm too picky though. I really don't want to settle for anything less than what i'm looking for.

In one way, it is nice that a man with all his **** together past 30 is more appealing to women in the same age range. Its just nice being wanted/desired. But it's a trap. They want you for prob. selfish reasons (i.e., support them financially, give them that kid before their system dries up, etc.)

In the end you gotta play your cards right, have foresight, and don't settle while being able to make compromises and work towards an aspirational relationship with someone else because you probably have some faults as well. You also have to have some luck which is determined by realizing opportunities granted to you and being able to capitalize on them to their full extent. A lot of it is a mystery but just hope for the best and do the best.
 
Kids are cool, but raising a child is hard ******g work. My oldest is 16, and quite honestly I can't wait until that responsibility is gone. If I could do it all over again, would I have him again? Well since I know and love him now, I am biased and would have to say yes. But if I didn't know him... I don't know. 

Having a wife is cool when you are in love. But people change. If one or the both of you change and you fall out of love, at that point marriage ******g sucks. You waste so much time either faking it, or trying to make something work that just isn't meant to be. If you want to separate, you have to worry about the assets, kids, and all of that other ********. In short, it is a big ******g headache. 

With all of that being said, I ain't mad at the brother that you work with. Tell him to keep doing his thing. **** a promotion. That 100k goes a long way without the responsibilities of a wife and kid, and will afford that man one happy life. 
 
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Fontaine said:
What do y'all think about it? I'm no way going to force myself into something like marriage and kids. I just find it interesting that this is how people think....
Click to expand...

I think he's right.

There's pro's and con's, big pro being the income tax benefits of being married, along with other very good financial benefits as well.

like combo mentioned, it becomes a nightmare if the marriage fades out, like if my wife goes from a dime piece to being fat, overweight & lazy (This happened to an NT'er recently :lol: :x :smh: )

gotta worry about assets/cash/property....pre-nup is a must. :x

I'm doing the same thing as you rick, grow my income, travel, enjoy my 20's, think about getting married when I'm in my mid-late 30's.
 
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I'm concerned I will end up like this. I don't play with girls, I don't play with my money. I worry about this everyday. I'm going to a girl I used to smashes wedding on tues, were the same age, I know people are going to ask when it's my turn. I go to my older brothers wedding on Dec.6th, I know people are going to ask me "when it my turn." I'm 25, single, no kids, no prospects. We'll see what happens in my life, hopefully something good.

As far as old dude...idk, if he's happy that's all that matters.
 
combo gd said:
Kids are cool, but raising a child is hard ******g work. My oldest is 16, and quite honestly I can't wait until that responsibility is gone. If I could do it all over again, would I have him again? Well since I know and love him now, I am biased and would have to say yes. But if I didn't know him... I don't know. 

Having a wife is cool when you are in love. But people change. If one or the both of you change and you fall out of love, at that point marriage ******g sucks. You waste so much time either faking it, or trying to make something work that just isn't meant to be. If you want to separate, you have to worry about the assets, kids, and all of that other ********. In short, it is a big ******g headache. 
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What a nightmare :x :x These kinds of the things I hear all the time on NT AND real life from fam & friends.

Do not want.
 
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combo gd said:
 
Kids are cool, but raising a child is hard ******g work. My oldest is 16, and quite honestly I can't wait until that responsibility is gone. If I could do it all over again, would I have him again? Well since I know and love him now, I am biased and would have to say yes. But if I didn't know him... I don't know. 

Having a wife is cool when you are in love. But people change. If one or the both of you change and you fall out of love, at that point marriage ******g sucks. You waste so much time either faking it, or trying to make something work that just isn't meant to be. If you want to separate, you have to worry about the assets, kids, and all of that other ********. In short, it is a big ******g headache. 

With all of that being said, I ain't mad at the brother that you work with. Tell him to keep doing his thing. **** a promotion. That 100k goes a long way without the responsibilities of a wife and kid, and will afford that man one happy life. 
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this is a big fear of mine

having to feel like im going through the motions in a marriage, or in a family. 

It just seems so empty
 
I feel a lot of people get married just because its the social norm and are worried what will family & friends think of them if theyre not married at a certain age. Most of the time those that get married early get divorced in 5-10 years.
If you dont wanna commit to something dont do it cause people around you are doing it or your parents bother you about it.
 
I've always had the thought that I wanna have mine comfortably and have done enough of the things i've always wanted to do before I incorporate others, and I still want to maintain that unless someone blows me away. I do think at a certain age finding the right one and a family becomes more if that's what you want. Some dudes just never get over the love of their own space and pace.
 
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George Clooney has never been married. 

If your coworker isn't smashing anything based off societies perceptions then something is wrong. Tell him to take a cruise in the west indies or an excursion in Argentina guaranteed he won't be singing the same toon. 
 
My reactions...

1. I can see why corporate America wants him to have a family. Having a family is expensive and makes you more of a slave because you almost HAVE to keep your job.

2. He should be able to retire shortly.

3. It depends on the personality, but I don't see any issues with him if what you say is true. He sounds cool enough. I've met married 30 somethings who are completely lame people that no body at the office likes to talk to.
 
World is changing though. Especially with equal opportunity at the work force. When you have women who are career orientated now, both men and women are starting to dedicate their lives to their careers. 

What happens is the number of marriages decline, the number of kids decline, and our population actually declines. I think in 30 years it will be very normal to see people single in their 30's and 40's, successful in their careers. 
 
secretzofwar said:
My reactions...

1. I can see why corporate America wants him to have a family. Having a family is expensive and makes you more of a slave because you almost HAVE to keep your job.

2. He should be able to retire shortly.

3. It depends on the personality, but I don't see any issues with him if what you say is true. He sounds cool enough. I've met married 30 somethings who are completely lame people that no body at the office likes to talk to.
Click to expand...
1. weebay.gif

2. yes... he was saying if he stays on pace, he'll be done working in 10 years...

said he's gonna retire, and teach golf lessons.

3. dude is cool as a fan... regular ol' white dude...told me stories how he bought a corvette in his late twenties and was pulling yambs off revving the engine. :lol:

he even put me on abird from his old job... she was ready to deliver yambs after 2 texts.
 
39 aint even old man. Most guys at 39 havent even hit their financial prime, and he could just say that hes waiting on being more secure before he wants to start a family. 39 is still young bro. And smh at the judgmental employers. Being 39 and single is perfectly fine
 
Ahh I think that might be me when I grow up

Come home after work and be able to keep my money to myself don't have to worry about who drank up all the apple juice ,when I go out I can come back whenever I please..

Truthfully I don't ever see my gettin married till I'm 40 something I got a lotta **** to do
 
oh look its you....



Just like he told you, if you have a wife and kids then you have obligations a.k.a you are less likely to quit and pursue that golf career you always wanted to.
They need to be sure that you are willing to be there for the long haul



He said B$%^% to his mama.... How cute
:stoneface:



Pics?
 
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It's cool. Nothing to discuss imo but then again I don't make widespread judgements or assumptions like that. Some ppl just choose to live different lives and that's fine.
 
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