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^ 
my goodness
my goodness
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Anyone Got Jokes. Part 2
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by Spectacular23,
- Start date
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a jew walks in a bar...
he buys it.
he buys it.
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That whistle Wendy one was creepy
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What did kermit the frog say wen jim henson died
T Lo Sweater
formerly troyd
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Guy sees a girl he thinks is cute. He approaches her
"did it hurt?"
Girl says "when i fell from heaven right?"
Guy says "no. When you broke your legs"
Girl says what
Guy breaks her legs then carries her away
"did it hurt?"
Girl says "when i fell from heaven right?"
Guy says "no. When you broke your legs"
Girl says what
Guy breaks her legs then carries her away
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- Jul 25, 2012
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There was 3 students, a black, a white and a Tongan. The teacher asked them to make a sentence with the colors, green, pink & yellow. The white student said, my favorite colors are green, pink & yellow, and the black student said, my favorite colors are green and pink but I don't like yellow. The Tongan student said, "One day I was sitting at home and I heard a green green and then I pink up the phone and I said "YELLOW!!!!!!"
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So Chief Keef has more sale than any rapper in hip hop history
T Lo Sweater
formerly troyd
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Get off the stage
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A couple takes their son to the circus. After a while the father gets up to get some popcorn. While he is away the little boy notices something hanging down between the elephants legs. "Mommy, what is that hanging down on the elephant?", the boy asks.
The embarrassed mother says "Oh, that's nothing honey", and is relieved when the father returns with the popcorn.
Not satisfied with the mother's answer the little boy waits until his mother leaves to use the bathroom and asks his father "Dad, what is that hanging down between the elephant's legs?".
Dad answers, " That's the elephant's penis". The little boy says, "Well how come when I asked mom she said that it was nothing?". Dad leans back and says "Son, I've spoiled that woman....."
The embarrassed mother says "Oh, that's nothing honey", and is relieved when the father returns with the popcorn.
Not satisfied with the mother's answer the little boy waits until his mother leaves to use the bathroom and asks his father "Dad, what is that hanging down between the elephant's legs?".
Dad answers, " That's the elephant's penis". The little boy says, "Well how come when I asked mom she said that it was nothing?". Dad leans back and says "Son, I've spoiled that woman....."
lobotomybeats
Supporter
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This dude is sitting at a bar all and sad and ****. Dude orders 4 shots of whiskey, quickly downs them and orders another four.
The bartender, worried for her patron, asks "sir, I know it's none of my business, but what's wrong?" The guy responds "I was just dumped by my girlfriend of a year." The bartender says "I'm sorry, that's awful. What happened?" The guy says "I was too kinky for her." The bartender inquisitively says "Oh yeah? I've been known to be a freak myself." The patron says "nah, you don't get it, I'm really freaky." The bartender says "Oh, yeah? Try me. Here's my address. Meet me there in a half hour." The patron says "**** that, if you're a freak, let's do it right here!" The bartender, getting more ever so more wet, says "Alright. Tell me what you want me to do."
The patron says "hike your skirt up, pull down your underwear and grab your ankles."
She obliges.
About five minutes pass and nothing has happened. "what the ****? I thought you were a freak. Aren't you going to do anything?"
The patron responds "I did, I took a s*** in your purse"
The bartender, worried for her patron, asks "sir, I know it's none of my business, but what's wrong?" The guy responds "I was just dumped by my girlfriend of a year." The bartender says "I'm sorry, that's awful. What happened?" The guy says "I was too kinky for her." The bartender inquisitively says "Oh yeah? I've been known to be a freak myself." The patron says "nah, you don't get it, I'm really freaky." The bartender says "Oh, yeah? Try me. Here's my address. Meet me there in a half hour." The patron says "**** that, if you're a freak, let's do it right here!" The bartender, getting more ever so more wet, says "Alright. Tell me what you want me to do."
The patron says "hike your skirt up, pull down your underwear and grab your ankles."
She obliges.
About five minutes pass and nothing has happened. "what the ****? I thought you were a freak. Aren't you going to do anything?"
The patron responds "I did, I took a s*** in your purse"
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You hear about that gay Irish couple?
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald
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Saw this on reddit a couple weeks back:
A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink. The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.
The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face.
The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, "did anyone see a gorilla run through here?"
The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, "you mean the one that ****** the lion up the ***?"
The lion exclaims, "oh my god! It's in the paper already?"
A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink. The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.
The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face.
The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, "did anyone see a gorilla run through here?"
The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, "you mean the one that ****** the lion up the ***?"
The lion exclaims, "oh my god! It's in the paper already?"
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airthompson
Staff member
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- Jul 30, 2008
Lol Fitz I get it
airthompson
Staff member
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A woman puts an ad in the paper for a husband. In her ad she includes the three things that she's looking for in a husband:She wants a man who won't beat her.
She wants a man that won't leave her.
She wants a really great lover.
A few days later the doorbell rings. The woman opens the door to find a man with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair on her porch. She says, "How may I help you?"
He replies that he is there to answer her ad in the paper.
She says, "Oh, but I am looking for a man that won't beat me."
He replies, "I have no arms. How can I beat you?"
She says, "Ok, but I want someone who won't leave me."
And he replies, "I have no legs and if you take away my wheelchair I can't even move. How could I leave you?"
She nods her head and says, "Well, what I really want is a great lover."
The man looks at her and says, "Lady, how do you think I rang the doorbell?!"
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What do you call a black guy in space?
An astronaut, you racist.
What's the worst part of 6 black guys in a Cadillac driving off a cliff?
They were my friends
An astronaut, you racist.
What's the worst part of 6 black guys in a Cadillac driving off a cliff?
They were my friends
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what did the 0 say to the 8?
nice belt...it was fendi too
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A man walks into a library and ask the librarian if they have that book about small penises.
She looks and says
"Oh its not in yet"
"Yea thats the one"
She looks and says
"Oh its not in yet"
"Yea thats the one"
tony plush
Banned
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what does Dracula order at the bar ?
blood lite.
blood lite.
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A couple is sitting in a restaurant. The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'
OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that one could imagine. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know..
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'
OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that one could imagine. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know..
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
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Three men are sitting in jail. First guy asks the second why he was imprisoned, who replies "Because I came to work 15 minutes late, and am accused of being an unproductive parasite in a socialist state"; The first man says he was in jail "Because I came to work 15 minutes early, and am accused of espionage in a socialist state", then they ask the third guy why he is in jail; the guy replies "Well, I came to work on time, but I was arrested for owning a western watch".
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