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Hey guys we are starting IVF! Trying to join the NT Dads club
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lobotomybeats
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Thanks for the laughs bro, it really does help ease the sadness....I'm hurt about our loss, but right now I'm most hurt about her man, this is my best friend and besides my mother the most important person in my life and I feel helpless, all the injections and procedures and the past 4 weeks filled with joy and hope, talks of names, how he/she would look and to come to an end like this, I can handle it, but I'm destroyed about how she feels....is hard to even look her in the face knowing there is nothing I can say or do to ease her pain :x
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*hug*
We rooting for you.
lobotomybeats
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Jesus, man. That's tough. I don't know what to say. Both of my kids are the product of high-risk pregnancies. Both were premature. I've spent two months of my life visiting my kids in the NICU. Stories like yours make me realize how lucky I have been. Stories like yours also make me scared to have another. It's weird, kids are the greatest thing in the world, but they can be the biggest source of anxiety and sadness. Keep your head up.
What does your doctor say about what has happened?
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Well Thursday she has to be put under to have the sack drained out, the tissue will be sent in for testing and see what it comes back with, we haven't sat down with him and actually gone through our next step...probably will in the coming weeks...
Hate to bring this up, but please if any dudes out there reading this and don't want kids, take the precautions...aborting is an abomination...maybe because of the pain we are going through I feel this way but it burns my soul to know that people willingly terminate their pregnancies just because....my boy has done it twice and I'm seriously feel resentful towards him, I know is not my place, but I cannot help it, it just isn't fair.
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My ex-wife and I had 9 total embryos and 6 of them were graded B and above..Discarded the 3 that were D and below..Had two rounds of IVF with 3 embryos implanted each time and both times they wouldn't "stick"..It was devastating, so I could only imagine how hard this is for you and your wife..I know your concern is with her first and foremost, which is how it should be, but please take care of yourself too..I was going through some family problems and had nobody to talk to after our failed rounds of IVF and it was really hard on me..I wish I would've had an outlet for my sadness and anger..I know you don't know me from Adam, but if you need to vent then feel free to PM me whenever you want..
lobotomybeats
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Um, some people have abortions to not be in your situation. Some people can't bear the heartache. Some people can't bear the thought of subjecting a child to a life of awful birth defects and challenges that can't be overcome. There's nothing wrong with that. I know you're hurting, but your pain shouldn't kill your compassion.
Just remember, just because it's the right time for you to have a baby, doesn't mean it's the right time for everyone.
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Nah I totally understand that bro, was more so talking about the pregnancies that come from recklessness that can be easily avoided....terminating a pregnancy because of defects or such, I can understand....either way is not my place and I usually don't care, but the way I'm feeling right now, I can't help it....I'm sure I'll get over it.
lobotomybeats
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I know what you mean, man.
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Brother from deep in my heart THANK YOU, thank you to all of you that have been down the path and resonate with what I'm saying, a lot of people frown upon how open I am, but sharing with you guys is more therapeutic than even my own personal friends, is hard to talk to them about this.
lobotomybeats
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**** those people
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Im not sure if you all received any information on grief counselors or support groups but they can really be helpful. My wife was already apart of a women expecting group from the app "what to expect" and she was part of a specific group based on our twins due date but overall its ladies from everywhere that are currently pregnant, suffered miscarriages, losses due to pre-term labor etc... They have been really helpful and supportive. If she isnt already aware i def think you should tell her about it. It has given my wife a certain level of comfort knowing she isnt alone. Your family and friends can only be so supportive but if they never been through it eventually gets really hard to only have their words to rely on.
I did what you did tho man, i tired to keep telling her that things could have been worse for us and too look at stillbirths or people to get home with their baby and then lose them but at the end of the day a loss is still a loss. We can tell ourselves that it wasnt as bad as something else and it may work to a certain extent but dont let anyway tell you that yall hopes and dreams and planning was any less meaningful and that yall shouldn't be hurting and to bounce back quickly.
I did what you did tho man, i tired to keep telling her that things could have been worse for us and too look at stillbirths or people to get home with their baby and then lose them but at the end of the day a loss is still a loss. We can tell ourselves that it wasnt as bad as something else and it may work to a certain extent but dont let anyway tell you that yall hopes and dreams and planning was any less meaningful and that yall shouldn't be hurting and to bounce back quickly.
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ksteezy, sorry to hear about this first of all, but I have to ask: how old are you and your wife?
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33 years old both of us
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I still can't believe you guys are 33.
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Damn. Just heard the news. This was my worst fear for you guys.
I was elated when you both were prego, but a lil nervous since it was so early.
Unfortunately now wasn't the time. But I do pray there will be a time (hopefully soon) for
you two to share in the beauty of parenthood.
I also agree with what you said about termination due to reckless living.
I was one of them. Every time someone says, "oh cool. you have 2 boys and
2 girls", in my heart, I know that's a situation I largely created. I should have more.
I never speak on it and I'm a totally different guy than I was then, but it burns still my soul.
I dont know that the pain you feel, but I pray that you and your wife
find peace within yourselves and seek solace with each other.
Much blessings.
I was elated when you both were prego, but a lil nervous since it was so early.
Unfortunately now wasn't the time. But I do pray there will be a time (hopefully soon) for
you two to share in the beauty of parenthood.
I also agree with what you said about termination due to reckless living.
I was one of them. Every time someone says, "oh cool. you have 2 boys and
2 girls", in my heart, I know that's a situation I largely created. I should have more.
I never speak on it and I'm a totally different guy than I was then, but it burns still my soul.
I dont know that the pain you feel, but I pray that you and your wife
find peace within yourselves and seek solace with each other.
Much blessings.
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The more closely related you are the more likely you are to have birth defects because there is no diversity in the gene pool.
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Damn, this is sad news fam.
Tears me up to hear, but I'm hopeful that sharing this with the NT fam helps you cope with the loss. I can't imagine the pain, but I'll pray for you and your fam in these challenging times. It's moments like these where I really reflect on what's important in life.
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Is it your fault you cant have the kid or hers? Either way, sorry for the lost fella. Praying for you.
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Perspective. crazy how some people rejoice when they find out they're not preg, yet others are devastated.
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I feel really sad for the fella. Wish NT could help him some how
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Dammmnnnnn can't believe it's been almost 4 years since I started this thread and been fighting with infertility, just wanted to update you guys, we are now strongly considering adopting in the Dominican Republic, we will continue IVF and try to get pregnant still, but will more than likely get the ball rolling on adoption soon as possible since that process in itself takes over a year to bring a baby home...as we are going over this, the This Is Us season 2 trailer drops and I legit broke down...it was like a nod from God, telling us we are doing the right thing....specially because I'm the one pushing my wife, who still very much wants to be pregnant
One way or another, we will be parents by 2018
One way or another, we will be parents by 2018
