Losing friendships with people after they have kids unappreciation

[legalsole]

Women find ways to incorporate their friend activities with their children(play dates) and I notice men try to isolate and get away lol.



Maybe if op had a boy, dads with sons tend to be more active and would understand why you want to spend a lot of time with your kid.

 

[sugafree]

Women find ways to incorporate their friend activities with their children(play dates) and I notice men try to isolate and get away lol.



Maybe if op had a boy, dads with sons tend to be more active and would understand why you want to spend a lot of time with your kid.

Man sheeeet I have more fun with my daughter than anyone else in my life.

She is the coolest 9 year old ever, my lil roll dog right there.

She helps me work on cars, we box,we fish, shes into all that.

 

[eugenile gts]

Bruh,

i have a kid, 32, and married.

what you just described is LIFE. as many said too, you already better than most of us with 10 friends you regularly talk to.

But the first reply summed it up.

Your true friends will understand, and so should you if its the other way around. BUT when it matters most, your true friends will be there still. Or when you do hang out even if its after months or even a year, it's like nothing has changed.. then your all G double O, D.

I think we have it good right now with social media. It must've been bad for people our age back in the day before late 90s/internet became mainstream

 

[Shanegerous]

10 friends

 

[legalsole]

Perception.

Traditionally men are expected to be the breadwinners while women are expected to be the nurturers.

So right off the bat a lot of men have a knock on them because they can't always be there because of financial obligations.

Society has us pigeonholed as providers so our role as a parent is seen by many as ancillary or suplementary, but not necessarily essential.

You can see how this perception plays out in custody battles, a man could very well be making exponentially more than the woman but because of his availability (or rather the lack thereof) he is seen as an unstable presence in a child's life.

It's why we see so many women win custody battles because she's the one picking and dropping off the child to school, taking the child to his or her appointments and helping the child with their schoolwork.

She's been doing it all along so why change anything.

Times are obviously changing and now there are more stay at home dads, but they in comparison to their female counterparts are often stigmatized.

Its actually funny how stay at home moms are lauded while stay at home dads are condemned.

Its all good if a woman has a long employment gap for raising her kids but if a man does it it's a negative.

So it's all perception, it's not because of fathers like OP who rather pop mollies then spend time with his daughter. It's not because of the many corporate dads who never take off a day for a little league game, even though they can because the female staff do it all the times. It's not because of the dad's that come from work and completely ignore their kid.

"Go to your mom"


C'mon bruh

 

[legalsole]

Man sheeeet I have more fun with my daughter than anyone else in my life.
She is the coolest 9 year old ever, my lil roll dog right there.
She helps me work on cars, we box,we fish, shes into all that.

Tom boy / boy
Same thing

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Werd although I enjoy the company of my fellas every now and then, 95 out of 100 times I rather spend my time off with my wife....

Because you don't watch sports to do anything man related

 

[HEATHEN]

So it's all perception, it's not because of fathers like OP who rather pop mollies then spend time with his daughter. It's not because of the many corporate dads who never take off a day for a little league game, even though they can because the female staff do it all the times. It's not because of the dad's that come from work and completely ignore their kid.

"Go to your mom"


C'mon bruh

Don't c'mon bruh me son.

Generalizations like the the ones you just made just add to the perception I'm talking about.

Truth is for every bad father there's an equally bad mother.

 

[legalsole]

Ok

 

[darthska]

 
The 10 friends left consist of both guys and girls, mostly guys but I'm not used to this.  I mean before I'd never have to use uber/lyft for a ride to the airport because I had so many friends someone was bound to be free to give me a ride.  These last couple of years it's not a guarantee anymore

So do you have any actual friends? No, no, not people that you have on deck for whenever you need something, but actual friends.

Your kids live with you OP? You married?

Not married, I live with my daughter and her mother.  I have 2 boys that live in another state 

I already know that living with 1 kid and being in a relationship takes up a lot of time, and that's if you're not even all that committed to the relationship and parenting.

But if you ARE committed to the relationship and to parenting, like you take advantage of every 'family' opportunity, you'd have little time for others. AND THEN add on those 2 boys living with you instead of living in another state.

Maybe some of these people who 'disappeared' are just maintaining an EXTREMELY active role in their kids' lives and with their significant other.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

But aren't friends those that you have on deck to do things for you? That isn't all they are for but I am just wondering why you are questioning whether or not the 10 people he referred to were real friends

 

[blastercombo]

Meh. I got my boys but my time with my son is my time with my son. We're like cavemen. Walk around the house naked with the dog following us not giving a ****. Bbq our food outside while we but out the soccer ball or football. Go to the store and the **** can't help but flirt. If this guy was old enough to drink and lift I'd be set

 

[darthska]

But aren't friends those that you have on deck to do things for you? That isn't all they are for but I am just wondering why you are questioning whether or not the 10 people he referred to were real friends

Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but I have exactly zero friends that I keep on deck for what they can offer me.

I keep company with good people. 'S it. My friends, as well as whatever family members I'm close to, it's because I like who they are.

Now if you're going to go the route, "So what they provide you is inspiration, they provide you good convo when it's chill time", I guess you could make that argument, but you and I both know that's not what I was talking about when I mentioned having friends to get rides or whatever.

 

[fantastic4our]

Why can't yall do things with your kids AND friends?

 

[DCAllAfrican]

I think you are looking at what he said the wrong way


Simply put you should be able to call your friends for a favor at any given moment. Aka....on deck.

I think that is all he is saying man

 

[blastercombo]

Well "good" friends can only reveal themselves through time and situations. IMO friends you just meet at work ARE NOT "good" friends. They're just convenient. Not saying you have to do all this, but my true boys I've done it all with. They've thrown punches for me before I even thought I was in a fight and vice versa . Dudes were the first to visit when my son was born, ect. IMO that loyalty is something some people just don't have in them.

 

[blastercombo]

Why can't yall do things with your kids AND friends?

Who said they didn't do this? Not all things are kid friendly first of all. If we're talking about some middle of the day bbq, pool, ect sure why not. If we're talking about some late night savagery hell no

Simply put when I can, I do, but if it's grown up time, it's grown up time

 

[DCAllAfrican]

But I will say that people use the word friend loosely

 

[darthska]

Why can't yall do things with your kids AND friends?

Because responsible parents don't want kids around adult fun, and adult friends don't want to chill with responsible parents.

"We're grilling out later. Stop by" = family fun time = "Nah. Thanks, tho."

(read: it's not always on the parents for 'disappearing', but also a little on the friends for not wanting to be around their newly dedicated parent-friend)

Or if a friend throws out an invite for something adult: "Finally got ______ and ______ to come out. We're hitting up the new club and then probably going to one of their spots to chill. You in?" While the kids are in bed, meaning SOMEONE has to stay home. So I just go out, leave her and the kid(s) behind, knowing DAMN well she wishes she could go, too? "Nah. Thanks, though."

 

[HEATHEN]

I think you are looking at what he said the wrong way


Simply put you should be able to call your friends for a favor at any given moment. Aka....on deck.

I think that is all he is saying man

Im not some lapdog you can just beckon at your whim DC.

Well "good" friends can only reveal themselves through time and situations. IMO friends you just meet at work ARE NOT "good" friends. They're just convenient. Not saying you have to do all this, but my true boys I've done it all with. They've thrown punches for me before I even thought I was in a fight and vice versa . Dudes were the first to visit when my son was born, ect. IMO that loyalty is something some people just don't have in them.

This.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Again maybe he wasn't saying to simultaneously hang out with friends and family. Friday friends. Sat and sun you are with wife and kids. So you don't go lo g stretches without seeing your folks

 

[darthska]

I think you are looking at what he said the wrong way

Simply put you should be able to call your friends for a favor at any given moment. Aka....on deck.

Well "good" friends can only reveal themselves through time and situations. IMO friends you just meet at work ARE NOT "good" friends. They're just convenient. Not saying you have to do all this, but my true boys I've done it all with. They've thrown punches for me before I even thought I was in a fight and vice versa

. Dudes were the first to visit when my son was born, ect. IMO that loyalty is something some people just don't have in them.

At the risk of going into a different topic of 'friendship expectations', I wanted to comment on these 2 comments right here.

In fewer words: you expecting something from me because we're friends is different than me wanting to help you because we're friends.

In more words: "Welp, gotta move again. Glad I've got lots of friends to help me" is immaturely presumptuous, imo. But me knowing you're moving and thinking, "Nah, you're not doing that on your own. Once I'm off work, I'm coming over" is a loyalty that should be appreciated this time, not expected next time.

I expect zero from everyone I'm close to. When I need a ride, I take care of it. When I move, I plan on it being just me and my girl. When I need a few bucks, it's up to me and her to figure it out, and I would NEVER question my friends' friendship for not helping me out. So when they DO tell me "I remember you said you were moving this weekend. Need a hand?" or "Hey, you guys mentioned struggling this month. You know I've got a few extra if you need it, dude," I appreciate it IMMENSELY.

 

[brandon3000]

I love NT. You guys go through so much of the same stuff I do.

I have lost a few friends to girlfriends/wives/fiances and kids. Everything changes. It sucks but it's cool because at the end of the day them being happy is what's most important.

I wish I had a solution. To be honest because things change, that kind of lifestyle change, that's that.

You see each other every now and then, text about sports or current events. But that bond, at least as it was at one point, is gone.

 

[blastercombo]

I don't expect anything from my boys, it's THEM who ends up doing what they do. There's defiantly a balance between expectation and "needing" something from them. Hard to put into words but it's something you just know so to speak

 

[heliumclinton]

Playoffs is the best time to have friends