- 5,891
- 12,009
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2016
--DISCLAIMER: I am not the feds, feel free to tweak names and circumstances where necessary to protect the guilty.--
I'm no angel. I suspect few of us are.
in fact, I believe the world is heavily slanted against the indiscriminately truthful and altruistic.
with this in mind, this thread shall bear witness to our machiavellian schemes.
on one occasion I was in a crowded Wendy's at lunchtime when my food was taking forever...number after number was called, none of them my precious #46.
precious few minutes were left in my lunch break...and there was still the journey back ahead!
however, in a twist of fate, a voice rang out from yonder: "#37!"
what those saps behind the counter didn't know, I remembered that it was the notably prodigious haul of a much larger and more inattentive gentleman who had ordered previously.
thinking quickly, I raised my hand to claim his prize, seizing the tantalizing bag and making my swift exit back to work with approximately double the food I ordered before diners or staff were any the wiser.
how devilish.
one time my mommy suspected my 19 year old self of coming home high, and I played it off on alcohol, which was somehow tolerated instead...she thought she was slick asking to smell my hands, thinking to detect the subtle aromas of cheap reggie and vanilla dutch emanating from my fingertips.
but what that poor dupe didn't know is that I had used hand sanitizer minutes beforehand in anticipation of this, destroying the odor and the evidence completely.
ha-ha!
there was even a time where I took advantage of the school nurses's dubious medical training, claiming her remedies of peppermint water and a comfortable chair were ineffective against my bout with "nausea." her suspicion raised, she asked to examine my sickness once my closed-door vocal performance was over.
how could she have known that I prepared for this specific circumstance by secretly crumbling up cafeteria crackers and throwing them into the toilet?
in reality, I really just wanted to go home and play THPS2...and as my home was mere blocks from the school, this is precisely what I was allowed to do.
the FOOL!
this is a thread for our gainful, shadowy designs...will any others partake in this dark confessional?
I'm no angel. I suspect few of us are.
in fact, I believe the world is heavily slanted against the indiscriminately truthful and altruistic.
with this in mind, this thread shall bear witness to our machiavellian schemes.
on one occasion I was in a crowded Wendy's at lunchtime when my food was taking forever...number after number was called, none of them my precious #46.
precious few minutes were left in my lunch break...and there was still the journey back ahead!
however, in a twist of fate, a voice rang out from yonder: "#37!"
what those saps behind the counter didn't know, I remembered that it was the notably prodigious haul of a much larger and more inattentive gentleman who had ordered previously.
thinking quickly, I raised my hand to claim his prize, seizing the tantalizing bag and making my swift exit back to work with approximately double the food I ordered before diners or staff were any the wiser.
how devilish.
one time my mommy suspected my 19 year old self of coming home high, and I played it off on alcohol, which was somehow tolerated instead...she thought she was slick asking to smell my hands, thinking to detect the subtle aromas of cheap reggie and vanilla dutch emanating from my fingertips.
but what that poor dupe didn't know is that I had used hand sanitizer minutes beforehand in anticipation of this, destroying the odor and the evidence completely.
ha-ha!
there was even a time where I took advantage of the school nurses's dubious medical training, claiming her remedies of peppermint water and a comfortable chair were ineffective against my bout with "nausea." her suspicion raised, she asked to examine my sickness once my closed-door vocal performance was over.
how could she have known that I prepared for this specific circumstance by secretly crumbling up cafeteria crackers and throwing them into the toilet?
in reality, I really just wanted to go home and play THPS2...and as my home was mere blocks from the school, this is precisely what I was allowed to do.
the FOOL!
this is a thread for our gainful, shadowy designs...will any others partake in this dark confessional?
