******OFFICIAL TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON PICS/INFO THREAD****** Teaser Trailer Pg 14

At the very start of the film during the Cybertron battle scenes on the far right of the screen you see a huge 4 legged TransformerIt's a giant Ravage model

Sams car has the same mirror ball & Bee-Otch air fresher that Bumblebee had inside him in TF1

When the Decepticons land from the Spacebridge to the right of the screen you see one scan a garbage trash truck & turn into it. As it drives off you see 2 identical large red fire trucks inplying they are also Decepticons

The Government sending the Autobots away from Earth on a shutttle is straight from a G1cartoon episode called "Megatrons master Plan"

A giant Spacebridge to bring Cybertron to earth is straight from a G1cartoon episode called "The Ultimate Doom"

Primes axe he uses against Megatron at the end is from the original G1pilot cartoon "More than meets the eye"

The white private jet you see in several shots beind Sam & the government woman has 4500X on it, This is the same number Blackout had on him in TF1and it is also the number of Micheal Bays private jet (It may even BE his jet)

When Bumblebee transformers for the last time at the end of the film he clearly makes the G1cartoon transforming noise(Laserbeak also makes a slower version of the sound when he transforms from photocopier to bird)

When the humans are being shot by the Decepticons watch for ones humans skull to fly off and bounce down the street

When the Autobots are "captured" during the final battle it's Barricade the Police car from TF1that is restraining Bumblebee. You see him for the next few minutes

Sentinel primes line "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" is homage to the same line spoken by Spock in Star Trek 2. Spock and Sentinel are both played by Leonard Nimmoy

CISCO have a lot of product placement in the film, several times you will see Cisco units with HUGE Cisco logos on that they wouldn't usually have. Also EVERY computer & monitor in the film is lenovo again with name badges on they wouldn't have. (Dylan does have an ipad though)

Another Spock reference is Wheelie and Brains watching Star Trek and saying "this is the one where he goes crazy", which is some pretty nasty foreshadowing.

Carly is a reference to Spike's female love interest in the G1series.

The dude that played Buzz Aldrin was ACTUALLY Buzz Aldrin, space pioneer.

Dino the Ferrari is a reference to the son of Ferrari's originator, IIRC.

Sentinel Prime's "rust gun" may be a reference to cosmic rust, any of the various transformers who have carried corrosion-based weaponry over the years, or simply a coincidence.

Ironhide's death is likely something of a reference to the 1986 TFmovie.

Soundwave is missing the Mercedes badge from his chest during the camp scene, probably to hide his reveal later

The giant walker on cybertron at the very start is a giant Ravage model

When the cons first arrive before the garbage truck scan you see a con transform into a white police car whilst jumping to the floor, look dead center of the screen to see

I *think* igor is a long haul head, Have a look

Sentinels "helmet" is identical shape to Optimus's - Look at the sides, it gets knocked off Sentinel by Megatron at the end - Does this mean Optimus's comes off?

As Sentinal lines up to cut off primes head he says "there can be only one" - reference to Highlander movies

Finally, and I think I may start a debate here. I think BARRICADE kills Que. It happens so fast but look to the right of the screen as Que is fatally shot, I'm SURE it was Barricade!

When Sams parents first arrive in thier motorhome thier car is NOT on a trailer behind the motorohome. It's just parked up very close to the RV. The trailer suddenly appears under it when they walk up to it

In the same alleyway when Soundwave is parked up during Sam/Carly's fight, Soundwaves headlights ARE faintly coming on and off / flickering

Sams boss is wearing yellow socks when on the yellow floor to match

Carlys clothes change loads between shots, both in damage and dirtiness

Dutch's neckbrace disappears & re-appears allot at films end

And 100% BARRICADE KILLS QUE!

Part of BB's speech "I will always be your friend" to Sam used a snippet of Spock's "I am and shall always be your friend." from Star Trek.

.The Ark's turret is shaped like Omega Supreme's head.

The Datsun's bee ornament says "BZZ-OTCH" instead of "BEE-OTCH" - CONFIRMED

The Autobot ship maintained by the Wreckers is called the Xantium, which was the name of the Wreckers starship from IDW Publishing's Stormbringer miniseries. I was quite pleased by this exceedingly obscure reference.
 
I'm mad that Megatron was such a useless softie in this movie. I mean, dude was just chillin taking a nap and it took a pep talk from some chick for him to actually do something.
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and I agree that this movie could have been a bit better without all the extra filler. Sam's job search, Sam's parents, and the Asian guy from The Hangover were all useless. I did think the little Bill O'Reilly cameo was funny tho
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and why was Sentinel Prime red?? I haven't really kept up with all the newer trailers for this movie but in the early ones he was yellow. why did they decide to change his color at the last minute??
 
the dreads were cool and all but i just dont get why bay had go make up characters like the dreads, dino, que

during that highway scene, i would have had starscream, thundercracker, skywarp do an aerial attack

would have been
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My thoughts on the film:

I thought the new girl was bad as hell
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..her accent too
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I didn't mind the whole Sam looking for a job type of deal..it was okay..just a lil filler..but I could have done without the Hangover II dude..annoyin as hell

I really liked the storyline and the twist mid-way through the film took me off guard..Sentinel Prime was dope too..I felt they gave Megatron and Shockwave the shaft in this..but that was the whole point from the looks of things..Shockwave did have some crazy scenes though..

Another one of my disappointments in the film is that they did not pack the emotion into the Sentinel Prime vs. Optimus Prime battle enough..it was just another robot vs. robot scene and nothing more..

This film was more from the human perspective of things than the Transformers..regardless I was entertained and I enjoyed this movie far more than Revenge of the Fallen..

The series ranks as this:

1>3>2
 
Just peeped...actions scenes for the most part were cool, story and plot were
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, all the human characters could've been done without, and the new chick was very
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...tight i wasted my bread on it should've did what i did with the 2nd movie, wait for the R5 to drop and DL
 
Didn't think it was all that bad really but it's still not better than TF1. I was just cringing when I saw the soldiers actually standing some sort of a chance against the decepticons lol
 
Originally Posted by nike4KJA05

Originally Posted by scshift

I kind of felt bad for Megatron and Sentinel, cause while in the first 2 movies Megatron was just trying to destroy earth, in this one they wanted to save their planet. That doesn't sound like that much to ask for
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This. But then megatron and sentinel wanted to save cybertron at the expense of earth which meant enslaving everyone. I know what you're saying though shift, they just wanted to go back to home and live on cybertron.
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Yeah I mean we're probably getting a little too deep for this movie, but I know for a fact humans would do the same to an inferior species if they could in order to save their planet.
 
Originally Posted by bigsupa

I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS...I ENJOY THESE DEBACLE OF FILMS...I GUESS CUZ I GREW UP ON TRANSFORMERS...
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These films go against everything that Transformers used to be. I know I sound like an old man talking about downtown, but they really are a disgrace to a once-proud franchise.
 
Movie was good..Saw it twice..didnt pay the second time though..there are some serious plot holes though..Once again Toplessrobot.com does there FAQ and its funny as hell..Long read but good..Also Micheal Bay recycles images..Peep
You guys have probably already seen this on sites that have staffs that work on weekends and/or holidays, but it turns out that Michael Bay slipped a few clips from his non-hit The Island into Transformers 3. This wasn't as an Easter Egg kind of thing, because nobody saw or cared about The Island -- this was just him being lazy and reusing a few shots and pasting robots into 'em.


Here is the FAQ

Back in 2009, I had a movie-going experience that changed my life. That movie was Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, and it was so awful that I was forced to write a lengthy diatribe about its myriad plot holes and utter wretchedness, which I did in FAQ form. This Transformers 2 FAQ helped put Topless Robot on the internet map, and I daresay a lot of you guys are here because someone passed you that article, and you liked it enough to stick around. So it's with great pleasure and mild trepidation that I present Topless Robot's Transformers 3 FAQ!

Is it as bad as Transformers 2?
No. Not even close.

Really? Does that mean it's good?
No. Not even close. But it's not a wretched cinematic atrocity against man and god, so I consider that an improvement.

Well, before we get into the plot, can you sum up your feelings on the film for people who don't want to be spoiled?
Yes I can. I've seen a lot of reviews that compare the movie to Michael Bay dangling his keys in front of the audience's face, as if they were babies that were easily distracted by shiny objects, but that's not strictly accurate. Imagine Michael Bay staring at you and pulling out his keys once every 10 minutes for 10 to 15 seconds. After an hour and a half, he pulls out his keys and leaves them out for an entire hour. Also, the keys are now exploding.

...so is the movie worth seeing?
Depends on how much you like keys.

The (spoiler-filled) FAQ continues after the jump!

How does Transformers 3 fit in with the first two Transformers movies?
It doesn't. At all. None of it makes the slightest bit of sense if you remember an iota of the first two movies. Of course, Michael Bay films presuppose you've forgotten what you saw two minutes ago, let alone two years ago, so it's hardly the film's most grievous flaw.

Where do we start?
At Cybertron! In the '60s! During the last days of the Autobot/Decepticon war, the legendary Sentinel Prime gets on the Ark with a device that could bring an end to the fighting. Of course, the Decepticons blow up part of the ship, and it ends up crashing on the moon.

From Cybertron?
Man, if you're going to get hung up on minor inconsistencies like that we're going to be here all day. Save your breath for the big %$!% that makes no sense. I promise there's plenty.

Okay. What then?
Well, some good ol' Amurricans detect the moon crash, and start the whole space program to see what's the hell is going on. Eventually, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin land on the moon in '69, pretend they're going on an innocent moonwalk, but secretly check out the Ark. They find some unconscious robots. And then they leave and no one ever goes back.

Huh?
Hey, I didn't write the last 40 years of U.S. space exploration. They find a giant alien spaceship, and then everyone decides to ignore it.

Is that one of the big things that makes no sense?
Yes. Now, back to the present! The Decepticons are missing again, so the Autobots -- in a decision only Michael Bay could or would have made -- are secretly helping the U.S. military hunt terrorists. When I "secretly," I mean "despite having incredibly visible fights in a major U.S. city, a significant portion of Shanghai, and destroying a decent amount of the pyramids in the previous two films." And when I say "hunt," I of course mean "blow the living %$!% out of." Bumblebee fires a missile at an Iraqi bad guy from less than 20 feet away. U-S-A-! U-S-A!

The Decepticons aren't really gone, are they?
Of course not. They're... uh... they're hiding in the African Sahara. With zebras.

Zebras?
Yes. Zebras.

They're not hiding with vehicles of some sort? Because they transform into vehicles? And are robots in disguise?
Nope. They're in the Sahara with zebras. If it helps, Megatron wears a cloak with a hood... I guess so people won't recognize him, maybe? Even though he's a giant %%%%!%$ robot? And only hanging out with fellow Decepticons?

That doesn't help at all.
Well, that's all I got. Anyways, they have an evil plan, which isn't revealed for a while, because it's time to hang out with Shia the Beef!

Okay, what's Sam Witwicky up to?
Well, the Beef has fallen on tough times. Despite saving the world twice -- which he reminds people of incessantly -- he's been abandoned by the Autobots and the U.S. military for being kind of a $!%%%@%##. He's now jobless with a piece of %$!% car, and forced to live for free in the gigantic, gorgeously furnished D.C. loft apartment of his super-hot, incredibly rich girlfriend Carly.

...
Poor guy. Shia is desperately looking for a job, which he can't get because he keeps Beefing up during all the interviews and spazzing out. After many, many interviews -- which we know, because Bay makes us watch them all -- he's hired by John Malkovich to work in the mailroom. And then we get to see him deliver mail for a while.

Sound riveting.
Hey, at least it's not the Twins.

Fair enough.
And there's a ton more %$!% without Transformers in it. Shia meets Carly's clearly evil boss, played by McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy. Shia gets jealous because McDreamy, like every other male in the movie, ogles Carly relentlessly. Then Sam's parents visit with far less awkwardness than in TF2, although Mother the Beef still takes time to bring up her son's penis size and the importance of vaginally pleasuring a woman.

Oh god.
And then McDreamy gives Carly a car that's obviously a Decepticon, and Shia is even more jealous and pissy, John Malkovich wastes some time, and all this somehow takes up an entire hour of film time. Finally, Ken Jeong shows up as basically every Ken Jeong character ever and hands the Beef some newspaper articles about people from NASA dying in mysterious ways before Laserback pushes him out a window.

Really? Why?
Presumably he's one of those folks who worked at NASA, but it could just be because Ken Jeong is a weirdo. Anyways, Laserbeak, having completed his mission of making it look like suicide, sneaks into Shia's office as a copier and then attacks him, finally bringing him into the main plot.

None of that last sentence made any sense. If it was supposed to look like a suicide, why would Laserbeak then instantly reveal himself? How could he sneak into a busy office as copier? Why does he attack Shia?
I can't answer the first two, but as for the last question, I assume the Decepticons saw Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Okay, I'll buy that. So what's this main plot you speak of?
Well, while the movie focuses on important things like the Beef's employment search, the Autobots, along with Josh Duhamel and other unimportant humans, go to Chernobyl on a tip that Decepticons are hanging out there. There, the Autobots discover a piece of the Ark which the Decepticons somehow apparently had. Also they get attacked by a giant robot sandworm thing which kills countless humans and zero Autobots, of course.

What Decepticon is the giant robot sandworm?
Uh... Sandwormicon? %@$@, I don't know. It doesn't transform or anything. Anyways, it doesn't matter, because this is all a Decepticon ploy for the Autobots to find the Ark piece and then go to the moon.

If they just wanted the Autobots to find the Ark piece, why have the giant robot sandworm attack the Autobots at all?
Look, you have a giant robot sandworm, you might as well use it, right?

I guess.
Optimus and crew land on the moon, find the Ark, along with the only-partially-dead Sentinel Prime and five "pillars" of power -- that would be the weapon that would end the Autobot-Decepticon war.

What do the pillars do?
They make a space bridge. Lets you transport things through space.

...
What?

How the %@$@ would a space bridge end the Autobot-Decepticon war?
I haven't the foggiest. Continuing: Optimus brings Sentinel and the pillars back to Earth, and revives Sentinel with the Matrix of Leadership.

The Matrix that operated the machine that was going to blow up the sun in Transformers 2?
Yes, that one. This is the point where Prime fusses at exceedingly *****y Secretary of Defense Frances McDormand for not revealing everything they knew about the Transformers. McDormand says the info was classified, which means either everyone forgot about the giant robot-piloted alien spaceship, or that these people remembered and didn't think it was worth bringing up when giant robots where running around in the first two movies.

Sigh.
So after that Laserbeak attack, Sam finally hooks up with the Autobots and tells them that the Decepticons are back and are planning something. McDormand is continues to be exceedingly *****y. Having realized that the Decepticons are killing people who knew about the Ark, the Beef goes to get help from John Turturro, who figures out that the Decepticons are killing people who knew about the Ark.

Huh?
Just go with it. Oh, I should point out that Alan Tudyk plays Turturro's gay German assistant.

That sounds awful.
It is, but compared to the wretchedness of TF2 this is still a breath of fresh air. Okay, maybe not a breath of fresh air, but a small pile of dog poop on the sidewalk that you can easily step over, as opposed to spending two and a half hours in an over-used Port-a-Potty on a hot summer's day.

I think I'd probably have rather seen Turturro's butt again.
To each his own. Anyways, then there's some business with some ex-cosmonauts who took pictures of the Ark and saw several hundred pillars being moved at some point in the '70s or '80s, I think, and Shia realizes the Decepticons have already been to the Ark and this whole thing is a trap.

That's a pretty good intuitive leap for Witwicky.
Yeah, but I'm more impressed that the Russian ex-cosmonauts carry around classified pics of the moon 30 years later to random bars.

What's the trap, exactly?
Well -- and let me point out that this is actually part of the plot which makes sense -- it turns out Sentinel Prime is the only one who can operate the pillars/Space Bridge-thing, and he could only be revived by the Matrix of Leadership. The Decepticons left that Ark piece in Chernobyl so the Autobots would find it, learn about the Ark, go get Sentinel Prime, and revive him. Because the Decepticons have several hundred pillars, and all they need is Sentinel Prime.

Actually, that is pretty cl-- wait a second. The Matrix of Leadership was lost until the end of the last movie. There's no way the Decepticons would have known that it would have been found to pull this thing off.
SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO BE COMPLIMENTARY.

Fine.
Shia races back to Autobot/military HQ where Sentinel Prime is hanging out, and about an hour and a quarter in there's finally an action scene as Shia and Bumblebee race down the highway with a few random Autobots and Decepticons to get to Sentinel Prime first.

Holy %$!%, the first action sequence appears halfway through the movie?
The first one involving robots fighting robots. The only other action scenes are the Autobots killing unarmed terrorists and the Beef running from Laserbeak.

Why does Michael Bay keep putting all this boring %$!% in his action movies?
I don't know. It's like someone once told him that there was a law that people had to put the same amount of non-action scenes in films as action scenes, and so keeps including them even though he has no idea how to shoot non-action scenes and clearly doesn't care.

So who gets to Sentinel Prime first?
Neither of them! Turns out Sentinel Prime made a deal with Megatron back on Cybertron to work together, ostensibly to save Cybertron. So he's kind of evil now. He suddenly kills Ironhide and many, many humans and blows up most of the HQ before grabbing the five pillars and leaving.

Okay. If Sentinel and Megatron were working together way back on Cybertron, why did the Decepticons shoot down the Ark causing it to crash on the moon?
I haven't the faintest. Sentinel doesn't seem particularly concerned either.

And how the hell will the Space Bridge save Cybertron now?
I still don't know how it was supposed to "end the war," but Sentinel's plan is to bring Cybertron to Earth through the Space Bridge, and use humans as slave labor to rebuild it.

Most human have difficulty making a goddamned Ikea desk, how the hell are they supposed to rebuild an entire planet of hyper-advanced technology? And what in the hell could humans do that a giant %%%%!%$ robot couldn't do a bajillion times quicker?
I don't know. Maybe Sentinel Prime is just extremely lazy. But I've skipped ahead a little bit. First, Sentinel uses the Space Brudge to bring several hundred Decepticons from the moon to Earth where they immediately run around and break %$!%.

What were all these Decepticons doing on the moon?
Hiding under a bunch of moon dust for decades, apparently.

Where the hell did they come from?
The Ark? Maybe?

Does that mean they were Autobots who turned Decepticon along with Sentinel Prime?
Maybe? Sure. Why not. And they walked out of the Ark after it crashed and buried themselves and waited to see if someone would come along and revive Sentinel Prime after finding the lost Matrix of Leadership and teleport them to earth or something.

Where are the Autobots during all this?
Out. Except for Ironhide. Who's dead.

Mm-hmm.
At this point, the Earth just gives up and lets the Decepticons be in charge. Rather than say they're going to enslave the human race, the Decepticons cunningly say they're just going to use the planet's resources to rebuild Cybertron. And in a twist that should surprise no one, it turns out McDreamy is working for the Decepticons as some kind of liaison in some way that is never made especially clear. Now, McDreamy knows about the whole "enslavement" plan, and he's not bucking to be king of America or anything. His big benefit of working with evil robots is to, and I quote, "not die." He's worked tirelessly for years to help the Decepticons take over earth so that when the Decepticons take over earth they don't kill him.

He didn't have second thoughts when the Autobots beat the Decepticons in the first two movies? Or maybe when they mentioned that whole "enslave the human race" thing?
Apparently not. Frankly, I think he has some self-esteem issues. Of course, the car he gave Carly turns out to be Soundwave, and he kidnaps her. Then the Decepticons order that the Autobots leave Earth.

What's notable about that?
Well, two things: 1) When Shia learns of this, he frets that the Autobots have no way of leaving the planet, ignoring the fact that they took a spaceship to the moon half an hour earlier. 2) The Autobots actually get on a totally different spaceship anyways, which the government has tried to disguise by attaching it to a space shuttle, which makes it look like a space shuttle glued to the side of a giant and very obvious alien spaceship. Of course, when it takes off, a single Decepticon plane blows it up with ease.

Of course.
With the Autobots dead -- TOTES 4 REALS -- the Decepticons get down to the business of distributing their pillars all around the world, and setting up the main one in Chicago. Also, they start blowing up buildings and killing people.

Wait. I thought they were going to use human as slaves? And why are they blowing up Chicago? Does that help the Space Bridge?
Well, they clearly don't need all the humans to rebuild Cybertron, because the Decepticons hunt and brutally murder many, many Chicagoans. As for destroying the buildings... well, it doesn't hurt, I guess?

Whatever.
Oh, I should probably mention that the Decepticons have a huge spaceship at this point, and several dozen gunships.

What the hell did those come from?
I haven't the foggiest.

And wait a second -- what do you mean gunships? Like planes? That have robots as pilots? Robots that turn into planes on their own?
Yes.

What the %@$@?
I continue to not have the foggiest.

I'm going to get a drink.
Please do. With the Autobots dead -- WINK WINK -- Shia somehow gets the guys of Nest back together to invade Chicago and rescue Sam's hot, rich girlfriend. Please note that other than Tyrese Gibson, I have no clue who any of these people are or if they were in the first two films, although movie sure wants to pretend like they're familiar faces, since we get a big pep-talk about defending the planet and a montage of them all coming together. Which is slightly undercut by the fact that when they get to Chicago and see it in flaming ruins, they all immediately refuse to go in.

I'm getting a second drink, because I think I'm going to finish this first one pretty quick.
But oh ho! The Autobots suddenly arrive! Why, they're not dead after all! It turns out they assumed that the Decepticons would be %!*!* and hid in one of the spaceship's booster rockets and were back on Earth almost immediately.

And they just decided to wait while the Decepticons massacred people in Chicago?
Pretty much. Although Optimus actually has an explanation for this -- he says, and I swear this is true, that he had to let humans understand the Decepticons were not to be trusted. So the Autobots sat back and let the Decepticons kill thousands of people and destroy a major U.S. city as a lesson.

Wow.
At this point, there's about an hour left in the movie. And this is when the action sequence starts.

"The"? Don't you mean "an action sequence"?
No. I mean "the." As in "The action sequence that lasts the rest of the movie."

What happens?
Mostly it's Sam and Carly (after she's rescued but not taken away from the battle, of course), in a building with some soldiers, while the building's crashing. They slide down the floors. They slide on the outside of the building. They hang on wires. The giant robot sandworm comes back, suddenly grows five times its original size in-between shots and it starts %%%%!%$ the building. This lasts 20 minutes or so.

What else?
Well, the next biggest thing is footage of soldiers flying in wingsuits. See, the Decepticons are shooting down all planes, so they have to use the wingsuits to get in.

Don't they still have to fly in planes to get to Chicago to jump out and use the wingsuits?
Yes. And many of the planes get shot down, just like the other planes. Also, although the plan is to disrupt one of Sentinel Prime's main pillars -- which is on top of one of Chicago's skyscrapers -- the soldiers not only land on the ground anyways, but land on the far side of a goddamn river.

So why use the wingsuits at all?
Because Michael Bay saw them on 60 Minutes, that's why.

What else?
Third most prevalent element: Humans fighting robots. Michael Bay turns on the cheat code where human weapons can hurt Transformers finally, so some of the soldiers manage to kill some of the hundreds of Decepticons running about. Also, some elderly Autobot gives the Beef some kind of powerful weapon before the battle and refused to explain how it worked, of course, so the Beef ends up shooting a grappling hook in Starscream's eye and swinging around for an agonizingly long time before jamming a bomb into his other eye and blowing his head off.

Why not just use the bomb and not mess with the grappling hook?
An excellent question that I have no answer for.

So do any robots fight robots in this scene, perchance?
Yes, but that's the fourth and final element of the hour-long battle. Optimus kills the giant robot sandworm and then -- I %$!% you not -- gets stuck in some cables for 20 full minutes. Bumblebee dragon-punches some Decepticon's head off, who I thought was Megatron at first but must have been Soundwave. Optimus kills Shockwave at some point, although I can't remember the details.

You're not making it sound very exciting.
That is not unintentional.

Fine, so let's wrap it up. So after getting untangled from those nefarious wires, Optimus fights Sentinel Prime and stops the Space Bridge?
Yes and no. Yes Optimus fights Sentinel, but it is not he who defeats him.

So who does? Bumblebee?
Nope.

Is it the Beef?
Nope.

What, Turturro?
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

Seriously?
Oh, indeed. At some point Carly wanders off and finds Megatron just sitting next to a building, chillaxing. Carly gets all Intro to Logic 101 on Megatron and says that when Cybertron gets here, Megatron's going to be second-in-command to Sentinel Prime. Megatron falls for this incredibly obvious ploy totally and immediately, and leaves to go shoot Sentinel in the back while he's fighting Optimus.

You have got to %%%%!%$ be kidding me.
No. And then Optimus kills Sentinel by ripping his head and spine out, Mortal Kombat Fatality-style. Oh, and then Megatron starts talking about how he and Optimus need each other, and Optimus kills the %$!% out of him too. And the other Autobots finally get around to destroying one of the pillars, destroying the space bridge -- unfortunately, Cybertron was part of the way through, so it implodes. Because Michael Bay, I guess.

...
Yes, the day was saved, thanks to the supermodel who outwitted a giant, evil robot.

Well. That sounds like a Michael Bay film to me.
And the final scene of Transformers 3 -- and probably Michael Bay's entire Transformers franchise -- is John Turturro planting a slobbery kiss on Frances McDormand.

Really? He couldn't even end with a shot of a goddamned Transformer?
Hey, what do you want out of your Transformers movies -- giant robots or old people kissing?

Are you %%%%!%$ serious?
Never mind, don't answer that.

BONUS ROUND!

How many robot bodily fluids and robot genitalia are shown in the movie?
Thankfully, no genitalia, and only one robot bodily fluid. Drool, specifically.

Drool?
Well, Laserbeak slavers and Megatron spits a bit when he gets too excited. Again, I contend that Michael Bay still doesn't know what a robot is.

So should I watch it in 3-D or 2-D?
3-D for sure. Whatever my problems were with the action sequences, it wasn't the 3-D. Honestly, the 3-D was probably better here than in Avatar, although that might be because exploding robots are more interesting than blue hippies reenacting Dances with Wolves. Incidentally, even if you don't watch it in 3-D, you should appreciate that it was filmed in 3-D, because I'm pretty sure it forced Michael Bay to make better action sequences.

How so?
Well, you can't film too close up in 3-D because then much of the 3-D effect is lost. So many of the fight scenes in TF3 are filmed from a distance, meaning I could actually tell what the %@$@ was going on in some of them. Yes, the robot designs are still messes, but when they're not on shaky-cam from three feet away, you can actually make out robot arms and legs and what they were doing sometimes. It's an interesting sensation in a Bay film.

Are the Twins in the film?
Yes and no. Yes, they show up in one of the Autobot convoys in car mode. But they never turn into robots or speak, thank god. I wouldn't bother trying to get Bay to pay up, though.

So did they explain why Megan Fox was suddenly gone?
Only in that the Beef says at one point he was dumped. And I'm pretty sure Wheelie calls her a %$##$.

How's Rosie Huntington-Whiteley compare to Megan Fox?
Well, she's less attractive than Megan Fox and not as good an actress, but not insanely so. However, I rescind my previous statement that she seemed worse than January Jones in X-Men: First Class. January Jones was significantly worse.

I don't find Rosie Huntington-Whiteley that attractive.
Well, Michael Bay sure does, because the first scene after the title is a close-up of her !!$, only in panties, walking up the stairs for a good 30 seconds. And again, all the males in the movie leer at her unsettlingly. Even Bumblebee, when he first sees Rosie, freaks out and breaks a chandelier. Ha ha, it's funny because she's so attractive ha ha ROBOTS WANT TO %@$@ OUR WOMEN.

What's the biggest problem with this movie?
It's that's it's so dull. Seriously, the first hour and a half -- 3/5ths of the damn movie -- there's virtually no action in this action movie. And when the action starts, it lasts a full hour -- which sounds cool, but somehow manages to be dull in its own way. I'm not saying Bay can't direct action, because he obviously can, and I'm sure plenty of people loved it as is. But after 10 minutes of people gadding about in a collapsing building, I was ready to move on, and yet there was still 10 more minutes of it to go. There's absolutely no pacing in this movie.

Really? There's an hour-long action scene and you think it's dull?
Think of it this way: Chocolate cake is good, right? But you wouldn't want to eat it for an hour. The first 10-15 minutes would be awesome. The second 10-15 minutes might still be pretty good. After 30 minutes, you're full and you don't want any more cake, even though it's delicious. And after an hour, all you want to do is vomit. And that's Transformers 3.

Hey, does any of this movie take place in the dark of the moon?
Not one %%%%!%$ bit.

SPECIAL HATERS SECTION!

So why'd you go see it if you hate Transformers so much?
Because I'm a professional blogger, and one of the things I do on my blog is nerdy movie reviews. It was my job to see Transformers 3.

Then why don't you go get another job then?
Because the economy sucks and because even if Transformers 3 sucks, watching it is still a hell of a lot better than digging ditches for a living.

Who cares if the plot sucks? It's an action movie!
I care. As it turns out, I prefer it when my movies have good action scenes and a decent plot. I'm greedy that way.

Why are you *****ing that the Transformers movie is stupid when the original cartoon is just as stupid?
Because the '80s Transformers cartoon didn't have a $300 million budget and wasn't supposed to appeal to millions of viewers of many ages in several countries. I think having slightly higher standards for the live-action movie is pretty reasonable.

Do you really expect a great story from a movie based on a toy cartoon?
No. But a decent story? A so-so story? A story that isn't relentlessly stupid? Yeah, I think I'd like that.

Who cares if it's dumb? This movie is for kids!
I think the lingering shots of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's almost bare !!$ and the incredibly graphic violence indicate the movie is not solely for kids. And as it turns out, it is legal to have a non-ludicrously dumb plot, characterizations instead of accents, and even mediocre acting in kids movies sometimes. I looked it up.

Do you expect TF3 to be Citizen Kane? It's a turn-off-your-brain summer popcorn flick!
Of course not. But there's a pretty wide range between your standard summer fare and Citizen Kane, and just because I don't want my movie to be so stupid that I can't stop thinking about how dumb it is doesn't mean I need it to be some art house flick. Here's a summer popcorn flick for you: Thor. Was Thor dumb? No, but it wasn't smart. And it wasn't so dumb I was too distracted by horrible plot holes to enjoy the movie. I like not-smart movies. Love 'em, in fact. I don't need all movies to be as clever as Citizen Kane. I just need them to not be insanely stupid.

Why can't you just enjoy the spectacle, man?
Because spectacle is infinitely more spectacular if it's part of a story that makes a modicum of sense and characters that I give the tiniest %$!% about.
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not sure if posted, but some scenes from transformers 3, were already used in 2005 in the movie "the island", with ewan mcgregor. so that makes michael bay even more of an %!!. he cant come up with new stuff.. and he has to use old stuff from a movie he directed in 2005? so sad...
 
Originally Posted by Datnggag


Do you expect TF3 to be Citizen Kane? It's a turn-off-your-brain summer popcorn flick!
Of course not. But there's a pretty wide range between your standard summer fare and Citizen Kane, and just because I don't want my movie to be so stupid that I can't stop thinking about how dumb it is doesn't mean I need it to be some art house flick. Here's a summer popcorn flick for you: Thor. Was Thor dumb? No, but it wasn't smart. And it wasn't so dumb I was too distracted by horrible plot holes to enjoy the movie. I like not-smart movies. Love 'em, in fact. I don't need all movies to be as clever as Citizen Kane. I just need them to not be insanely stupid. 
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.....that article was 100% TRUTH. and this right here is EXACTLY how i feel when it comes to the brainless entertainment people defend.
 
 


  
 
Originally Posted by scshift

Originally Posted by nike4KJA05

Originally Posted by scshift

I kind of felt bad for Megatron and Sentinel, cause while in the first 2 movies Megatron was just trying to destroy earth, in this one they wanted to save their planet. That doesn't sound like that much to ask for
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This. But then megatron and sentinel wanted to save cybertron at the expense of earth which meant enslaving everyone. I know what you're saying though shift, they just wanted to go back to home and live on cybertron.
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Yeah I mean we're probably getting a little too deep for this movie, but I know for a fact humans would do the same to an inferior species if they could in order to save their planet.
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yeah I feel you on that. Every decepticon in this movie was rendered useless besides sentinel prime. How they gon do that to my dude starscream though?
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That topless robot review was perfectly accurate. And the comparison of the final action sequence to eating chocolate cake was spot on. God the movie was bad.
 
Originally Posted by arstyle27

Originally Posted by CP1708

Those that are asking about the Nest troops takin out Decepticons with ease now, isn't that plausible by now?  The government knows these things exsist, so they are creating weapons/techniques to use so wouldn't it be wise to come up with ways to fight them even without the help of the Autobots?  So the whole shooting them in the eye, Lennox telling the Seals to use heavy shells because it messes with their circuitry and all that, plus didn't it show autobots teaching them how to fight the Decepticons also? 
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All of that leads you to believe that these guys are better trained and more equipped now to help the Autobots out rather than just sitting there watching the fight. 
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Plus , in G1, humans are a  big part of the Transformers.
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really? i thought all the humans got caught up in  the rapture or some $%%@ like that
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 all i remembered was spike and his dad. but then two days ago when they had the transformers marathon on tv megatron and the decepticons were standing in the middle of a baseball field and everyone in the stands were booing and the players were just standing all around and then the coach with a mega phone asked the decepticons to move so they can play ball
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humans werent important in g1. there were spike and sparkplug in the beginning and there was carly for a few episodes, but she was never heard from again, after daniel took spike's place.
 
okay... so am i the only one that thought sam was a total little biatch for watching his yellow transformer friend about to die?
yeah? no? okay.
 
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