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If u don't mind can u expand on the changes u had wit ppl u mentioned ? ...Sometimes the ppl around u are the hardest to deal with when u trying to change
Anyone completely stop drinking?
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by salazaro44,
- Start date
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When my dad died in October 2015, I decided not to drink at all just to make sure I don't go down any slippery dependency slopes while I mourn.
Kept it up well over a year, that nowadays, I may drink 1 beer in 3 months or longer.
When it comes to parties and social gatherings, a simple, "I'm good." will suffice for people offering me shots or drinks in general.
If I encounter a particularly stubborn friend or acquaintance, then I either take the beer and just hold that b_ all night or throw a shot over my shoulder, drunk people don't notice it anyway.
I feel good and positive.
Kept it up well over a year, that nowadays, I may drink 1 beer in 3 months or longer.
When it comes to parties and social gatherings, a simple, "I'm good." will suffice for people offering me shots or drinks in general.
If I encounter a particularly stubborn friend or acquaintance, then I either take the beer and just hold that b_ all night or throw a shot over my shoulder, drunk people don't notice it anyway.
I feel good and positive.
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Been thinking about this too.
I see no point in getting drunk anymore. That hangover is just no bueno and unproductive.
Now i drink 3 beers top and i'm good.
Rarely drink more than a couple of times per month.
It's a good habit to keep and like others have said, you save quite a bit of money too
I see no point in getting drunk anymore. That hangover is just no bueno and unproductive.
Now i drink 3 beers top and i'm good.
Rarely drink more than a couple of times per month.
It's a good habit to keep and like others have said, you save quite a bit of money too
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sure, click the spoiler, it is a long read. but i tried to capture pretty much all bases, especially how the relationship was to how it is now
I've been with my wife for about 10 years(6 dating and 4 married) she has an older brother and younger sister, and while me and her brother are pretty cool, I got pretty close with her sister, now my Sister in law. I even got her into smoking and we'd party or drink with literally no reason to do it. I mean we'd go to the movies with the rest of the fam and my SIL always had a mini bottle of some alcohol that we'd pass, if we were'nt already high. or if we went to visit my mother in law, My SIL who lived with her at the time had a nice liquor cabinet of at least 10 bottles, so even when I'd visit me and her would just drink, like everytime. Usually if there was a big family gathering at the house her(SIL) friends would come and the older family members would stay on the 2nd story and her friends would just party hard in the garage/bottom floor, guess where I was??
All this partying started happening maybe 2 years before I married my wife. It got pretty bad to where I would hang out with my SIL friends pretty heavily and party with them even if my wife couldn't come. on top of that i had already developed the habit of drinking alone and my wife would often come home and find me out of it. One night in particular I decided to go HAM and my wife had no choice but to call my SIL and she drove up and they eventually got me to pass out on the couch. I woke up the next day still pretty buzzed and not really knowing what had happened, but after my SIL left my wife told me and I felt like crap and the next week I was in a program. I wrote my SIL apologizing about the whole thing and telling her how I was in a program and I wanted to start my journey in sobriety. She wrote back but it wasn't what I expected. She wrote that she only saw me as someone that was hurting her sister(my wife) which is fair, but what really got me was that she said maybe she should start looking at me as a brother from now on and I just got really hurt because to me she was my sister and I have been there for her through HUGE times(i'll name them in a bit)
This was right before the holidays, my first holidays sober and it was tough. My SIL is drama so i didn't really see her(not because of me)I did see her on the 2nd of the new year(2015) and I'm thinking "ok cool, maybe we can reconnect" instead she proceeded to tell me in detail how her NYE was, drugs and alcohol taken and how wasted she was. It's probably the last thing as a recovering alcoholic you want to hear, especially after the holidays. After that, literally everytime I saw her during that year, she never once asked me how I was doing(in general or in recovery) and she always made it a point to talk about how wasted she got or what she was drinking at the time, even when the occassion never really called for it, a few times she's even offered me alcohol. Everyone else I've told have just been extremely supportive, my brother in law and his wife, a few close decade old friends and some of my wife's co workers. Especially with my BIL and his wife as she was pregnant with my niece, so I was def scared to say something, but since they've had the baby they've always encouraged me to develop a relationship with my niece(even after my relapse) and it's been just incredible because My Father in Law was in fact a raging alcoholic and we literally watched him die from it(maybe 3-4 years ago) so I know there's alot of hurt going on and I know my situation doesn't help it, especially for my wife.
So anyways, after a year of my SIL basically ignoring the fact that I'm in recovery and also never asking me how I'm doing. Her birthday came around and she invited us to a party, and honestly I wasn't feeling it, so I wrote an email detailing how I felt. It wasn't accusatory at all, it was basically how she made me feel, how I felt she hasn't been there for me and how I've been there for countless things for her which some are:
-Her BF commited suicide, my SIL found him hanging in their garage, my wife and I were first responders and literally handled everything for her, from making calls to people I didn't know to driving her down at 3AM in the morning to tell his parents, to cleaning out their house for her, I did the walk around for her with her landlord, so she wouldn't
-Supporting her through the 1st abortion she got(it was her dead BFs)(notice how I said 1st, I refused to offer any support, since none was given to me during the 2nd)
-Her dad dying, she really hated him, so when she didn't want to go in and see him, I'd stay out with her and just be someone she could talk to
-It was really HER dad, she's a step sister so she was supposed to inherit his stuff, but he met some gold digger, who swooped in and got him to sign all of his possessions to her. She didn't really talk to her actual family about it, but we did talk about it and how it made her feel.
-Usually if she was going to do something stupid, the family would look to me to intervene and talk to her, get her head level. My wife and BIL have thanked me for being that extra sibling for her. I remember the first time there was drama and my SIL just left and everyone looked at me like "are you going to go after her??" and I didn't budge and even my MIL knew something serious had happened between us
and I ended it asking if i truly needed to apologize for something because I don't mind manning up and doing it in person. I took A LOT of care into that email, so much that my wife balled reading it, I can't overstate that it wasn't threatening or accusatory at all. I told her how I just wanted our relationship back because to me it wasn't just about the weed or alcohol and we do have similar tastes in other things and how this is most likely the toughest thing I will go through in my life and I'm just looking to have my friend back. The only response I got back was that she said she received it and needed time to process it. This was back in October and since then there has been no contact between us. To this day I have no explanation for any of the behavior or treatment I have gotten from her, that's what hurts and is frustrating the most. Like if you're mad, that's fine, if you don't want to talk to me again that's fine too, but when someone addresses what they feel are issues in a friendship and you don't even respond, man that stings, I got tears in my eyes just writing this. Keep in mind all the things I did for that I named above were BEFORE she wrote the email stating that maybe NOW she should be looking at me as a brother
I've talked about this of course with my wife but also in my groups and I've gotten all kinds of explanations, the most popular is maybe because we were party buddies and now that i'm sober she's looking at her own consumption and even though it's unintentional on my part, my sobriety is making her really self conscious. Right now I'm at the point where I just let her go and don't even consider her family anymore let alone a friend. Everyone says I did all I could do and I laid it out and the balls in her court and it really is, just because I gotta put myself first and then the next 20 things have to do with my wife and marriage, which is it's own saga during this entire thing.
They always say it's the person you least expect too, I'd call you a damn fool if you told me that me being sober and willingly admitting myself into a program(i'll never dispute that I have a problem, never) would mean I'd lose the closest relationship I've had with anyone outside my wife. but here I'am
Like I can't believe I'm "estranged" from someone
All this partying started happening maybe 2 years before I married my wife. It got pretty bad to where I would hang out with my SIL friends pretty heavily and party with them even if my wife couldn't come. on top of that i had already developed the habit of drinking alone and my wife would often come home and find me out of it. One night in particular I decided to go HAM and my wife had no choice but to call my SIL and she drove up and they eventually got me to pass out on the couch. I woke up the next day still pretty buzzed and not really knowing what had happened, but after my SIL left my wife told me and I felt like crap and the next week I was in a program. I wrote my SIL apologizing about the whole thing and telling her how I was in a program and I wanted to start my journey in sobriety. She wrote back but it wasn't what I expected. She wrote that she only saw me as someone that was hurting her sister(my wife) which is fair, but what really got me was that she said maybe she should start looking at me as a brother from now on and I just got really hurt because to me she was my sister and I have been there for her through HUGE times(i'll name them in a bit)
This was right before the holidays, my first holidays sober and it was tough. My SIL is drama so i didn't really see her(not because of me)I did see her on the 2nd of the new year(2015) and I'm thinking "ok cool, maybe we can reconnect" instead she proceeded to tell me in detail how her NYE was, drugs and alcohol taken and how wasted she was. It's probably the last thing as a recovering alcoholic you want to hear, especially after the holidays. After that, literally everytime I saw her during that year, she never once asked me how I was doing(in general or in recovery) and she always made it a point to talk about how wasted she got or what she was drinking at the time, even when the occassion never really called for it, a few times she's even offered me alcohol. Everyone else I've told have just been extremely supportive, my brother in law and his wife, a few close decade old friends and some of my wife's co workers. Especially with my BIL and his wife as she was pregnant with my niece, so I was def scared to say something, but since they've had the baby they've always encouraged me to develop a relationship with my niece(even after my relapse) and it's been just incredible because My Father in Law was in fact a raging alcoholic and we literally watched him die from it(maybe 3-4 years ago) so I know there's alot of hurt going on and I know my situation doesn't help it, especially for my wife.
So anyways, after a year of my SIL basically ignoring the fact that I'm in recovery and also never asking me how I'm doing. Her birthday came around and she invited us to a party, and honestly I wasn't feeling it, so I wrote an email detailing how I felt. It wasn't accusatory at all, it was basically how she made me feel, how I felt she hasn't been there for me and how I've been there for countless things for her which some are:
-Her BF commited suicide, my SIL found him hanging in their garage, my wife and I were first responders and literally handled everything for her, from making calls to people I didn't know to driving her down at 3AM in the morning to tell his parents, to cleaning out their house for her, I did the walk around for her with her landlord, so she wouldn't
-Supporting her through the 1st abortion she got(it was her dead BFs)(notice how I said 1st, I refused to offer any support, since none was given to me during the 2nd)
-Her dad dying, she really hated him, so when she didn't want to go in and see him, I'd stay out with her and just be someone she could talk to
-It was really HER dad, she's a step sister so she was supposed to inherit his stuff, but he met some gold digger, who swooped in and got him to sign all of his possessions to her. She didn't really talk to her actual family about it, but we did talk about it and how it made her feel.
-Usually if she was going to do something stupid, the family would look to me to intervene and talk to her, get her head level. My wife and BIL have thanked me for being that extra sibling for her. I remember the first time there was drama and my SIL just left and everyone looked at me like "are you going to go after her??" and I didn't budge and even my MIL knew something serious had happened between us
and I ended it asking if i truly needed to apologize for something because I don't mind manning up and doing it in person. I took A LOT of care into that email, so much that my wife balled reading it, I can't overstate that it wasn't threatening or accusatory at all. I told her how I just wanted our relationship back because to me it wasn't just about the weed or alcohol and we do have similar tastes in other things and how this is most likely the toughest thing I will go through in my life and I'm just looking to have my friend back. The only response I got back was that she said she received it and needed time to process it. This was back in October and since then there has been no contact between us. To this day I have no explanation for any of the behavior or treatment I have gotten from her, that's what hurts and is frustrating the most. Like if you're mad, that's fine, if you don't want to talk to me again that's fine too, but when someone addresses what they feel are issues in a friendship and you don't even respond, man that stings, I got tears in my eyes just writing this. Keep in mind all the things I did for that I named above were BEFORE she wrote the email stating that maybe NOW she should be looking at me as a brother
I've talked about this of course with my wife but also in my groups and I've gotten all kinds of explanations, the most popular is maybe because we were party buddies and now that i'm sober she's looking at her own consumption and even though it's unintentional on my part, my sobriety is making her really self conscious. Right now I'm at the point where I just let her go and don't even consider her family anymore let alone a friend. Everyone says I did all I could do and I laid it out and the balls in her court and it really is, just because I gotta put myself first and then the next 20 things have to do with my wife and marriage, which is it's own saga during this entire thing.
They always say it's the person you least expect too, I'd call you a damn fool if you told me that me being sober and willingly admitting myself into a program(i'll never dispute that I have a problem, never) would mean I'd lose the closest relationship I've had with anyone outside my wife. but here I'am
Like I can't believe I'm "estranged" from someone
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damn that sucks, she was def trippin...sounds like she was mad cuz she lost a drinkin/partying buddy and didnt want things to change
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yeah one thing that blows my mind is that before all this happened between us there was this guy she dated that she worked with(after the suicide) that she broke it off with and she works in advertising so they do drink and have handles at their desks ala Mad Men and she said he basically started getting hammered after she dropped him and became loud and reckless at work about them. Fast forward to now and they're roommates and while I haven't seen him my wife has and even called my SIL out on the fact that this guy is basically an alcoholic and my SIL simply replied "Oh, he can totally handle it" After my wife told me all this, I simply said
"And with that, I have been replaced"
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Nope. Cut it to Once or 2x a month or when I feel good about something. Blaze everyday though 
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I've never really been a drinker mainly because I saw the long term effects it had on my dad. He's good now, but it was a struggle for a long time for him and our family.
People always ask me why I don't drink like it's some type of problem. It's almost as if being sober is abnormal and drinking is the norm.
I'll have a drink or two around the holidays or for a get together once in awhile, but for the most part, drinking isn't a part of my life at all.
People always ask me why I don't drink like it's some type of problem. It's almost as if being sober is abnormal and drinking is the norm.
I'll have a drink or two around the holidays or for a get together once in awhile, but for the most part, drinking isn't a part of my life at all.
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Finding a way to constructively spend your time helps. For me it was the gym. I used to drink with my buddies like a lot a few years ago. Drink with my girl etc
When I started working out, and being dedicated I stopped drinking because it totally interfered with my workouts. hangovers etc
soon the gym filled that void and it helped my moods and attitude as well. Hope this helps.
When I started working out, and being dedicated I stopped drinking because it totally interfered with my workouts. hangovers etc
soon the gym filled that void and it helped my moods and attitude as well. Hope this helps.
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How's everyone doing?
Celebrated 6 months last week and I'm leaving my current Kaiser group and will be more on my own, but unlike the last time I have a more solid plan and I'm not moving which makes it a lot easier to execute.
I'm still going to Kaiser 2 times a week in another group and doing outside recovery meetings the other days so I can build the outside community that I know I need. Got a big test coming up as my wife leaves town for 4 days in a couple of weeks but I'am actively constructing a plan of things i can do and people I can hang out with
Celebrated 6 months last week and I'm leaving my current Kaiser group and will be more on my own, but unlike the last time I have a more solid plan and I'm not moving which makes it a lot easier to execute.
I'm still going to Kaiser 2 times a week in another group and doing outside recovery meetings the other days so I can build the outside community that I know I need. Got a big test coming up as my wife leaves town for 4 days in a couple of weeks but I'am actively constructing a plan of things i can do and people I can hang out with
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Never had a sip in my life. Just ask for a sparkling water/ sprite (if you drink soda) so you have something in your hand. Good luck!
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that whole story makes it sound like you and the SIL were *******.....
then yall broke apart on bad terms...
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3 months sober in April...
havn't drank or touched the green since new years eve.
havn't drank or touched the green since new years eve.
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wasn't like that at all. at least not for me.
There's def been times where I feel she's crossed that line, like after her man committed suicide she left me a message talkin about how i'm the greatest person ever and blah blah blah and then she started balling while she was talkin(obviously drunk) but I played it for my wife, because I was concerned and I didn't have anything to hide. I kinda stopped picking up her calls and chilling with her, she was in a pretty vulnerable place and I wasn't trying to put myself in some weird position. She was def blowin me up everyday for a min
Another time when I was about 6 months into my recovery and we were in LA visiting our niece for the first time my SIL only texted me inviting me back to her airbnb to watch tv and have wine and I immediately showed my wife and she just shrugged it off. I actually got mad that my wife wasn't more mad but she said she trusts me and that's that. There's A LOT that goes on behind the scenes though because my wife hangs with her more and I know they talk about me, So i'm sure my wife set her straight.
I don't push since I do the right thing
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U never once looked at her like "that" ??
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Temporary or for good?
Curious why you quit... health, more focus on your business, felt addicted and wanted to nip it, etc.?
I'll go a week without a beer here and there and it's easy but I haven't gotten to a point where I wanted to give it up for good. However, a good week off and I can def feel the positive effects it has on my outlook on life.
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Ever since I stopped drinking I feel like I started eating more. Kind of defeats the purpose of trying to stay fit. I'm just glad I can go out and not be tempted to drink.
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nope,
I'm 10 years older than her and when I met my wife, she was 15. The crazy thing is my wife at that time would be like "damn my sisters *** is getting phat huh?" but i'd figure she was trying to test me, she'd just randomly throw that out throughout the years. But no, on my side of the street I never tried anything like that with her.
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Good man yo. Had a similar situation with Sil after she divorced her hubby. Heard all her problems and gave solid advice blahzy blah... But in reality, I looked at her like a sister. But then again we don't have the same blood. And she got a phatty. I stay away from her too
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Good man yo. Had a similar situation with Sil after she divorced her hubby. Heard all her problems and gave solid advice blahzy blah... But in reality, I looked at her like a sister. But then again we don't have the same blood. And she got a phatty. I stay away from her too
exactly
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How's everyone doing?
Just want to throw it out online in this thread that my wife will be gone from weds- friday, so while I hate looking at it like a test, i feel like the spotlight will be on me to a degree. Accountability and calling myself out is a huge part of my sobriety, so besides saying it on here, when I go to group tomorrow I'll be talking about it there, since there's people who will reach out and ask me if I'm cool. I have a plan in place already and since it's during the week it's basically the routine I already have more myself.
Temptations will come up, but I won't be afraid to go to extra meetings or pick up the phone
Just want to throw it out online in this thread that my wife will be gone from weds- friday, so while I hate looking at it like a test, i feel like the spotlight will be on me to a degree. Accountability and calling myself out is a huge part of my sobriety, so besides saying it on here, when I go to group tomorrow I'll be talking about it there, since there's people who will reach out and ask me if I'm cool. I have a plan in place already and since it's during the week it's basically the routine I already have more myself.
Temptations will come up, but I won't be afraid to go to extra meetings or pick up the phone
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You can do it bro. If anything just come in here and vent.
With the weather getting nice the temptation to start drinking is there. Gotta see how I do at cook outs and nights out with buddies. Still haven't touched alcohol in a long time. I'd like to keep it that way.
With the weather getting nice the temptation to start drinking is there. Gotta see how I do at cook outs and nights out with buddies. Still haven't touched alcohol in a long time. I'd like to keep it that way.
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i went 24 days without drinking then ended up in Chicago to visit family first day there I got super drunk I found a full bag of blow in my wallet 3 days later 
I flushed it...7 days later I got drunk again with old friends, came back home and I drank this weekend Friday and Saturday I don't like it anymore I'm trying to get back to the mental state I was in during the 24 days I stopped
I flushed it...7 days later I got drunk again with old friends, came back home and I drank this weekend Friday and Saturday I don't like it anymore I'm trying to get back to the mental state I was in during the 24 days I stopped
