- 7,585
- 7,463
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2007
Bored so I wrote about it. mostly just rambling.
If you're 26, single and have a functioning penis or vagina you're likely on Tinder or any of the online dating apps (Bumble, OKCupid, Coffee Meets Bagel etc). If you're 26, single, have a functioning penis and just moved to a new country and don't know a single person you're definitely on all the dating apps spending a good chunk of time crafting witty bios, square cropping photos and applying filters.
I never had much success using Tinder in New Zealand or Australia, partly because I was in a committed relationship most of that time. When I moved to the United States, I entered what basketball players would call "The Zone". Every 2 or 3 swipes I would catch a Tinder-match dopamine hit. The American Dream was finally coming to fruition. The Land of Opportunity was a true cultural melting pot, pairing me with women from all different races and backgrounds. Just like the restaurant menus in America, the overload of choice felt overwhelming. To provide some context as to why this is a big deal, most of my matches in Australia were with Asian women. If I did match with a Caucasian girl, I'd always be hit with "you're pretty hot for an Asian". This is like the old cliche joke "you came first in the Special Olympics." Or if you follow the NBA, it's like saying "Kevin Love's a good basketball player for a white guy". Nobody wants their positive traits pre-approved against a certain criteria. You're either hot or you're not and I'm perfectly fine with the latter if it meant I was judged on the same standards as everyone else.
Back to my Tinder self discovery in America. My confidence rose with each ensuing match. Maybe I was no longer just "hot for an Asian guy"? Could it be possible non-Asian women were attracted to me? As I started chatting to, and in some cases meeting up with some of these women, I realized I fell victim to my naivete. A common topic during our conversations somehow always led to K-Pop. Keep in mind there's absolutely nothing in my online presence to suggest I'm in the least bit into K-pop. I love that the genre and culture is gaining worldwide recognition in Western society but it just isn't my thing.
Regardless, the topic kept K-popping up. You ever take a girl home and you both know some smashing will eventually take place and you're just counting down till showtime? K-pop conversations with white women from Tinder were the same. Initially I was fine with it. K-pop discussions led to race in pop culture discussions which I enjoy. Overtime, however, I couldn't help but feel like I was some checkbox on their list of K-pop fetishes, an Asian itch they needed to scratch. The irony of all this is I'm not even Korean and they knew this beforehand. Were they really so ignorant to think we're all the same? It's almost as if they wanted to go on a few dates with Asian men and they're satisfied with a Korean bootleg and accepting 720p and not 1080p.
Every human being has a need to feel liked or wanted for who they are. If I'm only appreciated because I'm the same race as their pop culture heroes, am I really being appreciated? The Asian immigrant experience is one riddled with attempts to fit in. This post isn't really about dating, hooking up or sex. It's about denying self denial, not accepting the "Asian-man + white women" fantasy by fitting into their image of an Asian man.
Us Chinese are infamous for producing counterfeits. It's something I despise as a sneakerhead and objectively speaking, it's ethically wrong. I refuse to purchase fugazi sneakers and clothing, and before I moved to the United States I never thought about counterfeiting from a sense of identity, but I'd rather die alone and lover-less than be a cheap version of what a female's ideal man is.
I never had much success using Tinder in New Zealand or Australia, partly because I was in a committed relationship most of that time. When I moved to the United States, I entered what basketball players would call "The Zone". Every 2 or 3 swipes I would catch a Tinder-match dopamine hit. The American Dream was finally coming to fruition. The Land of Opportunity was a true cultural melting pot, pairing me with women from all different races and backgrounds. Just like the restaurant menus in America, the overload of choice felt overwhelming. To provide some context as to why this is a big deal, most of my matches in Australia were with Asian women. If I did match with a Caucasian girl, I'd always be hit with "you're pretty hot for an Asian". This is like the old cliche joke "you came first in the Special Olympics." Or if you follow the NBA, it's like saying "Kevin Love's a good basketball player for a white guy". Nobody wants their positive traits pre-approved against a certain criteria. You're either hot or you're not and I'm perfectly fine with the latter if it meant I was judged on the same standards as everyone else.
Back to my Tinder self discovery in America. My confidence rose with each ensuing match. Maybe I was no longer just "hot for an Asian guy"? Could it be possible non-Asian women were attracted to me? As I started chatting to, and in some cases meeting up with some of these women, I realized I fell victim to my naivete. A common topic during our conversations somehow always led to K-Pop. Keep in mind there's absolutely nothing in my online presence to suggest I'm in the least bit into K-pop. I love that the genre and culture is gaining worldwide recognition in Western society but it just isn't my thing.
Regardless, the topic kept K-popping up. You ever take a girl home and you both know some smashing will eventually take place and you're just counting down till showtime? K-pop conversations with white women from Tinder were the same. Initially I was fine with it. K-pop discussions led to race in pop culture discussions which I enjoy. Overtime, however, I couldn't help but feel like I was some checkbox on their list of K-pop fetishes, an Asian itch they needed to scratch. The irony of all this is I'm not even Korean and they knew this beforehand. Were they really so ignorant to think we're all the same? It's almost as if they wanted to go on a few dates with Asian men and they're satisfied with a Korean bootleg and accepting 720p and not 1080p.
Every human being has a need to feel liked or wanted for who they are. If I'm only appreciated because I'm the same race as their pop culture heroes, am I really being appreciated? The Asian immigrant experience is one riddled with attempts to fit in. This post isn't really about dating, hooking up or sex. It's about denying self denial, not accepting the "Asian-man + white women" fantasy by fitting into their image of an Asian man.
Us Chinese are infamous for producing counterfeits. It's something I despise as a sneakerhead and objectively speaking, it's ethically wrong. I refuse to purchase fugazi sneakers and clothing, and before I moved to the United States I never thought about counterfeiting from a sense of identity, but I'd rather die alone and lover-less than be a cheap version of what a female's ideal man is.
). is anyone here or their gf's into skincare routines? Snail masks, vitamin c serums, sleeping masks etc. 
Can pick up the smallest of crumbs
