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[driven1]

So, would you say that looking for a wife instead of a girlfriend makes no sense since you would first have to date for awhile prior to being able to distinguish if a person was either wife or girlfriend material?

This is a good point here. Dating can definitely be frustrating and draining, but without it, it's impossible to recognize compatibility. Fact of the matter is if you avoid dating someone who has potential because you have other plates spinning or aren't looking for a committed relationship at that moment, that's on you, not society's fault or a situational issue.

 

[htg designs]

What happened to her?

She's on our 3rd kid. Been together for 6yrs, married for 3. I aint stupid. I said " I know a good thing when I see one." I had to suck it up and make the best decision and think wit the head above my shoulders. There are so many incompatible chicks and some that are plain rotten. Just like in your education and careers, you gotta think long term. Everything has been showing me I made the right decision.

 

[timbo109]

So, would you say that looking for a wife instead of a girlfriend makes no sense since you would first have to date for awhile prior to being able to distinguish if a person was either wife or girlfriend material?

I'm not sure if I fully understand, but you have to date a girl before you can declare that she is right for you or wife material.
There's a basic progression to it: a) see/meet attractive girl in real life --> b) talk to said girl and establish rapport (if possible) --> c) hang out with girl/go on dates/whatever you want to call it --> d) get serious with girl and evaluate longer term compatibility --> e) explore marriage

Fact of the matter is if either party fails to meet the other party's criteria at anyone of these steps, then things aren't going to work. Obviously, life doesn't follow simple formulas like this, but the point that I'm trying to make is that I don't think it's possible to evaluate whether a girl is wife material without going through a progression of interactions. Above all, you should prioritize enjoying yourself through the process and being genuine throughout the process.

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

Yes.. Most definitely..

 

[driven1]

I hear that loud and clear brother

She's on our 3rd kid. Been together for 6yrs, married for 3. I aint stupid. I said " I know a good thing when I see one." I had to suck it up and make the best decision and think wit the head above my shoulders. There are so many incompatible chicks and some that are plain rotten. Just like in your education and careers, you gotta think long term. Everything has been showing me I made the right decision.

 

[newmoanyuh]

I think the whole "wrong time of my life" thing is a justification that guys use for failing. It's easier to blame it on that than take responsibility for not locking down the right person. It's a common cop-out for guys who are afraid of giving up a single lifestyle.

Sure - certain times in one's life are more and less conducive to developing a serious relationships but if you are able to realize that someone is the right person for you, man up and overcome the challenges.

this truth. A lot of the people in here are saying that it wasn't the right time after they found someone they could see themselves being with and their "dream girl", but would rather continue to ho around without realizing that opportunity doesn't come that often. I don't know how a lot of dudes are afraid of committing and being in a relationship but do things like rep #teamraw

I don't see how you can think of someone as the perfect person for you if you haven't even spent time with them in a romantic context. That goes for those in situations where their "right person" is in a relationship. I think it takes dating to establish that someone is right for you. Sure, initial attraction right off the bat exists and I don't think the right person for me is someone I wasn't attracted to off the bat, but there is more to it than just that.

you are dropping some gems in this thread

 

[driven1]

Well said, all things which will be kept in mind. Appreciate your input.

I'm not sure if I fully understand, but you have to date a girl before you can declare that she is right for you or wife material.
There's a basic progression to it: a) see/meet attractive girl in real life --> b) talk to said girl and establish rapport (if possible) --> c) hang out with girl/go on dates/whatever you want to call it --> d) get serious with girl and evaluate longer term compatibility --> e) explore marriage

Fact of the matter is if either party fails to meet the other party's criteria at anyone of these steps, then things aren't going to work. Obviously, life doesn't follow simple formulas like this, but the point that I'm trying to make is that I don't think it's possible to evaluate whether a girl is wife material without going through a progression of interactions. Above all, you should prioritize enjoying yourself through the process and being genuine throughout the process.

 

[snowlax]

You ever meet the downest coolest girl but somehow eff it up because you felt you had "more life to live"? Yeah kind of like that.  Im convinced she'd be wifey if we met 3 years later.

 

[jordan novice]

Troof

 

[Chiron]

No. I don't think when you meet someone and how compatible you are can be separated. 

When you realize that you had a chance in the past with a girl who appeals to you now, you must also realize why they weren't appealing at the time.

The answer is because you perspectives, goals, lifestyle, etc. are not the same as they were back then. You are a different person and there is a good chance she is too.

If you chose to stick with them even though you weren't ready to settle down.. the relationship would fall apart as you two develop different personalities (ie. you're not the woman / man I fellin love with).

If you met them today, you wouldn't know about the traits that let you know that they're the right person anyway. Which means you would be approaching the relationship as if it was completely new... which you could do right now with anyone you don't know.

Circumstances are what brought the two of you together. Circumstances gave you the opportunity to meet them and find out who they are. If you change the circumstances, you change the identity of the person to you.

If you passed on a girl you met in high school, and wish you had met her later would she still have the same personality traits. Did interactions with her at that time affect who she is now? If she had gone to a different school would you still share enough commonalities to start a similar relationship as the one you imagine?

 

[flyeed]

Yup and as well as meeting her at the wrong time for yourself, don't forget it could have been the wrong time for her too.

She can have a lot of the same issues that people mentioned you can have as a guy. Also, she could be younger, coming out of a bad relationship which leads her to be insecure/mistrusting and a bit dystopian, etc.

I wouldn't sweat a girl that you didn't even have a fling with though.

 

[Master Zik]

Sure. I've met 2 or 3 women I would marry in college but I was literally too busy smashing other fine broads are trying to pursue females in general and having a good time and mind you I've never seen myself actually falling in love and getting married.

Why could you never imagine that? Family scars?

Nah. Well at least I don't think I have family scars or that has anything to do with me seeing myself getting married

I just don't see myself falling in love with a woman to the point I only want to be with her for the rest of my life and no other woman. Keyword would be "want"

 

[KMante]

I don't know.

I'm about to graduate college this upcoming semester and I want to do something different for once.....get into a relationship.

Long story short, I'm starting to really like this girl. We met early in the Fall semester. She is cool as hell, lots of common interests, very pretty etc etc. She is younger (Fresh) and I'm on my way out. It seems like if it were to ever get serious, I would have to think about a possible long distance relationship, which I'm really not sure about.

I like doing stuff in person, so I plan to wait till we get back on campus to "officially" ask her out. I gotta do it. I'm pretty sure she likes me, but man this would be easier if I never looked into the future and just lived in the present  |I

 

[アミーゴ]

Yeah, these currents are still killing me.

Its a, "Hurricane" to say the least.

 

[FlipSide]

Yeah, you can definitely meet the right person at the wrong time. Timing is really underrated when it comes to dating.

I had a possible wifey right after high school, but at the time I was young, stupid, immature, cocky, etc... I let her get away. By the time I realized it she was out of the picture. I really feel like if I met her a year or two later it wouldve been a wrap.

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

Right person.. Wrong location..

 

[Ox.]

Yea it can happen. Happened to me with my ex. I was at a point in my life where all I wanted to do is drink. Along with that came quick tempers and I was really immature. I also hung out with the wrong kind of crowd so I was surrounded by foolishness as well.

 

[harlemtothebronx]

Yes.

 

[combo gd]

Absolutely. 

Met the perfect girl in March, and we have been kicking it since October. 

Everything has been PERFECT

She will be leaving to attend her 5 year PhD program 3,000 miles away in August

 

 

[estebii.cho]

I was in this situation a few years back. Met this bad chick through a mutual friend of ours. Kicked it off really well with her. The mental and physical attraction was there and all. I def thought she could have been the one.

We dated for a few months but ended up parting ways. At the time we were at totally opposite points in our lives career wise. She was doing her thing moving up the ladder in her field of work and I didn't have much going on for myself in terms of steady work.

I think if we had met anytime within the year before we actually met we'd be together now.

 

[1413flywithme]

I'm going threw the same crap right now. She's probaly lurkin[emoji]128064[/emoji]but idc it's the truth!
[emoji]128293[/emoji][emoji]128545[/emoji][emoji]128293[/emoji]the perfect person at the wrong time. I feel bad about it but I'm just being honest[emoji]128548[/emoji]

 

[al audi]

absolutely

 

[jking0821]

Saw her, wanted her, got her, lost her. Hope my pretty wings meets someone with more sense that treats her as she should be.

holy feels....some real talk

I don't know how i feel about this. I understand the "i didn't know what i had" but people grow and maybe it turned out for the better. I know i messed up with a great girl....but since we broke up...we have grown differently. She has become some one i never expected. She has lost her youthful exuberance and genuinely happy disposition. And that may be partially my fault but she has a new bf now and she just seems to be going through the motions. I feel like i have grown immensely as a person. I look back on it like maybe that is the old...it isn't what you wanted but its what you needed.

 

[timbo109]

I don't know.

I'm about to graduate college this upcoming semester and I want to do something different for once.....get into a relationship.

Long story short, I'm starting to really like this girl. We met early in the Fall semester. She is cool as hell, lots of common interests, very pretty etc etc. She is younger (Fresh) and I'm on my way out. It seems like if it were to ever get serious, I would have to think about a possible long distance relationship, which I'm really not sure about.

I like doing stuff in person, so I plan to wait till we get back on campus to "officially" ask her out. I gotta do it. I'm pretty sure she likes me, but man this would be easier if I never looked into the future and just lived in the present  |I

Ya go for it if you actually like the girl. Don't just try and date her because you want to check off a "was in a relationship in college" box, though.

As for the bolded part, you'll never know if you are up for a long distance relationship if you don't actually date the girl in the first place. Right person wrong time is a limiting belief. You're using it to save yourself from potential rejection/hard decisions down the road.

 

[atlien seeko]

Very possible. Sorry of my life, actually. I think I'm good now, though...