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It is a privilege to be able to use your kids to come into work late and leave work early. Use it. You deserve to.
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do you feel theres a double standard towards your coworkers with kids in the workplace?
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by rustlenomics,
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Being mad that adults are not treating you like an adult is exactly what a non-adult would do.
As far as them being treated differently, they should be. They're raising the next generation, you're just playing video games at home.
There are levels to life. You'll get there.
As far as them being treated differently, they should be. They're raising the next generation, you're just playing video games at home.
There are levels to life. You'll get there.
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#NTextremes has entered the chat
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Out of curiosity, how do you think adults should respond to condescension?
calibeebee
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Yes. To the point where HR has had to come in and set things straight. Being salary and working 60 hrs a week getting paid exactly the same as people who only work 35hrs because they “were busy with the kids” is not the move.
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Used to put in like 11-12 hr days on a regular basis before I had my son. I was still working crazy hours when my wife was in maternity leave, but then…… she eventually had to go back to work and that changed EVERYTHING! My in-laws watch my son, however they live about 30- 40 mins away from us, which is in the complete opposite direction of where me and the wife work.
So everyday I wake up at 5:30, to drop my son off at my in-laws by 7:00am. Then I drive back home, drop the car off and take the train to work, so I can be in the office by 9:00am. My wife picks up my son in the evenings. I don’t get home till about 7:30pm on most days.
Point I’m trying to make is, while you may feel slighted by the special treatment your coworkers get, you have to understand that there are plenty of sacrifices that parents are making for their kids, that you may not notice.
My whole morning routine is almost 4 hours long before I even step foot at work. Your co-workers may be facing the same challenges, that you don’t have to go through. Be easy on them fam, we all just trying to survive.
So everyday I wake up at 5:30, to drop my son off at my in-laws by 7:00am. Then I drive back home, drop the car off and take the train to work, so I can be in the office by 9:00am. My wife picks up my son in the evenings. I don’t get home till about 7:30pm on most days.
Point I’m trying to make is, while you may feel slighted by the special treatment your coworkers get, you have to understand that there are plenty of sacrifices that parents are making for their kids, that you may not notice.
My whole morning routine is almost 4 hours long before I even step foot at work. Your co-workers may be facing the same challenges, that you don’t have to go through. Be easy on them fam, we all just trying to survive.
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Perfectly said.
When you’re a parent it’s literally a race from the moment you wake up, till the moment you go to sleep.
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Plenty of adults (parents and non-parents) are making sacrifices. I'm considerate to parents who may have to be offline to take care of there kids, but I don't have to take pity on them simply because they're a parent.
You being up at 5:30am to drop off your kids doesn't garner more pity than folks who are up at 5:30am just to beat traffic into work. Those are both choices.
You got folks who are both full-time employees and full-time students, driving to school afterwork for class and staying up all night to do assignments. I'm considerate if they need to leave early to make their class. I commend them on furthering their education, but I don't have to take pity on them because they chose to sacrifice their personal time for it.
The point is to be considerate to all your co-workers, regardless of their parental status, but make sure the work is still fairly shared outside of extreme circumstances.
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about to go through this smh 230 every wednesday and mad "faculty orientation" days in which the school is closed (looks like once-twice a month) luckily my wife is 100 percent remote, still a burden tho
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I agree 100%, and I don’t think any parent (or at-least the good parents are looking for pity) but understanding. As is the case for anyone else facing their own challenges. There is a differnce though when you’re a parent. You’re responsible not only for your own needs but also the needs of a child. If your kid is sick at school and needs to be taken to a doctor, and you’re in the middle of work - trying to meet deadlines, and despite you wanting to continue working, you absolute cannot abounded your child for the sake of work. Addressing your children’s needs is a necessity, not a choice. I’m not sure if you have kids of your own, but if you do then you can agree that having kids is a complete game changer in every way. Pity is not what we’re looking for here.
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I think that's the main thing is good managers know how to handle the work volume when people are off and be able to effectively communicate the company's policy without getting in their feelings lol. I oversee a team that still have the old mentality of having to work through sickness and never take time off for themselves and/or their family. Some were even shocked that I encouraged them to take time off.Who said it was a matter of “can’t be taken care of?”
The comment sounds like it came from a place of ignorance. Kids are a lot of work, things happen - they get sick, need transportation, schools close for a dumb holiday, etc. Any job should be understanding and accommodating as much as possible while also making sure they aren’t being taken advantage of.
Curious what your specific examples are?
Pets are the wave now. I get more people asking me for time off or to leave early cuz Fido threw up or needs a spa day
Either way, good managers need to balance smoke being blown and making sure your employees know that they have the opportunity to take care of their personal matters.
For me, as long as they have the accrued time off and it doesn't become a routine where it hinders work, it isn't a problem. I make sure there is coverage for the days they plan on being off and I'm aware of what work of theirs needs to be processed while their out.
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How old are you?
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Someone taking care of an immobile, sick and aging parent also has to take them to mid-day appointments and emergency doctor visits. You stating there's a difference when you're a parent, is an example of playing pity olympics. I understand you have responsibilities related to your kids, but that comes with the decision to start a family.
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You know us Parents also have parents, with those same needs, and in additions to that we also have kids we also have to cater to. I only become a parent last year, and up until that point was working 11-12 hours on the regular. As I mentioned, no pitty is being sought here. Again Childcare are is not a choice, it’s a necessity. Me waking up at 5am to drop off my son is not a choice I get to make, its what is required of me in order for my son to be taken cared for while me and my wife are at work, putting in the same work as the rest of our peers.
Waking up early to “beat traffic” IS a choice. You chose to get to work early to avoid traffic. Waking up early to attend to your childs needs is not a choice. Weird comparison.
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The way an adult should, by communicating the problem with said person in an adult manner. Not everybody being condescending is doing it because they see you as a child. Some people are just dicks.
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Child care is a need. How you address that need is a choice. You chose to utilize your in-laws for child care which requires you to be up at 5:30am instead of child care methods that didn't require that. Nothing wrong with that. Save some money and use folks you trust. Other parent's may have different options to choose from (close-by daycares, live-in child care, etc.).
These are all choices. Being considerate to the need for childcare is fine, but the catchall of being a parent isn't enough to garner any "special treatment" (your words) when everyone's parenting choices may not be a crazy sacrifice.
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But who's to say OP hasn't done that?
Being bothered by something and communicating a problem aren't mutually exclusive concepts.
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Read his original post and tell me if he comes off as someone who has handled this situation maturely. It reeks of insecurity and immaturity.
storm2006
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This thread is kind of wild
I actually am/have been up against the latter and that's what I waas thinking about when I originally came in here before the thread got into the ins-and-outs of parents But yeah, it's an optics things. When you're married and have kids, you appear to more "stable" and trustworthy" . It doesn't mean you are any more capable than other candidates but if all things are considered equal, if it is a leadership and/or outward facing position then the married with kids person will probably get the nod. Not a hard a fast and it varies from position to position and company to company but it IS a thing.
Back to OP's point/post - don't think of it is a disadvantage. Figure out how to use your freedom (single and no kids) to advance your career. It should provide you opportunities that your co-workers with spouses and/or kids do not have. Take advantage of them for as long as you can.
In some careers these things give you a boost or are unofficial requirements for advancement even tho they got nothing to do with the actual work
I actually am/have been up against the latter and that's what I waas thinking about when I originally came in here before the thread got into the ins-and-outs of parents
But yeah, it's an optics things. When you're married and have kids, you appear to more "stable" and trustworthy" . It doesn't mean you are any more capable than other candidates but if all things are considered equal, if it is a leadership and/or outward facing position then the married with kids person will probably get the nod. Not a hard a fast and it varies from position to position and company to company but it IS a thing.Back to OP's point/post - don't think of it is a disadvantage. Figure out how to use your freedom (single and no kids) to advance your career. It should provide you opportunities that your co-workers with spouses and/or kids do not have. Take advantage of them for as long as you can.
storm2006
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Seems like he is counting other people's hours instead of using his own to further his career or money accumulation
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It seems like OP is venting cause there's more on their plate now, unfairly in their eyes. Lot of NT Extremes on here boy 
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Parenting isn’t a catchall to receiving special treatment by an employer. But special treatment is more warranted when you’re a parent. Like it or not, that’s just what how it is. Parents have more lives to care for than just themselves. I think we can agree special treatment is warranted when there’s a concern for the welfare of the child. Again it’s not coming from pitty, it stems from being a responsible parent. However I think the issue that OP is having is when parents call out of work last minute to celebrate kids birthdays, or calling out last minute for bs reasons without any notice to their employer which is definitely a complete abuse of the that privilege.
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Disagree with the bolded.
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All that said - what you do is a choice. And to OPs point your choices are being considered more important than his choices.
If someone said I want to go horse training every morning for 2 hours and show up at 9 people wouldn’t be down for it.
Not that i think there’s anything wrong with giving preferential treatment to parents. I just agree that we pretend like it’s an equal playing field. And stuff like raises, bonuses should be doled out based on meritocracy and not based on what outside of work choices people make.
Same as with religion. If someone needs to miss a lot of work for their religion it’s whack to say they should get the same opportunities/money etc as someone that doesn’t.
