Female Problem...Need some input!

2,189
422
Joined Aug 8, 2009
What's good NT fam, I know these threads can be kinda redundant but I have a problem I know you guys are (generally) helpful.
I apologize, in advance, for the somewhat long read..bare with me


skip to the very bottom if you have ADHD and

NO PICS. I would if she had a facebook (serious
)

I met this chick late 2010/early 2011 and had casual convos throughout most of this year until May.

May hits and school is done for the summer so we end up hanging out on a regular basis (probably every week or 2) and the vibe is smooth throughout the entire summer.

Throughout the summer (not gonna lie) I've been catchin feelings but still kept my guard up just in case I found some kinda *flaw* in this chick.

Anyway she's feelin me a lot. Drives outta her way to see me, goes half-and-half on our dinner dates (even though I insist on paying...), we smash, have movie nights, meets my parents and all that good stuff.

June comes around and we go out to a venue. We have a talk on the way home.

She asks, "Have you ever been in a serious, long-committed relationship...(I tell her no) She says, "Well I was in one for 2-3 years and my ex keeps finding ways to pop up and text me, blah blah and I just don't want him to keep popping up and trying to stay in my life." <---- Fair enough, atleast she's tryna cut ties with dude (They broke up late 2010)

I ask, "Are you looking for a relationship or just to enjoy yourself?"

She says, "Either or whatever happens happens."

So one night in July, I get a little drunk, and hit her up letting her know that I wanna smash the next time I see her.

Of course, she took it as a form of disrespect and says "I hate when guys say they wanna smash flat out like that...blah blah...if it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't. I don't see you just as a FBuddy, if i did, alright but I don't"

then I'm feelin like 
 cuz I didn't mean for the comment to come off like I was treatin her like a jumpoff but then again I don't see her as just a FBuddy either...So maybe we're both thinkin about being exclusive.


eventually, we forget about the little mixup we had and go back to enjoyin each other's company and being back on good terms.

So in August, both of us are drinkin at my house and somehow the convo leads to "relationships."

Her phone rings and I say "Your boyfriends calling you" and she says...

"Oh please, I'm not gettin into any kinda relationship soon, not after how my last relationship ended...blah blah blah..."

she started going on and on and I pretty much zoned out because that was all I needed to hear.

SO.

Here's the question: She doesn't openly talk to me about other dudes (even her ex, I hardly hear about him). She is constantly sending "I wanna see you" texts. She's not looking for a relationship and she doesn't see me as a FBUDDY so what kinda relationship is this?? And what does a brother do?
 
1,868
45
Joined May 27, 2009
how old is she?

if she is in the age of 22-26 shes not getting wifed no matter who you are...don't take it personal

swear to G there is something in the water.
 
8,831
1,643
Joined May 27, 2004
DO NOT rush her into anything she doesn't want. No need to put labels on it as long as you two know the deal. She shouldn't be talking to other guys and vice versa. Baby steps G remember that.
 
4,153
10
Joined Jan 3, 2008
just ask her flat out if she wants to be exclusive. if not, youll forever regret it
 
1,216
41
Joined May 14, 2008
that chic is a head case. she's letting you tap, but she doesn't see you as Fbuddy and she doesn't want a relationship. moral of this story, keep smashing.
 
14,344
11,182
Joined Jun 7, 2011
sounds nearly identical to what I told chicks in HS who I only kept around for sex. Very immature, I know. You can either confront her about it or keep smashing and play the field so you can find a chick that wants to be exclusive too. I'd go with option B
 
2,189
422
Joined Aug 8, 2009
Thanks for the quick input fellas.

*Yes, I smash, not every single time we get together but when it's convenient..
*I'm 21 and she's a 19 yr old freshman (She could be just trying to keep me around while still being able to enjoy the college freedom?)
*I'm not her jumpoff, she coulda let me know from the start. She doesn't use me for free dinners or free dates or free anything. Actually she's offered to take me out and pay a few times


I mean she's a good girl but I'm still not letting my guard down. I guess I just gotta continue to ride this wave...
 
1,323
15
Joined Mar 31, 2011
Originally Posted by gumbottombandit

that chic is a head case. she's letting you tap, but she doesn't see you as Fbuddy and she doesn't want a relationship. moral of this story, keep smashing.
 
2,189
422
Joined Aug 8, 2009
Originally Posted by ill steelo

 sounds nearly identical to what I told chicks in HS who I only kept around for sex. You can either confront her about it or keep smashing and play the field so you can find a chick that wants to be exclusive too.

 I know man, but she had that opportunity to let me know if that's what she wanted...

It's just bothering me that in June she went from "whatever happens happens" to August "I don't want one right now...blah blah"

doesn't seem like progress is being made


I don't think I'll confront her about it, honestly. Why complain if I'm still smashin?
 

Gill Baka Esq. LLC.

formerly grimlock
10,722
1,526
Joined Sep 28, 2008
any relationship I get into I make sure:

1) I know what I want out of it
2) I get what I want out of it

I've learned that some chicks are worth spending some time to get to know, and other just wanna waste your time. Time develops experience/maturity which you can use to differentiate better certain girls from others.

For your case, she ain't giving you what you want, but she's looking like she's leading you on to believe that you should work for her affection. Here's what I think happened to her...she got @%!%*$ over by her last manz and now she's trying to make up for it by making you pay (time, money, patience). She hit you with that classic line "I don't like when guys just come out and say they wanna hit it"...%$*$ that...she's probably heard that %+** before and fell for it.

If you want a more mature, intimate relationship with the girl go and tell her, tell her your not into just going day by day, you want to know if she's wasting your time.
 

Pathos

formerly retrosan
4,762
52
Joined Dec 15, 2010
Originally Posted by Truballa101

Thanks for the quick input fellas.

*Yes, I smash, not every single time we get together but when it's convenient..
*I'm 21 and she's a 19 yr old freshman (She could be just trying to keep me around while still being able to enjoy the college freedom?)
*I'm not her jumpoff, she coulda let me know from the start. She doesn't use me for free dinners or free dates or free anything. Actually she's offered to take me out and pay a few times


I mean she's a good girl but I'm still not letting my guard down. I guess I just gotta continue to ride this wave...
my man why are you complaining, you got a "relationship' without the commitment aspect and you smashing
you should be fine unles you catching serious feelings 
 
286
25
Joined Aug 11, 2006
Just go with the flow. Since shes young, I think she isn't looking for anything serious, even if she did, I don't think a relationship with her would last.
 
61
10
Joined Aug 3, 2011
keep doing what your doing and see how things go. If you guys start getting feelings then it is what it is.
 
6,150
508
Joined Apr 2, 2009
she wants to be a @%%%*, without you calling her a @%%%*.

do what you wanna do. who cares what kind of relationship it is, dummy
 

mrbrown

Banned
3,558
693
Joined Jan 3, 2011
Op caught feelings

your the female in the relationship

You need her more than she needs you.

“I hate it when guys ask they wanna smash
 
2,748
108
Joined Jun 5, 2008
She's young and a female; never take some of the personality/future related statements she says seriously. Never.

She's probably not gonna commit to you and will meet some random dude in college that will shake everything up between yall, so be prepared. BUT... I wouldn't wife her just out of fear. Find somebody else.

A lot of girls like to front and hold off on opening up to you....and as men we sometimes open up before they do, giving them the upperhand in most cases. Don't be that guy. It's obvious she's putting up boundaries and purposefully limiting herself from "feeling too much" for what yall have...It seems as if you're more "there" than she is...and you need her more than she needs you.

In short, get some backup plans before you dig your own grave.
 
4,256
13
Joined May 21, 2009
Originally Posted by MECKS

she wants to be a @%%%*, without you calling her a @%%%*.

do what you wanna do. who cares what kind of relationship it is, dummy

Unless of course, he feels like her %$$$%
 
1,194
143
Joined Dec 5, 2009
OP do you and her attend Temple University? Cause I have something similar with this female from temple.


-btw was it a concert you guys went to in June? IF so I might know
 
Top Bottom
  AdBlock Detected

Sure, ad-blocking software does a great job at blocking ads, but it also blocks some useful and important features of our website. For the best possible site experience please take a moment to disable your AdBlocker or head over to our upgrade page to donate for an ad-free experience Upgrade now