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- May 21, 2007
I have seen many guys post up asking how to get at a girl I remembered this post on a gaming forum I went to years ago and this guyNova gave some decent advice.
Just wanted to share, If you had questions you could post them up and ask me or other NT fam ,our answers aren't always right but we are just applying ourown experience if any to try to assist you, if they do not work either you or doing something wrong or she just doesn't like you.
Just wanted to share, If you had questions you could post them up and ask me or other NT fam ,our answers aren't always right but we are just applying ourown experience if any to try to assist you, if they do not work either you or doing something wrong or she just doesn't like you.
Disclaimer: I realize all the usual criticisms that accompany dating advice and the dichotomous views on "being ones self" versus "positive growth." Therefore my advice is given on the premise that you believe self betterment to be more important than the preservation of your natural constitution.
Guy Meets Girl - How to Create Attraction
Why you shouldn't just "be yourself."
If a girl doesn't find a guy particularly attractive, should she be superficial and dismiss him? Of course we argue that she shouldn't because people cannot change their visage. Instead, society calls upon us to admire "inner beauty." However in this respect are not our personalities just like our appearance? Each of us has a natural disposition. Some personalities are not particularly attractive and others are downright repulsive. If we resign everyone to simply "being themselves" then we only trade the determining die roll from that of pulchritudinous to one of disposition.
Life is like a hand of cards. Whether you're short and unsightly or tall and pulchritudinous, the following attraction tips and courtship strategies will benefit you... if you have the audacity to act on them. But before we get started, How do we know IF she is interested in you?
Here's how you can tell: (note: this list does not include ALL the ways to tell if a woman is interested, just the more common ones.)
Quote:
[table][tr][td]The best rule of thumb is, if a girl likes you, you will KNOW... or she might:
• Ask your name
• Ask your age
• Give YOU a nickname
• Laugh at all your jokes and stories
• Ask if you have a girlfriend
• Wait for you if you go somewhere (ie: to the bar or bathroom)
• Stay with you when her friends move away
• Touch you during the conversation
• Talk about your girlfriend without asking if you have one (In the hopes that you'll say that you DON'T have a girlfriend)
• Ask you to "teach her" your hobbies or interests when you bring them up
• Makes an effort to build rapport with you
• Give you genuine compliments
• Moves close to you during your conversation
• Show "open" body language like playing with her hair, facing you, and exposing her wrists/neck/inner thigh
• Accuse of you of being a tease or a player
• Find a reason to approach you after the initial conversation
• Tease or otherwise challenge you
• Try to keep the conversation going after a momentary pause
• Hold lengthy eye contact with you during the conversation
• Look for your reaction when she does or says something
After meeting her for the first time does SHE:
• Always return your calls
• Create a pretense or reason to always hang out with you
• Send you text messages, MySpace comments or Instant Messages
• Have her legs touch you when you're sitting next to her
• Have a boyfriend, but never find a reason to mention him
• Consistently makes physical contact with you during conversations
• Seem jealous when you talk about other girls
• Try to introduce you to her friends and family[/td] [/tr][/table]
Does your potential target demonstrate these indicators of interest? If not then what can you do to change that? Read on.
Table of Contents:
I. Introduction (why me?)
II. The Basics: Attraction 101
III. Attraction through VALUE building
IV. How to get "the One"
V. Advanced Game
VI. Conclusion - A Cinderella Story?
Bonus Material: FAQ, About Me
I. Introduction: Why me?
I use to be a klutz around women but luckily for me, my hand of cards included GQ worthy good looks. I remember walking into my first period chemistry class on the first day of high school and noticing all the girls smiling at me and throwing each other giggling glances. When I went with my friends to the renaissance festival I always got a bouquet of assorted flowers from the girl vendors dressed up as wenches. Sadie Hawkins only reinforced these sentiments...
But I soon learned that looks only get you so far (usually to the point where you open your mouth) and beyond that point, I was hopeless. Although I was the last person you would expect to have lady troubles, my problems soon became increasingly apparent. I always acted stilted around women I was attracted to. I became clumsy and jittery. My palms would get clammy and my neck and ears would oftentimes turn scarlet. But all these things MIGHT have been overlooked except of the fact that I couldn't even maintain interesting conversation. In short, I was a trainwreck.
Luckily, my roomate in college was the exact opposite. His name was Chris. he wasn't tall or good looking, he wasn't rich or well connected. But he was cool and smooth talking and he was nice enough to share with me what he knew...
Although Chris was no expert, he lead me on a path that eventually resulted in an amazing journey: I've hung out with self-proclaimed dating gurus and community renown pick-up artists the world over. I've "kicked it" with Paul Janka, watched Mystery work his magic before he became a reality t.v. side show, visited Project Hollywood during its heyday and attended more shady conventions than I care to admit. Along the way I matured past my fixation with sins of the flesh and picked up some scruples. This fall I will be attending Cornell with my current girlfriend.
Although your ride may be like mine, full of highs and lows, I hope you will find the same success as I have. Remember this: Never settle.
II. The Basics: Attraction 101
I'm sure you know the girl at school or at work or the one you happen to chance upon at the club -the one who walks in and every head turns her way. She doesn't have to be the most gorgeous girl in the room, but at that moment she is radiant and glowing -nigh untouchable and the center of attention. As common a sight as this is, there's rarely any male equivalent. Although there are a throng of guys around her (like planets orbiting the sun) none of them are her match.
Why is that? One word: Experience.
My friend Allison is a blonde bombshell. I often times tease her by calling her Malibu barbie because she literally has the envied hourglass figured. When I asked 'Malibu barbie' about how many times per week (on average) does she get approached by guys, she told me it was around 150-200. The point is, beautiful women (and women in general) are generally more socially savvy because they have more experience.
In short, their is no "quick fix" to being more attractive, or becoming more "skilled" at courtship. Rome wasn't built overnight, and neither are your social skills. Nothing worthwhile comes easy.
The importance of Body Language (BL)
70% of attraction is body language, therefore body language is more important than verbal utterances. When you're sitting in class, don't lean in or take notes "hunched" over your desk. Sit with your back against the backrest. Sit up straight, but be relaxed.
When you're at a loud venue (club, party, or anywhere there is loud music) DO NOT LEAN INTO THE GIRL. Even if its hard for you to hear her, or for her to hear you. Motion for HER to lean in. This is VERY important. If you lean into her, you give the illusion that YOU are CHASING. Furthermore, if you're talking to her, don't stand facing her with her back to a wall. This is a bad position. If anything, you should have your back against the wall and have her leaning towards you. These subtle details make a world of difference. I speak from experience.
example:
Guy is leaning in, with the girl backed up against a wall. Subconsciously the girl feels "trapped" and it feels like the guy is "chasing." Thus he loses value.
Furthermore, anyone else in the room who happens to glance at the interaction instantly deduces that the guy is chasing. And trust me, other girls will notice. This lowers your value to the entire room. But if YOU are against the wall, and you motion for the girl to lean in (and she will.) then you gain Massive value with her (subconsciously) and with everyone else in the room who happens to glance your direction. It would appear you are being pursued... Which gives you "pre-selection" value -the best kind.
Here are a few additional tips that can turbocharge your love life by creating an impression of intimacy with the women you meet:
Quote:
[table][tr][td]Whenever a woman tells you a story, pull out a little phrase or joke that invokes your "Quarry's" favorite part. Or make up a phrase or joke about a situation you two have been in. (This not only conveys that you are paying attention to what she says and are truly listening but has a dynamic effect!)
Now let time PASS before you invoke the joke in a conversation. Remember the longer you wait, the stronger the punch will be when it finally comes.
You may also think of a cute nickname for your girl. Use it to tease her every once in awhile: it will foster a sense of familiarity and intimacy if you do it correctly.
Flirting Technique: Eye-Contact
Most of flirting is done with your eyes. Keep good
eye-contact on a woman when you talk to her. Just keep
your eyes focused on her bit "too long."
Flirting Technique: Say "Hello" With Energy
When you approach a woman, say "Hello" in a flirty way.
It will make her think you e sexier than the average
geek who walks up to her and gives her a shy "Hi".
Flirting Technique: Shake Her Hand A Bit Too Long
When you shake her hand, let your hand stay on hers
for a bit too long and then brush against her hand as
you pull back. Do this while smiling and looking into
her eyes sincerely. You don want to come off as a
pervert.
Flirting Technique: Lower Your Volume
Lower and lower your volume so she has to lean towards
you to listen.
Flirting Technique: Be Playful
Ask yourself the following questions:
1) How much fun can I have tonight?
2) What sorts of interesting things can I
find out about this girl?
Often an opportunity will come up when you're meeting
a woman to instantly shift into a "role play".
Maybe she mentions that she's getting a new job.
Tell her that you sure hope it pays well, because she's
going to have to support both of you...
And then tell her that you hope she has enough
energy to cook at night after work, because you need
a wife who can bring home the bacon, AND fry it up
in a pan...
Then tell her that something she just said screwed
it all up for you, and that you're probably going
to wind up divorcing her a week after you get married...
and taking half of HER money.[/td] [/tr][/table]
Preventing Awkward Silences:
Notice the emphasis on 'awkward.' Silences or pauses need not be bad. In fact, I find the occasional pause to be essential in building rapport, but the distinction between a comforting silence and a discomforting one is a very fine line. For simplicity's sake, we will forgo silences altogether when trying to generate attraction.
There are two ways to do this, you can either have her talk and you listen (while guiding the underlying direction of the conversation) or you can talk and lead and have her listen. Either way works, it's just a matter of preference. Do not fall into the trap of asking her questions in hopes of finding a commonality. Here is an Example of massive failure:
(Setting: guy and girl on date)
Guy: So where are you from?
Girl: Nantucket
Guy: Oh, where is that?
Girl: Alaska
Guy: How is it up there?
Girl: Oh it's so beautiful, you can see the Aurora Borealis year round, it's positively magical.
many of you maybe reading this and thinking, "why is this fail?" It does SEEM like the girl is getting into the conversation and the guy struck gold. But the guy asked too many questions (this isn't an interrogation) and he didn't have enough rapport building dialogue. Here's the subconscious break down: Statements imply familiarity. Questions imply unfamiliarity. Try this example on for size:
(same setting. Note: this one is actual dialogue with one of my dates)
Me: (playfully) You look like a California blonde... or a Pampered Malibu Princess.
Girl: I'm actually from Nantucket.
Me: (obviously joking) Middle Earth huh? That's funny, you don't look like a hobbit.
Girl: (laughing) No silly, it's in Alaska.
Me: I've always wanted to visit (slight pause for emphasis) Alaska.
Girl: Oh you should! It's so beautiful, you can see the Aurora Borealis year round, it's positively magical.
The girl will have a much better impression of the conversation if you do like I did in this example (notice that I only spoke in statements). Also, a nice by-product of speaking in statements is that she will be less likely to respond with "one-word" answers. This makes it easier to get her into the conversation.
Familiarity assumes rapport. It provides a sense of comfort. Think about your relationship with your best friend. I bet you don't ask him many questions because you already KNOW all there is to know about him. Besides asking him "whats up" most of your conversation probably consists of "statements."
"You have got to watch X movie, it is SOOOO awesome."
"The patriots are going to OWN this year."
"Megan Fox is HAWT."
see? these are all statements that ASSUME rapport. And in making that assumption, they reinforce the rapport.
When you interact with your bestfriend, even your questions are phrased as statments:
"Lets get some pizza, I'm starving"
this is a statement-question. You're basically asking if your friend wants to grab a slice, but you're implying that you're going to get one regardless. this is pure GOLD. This is how you should phrase your questions when addressing women. Women want a man who can take charge (NOTE: I don't mean they want to be controlled). But they do want a guy who can act the part. So instead of asking her "where do you want to sit?" you should say: "Lets sit over there." Be assertive. I guarantee you that if she has a strong opinion about something, she WILL let you know. And unless she does, be ASSERTIVE and take charge.
Now I know what you're thinking... how is something as simple as speaking in statements instead of questions going to help my "game?" And I agree it won't make a drastic difference, but it is the cornerstone of guy/girl interactions. The reason is because it emulates a natural rhythm. If you've ever heard someone who is naturally good with women flirt/talk you'll notice that they DON'T pester girls with continued questions. They use statements because statements have an undertone that implies confidence. But confidence is NOT the key. Confidence is only the beginning.
NOTE: This tactic of speaking in statements and not asking her questions should be thrown out the window once you cross the line from attraction to an actual full-blown relationship. Most guys have it all backwards. They think they should instantly try to build rapport when they meet the girl. What they neglect to account for is the fact that before they've built attraction the girl doesn't WANT to share her personal information. She doesn't want to tell you her favorite color or where she lives. She DOESN'T want to talk with you about the bands she likes and the music she listens to. This doesn't mean she won't talk with you though. She will, out of politeness or sociability. But subconsciously, when you approach a girl, she will be wondering one thing: When is this guy going to leave?
That is unless you do one of two things:
1. Build Initial Attraction
2. Give her a reason for interacting and a timetable for the interaction
Now I know you're tired of conversation tips and want to get to the actual attraction material, but bear with me because I have one last conversation tip: Be observant and don't violate her "vibe." Notice what she's wearing, notice your surroundings, notice what subjects she seems to gravitate towards, what things she emphasizes and especially what "feeling words" she reveals. By simply making a mental note of your observations and by repeating and emphasizing her spoken feeling words you CREATE a sense of commonality and you CREATE rapport. This is a much more effective strategy than bugging her with a barrage of questions. Example:
Girl: Oh you should! It's so beautiful, you can see the Aurora Borealis year round, it's positively magical.
Feeling words: Beautiful and Magical.
Reply: That does sound Magical. And I bet you would love X because of it's breathtaking beauty.
NOTE: You should always affirm what she says, or if you feel strongly enough about the subject opt to disagree. But you should never go "over the top." Going over the top would be replying to her talking about the beauty of the Alaskan wilderness by saying: "Oh yea? if you think thats beautiful then you'd love....X." This is an example of bad vibing. A bad vibe is like stepping on her toes while dancing. She might pretend not to notice or "dance" through with gritted teeth, but its not something you want to be doing on a regular basis. For your benefit I have provided another example of bad vibing:
(setting: Your friend runs up really excited)
Friend: Dude I just got this badass bomber jacket at the mall, it was marked down 40%!!
You: Thats nothing man, I just got these shoes for 50% off.
Correct response: thats awesome man!
or
Friend: I just got the best deal on this jacket, guess how much I paid for it?
You: $1?
Friend: ....
Correct response: I betcha got a kickass deal!
Vibing is basically understanding that the other person is trying to communicate something they think is exciting or worth mentioning. Your response should NOT belittle what they are trying to tell you. You should match their energy level and be excited FOR them.
If you're taking notes, this would be a would time to write down: "communicate with statements" (sentences that end in a period rather than a question mark) and "Prevent bad vibing." If you remember these two simple tips then you will drastically improve your attraction level around women (long term). Furthermore, by following these two premises you cut down on situations that prove inimical to your overall attractiveness (short term).
Although these tips won't make her swoon, they WILL enable you to actually BUILD attraction, and more importantly: Value.
Which leads to....
III. Attraction through VALUE building
What is value? Value is the sum of all positive attributes. Men usually judge a women by her physical appearance. We use a scale of 1-10. Luckily for us, however, women are a lot less superficial.
So let's say you see a "9." How would you approach her? Should you be direct or indirect? Who should you talk to first, her or her friend(s)? (women are rarely alone). Should you be chill and laid back or energetic and upbeat?
First of all, I would like you guys to read this: Many of you may recognize this from xbabysoul's guide, which after countless plugging I decided to read. While I disagree with much of the justification about the "id" and many of the Freudian explanations (Freud may be the father of psychology but his concepts are largely unfounded), this quoted part is pure gold. If i could sum up all the important parts in her guide, it would be this excerpt:
Quote:
[table][tr][td]You are the prize, not her (Oct 31, 2007)
We all know him. The guy who's mega-successful with girls. Some girls call him "hot". Others call him a "player". Still others call him "cool". But few girls call him "nice". He's good at flirting and getting dates. He has an edge and attitude. And underneath that playboy demeanor, he displays that "I don't give a sh-t" attitude. It's hard to describe how he does it, but you get the feeling he really don't care. If the girl returns his affection, fine. If she doesn't, that's also fine. He's not on a crusade to please anyone and his happiness is not contingent on any girl.
How can he do this? Because he has confidence. When a man has confidence, hey, he just doesn't care. He takes risk without caring. He takes rejection without caring. He acts and speaks without caring. Paradoxically, the less he cares, the more girls want him.
This guy has probably never studied psychology -- but he's an expert at appealing to a girl's id. Some guys are a natural. If you're reading this, it probably means you're not a natural. At this point, there is good news and bad news. The good news is, you can use "tricks" I've detailed on this thread to give the illusion that you're "in demand" and a superior. The bad news is, if you don't geninuely believe in yourself, no amount of tricks will work long-term.
So long-term courtship success requires two things:
- Giving the illusion you're "in demand" and a superior (easy)
- Having genuine confidence and believing you have worth (very hard)
Speaking of confidence, here's another reason you cannot "chase" a girl. If you do, it lowers your self-esteem. Chasing implies she's more valuable than you and that, to make up for low worth, you must kiss her +%% to be her equal. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Not only does her id deplore these kinds of spineless guys, your self-esteem also suffers. So chasing girls kills two things with one stone.
In order to maximize courtship success, you need to think of yourself as the prize instead of her. Once you have real confidence and display the "in demand" and superior illusion, girls will hunt you down. And that's why this thread is about how to get girls to chase you (not the other way around).
No confidence guy: "she's a great prize and I need to chase her!"
Confidence guy: "I am the prize and she'd be crazy not to want me".[/td] [/tr][/table]
So if the "id" is defunct, then what justifies not treating the girl as a prize? Why should guys not "chase?"
It's really simple: Value is a form of social currency. All people have value, and when we put the girl on a pedestal or when we chase her, we lose value. If we accept that all people have "value" then it becomes a question of how we can maximize our personal value relative to hers.
Before we get into this though, let's concede one thing. Never admit this (admitting this to a girl would be making HER the prize) but understand it to be true: Girls choose. It is their prerogative, their advantage in the courtship game.
She chooses based on a simple comparison, the level of her value versus yours. But how can we make ourselves more appealing: how can we up our value?
To address these questions, I would like to ask you a question in return: Have YOU ever been rejected by a girl you just met at a club, in class or at work? I haven't, and I bet you haven't been either. Because a girl you just met will
NEVER
Reject you.
They reject your approach. Because a girl you just met does not know the true you. All they see is the exterior you present, the "you" you choose to display. So chin up! You're not hopeless, but scrap your approach. Change your approach and you change her reaction. You have the ability to change the way she regards you. Here is the most important part of this guide: They are listed in order or import.
The Attraction Triggers
1. Leader of men- The ability to lead or to be the "alpha male" in a group. You cannot afford to let people walk over you. You must have some way of demonstrating that others look up to you or that you are in a position of authority. This is important because leaders have the luxury of choice and choice instills the willingness to walk away if circumstances or people do not meet your expectations.
2. Pre-selection- If one woman thinks you're attractive (not necessarily physically) then other women will begin to think you are attractive. Women are Hardwired to validate their attraction by observing the preferences of other women. And if two women think you are attractive, then it follows that you MUST be worth competing for. The effect snowballs. So never scorn a woman, even if you don't find her particularly appealing. Take it as a compliment for hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.
3. Social prowess- You must be socially comfortable and be able to get along with as many people as possible. Never pick fights and never become a social violator. The more people you know (everytime your with her and someone says hi or greets you warmly, you gain value) the moral social value she will attribute to you. Leader of men, preselection and social prowess make up your social value- the most important kind.
4. Identity-This is who you are, and who you aspire to be. If you say you want to be an actor, but all you do is bus tables and go to class, you're not being congruent to who you say you are. You lose value everytime you're not congruent. If you use direct game and tell her she's pretty, but fail to be the "confident guy" you are displaying massive incongruence. You will lose Massive Value. In short, you MUST be who you say you want to be. So volunteer to act in a local theater production or hitchhike your way to tinsel town. This applies to any profession or aspiration.
5. Security- When a girl says she wants a guy who is tall, this is what she is really referring to: A guy who makes her feel secure. You must be able to convey this value.
6. Sexuality- Although this is low on the list, it is absolutely ESSENTIAL. If you demonstrate the rest of these qualities without this one, then you will be stuck in the "friend zone." That is NOT where you want to be. Note: This value an excuse for you to be a creepy perv.
7. Ability to emote- After you have demonstrated all the other switches, you have to demonstrate the ability to be emotional. Otherwise she will find you distant and cold. She will probably distrust you and be suspicious of your motives.
Why/How do these work?
As you examine your current social life, you may realize you have naturally incorporated some of these attraction switches. For the most part, these switches build upon each other to create an attractive persona, but even the incorporation of any of the switches 1-5 (on their own) will prove potent. Treat these attraction switches as your brick and mortar, your bread and butter. The rest of this guide will focus primarily on building your "attractive persona" from the ground up.
Direct vs Indirect
Personally, I have always been an indirect type person. But recently I have been experimenting with the direct route with great success. Once you get the hang of it, direct game is really appealing. It is just a matter of preference, although the way to go about each method is drastically different. I would say direct is much easier, but also requires more daring. With direct game, all you have to do is approach her (even if she's with friends) and say something like: "Hey, I just wanted to come up and say that you look really cute, you should give me a reason to get to know you more."
She WILL be take by surprise. All you have to do at this point is not lose your image. You have to be congruent. You have to be the kind of guy that WOULD approach her directly like that. This takes a lot of practice, to be able to calibrate (read her body language/facial expressions/eye contact) and respond correctly. If she's with her friends, she'll probably giggle or say thank you, or smile and turn scarlet. These are all GOOD signs. If this is the case then all you have to do is maintain your confident posture, and keep the dialogue going: "So how do you ladies know each other?" and branch off from that. If you're particularly ballsy, you can even isolate her right after opening:
You: "Hey, I just wanted to come up and say that you look really cute, you should give me a reason to get to know you more."
Her friends: "oooooh (break out into a fit of giggles)"
(whether she responds at this point is irrelevant, as long as she is blushing/smiling/or making eyecontact)
You: (addressing her friends) "Your friend and I are Ooobviously (playfully exaggerated) into each other,do you guys mind if I borrow her for a bit?"
invariably they will always reply: "If its ok with her."
An important note about direct game is that it works best at night. Not because the full moon or the stars are romantic, but because social programming has made it easier for people to act according to their intentions while they are enjoying the nightlife (clubbing, partying, social gatherings). They're called "night" clubs for a reason.
For daygame, just tone down the directness, an be more playful. And most importantly, your APPROACH must be CONGRUENT with the personality you are trying to convey. You better be DAMN confident if you want to use direct game.
Note: Everything in the guide from this point forward is geared towards indirect game.
Indirect Game
This is probably why most of you guys are reading this. You (as I) lacked the confidence to approach women directly. Maybe you are scared of revealing your affection for her, or maybe you're just scared of rejection.
You seek some indirect way of expressing your affection. You want a magical line, some utterance to maker her swoon... Too bad for you because as far as I'm concerned, there is no such line.
Pick Up Lines (Yae or Nay?)
Most people probably consider pickup lines to be direct game, but at one point they weren't... Pickup lines (the one's we're familiar with) date back to the early 70's through the late 80's. They were NOT meant to be direct "come ons" but rather a way to fish for commonalities or small talk material or some funny little quip to get her laughing. For example: "Whats your sign, baby?"
But nowadays we have some cheesy crap:
"I just moved you to the top of my 'To Do List.'"
"Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package."
"I'm lonely at night without my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?"
"Can I order you at mcdonalds because you're mcgorgeous!"
"Can you be my math tutor? We'll go over to my place, add up some drinks, subtract the clothes, divide your legs, and multiply."
These are pretty bad and should only be used when you're doing them to be funny and if the girl KNOWS your just messing with her. Otherwise you will get blown out (not in the good way).
If you really must use an opening line, only use it when it's one girl by herself, and do it playfully. Nothing in attraction should be seriously "mushy." Save that for seduction.
Here are some that are rather cute:
"Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?"
"You look like a girl who has heard every line in the book. So, how bad is one more going to hurt?"
"Was your dad a jewel thief? cause he stole two diamonds out of the sky and put them in to your eyes."
I would personally opt NOT to use lines.. although I've been known to use this one with girls I know:
"That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed."
Note: I only use this one as a joke, and it's especially funny because they KNOW I'm just joking. Plus because I go shopping with girls a lot, it's a funny way of complimenting her on a new outfit.
Arrogance vs Confidence
I'm sure you've heard girls say they they hate arrogant guys. I'm also sure you've heard girls say something along the lines of "confidence is sexy." So how do we, as men, convey confidence while forgoing arrogance? When I first began to learn "game" I acted arrogant. Which illustrates one of the of the reasons why women dislike arrogance, they can see through the guise and they KNOW you're compensating for something, either a lack of confidence or something much worse... On the otherhand, women could also dislike arrogance because arrogant guys are usually jerks.
If you fall into the arrogant trap as I did, their are two remedies. One is long-term and the other is a quick fix. Do not get hooked on the quick fix, it is only a temporary solution.
How to "treat" Arrogance- The EZ Way:
As you will soon learn, this is a "pre-emptive" solution. If you're studying psychology, your textbook will refer to this as "inoculation." Attraction and courtship have many of these. They are very effective, albeit manipulative. They should be used sparingly.
So lets say your with a girl and she Thinks/Says/Believes you to be arrogant. How do you defuse the situation? Simply tease her, and say (with a smile): "You want to know something about me?"
Motion for her to lean in.
Then whisper into her ear: "I'm really cocky"
Immediately (but playfully) push her away. If she's still in a playful mood or she has the "omg no you didn't" expression, then just "plow on" and and continue with what you where talking about. If she is genuinely annoyed (very rarely will this happen) then you have to freeze her out. Either tell her you have to go or temporarily shift your attention to someone else. By not giving her your attention when she is unhappy with you, you passively "punish" her unfavorable dispositions towards you.
Next time if she accuses you of being arrogant/cocky, you can just reply "I know" or "I toldja so." This removes the "teeth" of her accusation and reframes it as an observation. Observations are benign.
Note: Never use "freezing out" in the context of a relationship to punish your girlfriend's dissatisfaction. Only use it during the initial attraction phase. Otherwise your girlfriend might eat you alive.
How to "Treat" Arrogance- the Optimal way
True Confidence will dissolve your arrogance. If you are familiar with "Mystery" the pickup artist, you would agree that he comes off "arrogant." There are a couple of news-reels of him being interviewed by CNN or FOX News and the female anchors all think he was a tad too "arrogant." This has always been any self-proclaimed Casanova's greatest weakness - overwhelming confidence. It's easy enough to fix, however. Just stop bragging about your accomplishments, your success with women, and your well-to-do "connections." In fact, stop bragging altogether and start DEMONSTRATING.
Remember the value switches I revealed earlier? When triggered they are remarkably appealing and tend to make gals swoon. And women want to be swept off their feet. There is not a woman alive who wakes up and thinks: Gee, I hope I don't meet prince charming today. So give her what she wants and flip on the value switches. There are two ways to do this... you can say that you possess the attraction switches directly, or you can imply them. If you TELL her you have those qualities you are bragging and acting arrogant, but if you DEMONSTRATE them you become.. Prince Charming.
The following example is something I actually used while I was learning.. I literally delivered this routine word-for word on countless primmed and pretty club-hopping party girls.
Search out someone you'd like to meet and head in their general direction, when you get there say to no one in particular:
You:"Hey! looks like the party's over here...(turn towards your target)
You: "Why helloo there... I have to rejoin my friends in a minute, but I can spare some time to get to know you a little bit... I'm (insert name).
Her:: Hi! My name is Christie
you: Well Christie, why don't you give me 3 reasons that would make me want to get to know you. (note: this is meant for courting women above 18. Girls 18 and under are still shaping their personalities, instead of asking them for 3 things ask for just 1.)
She will tell you 3 things about herself (thus investing in the conversation) and she will invariably tell you to reveal 3 things about yourself (she wants be 'repaid' for her initial 'investment')
You: "Well for starters, when I'm with a group of people they always look up to me, they rely on me for guidance. People just feel safe around me you know? And I happen to be irresistible to women.. (say this jokingly, with a smile) But enough about me, we should pay a visit to all my friends, they would LOVE to meet you, but gradually because I have sooo many friends, and we wouldn't want you to get burned out now... even if you are a social butterfly.
Why this works:
Notice the things you tell her about yourself are rife with attraction switches? You mention your leadership qualities, your ability to instill others with a sense of security, your ladiesman skills (heh) and your social prowess (you hinted that she should meet ALL your friends). Also make note that in the example, one of the first things you say to her is that you only have a minute to spare before you have to rejoin your friends. This reassures her that you are not just some loser whose going to hang around and pester her all night. It also gives you a convenient out.
By asking her to tell you worthwhile things about herself, you make HER invest in the interaction. She reveals a bit about herself, and you reward her by telling her something about you. She will stick around and listen to what you have to say because she "invested" in the conversation already. To better illustrate the importance of this initial "investment," I have provided a brief narrative:
Quote:
[table][tr][td]
Originally Posted by DavidD
I have a sleazy pickup artist acquaintance who ONLY employs this tactic to score women. He plays the smooth part to get the gal to pay for his meal/drinks/taxi while on the first date, (which gets her to invest in him, monetarily) which makes the girl subconsciously reluctant to just "dump" him for no 'good reason.' He channels additional attraction by getting her to make more and more investments; time, money, emotional commitments, etc... And because girls backwards rationalize, they figure.. "hey if I do all these things for him then I must really like him."
[/td] [/tr][/table]
The downside to this sort of memorized routine is the fact that you SAID the attraction switches. While this does WORK, it is not seamless. It is like a Monet painting when juxtaposed next to the Mona Lisa. The Mona Lisa is great because you cannot discern Da Vinci's brushstrokes. The painting is seamless, the image is perfect. Likewise, if you want to be attractive to women, you should pursue a similar persona...
How to Demonstrate Attraction Switches
If committing your attractive qualities to words is imperfect, then Demonstrating your values must be the way to go. Be forewarned however that this route is not easy. It will require you to give up much of your time and it will require much practice and determination. But how do you "demonstrate" these qualities?
When your with your group of friends, girls notice who everyone seems to turn towards. They can usually tell, by the way you carry yourself, whether you're confident and driven, whether you would be able to offer them the sense of security that they expect. And most of all, girls engage in "girl-coding" which is just a fancy way of saying that girls are able to communicate with each other without speaking. No, I'm not saying they are telepathic.. rather It's similar to how if you and your best friend happen to meet a hot girl or see a starlet on a movie poster you both instantly know she's attractive. You convey this to each other with a wry grin. Girls do it too. Girls know when another girl is attracted to you. In turn, this makes you more attractive to her. Win one, and you win them all.
If you actually become the person referred to by the 7 attraction switches then you create seamless attraction.
IV. How to get "the One"
If you're like me then you are probably reading this with a special girl in mind. But if you're unwilling to practice creating attraction, then it will be exceedingly difficult for you to succeed. But if you are adamant about directly winning the heart of one particular girl, then any advice to the contrary would only be in vain. There is nothing I can say that can dissuade you from seeking her affection... So display the qualities that trigger attraction in addition to the conversation tips that I provided. But before you dive in head first, I have one more skill to impart to you.
Sometimes you may notice that you do not have the luxury of conveying an attractive personality. You may only have a few moments before she slips out of your life... what do you do?
Simple, You Approach Her:
Quote:
[table][tr][td]Try to make eye contact from accross the room, if she seems willing to make eye contact then thats your cue. what if she has friends with her? In that case NEVER go up to her and attempt to single her out, its annoying as hell to most women (unless you're extremely physically appealing). address them cordially as a group, let your interest in each of them be equal but allow opportunities to arise that let the girl you have in mind stand out..... make it seem as if she "earned your attention". for example if you're at a club address them with a free response question; "what do you all think about meeting people in a place like this?"
what if the girl you like is the shy one of the group? Even better, wait until after all the other girls have responded, then, just straight up ask her, (smile warmly) "you seem quiet, i would like to hear your opinion.."
The walk; just walk confidently, if it helps pretend you're Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Takeshi Kaneshiro or Bill Gates (if you think money buys power). whatever image gives you confidence.
Rent "Hitch" starring Will Smith. The first few minutes of hitch (first 30mins about) offered some very very effective method, then after that it turned into complete crap in terms of educational value. will smith turned brackish and the movie spiraled into a typical "confess your love and you get girl".
remeber, dosen't matter how much you love the girl, its her feelings towards you that count, besides women love the thrill of not knowing "persay"
actions speak louder than words. and women like the anxiety of being able to gossip with thier friends about a potential boyfriend. you rob the moment if its charm and memorability by confronting her directly or worse, setting up an elaborate ruse or scheme to gain her affection.
III.Getting her Number
the easiest part ever. completely calculated. after you've talked to her and said what you want to blow her away, dont let the conversation linger, right when the talk cant get any better between you and her (or as her friends are returning to join her) tell her that you have to be on your way, that you would love to continue talking with her but you have to go. as you're leaving try to leave toward her field of vision, she should be watching you leave, before you take more than 2 steps away from her turn and ask her "do you have email?"
This should take her by surprise she will say something along the lines of "email?" if so, then capitalize this as a opportune time to use humor..
laugh and tell her if she doesn't have email you're going to have to request her number" (say this in a semi serious voice).
(this also works if she says she doesn't have email or doesn't check her mail etc..)
but what if she isn't surprised? if she says "yeah i have email" ask her to jot down her email address. Girls are more inclined to provide you with an email address than a phone number because email is less invasive and she can choose whether to reply to your Email or not. as she is finishes writing down her email then casually remark: "oh yeah write your number down too, incase i can't reach you by email"<---- since she is already in the mind-set of agreeing to let you contact her this should just be a gradual "next-step" for her.. she should have no problem honoring your request.
this method hasn't failed for me yet.
IV. what to do now (after you get her number)
leave or go about your usual business after you get her number, dont linger, if its class, return to your work, if its work return to your desk, if you're at a club don't be hesitant to leave or try it on other chicks.
the golden rule is wait 72 hrs (3days) to call her. sooner and you're needy, later and you risk having her write you off or worse forgetting about you entirely.
if she dosen't pick up after 4-5 rings hang up, i generally don't leave a message, if you do just tell her who you are and tell her to call you back.
call 24hrs later if she didn't recieve your first call. if she still dosen't pick up just assume she's a busy girl.
call again 2 more days later, after this point if you're still getting ignored you're just going to have to accept that she had a change of heart or can't make room for a relationship atm.
when she does picks up:
tell her who it is, then proceed to schedule a date, once again its important not to linger after you set up the date. conversation can get stale , just tell her you'll see her then. (don't do movies, they are horrible, clubs, swimming, restaurants, skating, or tennis, ping-pong or my favorite shooting pool all make great options)
example:
"Hey it's (insert name) from the other night, I'm going to (insert location) for while, perhaps shoot a little pool or whatever, why don't you accompany me?"
[/td] [/tr][/table]
Push-Pull:The Speed Seduction
What is Push/Pull? It is the pinnacle of attraction. If you could learn only one thing from this thread in order to boost your success with women, it would be how to properly tease (push) and subsequently how to reel her back in (pull). Its simplicity makes this easy to learn, its viability makes it an asset to any would-be seducer.
Quote:
[table][tr][td]We can use these psychological mechanisms without being a Jerk. The key is to make it playful and funny. Your intention should never be to hurt a woman. Your goal is to only mess with her a bit. Do this and women will find you charming and attractive.
Here's an example of Push/Pull I've used probably over a thousand times...
At some point while interacting with a woman I might take her hand and praise, "You have the most amazing smile I've seen tonight...It makes me feel so happy inside!" She'll usually respond with, "Thank you!" Then I'll count the fingers on my other hand and say, "You know what: actually there were four other girls with really amazing smiles tonight as well. Out of them, you have the fourth best smile. I'm going to call you number four." And then I'll push away her hand. More often than not, women demand, "No!!! I want to be number one!" I'll usually retort with, "Alright, I'll promote you to number three for being feisty."
Do women find this derisive and mean? Not at all. Most women find this funny, charming, and playful. More importantly, it generates attraction: the emotion of wanting and reaching and chasing for more of you.
Pushing and pulling creates this kind of tension. Tension is the crème de la crème of attraction tools. Master Push/Pull and you'll leave women no choice but to feel attraction toward you...even if they're repulsed by your physical appearance.[/td] [/tr][/table]
Although this guide will only scratch the surface of Push/Pull, it will suffice, the rest is up to you.
Push/Pulling can be giving her a "pet name," teasing her about something she says, or busting on her for being anything less than graceful. The reason push/pulling is easy is because all you have to do is get yourself into the "mindset." Once you start busting on her, it gets easier to keep doing. I usually start by giving her a pet name, the key is, the name doesn't even have to be "relevant." For instance, I was in Orlando, Florida a couple of weekends ago, and me and some friends were out cruising the citywalk. It was your usual summer night, packed to the brim with tourists. We made our way to the Disney themed nightclub "Pleasure Island." Like most clubs, they hired attractive promotional models to stand outside and entice customers. There where two girls in particular, standing back to back wearing the pirate costumes speaking with an older pirate (who I assume was suppose to represent "jack sparrow.")
(Note: you MUST be playful because some of the things you say, when taken out of context are BAD, the key is to push her near the brink of getting mad, but then reel her back in. This creates tension and chemistry. If she gets mad at you, just pull her back in extra hard. Give her a compliment if you have to..)
Me: So who are you guys suppose to be?
Brunette: We're swashbucklers!
Me: Oh? What's your name? i've always wanted to meet a smelly pirate $$**$%!
brunette: haha OK ron burgandy. I'm mindy.. what brings you to pleasure island?
Me: Oh.. the usual (wink at her)... but before I tell you, introduce me to your friend, its the polite thing to do.
Brunette: This is Lacey.
Blonde(lacey): Hello!
Me: Lacey and Mindy...hmm, I've already met soo many people today I don't know if I can remember two more names...
Me: I have an idea, I'll call you tweedle dee and you lacey, you can be tweedle dum
lacey: Tweedle DUM!? hah cause I'm blonde?
Me: well, now that you mention it...
(lacey hits me playfully)
Me (exaggerated) Oowww, you know I read somewhere that girls who hit you... secretly want to kiss you. Tweedle dum you look like you have something in mind..
lacey: is that so?
Me: well if you must (roll my eyes) then kiss me on this cheek (motion my cheek), its the polite thing to do...(she complies)
(note: I opened Mindy when my target was Lacey, this gives my approach an indirect spin, which is quite helpful.)
Phrases to commit to memory:
It's the Polite thing to do.
Cause its fun!
These two phrases are pure gold. You MUST have them in your repertoire. They are your justification for countless responses that she may pose to you during attraction. If you want her to do something for you, just end the request with "its the polite thing to do."
If she asks you why you're doing something, just reply, "cause its fun."
If your delivery of these two responses is automatic then you will convey a confident demeanor and you will be congruent with the approach/body language that you display. These responses are very powerful. You can even use them to catch girls off-guard. Note how in the example, I got a quick kiss (in like 30 secs) just by reinforcing her attraction with the line: "its the polite thing to do."
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However the power of nicknames is amplified when the name is "relevant." For instance, this is roughly the dialogue exchanged between me and the girl I am currently dating:
(Backstory: I am visiting Cornell University in Ithaca New York. I walk into the admissions office and request a student ambassador to show me around the campus. The receptionist calls the student services building and moments later in walks the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen; Dark hair that flowed past her shoulders, cherubic feature brought out by a doe-eyed gaze set in a pair of perfect lashes. I was taken aback. She is the reason guys learn game.)
Me: Hello... (i struggle to make out the nametag) Ms. berenstain? Like Berenstain bears?
Her: (laughing) it's actually bernstein, but I get that all the time.
Me: Oh? Is it because you're cuddly like a teddy bear?
Her: (smiling, turning a bit scarlet) something like that.
Me: I take it you're someone whose secure enough to take a compliment?
Her: Of course
Me: So am I, why don't you go first?
Her: haha, fine. I like how you have a seemingly endless reservoir of confidence.
Me: uh-oh.. you sounded sarcastic
Her: It was sincere!
Me: Do you promise? How about a pinky promise (I extend my hand, we lock pinkies)
Me: So, why don't you show me around? It is your job.
Her: hey, you're not getting off that easy, wheres my compliment?
Me: I'll give you your compliment at the end of the tour... and only if you keep your hands to yourself and promise to behave.
Her: Alright I will, hehe I promise.
and a while later...
Me: we are the berenstain bears....
Her: haha Stop it! (she hits me playfully)
Me: hey! No touchie touchie remember?
What you should take from this is: always be playful and build on the fun-ness of the conversation. have fun and poke a little fun at her... especially if it's something she won't be accustom to.
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Myspace//Facebook Attraction -_-
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Just for fun, I decided to try out my attraction skills online. Here is a "hot off the press" log between me and some girl I randomly opened off myspace. (she's about an. [Note: Even though online game is really EASY, if the interaction carries on into real life, and your "real life" game isn't congruent... you will get blown out.]
Me: I don't talk with girls. Kicked the habit a while back. I however did take the time to look over your profile, it appears you and I share an interest in things and stuff. If I wasn't gay I'd be so into you.
Her: well great cus im taken anyways lol and that was certainly explain the beanie baby display pic haha so, since we seem to have stuff in common, why don't you add me? lol
Me: Woah, before you even think about adding me, we should become better friends, I have to make sure your not some 65 year-old-man that kidnaps people over myspace. I appreciate you sending me an invite but without communication and a bit of Q and A, you're getting nowhere with me, and that would be a real shame, so here it goes… what's your favorite animal? Wait till you hear mine...
Her: Mine is a pandabear... what's yours?
Me:haha nice, I love pandas. You're already like my best friend in the world! People that like pandas tend to be introspective, with an inquisitive nature. Interestingly enough, you said panda "bear." Which would attribute to you thoughtfulness, and a sense of intuition married with instinct. My favorite animal is the lion. I know it's a common choice, but I think they're great. I'm intimidated whenever I watch a movie produced by MGM, because of the lion. Anyway, Here's the next question, if we went on a road trip, where are we going and why?
Her: We're going to Mall of America, so that we may chuckle at the superficial, mundane vices of mankind, and revel in them as well. FUN!
Me: The Mall of America ehh? That just sounds like an elaborate excuse to go shopping.
(note: she gets mad at me at this point. She noticed that I implied I was gay in my opening message, but my profile status says I'm straight. I have to "wing" it)
Her: How about you drop the gay act and Ill drop the school girl act?
Me: Hey, are you always this pushy?
Her: only when being purposely decieved. And I believe you answered me with a question....heh
Meh really? I think you're one of those girls who back in kindergarten, ran around beating people up for their lunch money. You sounded so nice when you first messaged me, but now you're just a big meanie. I think i deserve an apology
Her: i will not apologize for uncovering a liar.
you however, may apologize, though i will not ask it of you. so back to our questionaire.if you could have a magic power (i.e. invisibility, flying, reading thoughts etc), what would it be?
(I successfully defused her anger... whew. I take the opportunity to bust on her even harder)
Me: Honey, I wanted you to apologize for stealing those kids' lunch money. magic power? I think I'll pass, I'm pretty content as it is. But if I had to choose...I would like to be able to tolerate more alcohol. I'm such a lightweight. THink about it, Drunkman... more wasted than a bunch of college kids on spring break. What about you? You probably want some totally lame super power, like the ability to fart louder or something.
Her: lol you're a pretty funny guy. I'd have to say im a lightweight as well. so are you currently studying in college?
Me:I know, I'm a riotAnd as far as my education goes, I studied underwear modeling and James Bond impersonating. Seriously? I tried my hand at Psychology, then switched my major to Business before doing prelaw. I also started a business teaching guys the tools they needed to achieve their dreams.
Her: tools? as in social skills? dreams? as in women? Nice little history you've got? Can i ask you something? Have u ever been in love?
Me:someone is a good guesser...I prefer to call it "social prowess," the art of conversation. Dreams as in ambition. How to better relate and communicate with people, how to socialize with your boss, maybe get a raise...and of course as you said: women. hmm, the questions sure do get personal huh? You would first have to define love. I like to believe that love is gazing into someones eyes and being able to find the world. I make that connection every day. Am I being interviewed to fill a position?
Her: haha no. if i can remember, it was i that was being interviewed for the position of "myspace friend" lol and i can assume i have not met the criteria for that seeing as you still havent added me. i find it unfair that you can see my profile but i can not see yours. Please add me?
Note how easy it is to hook a hot chick online... I literally said we have the same interest in "things and stuff." This illustrates the fact that opening (finding something to open her up with) is not important at all. Just say something... anything. Also, it's not my handsomeness that makes her continue the conversation. My myspace display picture is that of a beanie baby... lol.
Ideally, you shouldn't read the following section until you've more or less mastered the above elements and can comfortably generate attraction. However, I know a lot of you will be "keyboard jockeys" and never try this stuff out... so I suppose you can read to your hearts content. Let me know if anyone has had success with the material I've presented. I know I have. And you will too.. if you work up the courage to actually put yourself out there. Here is my AIM screen name: Nickalisktrentle
IGN: iovelessly (Bera)
Only add me IF you have actually applied what I have taught. I only extend my contact information to students who show a genuine willingness to learn. Most of my contacts have been past students who paid for the information you are now receiving for free.
V. Advanced Game
One of the most important advanced attraction tips is to speak "slowly." If you pay attention to yourself talking, you'll notice that when you're speaking to women you like or in front of a large crowd the tempo of your words tends to speed up. This reveals to others that you're nervous. Better to speak too slowly than too fast. Slow speaking is a sign of confidence. Pausing for emphasis and volume control are the key to mesmerizing communication.
I also feel it's important to mention why I don't use "Negs." If you are into the whole seduction community, you know what I am talking about. If you have no idea what a Neg is, don't worry about it. It is NOT what you want to be doing if your goal is to create longterm attraction. Neg's are to seduction as making a loan is to finance. Eventually, you will have to own up to the value debt you've put yourself in. I prefer NOT to have to deal with this complication, therefore I never use negs (except in online game):
Quote:
[table][tr][td]Negs
Media attention directed towards the Mystery Method often mentions the concept of 'negs' as an example of what the method teaches. The oft-quoted example is the comment:
* "Nice nails, are they real? No? Oh, well they're nice anyway."
Negs are intended to be false disqualifiers and are intended to lower the target's comparative value to the seducer. Specifically, they are not insults; instead, they resemble the comments of a person who does not view the target as being sexually interesting.
In his television interview with The View, Neil Strauss explains that some men will demonstrate lack of interest by passively ignoring a woman; but since she does not notice him, she will not know that he is not interested. Therefore the purpose of the neg is to actively demonstrate lack of interest by disqualifying one's self as a suitor ("It's too bad I'm gay or you'd be so my type"), or by falsely disqualifying the target ("You are too much of a nice girl for me").
According to the method, a proper neg never makes the target feel insulted or degraded, but rather questions whether the man approaching her has fallen under her spell. Women of particular beauty often tend to assume males approaching them are interested in them solely as a result of their looks, and negs attempt to neutralize that assumption by demonstrating that the man is not (yet) interested in her, despite her beauty. A successful neg may cause the target to feel self-conscious and attempt to regain control of the situation by qualifying herself.
Another often overlooked aspect of negs is the fact that they can be nonverbal. A neg may consist of a roll off (using disinterested or distracted body language), wandering off, initiating conversation with a new third party, checking one's cell phone, or looking around the room as if looking for someone better to talk to.
Disqualification theory
Disqualification Theory is an expansion of the neg. It is a social tactic based on the idea that what a woman can't have, she wants more. It is a large part of indirect game as it can disarm a woman by keeping her from thinking that the man is hitting on her. It can correlate to preselection theory as well; if a man is taken, he is like a forbidden fruit to other women.
A disqualifier is the direct application of the disqualification theory. Examples of disqualifiers:
* "If I weren't gay, you'd so be mine."
* "I've got something to tell you...there's something in your teeth."[/td] [/tr][/table]
The main subjects we will instead be focusing on in this section are as followed:
0. How to tell if she likes you (review)
1. The import of physical contact
2. Token resistance
3. Social violator
4. Reopening past girlfriends
5. Energy level
6. Nice guys vs jerks
Ways to tell if she likes you (review)
Quote:
[table][tr][td]Five basic Signs:
1.) her pupils will dilate when she notices you. (assuming your close enough to see her reaction) when humans see something favorable our pupils will dilate
2.) Proximity Test- When your sitting next to her, lean in a tad bit closer. Have a reason to do so though, like you want to show her a picture in a book or have her take a look at the menu, be creative. If she is somwhat attracted to you she will lean in a bit too. however if you find her unconsciously leaning away or scooting away then you have more work to do.
3.) If she plays with her hair when she is talking to you. (quite cliche but true)
4.) when she see's you she smiles a duchenne smile. What is a duchenne smile? Duchenne Smiles are genuine smiles. While it may be customary to smile in certain situations it's always easy to tell a genuine smile from a forced or polite one. In a real smile the "smiler" will wrinkle the upper part of thier cheek and thier brows. if you have no idea what im describing go to a mirror and smile, then think of this particular girl you like and smile. observe the difference, now notice it next time you talk to her.
5.) the most basic sign, your instinct should be able to tell you. The tricks above are to aid you but ultimately when a girl likes you, even if only a little, YOU WILL KNOW IT.[/td] [/tr][/table]
Physical Escalation - Kinesthesia
Kinesthesia is the relative position of your body to hers. Some call this proximity, others call it "kino." What it basically entails is for you to "touch" her when you're telling a story and you want to emphasize an important part or if you're telling a joke and about to deliver the punchline (I usually put a hand on her shoulder and lightly "lean her in" or give her a playful pat). If you've never done this before, then It might feel weird to you. You might claim you've never seen anyone do this before. But they do, especially guys who are good with women. Only, they incorporate it very well. Infact girls do this all the time. Once you start being more social you'll notice that girls are very touchie feelie. When you tease them they hit you (playfully) or they might touch your arm when they're telling you something that leaves them vulnerable.
The more you utilize touch, the more comfortable with it you will be. The easiest way to get started is to ask girls to High-Five you. She scored high on a test? High-Five. Ask her how she's doing... if she says "Great!" then insert a High-Five. The more you apply "touch" the less you get stuck in the friend zone. Touching creates lasting attraction in itself.
Token resistance
If you like an especially attractive or popular girl, this will apply to you. Token resistance is when you're alone with her, or with her group of friends and everything starts off great... only it starts to get awkward. Usually because the conversation has died down a bit, or because there's a "nervous charge" in the air. This is actually a good sign. It means she's using "token" resistance. She is subconsciously rationalizing her attraction for you, which indicates that she IS attracted. Keep doing what you are doing and don't let it shake you.
Token resistance might also indicate her asking you "hard-hitting" questions or making you react to difficult situations. Deal with it. Be counter intuitive
The best example of this that I can think of was when my 8th grade "girlfriend" asked me if I read playboy/would go to Hooters. Token resistance is usually something like that... her checking your "boundaries." Be unapologetic and use humor in your answers. Getting defensive or offended is the worst way to handle token resistance. Lastly, if she seems somewhat uninterested in you but she still hangs around.. treat that as token resistance.
Social violator
You might remember this term being mentioned earlier in the guide:
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[table][tr][td]3. Social prowess- You must be socially comfortable and be able to get along with as many people as possible. Never pick fights and never become a social violator. The more people you know (everytime your with her and someone says hi or greets you warmly, you gain value) the moral social value she will attribute to you. Leader of men, preselection and social prowess make up your social value- the most important kind.[/td] [/tr][/table]
This is the most important mechanic of attraction. This mechanic provides the logistics which you must work with. For example lets say you're with your girlfriend and a guy comes up. The guy is really nice and he's telling interesting stories and funny jokes. But your afraid he's trying to court your girlfriend (even though he has not indicated this is his motive). You tell him to get lost. You have just become a "social violator." You just lost massive value with your gf. She might even be angry with you.
Why? Social interactions have a set of unspoken "Laws." These laws have to do with value. In the example the guy was being entertaining (telling stories and jokes). He was GIVING value. You telling him to leave is TAKING value. He was a giver, you are a taker.
Not being a social violator is even more important if you're single. I cannot list all the ways you can be a "social violator" (there are too many, and you have to figure them out for yourself). You have to accustom yourself to these social subtleties.
Here are a few examples:
1. Don't be rude, always be polite, even to your competitors (other guys)
2. Don't pressure the girl, don't make her feel uncomfortable
3. Don't get defensive/offended easily. Chill. Nothing is a big deal.
4. Use time constraints. Tell her you only have a few minutes to chat RIGHT when you introduce yourself.
5. Don't ignore her friends. They have precedence over her. She will talk to her friends about you later.. you want them to pull for you
6. If she has a boyfriend, you cannot be rude to him.
(note: I don't steal girls from their boyfriends... but if I really like her, I will hang out with her whether she's single or taken. If I show her a good time, and if I don't violate these social rules she will always choose me. And I don't even have to be a jerk about it)
You could conceivably ignore EVERY other attraction tip, and if you NEVER violate any of these social norms, you will be INSANELY attractive. I guarantee you that most other guys violate these rules daily. They reveal their jealousy, they act rude and uncouth and they don't even know it. That being said, the more you act social and the more you put yourself out there the less you will be a violator.
Reopening past girlfriends
I've read of a few ways to do this, and I'm sure everyone has their own opinion on how to do it best, but I will only show you the way I know works. That being said, it's not all that hard. Ideally you've given her a bit of space and gone about your own business. Simply build up your social circle and build up your VALUE. You'll know its prime time to reopen her when other girls start finding you attractive (as it indicates that you're going about it in the right way and it gives you pre-selection value). Pre-selection value very important because she's already dated you before, and since you're still interested in her, it must mean that you did not break up with her on YOUR own accord. Thus you need to compensate by upping your value and demonstrating to her that you are NOT the same person she remembers.
This applies just as much if you are currently exiting a relationship. If you still like her and you want to "salvage" the relationship, understand that it's easier to "hit the restart button" than it is to "correct" your current shortcomings. You need time away from her to redefine yourself... and if you're like most guys you need to be reacquainted with your friends. When you're in a relationship you should NEVER neglect your buddies. Bro's before *%@%. Seriously. Until a girl proves her worth to you, treat her like a bratty little sister.
While your taking you hiatus from the relationship however, you might run into her. If so, be polite, be very friendly and be indifferent. Pretend she's a relative or friend you haven't run into for a while. Don't act clingy or ignore her. Don't give off an awkward vibe.
Energy level
Whether you're opening a girl you've never met before your rejoining a group of friends, take the time to access what their energy level is at. Are they all excitedly happy and in a chatty mood? Or are they all laid back and chill? Whatever energy state they are in, emulate it but be slightly more upbeat. This will help you integrate into the group more easily. This will also drastically lessen the awkwardness of incorporating yourself into a new group. It helps you "fit in" and creates a sense of familiarity.
Nice guys vs jerks
I want to begin this section by saying that I am a nice guy. And I have amazing success with women. "Nice guys finish last" is a myth. While it is true that jerks usually have an easier time attracting women (their attitude and demeanor more often leads to success with women) it's not the "jerk" aspect that women adore.
And despite what many people suspect, it's not confidence either. Confidence is a pre-requisite. What you really need is a strong sense of self. An identity. Jerks and %#%@%$%$ KNOW who they are and they don't do anything to compromise that identity. They don't let anyone walk all over them. Similarly, you (as a nice guy- if that's who you are) must develop a stronger sense of self. Don't let people walk over you. And when you take the time to help others (like I'm doing here) only help people who DESERVE it. Help people who are worthwhile. Help people who will "pay it forward," people who are willing to help others in turn.
Nice guys with a strong sense of self and an unshakable determination will trump an $!+%+$# anyday. But don't let the identity trap you. It's ok to be a little naughty sometimes...
VI. Conclusion - A Cinderella Story?
So is this it? Does everything end happily ever after? I will not pretend for a moment that this guide will make you a bullet-proof seducer. Their are easier ways to get a girl in bed. That is not the purpose of this manual. I've out-grown the whole "Pick-up Artist" persona. After a while you realize all the notches in your bedpost just feed your ego. Which is a shame because I've never been more irresistible than when my identity was that of a Pick-Up Artist (the massive pre-selection value). But even so, I have never been more confident than I am now. Because all the techniques, the methodologies and the charm...all of that is just a guise. True confidence is being able to meet a girl and build attraction spontaneously. Your personality will be compelling enough. But until you're ready for that, these strategies will be your guide.
Bonus Material: About Me, FAQ
About Me
I graduated from the University of Texas recently with a degree in Finance while working as a paralegal and minoring in philosophy to meet the requirements for Pre-Law. Last April while I was touring perspective Law Programs I visited Cornell University and met someone very special... Shortly thereafter I gave-up the pick-up artist lifestyle and decided to focus on academics. This guide is my way of giving back to the community.
Quote:
[table][tr][td]In walks the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen; Dark hair that flowed past her shoulders, cherubic feature brought out by a doe-eyed gaze set in a pair of perfect lashes.[/td] [/tr][/table]
Every guy wants a perfect 10. A woman whose beauty is only matched by her wit. I've found her. Will you?
FAQ
Most Frequestly Asked Question: Do looks matter to women?
Short answer: Not really.
Long answer: Women don't judge guys based on "looks" at all. They DO however judge our "appearance." The difference is that while guys would flock to megan fox even if she was wearing a pillow-case (more so in-fact), girls are more apt to judge a guy based on his OVERALL appearance.
This means that for the most part "handsomeness" and "having style" are more or less equivalent. While we may not be able to change our looks without a surgeon's scalpel we CAN do something about our style. Wearing clean shoes, being well groomed (or having 'designer scruff') and having a confident stride are MUCH more important than having a chiseled jawline.
Be warned however that appearances only achieve one thing -they give you a sightly larger margin of error. What you lack for in looks or style, you must make up for with tact.
1. Does this stuff really work?
Not like you think it does, it's not a bunch of magic words or lines that you can just memorize to help you get women into the sack. It's a lifestyle.
2. Are you a "player."
No. I stray away from casual sex. I dislike promiscuous women. It's just not my style.
3. Is there anyway that I can get the girl while "being myself?"
This is the classic cop out. Yourself is who you WANT to be, not who you are now. When most guys find out that the girl they like doesn't share their feelings, they feel dejected and say something like: "Oh well if she doesn't like the 'real me' then she isn't worth it anywase. This is WRONG. It's like taking your finals without studying, but opting to tell yourself that if you fail, then the class wasn't worth it anywase because the teacher didn't pass the 'real you.'
Would you rather learn to like what you have, or actually have what you want?
4. How do I get into the mindset/become more confident?
I suppose you could make the excuse that because you're not handsome, rich, or famous that it's hard to "just be confident." But know this: Confidence begets confidence. Success begets success. Therefore Success with women begets success with women (pre-selection) which inturn will provide you with genuine confidence. Fake it until you make it.
Epilogue
4 out of 5 of you will never work up the courage to use even half the material I have presented you here.
I can lead you to water but I cannot make you drink.
But if you are that fortunate 1 out of 5 who does act on this information, then I have a enclosed an epilogue to further motivate you onward:
Quote:
[table][tr][td]The other day I was talking to a buddy of mine, a real rock star at attracting women, about, of all things, Bill Gates. We were discussing how Gates's financial problems are vastly different from the average person. Bill spends his days fretting over ways to either make more money or sustain the money he has, while most people concern themselves with making money in the first place. The man lives in a completely different reality from most of us.
As we were chatting about Mr. Microsoft, something dawned on us...
When it comes to succeeding with women, we realized, we live in a very different reality from most men. In our reality, generating attraction in women is as easy as taking a crap - little effort, yet feels great! The skills and tools for generating attraction are so ingrained in us that when interacting with gorgeous women, there's not even an iota of hemming and hawing over how to attract them.
Our focus, instead, is on: using the attraction we already know we can generate in them to get our intended outcome. If there's a woman we're interested in, for example, we don't stand there stiff and stupefied, like a deer caught in headlights, wondering: "How in the world are we going to attract her?" We know, if we just chat with her for a few minutes, it's inevitable that she'll feel attraction toward us. That's why our focus is entirely on, even if we haven't yet said a word to her, using the attraction we already know we can generate in her to get our intended outcome.
But this isn't the reality of most men. "What to do in the wake of a woman feeling attraction toward you?" is a thought never crossing the minds of many a man - and rightfully so...because most can't even generate attraction inside women in the first place.[/td] [/tr][/table]
Goodluck in your endeavors. And as cliche as it sounds: with great power comes great reponsibility.
