I got caught stealing third base

6
10
Joined Apr 7, 2010
okay so this is a long story so I'm going to try and make it short.

today was the first wednesday of spring break, and we've been on springbreak for like 5 days. Today I woke up and then I realized how windy itwas outside. I looked outside and my tree was KNOCKED OVER. This isreally surprising because we have a koi pond outside and the koi fishweren't even flopping outside without water. It's really weird howfishes require water to breathe. I mean it would be really great if Icould have a land fish. Never mind.

Okay so it's almost my friend'sbirthday so I invited her over to watch a movie with my other friendsand that it was a big group so she didn't need to worry. She said yesand I was very happy because I usually cry after being rejected. So Iquickly took a shower and used both the conditioner and shampoo insteadof one or the other as usual. So then I walked over to the video storeto pick up a movie to watch for later on tonight. I walked abouthalfway there and then I slipped. I was bleeding on my face but then Irealized that I slipped on a $20 bill. Then I realized that it was veryfortuitous because I forgot to bring money from home. So then I stoppedby Starbucks because the thought of such a woman coming to my houseexhilarated me and I needed something to drink to calm down. The linewas kind of long which was weird because it was a Wednesday morning. Iwasn't aware that so many people took time out of their schedules inorder to get a beverage. So I ordered a frap, and I tipped her twodollars because she was kind of cute. But when I put the tip in the boxshe didn't even say anything! What a waste of two dollars. I wassitting there, enjoying my frap when a woman approached me. She noticehow good the structure and arch of my foot was, and offered me a job asa foot model. I declined though, because I wasn't ready for theresponsibility and I didn't want to work because I was very foot shy infront of the camera.

 Anyways I went to the movie store and I tried toget into the adults only section but then the guy caught me and told meto get out. So then I went to another video store and ended up gettingthe Notebook so I could impress the woman with my sensitivity. I walkedhome and got freshened up for my big night. I had to pick out theperfect outfit to impress her and then I ended up picking the lowestv-neck I could find and my best pair of basketball shorts. I smelledmyself and noticed that my nipples smelled kind of like milk so then Iwas troubled. I ended up spraying the said nipple with Axe Vice andthen I was good to go. Then I realized how much time was left beforeour meeting. So I ended up watching the Yankees game. I never realizeduntil today how good looking of a guy Derek Jeter actually is. If Ididn't love women as much I would totally build a shrine for him in theback of my closet. But alas, I am. I cooked a bowl of Progresso ChickenNoodle Soup in the microwave, and was impressed with the results. Sothen the doorbell rang and I saw the woman standing there, and she waswearing a v-neck similar to mine and a pair of apple bottom jeans, andboots with the fur.

 I was like hey you remind me of that Flo-Rida songand she was like yeah thanks. So I invited her in and she was likewhere is everyone? Then I silently cursed myself because I forgot toinvite other people in my scuffle. I told her that she was the only onethat didn't cancel on me, and flashed her the sad face. She just smiledand then I wiped off my brow in relief. So then we watched the notebookand I noticed how good she smelled. I noticed she was wearing perfume;Gucci by Gucci. I love it when a woman's scent lingers for just longenough. So the notebook had a very cathartic effect. At the end of themovie we were both crying and she kissed me on the mouth. So then shelicked my chest (roughly around the circumfrence of my left nipple) andthen she started gagging and wheezing. I'm assuming that the Axe I puton earlier must have hit other parts of my chest. Since I was wearing alow v-neck she must have licked some of the Axe, so I was like "OH MYGOSH I'M SO SORRY". After about ten minutes of coughing and rinsing ofher mouth she came in and smiled. She said it was okay and not toworry. So then we shared the small bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup I hadcooked in the microwave, but I noticed that things weren't the same.

 Thenshe left and was like "Ummm thanks i'll post on your wall later!". andI was like "mHmmmmm". so then I realized that she took my phone onaccident (we both have the same blackberry's). So now that she has myphone she might realize that I never actually called the other people Isaid I did, and she might realize that I had manipulated her into myhouse and engaging in the entire situation.
Do you guys think that Iruined it? I feel so bad right now.
 
2,721
10
Joined Jul 18, 2007
For real I just busted out laughing as soon as I saw that wall of text.


Cliffnotes pleeeeeeeeease.
 

elpablo21

Supporter
74,827
89,162
Joined Feb 11, 2008
Only thing I could make out was "KNOCKED OVER" and "OH MY GOSH IM SORRY"
 
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