Need serious advice from older NT heads

W)taps

formerly worldgonemad
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No judgement, but this was wild to read.

No, I fully understand because it sounds selfish and I look like an *******. But being close to 30 and still living with my parents and not being able to be an adult living on my own when I want to is depressing.

Has your father always treated your mother this way?

Nope. My mom was a strong woman until she caught a stroke few years back. Ever since then he mental and physical health went on a huge decline and my father took advantage of her being weak.

Wait.

Why cant you leave again?

Am I missing something?

Can you not stop by and visit after you move out?

Can your Mother not visit you at your new spot?

My mom cant drive anymore and she needs someone to give her her meds at the proper time and also needs me to check her bloodwork. She always forgets her meds, which are keeping her alive pretty much.


man. cant lie my Parents are in town visiting, My Dad currently has Cance,r and reading your situation def choked me up some.

First off, I just Pray that everything works out in your favor and that Blessings, Peace, Health, and Happiness comes to you and your family.

The thought of my parents getting to that point where they are getting older and health is declining crosses my mind so much. I have coworkers who are dealing with similar situations as you OP and hearing them complain about it, which Im sure can be frustrating at times, but it just always rubs me the wrong way. My Parents did so much for me and still do to this day, and if they are ever in a situation where they will need my help I will be there for them.

Shout out to you OP for doing all that you have done. If I were you in that situation Im taking my Mom away from Pops. Either he leaves, or Me and Mom leave. I know you said the finances from her health would be rough on you, but see if you and Dad can come to an agreement to where yall can make it a collaborative effort. I know you said you want to focus on your life and I definitely respect that because youre not wrong at all, but Im just speaking for myself and I can confidently say Id push a lot of that to the side until things were in a stable position. I know thats easy for me to say since Im not personally in your shoes, but I just know for my Mom/Dad I would have no problem doing so. Hopefully the responses in this thread help you make the best decision to improve your situation and Im rooting for you as well as Praying for you and yours.

Thank you man. I really appreciate the words. Everyone's advice in this thread is helping me come to a decision and I can truly say I appreciate everyone's advice on here.
 
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OP, I think the first thing you should consider is taking a staycation or mini-vacation to simply decompress from your current situation. Taking care of your mental well-being is very important and you deserve that break for yourself. I admire at the fact that you're home willing to care for your mom and also deal with your dad. Your situation sounds very similar to my in-laws when my mom-in-law was going through chemo, where dad was not compassionate or understanding about mom's condition and simply was more worried about the inconvenience of the added responsibilities that was put on his plate. I would ask your dad directly why he's acting the way he is and what can be done to improve the vibe at home. I would not be surprised if he was stressed out and doesn't know how to truly express how he feels. Talking to him may help. Talk to your mom as well, I know her health isn't great, but maybe you're able to do things with her during the week to breakup the daily routine she has at home?
 

calibeebee

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Long story short,

I'm in my late 20s and live with my parents due to my mom's declining health.

My dad pretty much verbally (never physical) abuses her everyday and treats her like **** and I always step in to stop him, and we end up fighting and yelling.

This is taking a serious toll on my mental health but my mom has no where to go esp since my dad pays for her health bills and she refuses to divorce him. (Stubborn immigrants mindset). It's gotten so bad to the point where my mom suffers from severe depression.

Financially, I can move out and take care of myself but I can't take care of my mom and her health bills. I don't know if I should just leave the house and deal with my life and leave my mom behind or what other solutions I have. My older brother pretty much forgot about my parents as soon as he started his own family so he's not willing to help. I feel like I can't live my life fully and with a healthy mental state due to the stress of worrying about my mom.

Any advice is appreciated.

this is bad advice for you, please consider all possibilities, but next time your pops acts outta pocket towards your mom, you need to call the police out. She can get a restraining order if need be, and mental health assistance from courts if need be.

about the bills, if she gets a divorce from an abusive person, all her bills will be paid for by the ex spouse in alimony. Just saying.

national domestic abuse hotline:
1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
TTY 1.800.787.3224
 

Present

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My mom cant drive anymore and she needs someone to give her her meds at the proper time and also needs me to check her bloodwork. She always forgets her meds, which are keeping her alive pretty much.

Damn Fam. I cant even imagine what you're facing right now.

Good on you for hanging in there!

Was just thinking you might be able to create an oasis of your own away from the madness so that you can bring your Mom out of the BS and into a better space - if even for just a few hours a day / days a week. That might be better medicine than any Dr. could prescribe.

At least that way you both can catch a break from the negative energy.

Aint no medicine gonna fix a bad environment.

Staying there is basically lighting incense and spraying air freshener with a huge pile of rotting trash in the middle of the room.

Sounds like your Father is hurting too - nobody acts like that for nothing.

People don't change and if all this started after the stroke then there's a real chance your Dad might be scared out of his mind.

People process information in some unique ways sometimes.

When home games are more like away games its time to move the team to a new city.

this is bad advice for you, please consider all possibilities, but next time your pops acts outta pocket towards your mom, you need to call the police out. She can get a restraining order if need be, and mental health assistance from courts if need be.

about the bills, if she gets a divorce from an abusive person, all her bills will be paid for by the ex spouse in alimony. Just saying.

If recent history is an example - please do not call the cops! If your Dad isn't beating / physically assaulting your Mom then I cant see how the Cops will make things anything other than worse than they already are. Leave them people out of your business! Cops aint the ones for a job like this. More harm than good. Y'all immigrants too? Nah fam. Leave that alone.
 

aepps20

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What I'm about to say may offend some, but I feel like it needs to be said. When people get married and say in sickness and in health they really don't appreciate what that means. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer two years ago my dad, my wife and myself essentially became full time caregivers and it was hard. I saw my mom go from the strongest most independent person I know to a person that could barely eat or go to the bathroom on her own. It was heartbreaking but to see my Dad, step up and put her needs above his own was truly inspiring and made me even more proud of my father. My father spent 30 days in the ICU when my mom was in a medically induced coma on a ventilator because of Pneumonia. He went to the hospital every day and even when my mom went to the rehabilitation hospital he went every day even though the hospital was on the other side of town. My dad was so devoted that I had to tell him that he needed to slow down otherwise I would lose both parents but he persisted. Dad was there for mom until she passed. My wife and I would take mom to her chemo appointments and attend to her as well. My older sisters both checked out with my middle sister who herself is a doctor being the worst offender. I understand what it's like being the only responsible child that seems to care about your parents. Lots of bitterness and anger I feel towards my siblings now that mom has passed but I have to get over it. It would be easy for me to say that your Dad is a scumbag for what he's doing but I've seen what being a full time caregiver can do to even the most compassionate person so try not to judge him too harshly. He is probably grieving the loss of your mom even though she's still there, she isn't what she once was which is hard.
 
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Dont call the police on your dad.

They are useless and it will only complicate and make your situation worse.
 
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