NT Older crew 25+ up and/or Married...need some advice...

[hennessy]

 

 

You've been dating this girl and ******* her for a year but refuse to meet her parents. She should have left your *** a while ago

When's the ideal time to meet the parents?

A couple weeks to a couple months

Really? After just a few weeks of dating?

It could be any time frame. When she starts dropping hints and straight up inviting you to meet her family/parents that's when you know that she is serious about you. At this point, you meet the parents and commit to her, or you don't meet them and she will see it as rejection and start to move on soon after. Been in this situation many times and it's a true subconscious barometer of your feelings towards the girl.

OP if you really wanted to be with her you'd put your reservations aside and meet her parents, even if you were only doing it for her.

word?

it took me 9 months to meet my own damn parents and i hate to put an artificial clock on anything but i know shawty aint meeting them in a couple of weeks to a couple of months.

My current girl we both met eachothers family's within a month or two. My sister been dating a guy for like 3 years still hasn't met his dad. Everyone has different family dynamic. There's no right or wrong answer this is a very personal thing.

 

[krazy88s]

Not that it matters, but what country is she from?

 

[jaypesoz]

Good luck with your decision, Grim. From what I've read, you're abit nervous to jump in. If she see's herself getting married in two years, that's still abit of time. Maybe see how the next couple of months go before re-evaluating everything? And if something better comes along in the meantime, then you know you dodged a bullet

 

[friscostylez]

 

 

You've been dating this girl and ******* her for a year but refuse to meet her parents. She should have left your *** a while ago

When's the ideal time to meet the parents?

A couple weeks to a couple months

Really? After just a few weeks of dating?

It could be any time frame. When she starts dropping hints and straight up inviting you to meet her family/parents that's when you know that she is serious about you. At this point, you meet the parents and commit to her, or you don't meet them and she will see it as rejection and start to move on soon after. Been in this situation many times and it's a true subconscious barometer of your feelings towards the girl.

OP if you really wanted to be with her you'd put your reservations aside and meet her parents, even if you were only doing it for her.

word?

it took me 9 months to meet my own damn parents and i hate to put an artificial clock on anything but i know shawty aint meeting them in a couple of weeks to a couple of months.

My current girl we both met eachothers family's within a month or two. My sister been dating a guy for like 3 years still hasn't met his dad. Everyone has different family dynamic. There's no right or wrong answer this is a very personal thing.

nah i feel it i feel it but u also gotta realize that introducing someone to someone's family doesn't mean much IMO. some people are just comfortable introducing to who they're dating to their friends and family while others are not.

i came from a family of serial daters and i always found it weird when someone in my family brings someone to meet the family and they haven't been together for a long time and normally they end up breaking up shortly afterwards.

 

[Mark Antony]

1 day, 2 years whatever, keep it funky my dudes. If you've dated multiple women, when you know, you know.

 

[wavy daddy]

Can we just get a pic doggy?

Neck down
Waist down
Ankle down
Wrist down

Somethin.

 

[hennessy]

 

 

You've been dating this girl and ******* her for a year but refuse to meet her parents. She should have left your *** a while ago

When's the ideal time to meet the parents?

A couple weeks to a couple months

Really? After just a few weeks of dating?

It could be any time frame. When she starts dropping hints and straight up inviting you to meet her family/parents that's when you know that she is serious about you. At this point, you meet the parents and commit to her, or you don't meet them and she will see it as rejection and start to move on soon after. Been in this situation many times and it's a true subconscious barometer of your feelings towards the girl.

OP if you really wanted to be with her you'd put your reservations aside and meet her parents, even if you were only doing it for her.

word?

it took me 9 months to meet my own damn parents and i hate to put an artificial clock on anything but i know shawty aint meeting them in a couple of weeks to a couple of months.

My current girl we both met eachothers family's within a month or two. My sister been dating a guy for like 3 years still hasn't met his dad. Everyone has different family dynamic. There's no right or wrong answer this is a very personal thing.

nah i feel it i feel it but u also gotta realize that introducing someone to someone's family doesn't mean much IMO. some people are just comfortable introducing to who they're dating to their friends and family while others are not.

i came from a family of serial daters and i always found it weird when someone in my family brings someone to meet the family and they haven't been together for a long time and normally they end up breaking up shortly afterwards.

Right. It can mean a lot or it can it mean nothing. Seems like it means a lot in OPs case. She wouldn't be so upset otherwise. She wants to include him in her family and if he keeps rejecting the offer she will soon move on. It's obvious that her wanting to be a housewife, she is family-oriented and nurturing. The apple don't fall far from the tree. I bet her parents are just as important to her as a significant other and that's why she wants them to meet so badly. But again, I'm making a lot of assumptions about people I haven't met so IDK. Just calling it how I see it.

 

[friscostylez]

IMO trying to figure out why a girl is doing something or wants something done is like guessing on a multiple choice test that's in a different language

 

[blackcease]

Sounds like you're not ready.

I am going to try to keep it 100. You think there is an outside shot you can do better. You don't want to lose the down chick because she will love you forever through good and bad.

These, kind of.

The fact that you're so secretive, you choose not to call her and you refused to meet her parents shows that you're clearly adverse to attaching yourself to this situation. You said you're 31, so if this is a pattern you've had in multiple previous relationships, well then the problem is probably with you. You got attachment and trust issues, and you gotta adjust the way you operate if you want to make it work with ANY girl (and I'm speaking from experience on this), let alone this one who seems to really like being attached.

If you haven't been like this in all your previous relationships well then yeah, I'd say you like the girl to an extent and recognize her pluses, but you just don't like her THAT much, and you're thinking you can do better, probably time to move on.



And just an added sidebar, you didn't say anything about the sex, but if it's FIRE and you're still having these issues, then yeah you REALLY don't like this girl that much , and I'd double down on the advice to move on in that case

 

[mr jordan04]

We need pics

And she gon use you for her papers

 

[2Sky0waY6]

And she gon use you for her papers

View media item 2098760
Knew this girl that was teaching abroad, she brought back this Hispanic guy, she wasnt all that good looking while this guys was fit and outgoing. On the day of the third year of his papers he ghosted, took all his stuff while she was at work. Cold world I tell you.

 

[tomdiginson]

When's the ideal time to meet the parents?

Various times. I've met the parents 1 week in.Had a chick face time with her moms in secret while I was around with her. Then said "my mom would like to meet you" and "I said, sure setup a time" and she just whipped out the phone on me. in the backgroundUsually chicks bring me around their family quick, but I don't bring them around my half cause I don't know if the relationship is gonna be serious and I got some people in my family who will try hit me with the wedding bells schift in front of the chick.

 

[lamekilla]

It's all about your happiness OP. Just take time out and reevaluate her pros and cons and what YOU want out of a future with a woman

 

[gentrification]

Don't legally marry

 

[shoefreakbaby]

Stopped reading after hearing house wife goals

 

[PRIME]

Looking for advice of people who have been in this situation before or have been in committed relationships for a while that probably led to marriage...

Facts:
- Met someone about a year ago, been dating for about that time now
- We been going through the ringer lately because we just can't get on the same page but we love each other a lot but we can't make a good compromise
- Girl I met has positives and negatives

Positives:
- can cook, clean, take care of kid's (she's a nanny in manhattan)
- down to earth attitude, not prissy or any of that
- modest, traditional in the sense of wanting to have kids, build a future, live and be merry
- creative, girl does some really artsy cakes, and crafts. Sells her cakes for $100+ each
- never have to spend a lot of money on her, she's fine with what she has
- pays for ya boy when we go out sometimes.

Negatives:
- doesn't have a good education, started college (1 semester) never finished
- is illegal....although she has been in the U.S. for 15 years now...never applied for citizenship (although getting married for papers isn't her thing and I do trust her on that tip)
- has admitted to wanting to be a housewife and take care of kids, felt she was always meant to raise kids
- emotional, not crazy emo, but emotional over the fact that I choose to keep somethings about my life private (she feels people in a relationship should tell each other everything), and emotional that I currently have limited time to spend with her
- wants to get married within the next 2 years
- can get clingy


I gotta admit some of the problems we going through can be mine....it's been a year and I never met her parents (not really my thing) and she wants me too, sometimes I need space from everything and I just throw my phone down and don't call anyone for a day or two (I have a crazy hectic work/family life), kept some private things about myself private and she feels i'm keeping big secrets from her...

Those with experience being in relationships for a while and possibly led to marriage....is this one worth saving?

I mean I love this girl but I'm a guy that needs my space to recharge and I hate being clinged on too tight...but she has a lot of solid characteristics.

Can the brah's help me gain some perspective on this situation?

Appreciated!

If you gotta weigh all these variables....

 

[dipsetgeneral]

I'm 27 and have no women on my roster. My sex life is extinct.

 

[jape]

I'm 27 and have no women on my roster. My sex life is extinct.

 

[mister doitnice]

Honestly it doesn't sound like you want this girl. Those are some pretty weak cons in my opinion. I don't mind the whole housewife thing to be honest. If it's that big of an issue for you then why waste your time?

 

[johnnyredstorm]

I'm 27 and have no women on my roster. My sex life is extinct.

Them palms must be hairy

 

[iamjusayn]

TAKE IT SLOW!

Trust me on this one...you are young too.

 

[htg designs]

No lie, I thought it was weird af that my wife's goal was to be a mother and homemaker. Im like, you mad smart, got all these great skills. Why waste them? I love her too much to let her go and grew to accept that some women just built like that. She gets money alternative ways inside the home, has various outlets that allow her to still use her skills, its just her primary focus is keeping things going at home and raising our children. The peace of mind that she is the constant influence on our children is priceless. Its pretty counter- cultural in this day and age, especially in the city areas. ( The system is designed for dual incomes, so tv programming and society can raise your kids -tin foil hat off-) Now I'm on the other side of it and think its great. I have someone I trust more than anyone, who shares the same values I do, ensuring our children grow with good character. You just gotta determine if you can support that lifestyle financially and not factor in anything she may bring in ( because that would be just extra income, unless its reliable and consistent). I clearly understand why a housewife role is looked down upon. But it is a very important and special role that can greatly benefit a family and allow it to function much more smoothly. And what would make things even more smoother is some pics.

 

[trappstar]

I'm not married but I encountered the "one," and though it sounds cliche, from day one, with her, all prior rules and desires I had for my wife went out the window, as she redefined the definition for me personally.

I know it sounds cliche but when it comes to picking your spouse, the moment you are able to be logical about it and assess their pros and cons, insinuates to me that she isn't the one but rather someone who can fit into the one role. Nonetheless, I was head over heels in love - I actually walked away from our first encounter saying I was gonna marry her - and that in itself is the most dangerous thing in the world because you are blinded to everything, and some of it isnt necessarily peachy, so I think optimally there is a balance between having an innate gut feeling about someone's potential, and being able to objectively see the value/detriment that they bring to the table.

With this one, it's obvious she fancies some positives, since you are introducing her into the equation. Nonetheless, from an outside perspective, it seems that you just need more time to decide whether she indeed is the one for you. I would recommend not allowing this woman to pressure you into making a decision. At 30, she obviously is more pressed than you, which is her right, and also an obligation that you have to her, since you care about her, to not waste her time. Have a conversation and perhaps set a timeline. Give yourself another year with her, and if at that time her negatives are not wholly counterbalanced by her positives, the two of you go your separate ways, if marriage in the near future isn't something that is negotiable for her.

Also, I think we as men, have a tendency to devalue the role of a housewife. Having witnessed my sister raise my nephew as a stay at home mother the past year, I can honestly say that it is the most challenging job on the market, and the amount of patience it requires is probably something that I personally do not possess. So just because this woman doesn't bring direct monetary value to your relationship, doesn't mean that she wont enhance your life to a level of happiness not previously imagined, which in the end, is a state of life that money cannot necessarily acquire.

 

[panaricanretro]

Don't get married before your ready or for the sake of keeping her from putting that kind of pressure on you. Just wait a little while. It's only been a year. I've seen people date 7-8 years and then break up. I've also seen 20+ year marriages end in divorce. You just never know don't rush it.

 

[rook]

She using you dawg. She wanna just be a illegal housewife in NYC *** this ain't Hollywood