Official NT dad thread: can the dads get love

[sole searchin]

Anyone with a helmet child (not an insulting term I hope)?

 

[Los Angeles]

twenty-eight weeks.

 

[nawghtyhare]

Anyone with a helmet child (not an insulting term I hope)?

Like a mentally disabled kid???

 

[nawghtyhare]

twenty-eight weeks.

Congrats

 

[sole searchin]

Like a mentally disabled kid???

Nah fam. Like a helmet to shape their heads.

 

[lobotomybeats]

My wife passed away in May after being diagnosed with cancer in February. I am everything to my kids now. My wife was a fantastic mom and person. Filling her shoes isn't easy. I am doing my best, but playing therapist to four grieving children (2, 5, 7 and 13 years) is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The emotions of the kids never align. Where my daughter might be having a really sad day, my son might be having a day where he's really pissed off about not having his mom. Each day is different and none are very pleasant. These four little faces keep me from being a total mess.

 

[Los Angeles]

lobotomybeats my dude so sorry for your loss, if theres anything i can do let me know.

as cliche as it sounds but continue to stay strong and hopefully you have a great support system around you.

each of those 4 blessings have a piece of your wife’s heart, continue to be there for them and also taking care of yourself

 

[maq25060]

I honestly cannot imagine my family going through such a thing and the amount of strength it would require.

Nothing but love to you and your family man.

 

[jrp44]

Got me tearing up over here man. Stay strong man

 

[nawghtyhare]

My wife passed away in May after being diagnosed with cancer in February. I am everything to my kids now. My wife was a fantastic mom and person. Filling her shoes isn't easy. I am doing my best, but playing therapist to four grieving children (2, 5, 7 and 13 years) is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The emotions of the kids never align. Where my daughter might be having a really sad day, my son might be having a day where he's really pissed off about not having his mom. Each day is different and none are very pleasant. These four little faces keep me from being a total mess.

I don’t even know what to say man
Just prayers ur fam continue to prosper

 

[nawghtyhare]

No to derail
Or be insensitive
Or pry
But financially
Was there any obstacles with collecting insurance
Or insurance refusing to pay
Thats one of my fears
If I or my wife pass
That insurance would come up with some loophole not to pay
Or not pay the full amount
cause the payout so high

 

[sole searchin]

My wife passed away in May after being diagnosed with cancer in February. I am everything to my kids now. My wife was a fantastic mom and person. Filling her shoes isn't easy. I am doing my best, but playing therapist to four grieving children (2, 5, 7 and 13 years) is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The emotions of the kids never align. Where my daughter might be having a really sad day, my son might be having a day where he's really pissed off about not having his mom. Each day is different and none are very pleasant. These four little faces keep me from being a total mess.

Man. Nothing I can say or do to make you feel any better but keep it up. You’re doing a great job and just be there for the kiddos.

If there’s anything that could be done to make it a bit easier for you just let us know. Prayers out though bro.

 

[jumpmanpro97]

My son just had his last practice for his first summer league b-ball season ages (9-10) it was an 8 game season. He has fun out there even though a couple of the teams were stacked they turned off the score board on his team 2 times this season. My son isn’t the greatest b-ball player out there, we always try to practice as much as possible but man there’s some kids out there that don’t even know how to dribble with their dominant hand. Sorry as a parent how can you put your kid out there without at least trying to practice fundamentals with him or her? Anyone ever coached a kids team? How do you deal with these kids that shouldn’t even be out there? I just find it crazy that some parents don’t even try to prepare their kid for the sport.

 

[beacon ave south]

lobotomybeats

My G my heart truly goes out to you. There are very few who can understand or feel what you're going through. Stay strong, show your kids that you're the best dad and you will provide to the best of your ability.

If you have a GoFundMe or anything of that sort, post it up. I will no doubt help a fellow brother out and im sure others will also.

Stay up my man, we're here for you.

 

[a blinkin]

Truly sorry for your loss lobotomybeats . Can’t fathom what that must be like. You brought NT countless laughs my guy. I know it might not mean much, but my inbox is always open if you ever need someone to talk to.

 

[nawghtyhare]

My son just had his last practice for his first summer league b-ball season ages (9-10) it was an 8 game season. He has fun out there even though a couple of the teams were stacked they turned off the score board on his team 2 times this season. My son isn’t the greatest b-ball player out there, we always try to practice as much as possible but man there’s some kids out there that don’t even know how to dribble with their dominant hand. Sorry as a parent how can you put your kid out there without at least trying to practice fundamentals with him or her? Anyone ever coached a kids team? How do you deal with these kids that shouldn’t even be out there? I just find it crazy that some parents don’t even try to prepare their kid for the sport.

Some parents just look at it as exercise time or just to get kids out the house
All the skill will come in time
But again some parents just want there kids in an activity to keep them busy
So them not knowing fundamentals is understanding

 

[lobotomybeats]

No to derail
Or be insensitive
Or pry
But financially
Was there any obstacles with collecting insurance
Or insurance refusing to pay
Thats one of my fears
If I or my wife pass
That insurance would come up with some loophole not to pay
Or not pay the full amount
cause the payout so high

Insurance is probably the easiest thing to take care of out of everything you will have to do. It was hassle free and we both carried multiple policies. Pretty much everything else (Social Security, 401K, pension etc) took much longer.

lobotomybeats

you have a GoFundMe or anything of that sort, post it up. I will no doubt help a fellow brother out and im sure others will also.

I appreciate the offer, and I am not really sure how to say this... But we are good. We were already pretty set. My wife's passing doesn't change that.

 

[nawghtyhare]

Insurance is probably the easiest thing to take care of out of everything you will have to do. It was hassle free and we both carried multiple policies. Pretty much everything else (Social Security, 401K, pension etc) took much longer.



I appreciate the offer, and I am not really sure how to say this... But we are good. We were already pretty set. My wife's passing doesn't change that.

Oh ok
Good to know that’s always been on my mind
It being difficult to collect on my policy
If something happens

 

[lobotomybeats]

Thank you for all of the kind words, everyone.

My wife was special. She made everything better.. including me. Before my wife, I was a good time... but that's pretty much it. With her, I became a man. I became a father and stepfather. I cut out drugs. I like myself a lot more because of her.

She was in the medical field. She was well respected by the doctors she worked with. They adored her. Two of them spoke at her funeral. She made a difference in a way that I never could... until now.

I closed out her funeral with my thoughts. It was ****ing rough. I spoke last and was armed with just a few bullet points I wanted to touch upon. I don't remember much of what I said, but supposedly it went well. I spokes for roughly ten minutes.

My wife's cancer was an anomaly. She had a type of cancer typically only 50-70 year old men get. She was 38. Pretty much out of nowhere she had a tumor that covered her abdomen and made her look 20+ weeks pregnant. We had every intention of beating it. She took a form of chemo that consisted of two pills a day. The medicine robbed her of her energy, made her swollen and made it difficult to do much with the children. She fought her *** off. All of a sudden everything started going down hill. She was in the hospital for less than a day before I had to make the decision to pull life support. She was hemorrhaging and we didn't know it. We had surgery scheduled for the beginning of June to try and have the tumor removed. The chances of her surviving surgery weren't great, but it was the only course of action that could have saved her life. Despite knowing the danger, she was looking forward to having this behind her. We always thought that her cancer would be something we would look back on as a blip on our radar.

Telling my children that their mom had died is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have no doubt it always will be. I had made the decision to not let them come to the hospital. I didn't want that to be their last image of their mom.

Some days it feels like I am barely getting by. Handling my emotions would be hard enough without kids. With kids, it becomes even harder. Everything has changed and it's no fault of ours. That makes it tough.

 

[tdogg2k]

lobotomybeats Geezus rice fam, im legit holding back tears.. I'm sorry for your loss. my wife is my everything too. and shes been going through some **** mentally and physically i ve been kinda passing off. but after hearing this i feel like crap.
I always told her. if she goes im going right behind her cuz it's not worth it being here with out her. but now that we have our daughter how rough... I'm so sorry man.
You know the NT fam is always here for you if you need us brotha.

 

[jewseejay]

Dammit man. Life isn't fair. That was tough to even read. That being your reality everyday has to be so surreal. I hope you have family around to help out.

I dont know how much help I'd be to anyone presented with the same circumstances. Your a strong man bruh. Continue to be that for your kids. Prayers up

 

[Grine]

Pics of the princess in Japan...

 

[maq25060]

Thank you for all of the kind words, everyone.

My wife was special. She made everything better.. including me. Before my wife, I was a good time... but that's pretty much it. With her, I became a man. I became a father and stepfather. I cut out drugs. I like myself a lot more because of her.

She was in the medical field. She was well respected by the doctors she worked with. They adored her. Two of them spoke at her funeral. She made a difference in a way that I never could... until now.

I closed out her funeral with my thoughts. It was ****ing rough. I spoke last and was armed with just a few bullet points I wanted to touch upon. I don't remember much of what I said, but supposedly it went well. I spokes for roughly ten minutes.

My wife's cancer was an anomaly. She had a type of cancer typically only 50-70 year old men get. She was 38. Pretty much out of nowhere she had a tumor that covered her abdomen and made her look 20+ weeks pregnant. We had every intention of beating it. She took a form of chemo that consisted of two pills a day. The medicine robbed her of her energy, made her swollen and made it difficult to do much with the children. She fought her *** off. All of a sudden everything started going down hill. She was in the hospital for less than a day before I had to make the decision to pull life support. She was hemorrhaging and we didn't know it. We had surgery scheduled for the beginning of June to try and have the tumor removed. The chances of her surviving surgery weren't great, but it was the only course of action that could have saved her life. Despite knowing the danger, she was looking forward to having this behind her. We always thought that her cancer would be something we would look back on as a blip on our radar.

Telling my children that their mom had died is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have no doubt it always will be. I had made the decision to not let them come to the hospital. I didn't want that to be their last image of their mom.

Some days it feels like I am barely getting by. Handling my emotions would be hard enough without kids. With kids, it becomes even harder. Everything has changed and it's no fault of ours. That makes it tough.

If youre open to talk about it, how has it been with the 2 year old? Do they understand the family lost a member? I can't imagine how I could hold myself together if I had to explain that someone isn't returning home multiple times if necessary.

My daughter loves Daniel Tiger. They have that song Grown Ups Come Back...and my daughter asks that to us whenever I get home from work or whenever my girl is about to leave for work. I tell her "I always come back." But this situation does bring to light that you don't always come back.

Have y'all as parents discussed death with y'all kids? I don't see how one would do so naturally without there being a death that occurs or funeral to attend.

 

[lobotomybeats]

If youre open to talk about it, how has it been with the 2 year old? Do they understand the family lost a member? I can't imagine how I could hold myself together if I had to explain that someone isn't returning home multiple times if necessary.

My daughter loves Daniel Tiger. They have that song Grown Ups Come Back...and my daughter asks that to us whenever I get home from work or whenever my girl is about to leave for work. I tell her "I always come back." But this situation does bring to light that you don't always come back.

Have y'all as parents discussed death with y'all kids? I don't see how one would do so naturally without there being a death that occurs or funeral to attend.

The two year old is so different than the other three. He still remembers his mom. He misses his mom. But I know he won't remember his interactions with his mom for long. I will never forget the day we received my wife's diagnosis. We were waiting for the biopsy. She turns over and looks at me, tears in her eyes, and asks "will he even remember me?" That sticks with me. My main goal has been to make sure he remembers his mom. We do it through videos, pictures and stories. This week my wife's friend sent the kids teddy bears made from shirts my wife wore. They adore them. One of the saddest moments occurred a week or two after my wife had passed. My nephew took the 7 and 13 year old somewhere. Instead of switching out car seats, my nephew took my wife's car. My 2 year old and I were outside when they returned in her car. He started yelling "Mommy's home! Mommy's home!" I was gutted.

The "grown ups come back" things is something my 5 year old daughter struggled with mightily over the summer. I believe it's because I had someone take the kids when I called the ambulance. They never saw their mom again. There were two other instances where my wife was hospitalized. Each time my daughter wasn't here when she left. I know my daughter was terrified that when I would go to work or whatever that I wasn't coming back. Typical separation anxiety.

I wish I could say things are getting easier. I can't. Kids are more resilient than adults. They are capable of being distracted and having a good day. I am not there yet. It's going to be awhile. I still cry daily. I still have very dark days. If I am being honest, if it weren't for my kids I don't know that I would still be around. I miss her that much. But I know that I would want my wife to be proud of me. I know that my wife's legacy depends on me reminding my kids of how special she was. It's a lot. I don't have time for me. I can't sleep unless the kids are in my bed. We have a pretty large house. When the kids aren't here it feels even bigger and more empty. There's a huge void that cannot be filled.

 

[jewseejay]

No words. Praying you find a way to bounce back brother and live a life your wife would be proud of