Post your most embarrassing sexual encounters vol. 4

[255forlife]

this didn't happen to me, it happened to my boy during college..


his mom just moved to a new apartment.. i think in iowa or somewhere.. so he goes and visits in the summertime. meets this chick at the building pool.. theyget to drinking, talking.. one thing leads to another, and they head back to her place to smash.


the whole time, this chick is saying that she's a virgin, and she wants dude to hit it raw "for my first time."


chad thinks better of this.. throws on a rubber and proceeds to smash, thinking to himself, why would a virgin want to get it raw.. hmm, doesn't feel likea virgin while smashing either.. plus during it, she didn't seem like one either..


still drunk, he gets off her, heads to the bathroom.. flicks the light and there's some MURDER SCENE TYPE BLOOD from his chest to his thighs.


apparently she was on her period and just used the virgin line as an excuse for the upcoming bloodiness.

 

[iblink]

About two nights ago:

I'm having make up sex with my lady. She's going crazy on the kid. A few minutes passes by and she just starts to cry and lays down on me tombout"Kyle, don't hurt me, I don't know what I've do. I'd go crazy..."

Shorty's crying her eyes out and I'm there feeling the most awkward feeling ever during sex. I can't do anything but pay her back and say "Iwon't"

Turns out she found out about a party I was at and evidently some girl and I got locked in a room and were on the verge of doing the do; I was hella drunk.

So after about 5 minutes of crying, she gets up, laughs and says "ready to go again?"

 

[sneakerlips]

Me and my ex a few years ago used to smash anywhere we can and sometimes it would get out of hand.

So i roll through to this party pretty late and mychick is already faded as hell. I settle in get a few drinks and such.She proceeds to push me into the bathroom to smash and was mad hype. So im hitting shortyfrom the back hardcore and she tells me to slip my index in her "AYO". I guess i got caught up in the sexual rush so I did it. When I pulled out myfinger, it looked like a chocolate popsicle. I immediately went soft and told her we shouldn't do this anymore. My reaction was

for months

 

[cleavland steamer]

 

[DVMNXK]

This thread is a masterpiece.

 

[iblink]

twenty two pages of great stories

 

[crumbs]

Originally Posted by PersiaFly

This isn't as funny as most of these, but it's def. embarrassing.

This girl from out of town that I messing with finally agreed to spend a whole day with me, so I was thinking chill, see a movie, then go home and smash. So as soon as she gets in my car, she starts "teasing" and "touching" and whatnot, but says she still wants to see a movie. So we get to the theatre and it's the same thing, teasing and touching everywhere, but not really any solid action. At this point, she's been playing with my soldier for like 2 hours, and it's starting to become unbearable. I try to talk her into going down in the movies, but she says the old people 20 rows ahead who are the only other people in the theater will hear.

So I'm like let's just bounce, and she says she wants to watch the rest of Aviator.

Joint was like 3 hours long. For like an hour Leo was just sitting in a room watching his beard grow. And I'm sitting there trying to keep my nuts from exploding. So it really becomes unbearable with about an hour to go in the movie, and I decide t go to the bathroom and "take matters into my own hands". Unfortunately, I'm in such a hurry to find relief that I get it all over the front of my shorts, and it's SUPER OBVIOUS. I was about to just bounce and leave her there, but I just went back in and took one of the biggest Ls ever. Didn't even get to smash cuz the chick said I "blew" my chance.

biggest L in this thread

 

[hypebeast mcstreetwear]

Originally Posted by So4i5

info on this gif?

The way this cat Meth is pointin got me

 

[spot rusherz]

Originally Posted by Cobra Kai

Word my dude... A lot of of #*#! in here smh.

 

[23kidd]

Originally Posted by DaJoka004

Originally Posted by ericberry14

Originally Posted by DaJoka004

I burned my penis with a hair dryer. It looked like tiger strips. I couldn't show my girl for about a week. Had to keep shying away from sex until I gave up.

how in the hell did you manage to do that?

I'm standing there drying my hair in the bathroom, my towel slips, I reach down to grab it, hairdryer touches penis, penis gets burned with stripes.

I thought it was going to be permanent. At first I was like "nooooo, I'll never get play". But then I realized I could always be like "yo, you want to see my tiger penis?"

 

[ce0 mal]

^ Lucky there's a mute button at work.

 

[ericberry14]

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

^ Lucky there's a mute button at work.

tha $+*% are you talkin about?

 

[DVMNXK]

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

^ Lucky there's a mute button at work.

 

[ce0 mal]

'Cause I'm cracking up.

Fools.

 

[ericberry14]

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

'Cause I'm cracking up.

Fools.

but why would you need a mute button...

either way that was a terrible joke

 

[ce0 mal]

It's not a joke? I'm at work...I use the phones to make business calls...I read/skim NT while on the phones...I use the mute button when I findsomething funny...

Are you really that dense?

 

[ericberry14]

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

It's not a joke? I'm at work...I use the phones to make business calls...I read/skim NT while on the phones...I use the mute button when I find something funny...

Are you really that dense?

just stop fam


if you have to explain what the situation so that people will understand... then you're at fault...

also who in the F would know that you're talkin about when you're on the phone...

but carry on wit the hilarity

 

[ce0 mal]

if you have to explain what the situation so that people will understand... then you're at fault...

also who in the F would know that you're talkin about when you're on the phone...

It was implied, my bad if you aren't smart enough to keep up.

Log off, fam.

 

[ericberry14]

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

if you have to explain what the situation so that people will understand... then you're at fault...

also who in the F would know that you're talkin about when you're on the phone...

It was implied, my bad if you aren't smart enough to keep up.

Log off, fam.
fam all you said was

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

^ Lucky there's a mute button at work.

how is it implied that you're on the phone? If anything its implied that there's a mute button on your computer... but then again there was no soundplaying in this thread... so that is the reason people wondered what you were speakin about...

but like i said... carry on with the hilarity

 

[ce0 mal]

Seriously? If I posted the "

" face, and the majority of eventsgoing on in this thread are funny...you would think I would be laughing...then if I said anything about a mute button...I would figure you could comprehend themuting would be to hide my laughing...coupled with the fact I'm at work...

...my bad, man. I'll be descriptive next time.

 

[ericberry14]

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

Seriously? If I posted the "

" face, and the majority of events going on in this thread are funny...you would think I would be laughing...then if I said anything about a mute button...I would figure you could comprehend the muting would be to hide my laughing...coupled with the fact I'm at work...

...my bad, man. I'll be descriptive next time.

all you're saying now is BLAH... BLAH... BLAH...

let it go already...

 

[million dollar stacks]

Originally Posted by ericberry14

Originally Posted by CE0 Mal

^ Lucky there's a mute button at work.

tha $+*% are you talkin about?

 

[djphame1]

i caught on to the mute reference.. but then again im on my phone a lot at work too while browsing..

but why did yall need to go back n forth for so long??

 

[iblink]

Originally Posted by eNPHAN


both of y'all shut up...

Word

 

[kong860]

Originally Posted by BrokeBallah

1 summer my dad brought me out to D.R. Since day 2, i picked up this chick. Long story short within 2 weeks i was in there. So one day we're watching a movie, but you know how it is.. you just dont watch you wanna make the movie lol. So we get it crackin and 1 thing led to the next and before i knew it i pull down her sponge bob panties ( no pedo i swear she was 18 ) and i proceeded to let my tounge do the walkin. Right when i felt some hair and lint in my mouth i looked up and BAM!

i see my dad straight grillin us in SHOCK! Here i am tryna get the lint out my mouth and shes just straight up with her legs in the air.

I'm thinkin hes going to bring out the belt.. but to my surprise he went back into his room and BLASTED ESPN SPORTSCENTER LOL!