The Official Chuck Norris Thread Chuck Norris. Vol

[parada45]

 Love this thread 

 

[marlsj]

 

[brandon3000]

Originally Posted by ShoEPimP702

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

 

[guackamole]

chuck norris counted to infinity twice

 

[babyface34]

Chuck Norris sharpens his beard with his field knife, and trims his beard with his toothbrush.

 

[ihust1e]

Originally Posted by domc03

Walker Texas Ranger wasn't a sitcom but documentary shot in one day.

OMG

*head explodes

 

[bobby99son]

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky

 

[airjapan707]

Chuck Norris once shot down an airplane by pointing his finger at it and yelling bang

 

[qnzinfamouss95]

They once made Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it didn't take $#!% from anyone

Chuck Norris gave Jesus a birthday card on December 25th, Jesus was to scared to tell Chuck that his birthday wasn't on December 25th, so now everyone believe December 25th is Jesus' birthday.

 

[wilroc]

One thanksgiving chuck norris' wife asked him to go out and get a turkey, chuck norris said okay. Chuck norris arrives back home 3 days later and his wife asks 'Where were you?!' .. chuck norris then roundhouse kicked her in the face. Never question chuck norris.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

In 1991, Chuck Norris shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Favs

 

[zen]

In 1985 Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie wrote the song "We Are the World" for Chuck Norris to sing SOLO, but he refused. Chuck Norris is not the world, Chuck Norris owns the world

 

[teamjordan79]

Originally Posted by jamergrady

Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not"attempt" murder.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

 

[ryda421]

LOL

but

bruce lee >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> norris