Update 3: Home now! Looking like that time where I leave this earth

[beezylocks]

Not by choice.
In like nov 2011 made a post about getting lymphoma... Well I haven't beaten it, I've been close but not there.

Been having trouble breathing lately because of the tumor and nodes pushing on my lungs and chest and trachea and all that...
( that's why I asked about air quality a few days ago, thought it was just the air in another city)
But nope... Last couple days almost suffocated twice and the chemos just ain't helping... So they turned me on to strong radiation to try and reduce the tumors so I can breath and maybe more chemo... But who know... From the sounds of it nothing will help since I've gone through a lot of chemo...

All I can pray for is the radiation to help alot so they can try some hard dose chemo if not then just hope it helps a little so I can go home watch some Netflix and die in bed...

I have hope but it it's hard. Ill be on here if I make it ill let y'all know
Been on nt since the 05 bred release its apart of me

Thanks y'all


Update...
Been a pretty bad couple days in the hospital. They haven't sent me home for two reasons
1) they are noticing the radiation is working good
2) when I was first put in last week I guess my air ways were so constricted that they told my family I'd have Bout 2-4 hours
Before they get shut and try some operation.
So I didn't know that but I guess since my airways are opening up, they want to continue with light chemo and radiation ( can't do to much cuz I've had alot already)

So it's still day by day ....but I've been trying to do to much like shower
And I damn near passed out in there and my girl had to help.
Then this morning I literally thought I was going to die... I could not breath my airways were clogged "done"
No noise
Started turning blue and kissed my girl nurses are putting in more morphine
And Ativan ( span of like 2-3 min, felt like an eternity, before not being able to get any noise out I told my girl this is it " love you"
She was keeping calm just tryna calm me down cuz I couldn't breath Nd nurses lagged

I end up coughing up this
View media item 292630

Old phlegm, blood, mucus, supposedly shaped like my insides
That's been logged in me so that realllly cleared me up
And I ended up fainting for a few seconds after the whole ordeal, still kinda shaken...

Scary moment nt
When I beat this cancer
Imma love life and live it better

Real scary



Thanks for the words btw
And also any questions welcome


Another update,
Just so y'all know I'm still here.
Sorry if my other posts had a lot of misspellings and stuff, I was just feeling sick and they had me up on morphine and some other stuff, so it was hard to type.


Anyway.

After my last update and I coughed up that stuff
I've coughed up a bit more... But I feel better.

I've had a lot of visitors everyday ( fam and friends) really keeps my mind off things, just sitting there playing cards or bones...

But up until yesterday I took a walk ( I was being taken in wheel chairs everywhere with oxygen and morph and other stuff)
Walked to this area were I sit when fam and friends visits and play dominoes...

Got a lot of comments from the staff like
"Wow you're walking" or " damn you look so much different than when you first came in"

One dude looked at me and said
" NO WAY, you out here tryna play bones, walking, just the other day I had written you off ."
he's some dude that apparently carted me off to an appointment and we talked lakers and my brother was telling him my story while I was getting treatment and he was like right out the door when I was suffocating.
He was just so amazed at how unzombie like and more "alive," I looked in a couple of days...


Those comments were wild because I thought I looked regular haha...
Still boutta be in the hospital since I'm still kinda wobbly and my breathing isn't 100

I hate being here though... And it's a "nicer" hospital too ( Stanford in Ca)

Thanks for all the prayers and positivity.

People say this everyday
" love life" :
you should even if it has its ups and downs then when it's about to be taken away you realize you don't want it gone.
Scary to me because, up until these past few days I was never scared to go and was always ready... Guess I was wrong...
( hope that makes sense, not a guru with words)

Love y'all
( no you know)


Update 3: vol I'm home now

Got home Tuesday night and I slept all through yesterday. So didnt update.
I feel ok, just really weak. My legs are so Wack right now. Like they lost so much mass it's nasty. None of my gear fits right.
Anyways who's cares about that I'm alive.

Feels weird to be at home an stuff.
I am pretty phisically and mentally drained.
Sometimes I just start tearing up, from sadness ( how I feel like I burden people for wing sick and stress them and stuff)
Or
Happiness from being alive. And knowin so many people support me.

Got an appointment Monday to see what's up next. Because I still have lymphoma and still have to get rid of that. I know I have to have a bone marrow transplant and probably go to the east coast for some trial treatments
( either at the NIH in Maryland or Columbia uni in NY and be there for weeks at a time)
Don't know how imma be able to do that, I'm such a homebody...
But imma beat this, no doubt... Woulda been dead already if I wasn't going to.
Thanks for all the support NT and all the dudes offering to send me stuff and chill with me. Love NT.
really appreciate it

( also if I go to NY imma need to know of the best pizza spots, my fav food. And last time I was there I had just random spots and they were delicious)

 

[DrizzyNYC]

Feel better man, I'm pulling for u to make it thru.

 

[oidreez]

|I

 

[beezylocks]

Something I did in the past week
That I've always wanted to do was go to NY. I went to see a dr in Columbia so it wasn't too eventful
But I got to see all of Times Square in one of those dudes carriage on a bike .
See rock center and some other stuff
No Statue of Liberty though...
Annnd have "real ny pizza"
And boy was it good.

Hardest part about knowing I might go is, leaving my girl cuz I wanted to marry her and start a fan with her
Even before I got sick. The plan for me was to get better and cop the ring. I still got the money saved for it.
Might just cop it anyway if they let me leave the hospital and leave it a "momento" to her I guess
6 grand enough for a nice joint?

 

[sorkoram]

Strength to you brother, pulling for you.

 

[Ube]

Damn bro I'm sorry to hear that you will be in my prayers.
Just keep believing you will make it and you will.

 

[donmega]

Just hang in there dude. Hope you make it.

 

[steven42lh]

Keep fighting man.

 

[jordanxi45]

I'm really sorry, it just kills me hearing about this.

I've lost a lot of family due to different types of cancer, but don't ever give up.

I wish I could help you OP

If there is anything I can do, a lil money, some shoes, have any hobbies? Anything like that, just PM me or reply back.

You should def. buy your girl something, a ring, necklace, something to hold on to and keep to remember you.

 

[htg designs]

I will keep you in my prayers. Do your part by stayin positive and stayin firm on whatever regiments they got you on. Don't go without a fight my dude. Stay strong.

 

[jdi23]

Damn beezy I don't even know you and I'm like super sad while reading these post....like family member sad.

Ill be praying for you and I hope you get to give your girl that ring and live to see her wear it for a long time.

Stay strong.

 

[water]

I hope you make it through. Keep fighting. 

 

[primetime21]

keeping fighting man Hope you make it.

 

[matt53]

Praying for you fam, keep ya head up

 

[216301baller]

Ill pray for you man..stay strong

 

[jordanhead718212]

Have faith man

 

[size tens]

Hey man, been on here a looong time and only know you by screen name but you got me all choked up for real.

I have no concept of what you must be going through but try to stay strong, stay positive and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[mycoldyourdone]

hey man, it might too late but maybe look into changing your diet to certain greenss, planta and uncooked stuff. like go ham 100% on changing your diet 180 degrees. i heard about people like clinton or something changing up their diet and losing the cancer or whatever. dont want to sound ignorant if it doesnt apply to what you have, but just putting ideas out there. dont know much about it but it doesnt hurt to do a little research on it. dont only take your docs word for it. the body heals itself, just depends what you trigger and if you help execute.

have FUN brother.

 

[Bert.]

Wish you nothing but the best of luck.

i will seriously say a prayer for you tonight.

god bless

 

[shotsrangout]

 

[frank mucus]

Keep your head up man.

 

[jus3]

I'm praying for you fam. Keep your head up and stay strong.

 

[minotauro nogueira]

Damn, got a little watery inside.... Just remain optimistic, it's the best option you have and maybe your cure. Good luck my man.

 

[snax91]

Praying for you and stay strong

 

[bes1rk]

My prayers go out to you and your fam man. Stay strong and keep positive.... have some faith and anything can happen.

I have a family member who was diagnosed with some terminal illness and doctors gave him 6 months to live... dude beat the odds and lived for a couple more years and he wasn't bed bound. All he did was make an Aloe Vera shake every single day. It doesn't hurt to give it a try bro.