Confessions

i need some responsibility in my life...

work is too slow and i feel like I'm being handled with kid gloves...my semi annual review my supervisor glossed over EVERYTHING and said i was doing great, meeting all numbers goals, helping employee development, participated in marketing/outreach efforts, increasing business acumen, and i was like uhhh i have?...

i volunteered to do quality control on something that needed streamlining and editing yet my supervisor said management decided to hire a part time intern for a few weeks to do it...i was like what? i could finish it in like 2 weeks (if even) and they wouldnt have to pay anything extra...

its a dirty secret that almost all workers in my dept are underworked but I literally have nothing to do all day...
 
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I've come to the sad realization that i'll never be happy.

The only thing that really truly makes me happy anymore is music, concerts, and festivals. I can't keep spending all my money on shows and festivals, or living my life waiting for the next show/festival. When it's the only thing I look forward too, it makes ordinary life difficult to deal with emotionally.

Ever since Electric Forest, I view things differently, in many different subtle ways. I was hoping after my weekend at Lolla, I'd snap back into it. But I'm not really sure anymore. :rolleyes

Oh well... not much longer til Made In America :rolleyes
 
shoyru said:
I feel worthless.

I hate when I'm in public or in class and I start crying out of nowhere. Its been happening these past two weeks. It's embarrassing & I need to get a hold of my feels. :smh:
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I'm going through the same thing. Amongst other things I went to a doctor and confirmed I'm going through severe depression. Gave me one med to start off with while I wait for my appointment with a psychiatrist the day before my birthday (next Friday). I cry everyday in the shower fam. Throughout the day in just waves of despair and hopelessness. It's like I know too much about the world and life and the weight is too much on my mind. The psychiatrist will determine if it's either severe anxiety with depression or severe depression with anxiety. More meds will follow.

I hate taking meds. It makes me feel like I look weak and can't handle myself. Even though it's the truth. I read one of those lists on Facebook that people share about being in your 20's or learning through life. One of them was don't lie to your doctor. Told my doctor about everything I've done and taken and he just looked disappointed and mad at me. Wanted the meeting to be over ASAP. And I hated him for that.

I could go on but revealing myself too much hurts the people close to me which I don't want to do, which in turn hurts me more
 
Wayne need to come hug y'all

I do respect the realness tho.. too many people hold **** in. Sharing with "strangers" I always felt was the best therapy. People with no bias towards you or personal connection...neutral ears
 
I reconciled with my best male friend more or less, he's forgiven me but things aren't gonna be the same but I'm content with being forgiven. Now I want to reconcile with my best female friend/girlfriend, it's gonna be tough but hopefully she hears me out and we can be friends again. I've been pondering about the good old days so much that even just a taste of what was will make me content and be at peace. I'm the scumbag that threw these people out of my life, people that beside my family genuinely gave a **** about me. Don't know what you have till it's gone
 
th3answ3r said:
I reconciled with my best male friend more or less, he's forgiven me but things aren't gonna be the same but I'm content with being forgiven. Now I want to reconcile with my best female friend/girlfriend, it's gonna be tough but hopefully she hears me out and we can be friends again. I've been pondering about the good old days so much that even just a taste of what was will make me content and be at peace. I'm the scumbag that threw these people out of my life, people that beside my family genuinely gave a **** about me. Don't know what you have till it's gone
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what'd you do that was so bad
 
M4rioL said:
shoyru said:
I feel worthless.

I hate when I'm in public or in class and I start crying out of nowhere. Its been happening these past two weeks. It's embarrassing & I need to get a hold of my feels. :smh:
Click to expand...

I'm going through the same thing. Amongst other things I went to a doctor and confirmed I'm going through severe depression. Gave me one med to start off with while I wait for my appointment with a psychiatrist the day before my birthday (next Friday). I cry everyday in the shower fam. Throughout the day in just waves of despair and hopelessness. It's like I know too much about the world and life and the weight is too much on my mind. The psychiatrist will determine if it's either severe anxiety with depression or severe depression with anxiety. More meds will follow.

I hate taking meds. It makes me feel like I look weak and can't handle myself. Even though it's the truth. I read one of those lists on Facebook that people share about being in your 20's or learning through life. One of them was don't lie to your doctor. Told my doctor about everything I've done and taken and he just looked disappointed and mad at me. Wanted the meeting to be over ASAP. And I hated him for that.

I could go on but revealing myself too much hurts the people close to me which I don't want to do, which in turn hurts me more
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Cognitive therapy is just as useful for fighting depression as medications, but it takes more time, money, and effort, so often people end up being treated with just medication. I hope you have the motivation and resources to be able to get plugged in with a therapist who you can see regularly. Anyway, let your psychiatrist know about your hesitancy with meds. The decision for how to proceed should be a shared process between the two of you.

Also, please don't feel ashamed or weak. It's truly a terrible and overwhelming place to be. I know the stigma sucks and it's something that needs to change in this country, but I think you'll be surprised that many people in real life will be understanding (and, of course, you can always turn to this thread).
 
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my whole sense of self esteem is messed up. I tie my self worth with my job performance and I perceive most people above me. I think most of my friends can tell I have no confidence and I don't know what to do to change this perception because I believe that. They say you can fake things until you make it but what does that really say about people as a whole: are we all frauds?

I don't know if I'm chasing satisfaction or coming to grips with mediocrity.
 
About a month go or so I posted in here about this girl that was on my mind and you guys reaffirmed that I should forget about her and so I did. Fast forward a few weeks till today and I'm currently in my first relationship with a girl that I've got to know as summer has gone on; first just hanging out with mutual friends, then getting to know her better one on one, and now to a an actual relationship.

These past few weeks have been a blur. They didn't necessarily go by fast since so much happened and now at the end of it I feel like I've known her for a long time. A few weeks isn't that long though and at first I was hesitant whether to take the next step or not. We were both really into each other, but I had never been in a relationship before let alone one where distance would be involved since she goes to school four hours away. I then thought back to all the wasted chances I had when I was younger and more shy and how happy this girl has made me and I knew I shouldn't second-guess myself and that I should take a chance and so I did. I know some people are highly against long-distance relationships, but she really means a lot to me and I think it could work and that it's worth trying. I should be able to see her during all her breaks when we're both home.

Today is her last day at home before she heads back very early tomorrow morning, probably too early for me to even see her. I'm planning on spending the majority of the afternoon with her and we'll try and do something later tonight. I'm not very good with goodbyes despite the number of times I've moved and said goodbye to some great friends. It's not that I don't understand them to their true extent if that makes sense, it's just that I usually try and keep myself composed and don't show much emotion. I don't think I can afford to do that with her though and I'm almost a little nervous that she'll be crying.

I considered making a thread about long-distance relationships (and still might if there isn't a recent one), but I've noticed that generally people in here are more open to hearing others out and giving advice instead of criticizing their choices. I'm not really sure how to approach a relationship like this now since for the past few weeks we've spent time together just about every day. I'm probably overthinking it to be honest I just hope that it goes pretty smoothly, along with my last day this summer with her.
 
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AgentZero said:
About a month go or so I posted in here about this girl that was on my mind and you guys reaffirmed that I should forget about her and so I did. Fast forward a few weeks till today and I'm currently in my first relationship with a girl that I've got to know as summer has gone on; first just hanging out with mutual friends, then getting to know her better one on one, and now to a an actual relationship.

These past few weeks have been a blur. They didn't necessarily go by fast since so much happened and now at the end of it I feel like I've known her for a long time. A few weeks isn't that long though and at first I was hesitant whether to take the next step or not. We were both really into each other, but I had never been in a relationship before let alone one where distance would be involved since she goes to school four hours away. I then thought back to all the wasted chances I had when I was younger and more shy and how happy this girl has made me and I knew I shouldn't second-guess myself and that I should take a chance and so I did. I know some people are highly against long-distance relationships, but she really means a lot to me and I think it could work and that it's worth trying. I should be able to see her during all her breaks when we're both home.

Today is her last day at home before she heads back very early tomorrow morning, probably too early for me to even see her. I'm planning on spending the majority of the afternoon with her and that we'll try and do something later tonight. I'm not very good with goodbyes despite the number of times I've moved and said goodbye to some great friends. It's not that I don't understand them to their true extent if that makes sense, it's just that I usually try and keep myself composed and don't show much emotion. I don't think I can afford to do that with her though and I'm almost a little nervous that she'll be crying.

I considered making a thread about long-distance relationships (and still might if there isn't a recent one), but I've noticed that generally people in here are more open to hearing others out and giving advice instead of criticizing their choices. I'm not really sure how to approach a relationship like this now since for the past few weeks we've spent time together just about every day. I'm probably overthinking it to be honest I just hope that it goes pretty smoothly, along with my last day this summer with her.
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My advice as to how to approach is don't. You are sprung and clinging onto something just because it's new and nice. Go and make your mistakes though it's the only way you'll learn for next time.

My honest opinion is that you need at least a few months of close proximity in a relationship to decide to continue it long-distance if someone has to move. And both people should be experienced enough in relationships, preferably long-distance ones, where they know their feelings and if it can work logistically or not.

To me it seems like you are taking a huge leap of faith here. Only seen her a few weeks, she's going back to school, your first real relationship, etc... This doesn't sound good to me. But if you feel like you both really like each other maybe it's worth it. Don't limit yourself if another opportunity pops up would be my suggestion.
 
Hennessy said:
My advice as to how to approach is don't. You are sprung and clinging onto something just because it's new and nice. Go and make your mistakes though it's the only way you'll learn for next time.

My honest opinion is that you need at least a few months of close proximity in a relationship to decide to continue it long-distance if someone has to move. And both people should be experienced enough in relationships, preferably long-distance ones, where they know their feelings and if it can work logistically or not.

To me it seems like you are taking a huge leap of faith here. Only seen her a few weeks, she's going back to school, your first real relationship, etc... This doesn't sound good to me. But if you feel like you both really like each other maybe it's worth it. Don't limit yourself if another opportunity pops up would be my suggestion.
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I definitely get what you are saying. I know it's something new and nice, but I've never felt closer to a girl before (like I said it's my first relationship so take that for what it's worth). If it doesn't work out so be it, but I do think it is worth at least trying. At the very least it's experience which is something you are getting at.

Trust me the time constraints really had me thinking. It's not like I just rushed to make a decision, it's something we both thought over and talked about. I initially thought she would be here another week too since two of my friends who also go to school there head back then, but she has to leave a week earlier due to practice starting and that week would've made it over a month of close one on one time. I may be lacking in experience with relationships overall, but one thing that sort of helped to reassure me was the fact that both of her previous two relationships have lasted well over a year. One of them was long-distance as well and it was the guy who broke up with her since he couldn't handle it while she could.

I am taking a huge leap of faith here, but I think that it's something I need to do. I've passed up too many good opportunities in the past because I was too shy and now that I've overcome that I feel like I can't make that same mistake again. I know it's my first relationship, but she herself told me she was almost skeptical when she heard that because she assumed I had been in several based on how smoothly things have gone and how perceptive I am. There have been signs that are leading me to believe that it's the right move. For example, the way both our families responded well when we spend time with each other's families, how her grandma (the person she looks up to and one of the smartest people she knows) told her to never lose me after I just met her and had lunch with them yesterday, and how all our mutual friends think we're a good couple that have a strong chance at lasting. I could go into more detail, but I don't want to make it seem like I'm adamant that it'll for sure be a long-term relationship, I just wanted to stress that things have clicked a lot more than one might assume for just a few weeks. That last part about not limiting myself is something I was thinking as well.
 
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Being young and stupid, I get carried away at times but I'm starting to care less and less about appearances and really value a real connection. Yeah a bad caked up face is eye candy to me along with many physical traits, but people whom you share a history with or really connect with is so much more pleasing than just mindlessly busting a nut. Took me a while to realize this. Some girls I know that look bad af just don't have a lot of substance or realness.
 
I've been dating the same woman for the past five years and we got engaged last December. Now that we're engaged I've seen a change in her personality. We don't communicate very well and we are in premarital counseling to work through our communication problems. The problem is that I'm terrified of divorce and I would rather take our time to improve our communication before marriage rather than get married and get divorced right away. She seems reluctant to take time and I'm concerned. I won't get married if things won't change but she isn't listening. Hopefully the counseling helps because if not, I will call the wedding off.
 
011781 said:
Wayne need to come hug y'all

I do respect the realness tho.. too many people hold **** in. Sharing with "strangers" I always felt was the best therapy. People with no bias towards you or personal connection...neutral ears
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All of this.
 
TroyD said:
I like someone really far away
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This was me at the beginning of the year... Took a liking to this check from Twitter on some dumb random ****...
Chick was talking about me moving out there, or her moving to me. After I came to my senses, I cut the **** short.
Ended up an hour away from her last month and we were supposed to meet up, but she flaked. **** made me mad but I'm glad it happened cuz it made me truly forget about her.


shoyru said:
i feel like a pathetic weakling for crying.

people tell me i'm only human. and it's a natural reaction since i'm in the mourning process.

but still. :smh: :x  
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Been there bruh, nothing wrong with it... Just gotta let it all out. Hope everything works out for you
 
aepps20 said:
I've been dating the same woman for the past five years and we got engaged last December. Now that we're engaged I've seen a change in her personality. We don't communicate very well and we are in premarital counseling to work through our communication problems. The problem is that I'm terrified of divorce and I would rather take our time to improve our communication before marriage rather than get married and get divorced right away. She seems reluctant to take time and I'm concerned. I won't get married if things won't change but she isn't listening. Hopefully the counseling helps because if not, I will call the wedding off.
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You think bc she has the ring she think she has you(doesnt have to work to keep you), hence the change??

Stay strong if you do decide on calling off the wedding. GL bro, hope it works out.
 
tripda6 said:
This was me at the beginning of the year... Took a liking to this check from Twitter on some dumb random ****...
Chick was talking about me moving out there, or her moving to me. After I came to my senses, I cut the **** short.
Ended up an hour away from her last month and we were supposed to meet up, but she flaked. **** made me mad but I'm glad it happened cuz it made me truly forget about her.
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I hear that. Girl i got cool with over myspace {09} met up with me when i was visiting miami

We remained od cool since we started talking. But as we were chillin over the weekend we spoke for a while. Man its like lookin in a mirror. Everything she told me i related to or went thru it

And vice versa. I always liked her cause shes cool people. But im feelin her now. Im back home in jersey. So as you can see theres distance

But dam. I haven't legitimately felt that way about someone in a while
 
Guzzy said:
You think bc she has the ring she think she has you(doesnt have to work to keep you), hence the change??


Stay strong if you do decide on calling off the wedding. GL bro, hope it works out.
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I wouldn't doubt it my dude. She seems obsessed with the wedding stuff rather than improving the relationship. Thank you for the response.
 
People constantly saying 'yo why you always look mad', Took a while for me to realize that my emotions show on my face even when I'm not talking to anyone. So used to being down in the dumps that my face felt normal. Those brief times where I feel great though with no care in the world, I can feel the smile on my face, feels like I'm sexy enough to hit on any female I like :smokin I'm not actually good looking tho haha
 
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th3answ3r said:
People constantly saying 'yo why you always look mad', Took a while for me to realize that my emotions show on my face even when I'm not talking to anyone. So used to being down in the dumps that my face felt normal.
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Exactly and my parent's are stupid ******* ***  that don't really believe depression is real and ****.

They don't ******* know how i feel and how much anger is accumulated, 

having been talked down to years and physically handled rough throughout my childhood has made me what I am

I really don't see the joy in much things

I'm really detached from people

I'm quick to snap

I always look mad or sad

I don't really talk much
 
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^^ Feel you. Mental illness is really isn't taken serious by the Black community in general. Used to suffer from social anxiety bc of my upbringing & any time I
went to my parents about it, the answer was always "god this or god that, pray about it" :stoneface: You gotta step outside that & seek help on your own, bc I know a lot
of families that just aren't supportive of anything outside of running to church :rolleyes
 
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