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op's joke lol
Anyone Got Any Jokes?
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by Spectacular23,
- Start date
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How do you make Winnie the Pooh mad?
You stick 2 fingers in his Hunnie
My classic joke of all time
You stick 2 fingers in his Hunnie
My classic joke of all time
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Once upon a time, there was a guy with no arms and no legs just laying on the beach...Three girls felt sorry for him so they decided to approach him.
First girl asked "Sir, have you ever been hugged?" He replied "no" and she hugged him.
Second girl asked, "Sir, have you ever been kissed?" He again replied "no", so she kissed him.
Last girl asked, "Sir, have you ever been (Use vulgar language if preferred
) screwed?" This time, the man's eyes lit up...And replied "no, not yet"
She then replied with "Well you're about to, the waves are coming in".
First girl asked "Sir, have you ever been hugged?" He replied "no" and she hugged him.
Second girl asked, "Sir, have you ever been kissed?" He again replied "no", so she kissed him.
Last girl asked, "Sir, have you ever been (Use vulgar language if preferred
She then replied with "Well you're about to, the waves are coming in".
3
38816
Guest
mines is like the OP
guy goes into doctors office for a regular checkup, he's been having a pain in his elbow from playing tennis; an ailment called tennis elbow. he says "doc, i have this crazy pain in my --"
the doc cuts him off, and tells the man "well, we have this new machine that is able to tell me what ails you, just from taking a sample of your urine. My patients don't believe this incredible machine can do it, so instead of you telling me whats wrong, just give me a urine sample"
now, the guy thinks the doctor is a quack and just doesnt want to see him. So he takes the urine sample cup home, and gets an idea to "trick" the doctor's machine...
he gets his wife's urine, his 14 year old daughter's urine, some motor oil from his BMW and even jerks off into the cup....
he turns the sample into his doctor the next day.
he gets a phone call at work within hours, it's the doctor
"well, doc" laughing to himself, "what's the diagnosis?"
the doctor says "well, sir, the machine tells me that your wife is cheating on you with at least 12 men, your daughter is pregnant with triplets, your car is WELL overdue for an oil change, and if you dont stop jerking off, youll NEVER get rid of that tennis elbow..."
guy goes into doctors office for a regular checkup, he's been having a pain in his elbow from playing tennis; an ailment called tennis elbow. he says "doc, i have this crazy pain in my --"
the doc cuts him off, and tells the man "well, we have this new machine that is able to tell me what ails you, just from taking a sample of your urine. My patients don't believe this incredible machine can do it, so instead of you telling me whats wrong, just give me a urine sample"
now, the guy thinks the doctor is a quack and just doesnt want to see him. So he takes the urine sample cup home, and gets an idea to "trick" the doctor's machine...
he gets his wife's urine, his 14 year old daughter's urine, some motor oil from his BMW and even jerks off into the cup....
he turns the sample into his doctor the next day.
he gets a phone call at work within hours, it's the doctor
"well, doc" laughing to himself, "what's the diagnosis?"
the doctor says "well, sir, the machine tells me that your wife is cheating on you with at least 12 men, your daughter is pregnant with triplets, your car is WELL overdue for an oil change, and if you dont stop jerking off, youll NEVER get rid of that tennis elbow..."
S3NTINEL2001
formerly the maverick 41
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Originally Posted by iHust1e
S3NTINEL2001
formerly the maverick 41
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Originally Posted by iHust1e
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A papa tomato, a mama tomato and a baby tomato were taking a walk in the park. The baby tomato was falling behind so the papa tomato turned around, smacked his hands together and yelled "KETCHUP"
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YOINK
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this thread is great
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Originally Posted by Luong1209
Once upon a time, there was a guy with no arms and no legs just laying on the beach...Three girls felt sorry for him so they decided to approach him.
First girl asked "Sir, have you ever been hugged?" He replied "no" and she hugged him.
Second girl asked, "Sir, have you ever been kissed?" He again replied "no", so she kissed him.
Last girl asked, "Sir, have you ever been (Use vulgar language if preferred) screwed?" This time, the man's eyes lit up...And replied "no, not yet"
She then replied with "Well you're about to, the waves are coming in".
These kind of jokes are the best, not too short like a one liner and not long enough where you'll mess up saying it or have people lose interest in it.
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Four nuns are in a car accident and meet St. Peter at the gates.
St. Peter asks the first nun if she had any sins to confess.
Nun #1: Yes St. Peter, I once saw a penis.
St. Peter: It's ok sister, go wash your eyes with holy water.
Nun #2: St. Peter, I once gave a man a hand job.
St. Peter: It's ok, please wash your hands in holy water and enter as well.
As Nun #3 approaches, nun #4 comes yelling from behind her...
Nun #4: Wait wait wait! Please let me gargle the holy water before she puts her butt in it!
I'm going down hard for that one.
St. Peter asks the first nun if she had any sins to confess.
Nun #1: Yes St. Peter, I once saw a penis.
St. Peter: It's ok sister, go wash your eyes with holy water.
Nun #2: St. Peter, I once gave a man a hand job.
St. Peter: It's ok, please wash your hands in holy water and enter as well.
As Nun #3 approaches, nun #4 comes yelling from behind her...
Nun #4: Wait wait wait! Please let me gargle the holy water before she puts her butt in it!
I'm going down hard for that one.
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[h6]you know you've hit rock bottom when you ask out a blind woman and she tells you she's seeing someone.
[/h6]
[/h6]
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What do you call a Mexican with no car?
Joaquin
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What do you call a Mexican with a car?
Carlos
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What do you call a filipino contortionist?
a manila folder
a manila folder
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Yo moms so stupid...she tried to go overseas on a relation-ship...
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DEAD
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A man is stuck on a deserted island all by himself.
Months go by and he feels the need to "relieve" himself.
He see's a horse in the distance and starts to give chase.
While in pursuit of the horse, he notices a beautiful women drowning nearby and goes and rescues her.
Being grateful for saving her life, she says to the man, "thank you so much for saving my life... ill do anything for you.. anything."
The man replies, "can you go catch that horse for me?"
Months go by and he feels the need to "relieve" himself.
He see's a horse in the distance and starts to give chase.
While in pursuit of the horse, he notices a beautiful women drowning nearby and goes and rescues her.
Being grateful for saving her life, she says to the man, "thank you so much for saving my life... ill do anything for you.. anything."
The man replies, "can you go catch that horse for me?"
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[h6]My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.
...She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's stupid. I've had enough and I'm leaving you."
I said, "But, baby, I can change."
She said, "There you go again!" [/h6]
...She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's stupid. I've had enough and I'm leaving you."
I said, "But, baby, I can change."
She said, "There you go again!" [/h6]
do work son
Banned
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i cant count how many times i died reading this thread
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posting for later
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What do you call a deer with no eye?
I have no idear
I have no idear
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what do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Elephyno.
