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DD
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You wouldn't believe how often I hear "you're ahead of your time" on a daily basis.
But I appreciate it every time.
geministar
Banned
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- Feb 15, 2013
- 3,632
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You don't even know the half of it
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- May 22, 2005
not gonna go into a big story right now, just need to do a little venting...
I feel like so much less of a man this father's day compared to others. For the last few years I've had a huge business plan I've been working on, not really getting too far though honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm not "that guy" & I should give up but then I realize I have the drive/will/determination & I'm smart enough so why not.
First thing I realized is I need to change my entire lifestyle, I've grown to be a materialistic, kinda self-centered while being completely selfless, hard-working & lazy individual that feels like I can do anything effortlessly & having someone around isn't necessary just a way to make things more enjoyable for myself...
well...no.
I'm working on the materialistic thing, having all the newest shoes/tees/jean washes/etc. doesn't really matter at all especially when I don't wear the stuff right away anyway. Although i'm self-centered working for my own plans, I've always been selfless because that's who I am but I need to put more focus on my plans & goals & how I live...even if that means being a little more selfish with things like my time & effort. I can't be both lazy & working hard at the same time, that's a recipe for disaster for someone who's borderline OCD, I just have to be smarter about what I do & when. I've taken a lot of steps so far to help get myself on track...that's not what this post is about though...
I always wanted my dad around & that dude doesn't live far. I'm a runner & I've run longer distances than miles away he is, I could literally run to him but that's not the point. Without getting into deep detail, I feel like it's almost hopeless trying to reach him sometimes like it doesn't matter & he doesn't even care. Never wanted to have anyone experience that at my expense because I know how that feels...
well...
the last part where I said having someone around isn't necessary, I really did want someone around, my friend really liked me & we got together back in January. Things didn't work...we don't even talk anymore...4 years down the drain because of how things ended & I don't regret how it happened...but I damn sure wish I could go back to that day & keep us friends only.
More importantly though, she had a kid I got close to(not my kid though)...that was my lil dude, I loved that lil dude...I'll probably never see lil man again though because of how things ended.
Today that kinda manifested in my thoughts, I feel like so much less of a man because not only do I not have my dad, I couldn't make a relationship work with my good friend for 4 years to the point we don't talk at all(both of us messed that up, not all on me but I didn't help when things were rocky either), and there's a kid out there that will know what it's like to get to know a man they look up to & care about & just have them disappear.
Basically I've been working hard on myself as of late & making progress, that felt good, today has been a huge setback though & that's all I can think about right now. It hurts. I think I'll be fine because I didn't choose to walk away from his life I was pushed away by his mother, but that's not something he'll know. All he'll know is someone disappeared from his life that he really liked & he won't know why right now if at all, & I'm not selfish enough to not care about that.
That's all.
I feel like so much less of a man this father's day compared to others. For the last few years I've had a huge business plan I've been working on, not really getting too far though honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm not "that guy" & I should give up but then I realize I have the drive/will/determination & I'm smart enough so why not.
First thing I realized is I need to change my entire lifestyle, I've grown to be a materialistic, kinda self-centered while being completely selfless, hard-working & lazy individual that feels like I can do anything effortlessly & having someone around isn't necessary just a way to make things more enjoyable for myself...
well...no.
I'm working on the materialistic thing, having all the newest shoes/tees/jean washes/etc. doesn't really matter at all especially when I don't wear the stuff right away anyway. Although i'm self-centered working for my own plans, I've always been selfless because that's who I am but I need to put more focus on my plans & goals & how I live...even if that means being a little more selfish with things like my time & effort. I can't be both lazy & working hard at the same time, that's a recipe for disaster for someone who's borderline OCD, I just have to be smarter about what I do & when. I've taken a lot of steps so far to help get myself on track...that's not what this post is about though...
I always wanted my dad around & that dude doesn't live far. I'm a runner & I've run longer distances than miles away he is, I could literally run to him but that's not the point. Without getting into deep detail, I feel like it's almost hopeless trying to reach him sometimes like it doesn't matter & he doesn't even care. Never wanted to have anyone experience that at my expense because I know how that feels...
well...
the last part where I said having someone around isn't necessary, I really did want someone around, my friend really liked me & we got together back in January. Things didn't work...we don't even talk anymore...4 years down the drain because of how things ended & I don't regret how it happened...but I damn sure wish I could go back to that day & keep us friends only.
More importantly though, she had a kid I got close to(not my kid though)...that was my lil dude, I loved that lil dude...I'll probably never see lil man again though because of how things ended.
Today that kinda manifested in my thoughts, I feel like so much less of a man because not only do I not have my dad, I couldn't make a relationship work with my good friend for 4 years to the point we don't talk at all(both of us messed that up, not all on me but I didn't help when things were rocky either), and there's a kid out there that will know what it's like to get to know a man they look up to & care about & just have them disappear.
Basically I've been working hard on myself as of late & making progress, that felt good, today has been a huge setback though & that's all I can think about right now. It hurts. I think I'll be fine because I didn't choose to walk away from his life I was pushed away by his mother, but that's not something he'll know. All he'll know is someone disappeared from his life that he really liked & he won't know why right now if at all, & I'm not selfish enough to not care about that.
That's all.
joepac12
Banned
- 3,969
- 658
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2012
^ trying beats not trying 100 percent of da time
- 68,252
- 103,594
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- Apr 30, 2010
Me too, I don't have anymore romantic feel (not that it couldn't be sparked again), but I miss speaking to my female a-alike. Still, something tells me going back to friends wouldn't work, not yet anyways.
- 16,421
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- Joined
- Feb 15, 2012
Chilling in London
Love my eurotrips. Can get the Grapes I missed out on and I had a funny conversation about how hard it is to cop these shoes in Chicago. I told the employees about how hard it is to get these ugly chuckposites and olive 9s as well as the foolishness that surrounded the grape release. Their jaws dropped when i told how much profit i could make if icould find a way to ship every size they had to chicago for cheap. This pic doesnt show the roshe runs, am 90 OGs, am 1 OG, and OG colorway huaraches that are still sitting. I walked out empty handed because i had so many choices i didnt know what to buy.
Hitting up spain in a week and a half.
Love my eurotrips. Can get the Grapes I missed out on and I had a funny conversation about how hard it is to cop these shoes in Chicago. I told the employees about how hard it is to get these ugly chuckposites and olive 9s as well as the foolishness that surrounded the grape release. Their jaws dropped when i told how much profit i could make if icould find a way to ship every size they had to chicago for cheap. This pic doesnt show the roshe runs, am 90 OGs, am 1 OG, and OG colorway huaraches that are still sitting. I walked out empty handed because i had so many choices i didnt know what to buy.
Hitting up spain in a week and a half.
- 1,035
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- Sep 10, 2012
Just copped olives for $150 us. thanks for the idea sir.
antidope
Supporter
- 62,753
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- Joined
- Jan 2, 2012
From where?Just copped olives for $150 us. thanks for the idea sir.
- 1,035
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- Joined
- Sep 10, 2012
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- Feb 15, 2012
You are welcome H60D 
- 6,384
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- Jul 21, 2012
Got a job today, bros!
This is my first job, and I have never been so nervous.
This is my first job, and I have never been so nervous.
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- 5,892
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- Jul 31, 2012
Congrats, good luck with the j...Got a job today, bros!
This is my first job, and I have never been so nervous.
After the first week you will be at ease
- 557
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- Joined
- Nov 27, 2012
My son has been a great kid and student high honor roll.....but next year he starts high school........wonder what's in store for me because I was off the hook in high school
getting prepared I live by the WISH FACTOR
216301baller
Banned
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- Joined
- Aug 27, 2006
You already know what's instored for him...just keep lacing him with knowledge and hope he listens...I'm sure everything will work out
I
I
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sohoguy
Banned
- 4,100
- 1,011
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2013
Just realized that bound 2 track I relate to, Way to well and nothing makes me happy anymore, I just fake smile all day when deep down I'm always angry and sad but just story of life.
Random vent since I got no where else to do it at.
Random vent since I got no where else to do it at.
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- May 12, 2013
Got a couple things i need to get off my chest...
- As much as I love my dad, I am becoming less and less toloerant of his tendencies. He values no one's opinions but his own and is constantly in everyone's business even though there is no need for it. He has 20+ years in the military and been more of a supervisor than a father to my brother and me. He doesn't believe we are capable of making our own decisions (even though im 23 and he is 20), and that he knows everything about everything. As much as I've dealt with it growing up I am starting find myself creating more and more distance away from him and i don't like that I am doing that.
- My wife and I have been trying to have a baby for about 2 years now and we have had no luck at all. I have this feeling that i am the cause of it. I don't really know why but I just feel like my swimmers aren't cutting it when it comes to reaching the finish line. I just hope that when I do get myself tested (fertility) and the results say I am the cause of it that she won't think of me as any less of a man. (and before some of you decide to judge or say 23 is too young for a child, its our decision to be parents and we both understand all the joy and responsibilities that come with having children)
- I just got out the military and am thinking about starting school and its kinda starting to freak me out. 90% of the people i went ot high school with already graduated with their bachelors and are either starting their career search or obtaining their masters. I just feel like i am behind them in that aspect of life. I try to think of it as "well they probably have a ****-ton of student loans while mine is paid for" but I know as soon as i take that first class and see everyone is 4-5 years younger than me then I might start to question myself.
Maybe I am thinking too much into this... Maybe not, but i just needed to get this off me chest.
- As much as I love my dad, I am becoming less and less toloerant of his tendencies. He values no one's opinions but his own and is constantly in everyone's business even though there is no need for it. He has 20+ years in the military and been more of a supervisor than a father to my brother and me. He doesn't believe we are capable of making our own decisions (even though im 23 and he is 20), and that he knows everything about everything. As much as I've dealt with it growing up I am starting find myself creating more and more distance away from him and i don't like that I am doing that.
- My wife and I have been trying to have a baby for about 2 years now and we have had no luck at all. I have this feeling that i am the cause of it. I don't really know why but I just feel like my swimmers aren't cutting it when it comes to reaching the finish line. I just hope that when I do get myself tested (fertility) and the results say I am the cause of it that she won't think of me as any less of a man. (and before some of you decide to judge or say 23 is too young for a child, its our decision to be parents and we both understand all the joy and responsibilities that come with having children)
- I just got out the military and am thinking about starting school and its kinda starting to freak me out. 90% of the people i went ot high school with already graduated with their bachelors and are either starting their career search or obtaining their masters. I just feel like i am behind them in that aspect of life. I try to think of it as "well they probably have a ****-ton of student loans while mine is paid for" but I know as soon as i take that first class and see everyone is 4-5 years younger than me then I might start to question myself.
Maybe I am thinking too much into this... Maybe not, but i just needed to get this off me chest.
- 6,384
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- Jul 21, 2012
I do this too. I think of this as a more rant based TAN.
Bound2 is a great track, and I know how you feel.
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- Nov 27, 2012
I keep him in line but now a days you never know thanks playa 1
- 2,338
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- Nov 28, 2005
The homie & I ran a train on a female last night. first time ever doing that, I was shy as a m*****f****r 
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- Mar 5, 2005
The homie & I ran a train a female last night first time ever doing that, I was shy as a m*****f****r
I was always thought this was borderline....
216301baller
Banned
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- 661
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2006
yea I attempted to it do it once never again..the chick was iffy on even doing it..he was gettin some top and I was fingering her..I just walked out and let him have her
I had my first 3some two weeks ago I look at life differently..don't think im going to get in a committed relationship for a long time now
I had my first 3some two weeks ago
I look at life differently..don't think im going to get in a committed relationship for a long time now
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- Nov 28, 2005
