NT Older crew 25+ up and/or Married...need some advice...

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

Damn... I see potential in her though... I wish she could understand that i'm a guy that needs space sometimes....and I can't be calling her multiple times a day. Hate to lose a girl like her.

But now that I look back at it...I wish i had met her family...for her. I was just too scared of everything becoming too real too fast. I wanted to keep our relationship "light" and care-free.

Doesn't help that i'm 31 and she's 30 and we're def at that age to settle down.

She was a type of girl that we could fly to vegas and get married by elvis type steez one day and she would have enjoyed that...

Damn.

 

[slighted]

Oh, she's 30yo.

Makes much more sense now. That wanting to be a housewife + still not a US citizen things are a bit ehh too.

 

[Mark Antony]

Yeah keep it real famb, you 25+ you know how it's supposed to feel. There's something keeping you from fully engaging with this chick. Either you not feeling her, or need some space to realize it.

 

[LA Diggler]

She's not your ideal woman. Comes a time when you have to decide if you want to keep searching for that ideal woman or "settle".

 

[youngthundercat]

Housewife if a scary thing. Especially living in NYC.

 

[htg designs]

i must be just different. From the "negatives," theres nothing really wrong wit her. A woman who wants to have and raise children and be a predominant influence in their lives and run home? Yall must want that office sluts then. The one wit the huge wedding rings and huger body lists. She got some creative talent and is caking wit it. SO you can tell she not just a bum waiting to latch on. She got a lil entrepreneurial spirit to her. That clingy stuff can be annoying but also its a bit reassuring that she wants to be around her man.

The way you describe yourself and tendencies sees like you got something to hide. Not saying you do, but I see how someone could feel like that. You should let her know this is how you are, and that this how you always been. Theres nothing going on extra, and she is the closest person to you. SOmetimes they just wanna know that they are number one/ have the most access to your heart/ know you better than anyone else. Hope things work out to how they should for both yall.

 

[23kidd]

Housewife if a scary thing. Especially living in NYC.

Someone clarify this...

 

[jape]

if you are asking NT you are doomed

 

[youngthundercat]

i must be just different. From the "negatives," theres nothing really wrong wit her. A woman who wants to have and raise children and be a predominant influence in their lives and run home? Yall must want that office sluts then.

Gotdamn

Housewife if a scary thing. Especially living in NYC.

Someone clarify this...

I ment to say having a housewife is scary especially supporting her and the kids in NYC.

I know a couple guys at work who feel stuck bc their ladies were housewives but now the kids are finishing high school and the wife now refuses to go to work.

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

i must be just different. From the "negatives," theres nothing really wrong wit her. A woman who wants to have and raise children and be a predominant influence in their lives and run home? Yall must want that office sluts then. The one wit the huge wedding rings and huger body lists. She got some creative talent and is caking wit it. SO you can tell she not just a bum waiting to latch on. She got a lil entrepreneurial spirit to her. That clingy stuff can be annoying but also its a bit reassuring that she wants to be around her man.

The way you describe yourself and tendencies sees like you got something to hide. Not saying you do, but I see how someone could feel like that. You should let her know this is how you are, and that this how you always been. Theres nothing going on extra, and she is the closest person to you. SOmetimes they just wanna know that they are number one/ have the most access to your heart/ know you better than anyone else. Hope things work out to how they should for both yall.

I feel you on all that your saying HTG. As a matter of fact I did tell her that this is how I am and the things that I keep private are not anything that would hurt her at all. She said she can't have a person she loves keep anything from her. I think she has been messed over by guys previously who kept things from her....It's just that I've always felt that there are somethings your gonna need to keep to yourself and it's okay to keep some things to yourself, especially if it has nothing to do with people.

What I like about her is that she's a ride or die type chick, willing to thug it out when times get rough....but the scary thing to me is that I feel I would have to be the one always leading and should anything ever happen to me she would probably struggle to stay up. She's not independent enough which is a good/bad thing in my eyes.

 

[slighted]

The more detail you include in each post is just evidence that you shouldn't continue it.

I'm also sure she doesn't tell you everything and you don't mind that, right?

 

[paulprince3730]

i **** wit this 

i just dated a unicorn and it was weird af

i couldnt tell if she was crazy or actually level headed

 

[htg designs]

i must be just different. From the "negatives," theres nothing really wrong wit her. A woman who wants to have and raise children and be a predominant influence in their lives and run home? Yall must want that office sluts then. The one wit the huge wedding rings and huger body lists. She got some creative talent and is caking wit it. SO you can tell she not just a bum waiting to latch on. She got a lil entrepreneurial spirit to her. That clingy stuff can be annoying but also its a bit reassuring that she wants to be around her man.

The way you describe yourself and tendencies sees like you got something to hide. Not saying you do, but I see how someone could feel like that. You should let her know this is how you are, and that this how you always been. Theres nothing going on extra, and she is the closest person to you. SOmetimes they just wanna know that they are number one/ have the most access to your heart/ know you better than anyone else. Hope things work out to how they should for both yall.

I feel you on all that your saying HTG. As a matter of fact I did tell her that this is how I am and the things that I keep private are not anything that would hurt her at all. She said she can't have a person she loves keep anything from her. I think she has been messed over by guys previously who kept things from her....It's just that I've always felt that there are somethings your gonna need to keep to yourself and it's okay to keep some things to yourself, especially if it has nothing to do with people.

What I like about her is that she's a ride or die type chick, willing to thug it out when times get rough....but the scary thing to me is that I feel I would have to be the one always leading and should anything ever happen to me she would probably struggle to stay up. She's not independent enough which is a good/bad thing in my eyes.

My dad always used to tell me, never let your woman know everything you are thinking. I think that was good advice. But can you let her think she knows almost everything then?

I normally wouldn't type all that I did but now I realize why. I was in the same EXACT situation. (minus the illegal thing )
9 years and 4 kids later. Best decision I ever made.

 

[lobcity]

Y'all just need to talk. If you want her to finish school and get a job and not be a housewife, then tell her.

If she's more passionate about making cakes, help her with that maybe help her start a business, not everyone is built for school.

You def wont change a woman's emotions, but you can tell her what you need and expect. So if your the type that needs space at times tell her why. Tell her it's important to you.

Don't let a woman tell you when she wants to be married date wise. 1 year is not long enough to know someone, If you don't live together yet that's a whole new ballgame.

 

[bendover]

Can you support the both of you guys with just your income alone?
Tell her how you feel. An additional income can really help out a lot now a days. Seems really selfish on her part. There are many women who are great mothers/wife's and still have a 9-5 job.

 

[shotsrangout]

I just find it weird that you don't call or text her for a day or two when you are in a relationship. Also, you haven't even met her parents. Sounds like you don't even take this relationship seriously.

Also, why keep stuff private? what do you have to hide OP... you should be able to confide in your girl, man. 

 

[Master Zik]

Dead it and call INS so you won't be tempted to get back with her.

Then post pics.

Doesn't sound like a good situation with those negatives. You can find those positives in other women in the area.

 

[supermanblue79]

You need to manage your options a bit better. She needs to be treated as a friend. Share conversation, laughs, hang out some weekends, but keep it at a friendship. Let her know that you also have other female friends that you will also share your time with. If your ideal woman becomes a friend, then you are free to grow that friendship into something more exclusive. If current girl is a true friend she'll be around. Seeing your other friendships may inspire her to make self improvements and she could grow into your ideal woman over time if it's meant to be. Age has nothing to do with it. Either you're going to settle, or you're going to actively seek out the kind if woman that you know is right for tou.

 

[jjs07]

Yeah keep it real famb, you 25+ you know how it's supposed to feel. There's something keeping you from fully engaging with this chick. Either you not feeling her, or need some space to realize it.

Pretty much this.

Also, from the outside looking in...her "negatives" aren't really that bad.

You might be hyper-focused on them b/c you're looking for a reason NOT to think long-term....but maybe some time apart might be best for you. If it's meant to be, yall will end up back together.

 

[debso]

son is already speaking in past tense. that lets you know how you feel about her right there.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Have you prayed on it?

 

[wavy daddy]

I only read the first post doggy, but she sounds like she can suck a mean weiner.

 

[oidreez]

Yea I'm sorry but those negatives are pretty strong, non citizen no college education, no full time job personally

 

[Mark Antony]

Yeah keep it real famb, you 25+ you know how it's supposed to feel. There's something keeping you from fully engaging with this chick. Either you not feeling her, or need some space to realize it.

Pretty much this.

Also, from the outside looking in...her "negatives" aren't really that bad.

You might be hyper-focused on them b/c you're looking for a reason NOT to think long-term....but maybe some time apart might be best for you. If it's meant to be, yall will end up back together.

Yeah none of her "negatives" are long standing and unchangeable. Circumstantial stuff that doesn't matter. If we can carry on an intelligent conversation her degree doesn't matter, if she's wifey her immigration status doesn't matter, plus she has an ok job with an entrepreneurial spirit. You're just not that into her. It's ok not to be in love with great women, just coming around to that conclusion myself. "Settling" is not so much her features, but how deeply do you adore that person?

 

[uncalled4boy]

i must be just different. From the "negatives," theres nothing really wrong wit her. A woman who wants to have and raise children and be a predominant influence in their lives and run home? Yall must want that office sluts then. The one wit the huge wedding rings and huger body lists. She got some creative talent and is caking wit it. SO you can tell she not just a bum waiting to latch on. She got a lil entrepreneurial spirit to her. That clingy stuff can be annoying but also its a bit reassuring that she wants to be around her man.

The way you describe yourself and tendencies sees like you got something to hide. Not saying you do, but I see how someone could feel like that. You should let her know this is how you are, and that this how you always been. Theres nothing going on extra, and she is the closest person to you. SOmetimes they just wanna know that they are number one/ have the most access to your heart/ know you better than anyone else. Hope things work out to how they should for both yall.

Lots Of Good Points Here.