NT what would you do? Living situation problems.

[cragmatic]

It's been awhile since I came to NT with personal problems.

Long story short, I got an apartment with my girl back in July. Our relationship has been very up and down to say the least. She got fed up with it, and took off a few days ago to stay at her mom's for Christmas. It seems like she's done and doesn't want anything to do with me now.

So here's the conundrum, our lease doesn't end until June. She claims she would like to finish out the lease as "roommates." To me, to think we are realistically going to finish the lease as "roommates" in a one bedroom apartment with one bed, is kind of ridiculous. Now she has no where else to go, my mom lives about 20 mins away so if I really wanted to I could go and stay there. Either way my name is still on this lease until June and I'm still stuck paying my half of rent.

So what would you do NT?

 

[a blinkin]

Did you buy the bed?

 

[cragmatic]

Did you buy the bed?

Nah it's her bed

 

[fx2]

She's gotta go. The lease is under your name so just stay until it's up and then move in with your mom. Or you both can go and you can put your place up on Air BNB.


Ps merry Christmas man

 

[a blinkin]

Nah it's her bed

I see. Is your name the only one on the lease?

Ask her just how practical this living arrangement will be. Are you allowed to sleep in the bed? Is she restricting you to the couch? How does she see your interactions playing out during this "roommate" situation?

Ultimately, I would say you're entitled to your portion of the living space and shouldn't leave out to go stay with your moms while still paying rent. But that could just be me being stubborn.

Before/during/after, did you two ever discuss the possibility of your relationship not working out?

 

[wayniac211]

All relationships go up & down. U prob miss her. Don't trip, they'll be back.
Go burn some fire. Blast your fav tunes (no depressing ****) Make your bed the cleanest you've ever done it or go buy a new one with hella thread count accessories. Clean clean clean. Do some push ups & up downs. Iron a nice pair of pants and shirt so U can look fly as hell. Shave you sack, Put on your Clean soles & smell good fragrance and go out. Don't sit there and do nothing. Nothing has ever happened in life when u do nothing.
No matter what happens that day you'll end it with a clean pad and a comfy bed.

 

[ismellshoes]

All relationships go up & down. U prob miss her. Don't trip, they'll be back.
Go burn some fire. Blast your fav tunes (no depressing ****) Make your bed the cleanest you've ever done it or go buy a new one with hella thread count accessories. Clean clean clean. Do some push ups & up downs. Iron a nice pair of pants and shirt so U can look fly as hell. Shave you sack, Put on your Clean soles & smell good fragrance and go out. Don't sit there and do nothing. Nothing has ever happened in life when u do nothing.
No matter what happens that day you'll end it with a clean pad and a comfy bed.

Well said. Take this rep. Smash her a few more times and do some wild crazy ish with her. Before I broke up with my ex. I wish I did some nasty ish with her. Oh well. Good luck

 

[cragmatic]

Some good advice in here.

We are both on the lease . Long story short, she couldn't find a place to live by the time she needed to be out of her old place, I helped her find this place but they didn't accept her application by herself, she called me up one day while I was at work saying i needed to sign on as a coresident or she'd have no where to live. I thought things would go differently than this but they haven't.

And it'll probably be easier to get clarification once we can talk in person, but as of now it seems like she's saying we aren't just gonna be friends/roommates who sleep in the same bed, and live together in this one bedroom apartment for the next 6 months. I even threw it out there to see if she wanted me gone and she said "you pay rent here too so you're more than welcome to stay."

I just can't imagine how that would actually work out lol

 

[celticspride34]

Do you have comfy couch ...

 

[cragmatic]

At least the dog is mine and no matter what happens I still got her

View media item 2275098

 

[a blinkin]

I even threw it out there to see if she wanted me gone and she said "you pay rent here too so you're more than welcome to stay."

That could just be her way of keeping you around to foot half the bill. Not saying this is necessarily the case, but a healthy dose of skepticism can go a long way in a case like this.

I'd say keep a cool head, have the discussion with her about "practicality", and carry on with the living arrangement for the next few months. The summer will be here before you know it. You can set out to gain leverage by only being cordial with her, the same way you would treat a college roommate you don't really **** with (on that "hey" and "bye" steeze), and use this new freedom to hit the gym, make moves, and get yourself ready for a move out day in June to your own spot.

I can give you a host of different ways in which you could play this out, but I've found that NT doesn't take girl advice from one another, no mater how sound it may be.

All I can truly suggest is that you keep a cool head about it all. Don't argue, don't raise your voice, don't convince yourself that there's a chance if there really isn't. You'll be better off come June if, at the very minimum, you do those things.

 

[Sir San Diego]

Well said. Take this rep. Smash her a few more times and do some wild crazy ish with her. Before I broke up with my ex. I wish I did some nasty ish with her. Oh well. Good luck

I tried to piihb the last time and I'm not even into that. Thought, might as well if this is it.

 

[andretti]

All relationships go up & down. U prob miss her. Don't trip, they'll be back.
Go burn some fire. Blast your fav tunes (no depressing ****) Make your bed the cleanest you've ever done it or go buy a new one with hella thread count accessories. Clean clean clean. Do some push ups & up downs. Iron a nice pair of pants and shirt so U can look fly as hell. Shave you sack, Put on your Clean soles & smell good fragrance and go out. Don't sit there and do nothing. Nothing has ever happened in life when u do nothing.
No matter what happens that day you'll end it with a clean pad and a comfy bed.

I like this advice .

 

[cragmatic]

That could just be her way of keeping you around to foot half the bill. Not saying this is necessarily the case, but a healthy dose of skepticism can go a long way in a case like this.

I'd say keep a cool head, have the discussion with her about "practicality", and carry on with the living arrangement for the next few months. The summer will be here before you know it. You can set out to gain leverage by only being cordial with her, the same way you would treat a college roommate you don't really **** with (on that "hey" and "bye" steeze), and use this new freedom to hit the gym, make moves, and get yourself ready for a move out day in June to your own spot.

I can give you a host of different ways in which you could play this out, but I've found that NT doesn't take girl advice from one another, no mater how sound it may be.

All I can truly suggest is that you keep a cool head about it all. Don't argue, don't raise your voice, don't convince yourself that there's a chance if there really isn't. You'll be better off come June if, at the very minimum, you do those things.

I'd be interested to hear the other ideas [emoji]128557[/emoji]

But I was kind of thinking of trying my best to do what you suggested with the "treat her like the college roommate" and be as cordial as possible.

I'll admit I do want things to get better and us to be good again, but I guess at the end of the day we just have very conflicting personalities when it comes to several things and we butt heads way too much. I'll try to not take blame or place blame and leave it at that.

Repped btw, that was some really good advice. Hitting the gym today actually. Gotta love 24 hour access. I'll figure it out and be alright.

 

[Sir San Diego]

Is there an early out clause on the lease OP?

 

[kingkoopa]

Was in this situation.

You have one life, so either make up with her, or one of you have to take your name off the lease.

I know your not gonna believe me but living in a toxic environment with a women is DISASTER!

Stop the childish in between ****, because you literally playing with fire.

 

[kingkoopa]

But I was kind of thinking of trying my best to do what you suggested with the "treat her like the college roommate" and be as cordial as possible.
 

How long have you guys been together.

You really think both of y'all can just flip the switch and be "college roommates"?

The one night you/her come home in the am drunk smelling like sex, feels will be had.

Not worth it.

Either make it work or get out.

 

[yeah]

And it'll probably be easier to get clarification once we can talk in person, but as of now it seems like she's saying we aren't just gonna be friends/roommates who sleep in the same bed, and live together in this one bedroom apartment for the next 6 months. I even threw it out there to see if she wanted me gone and she said "you pay rent here too so you're more than welcome to stay."

That doesn't mean she wants you to stay, bro. She's just acknowledging your legal rights as a tenant x

If you think you can make it work, have a mature conversation with her and address whatever issues that led the two of you to this point. If she's already checked out of the relationship, one of you should find someone to sublease to and call it a day. Living with someone you recently broke up with will not work. You will wind up sleeping at your mothers house while your girl has the next dude living rent free, kicking it on your couch and drinking your capri suns.

 

[cragmatic]

That doesn't mean she wants you to stay, bro. She's just acknowledging your legal rights as a tenant x

If you think you can make it work, have a mature conversation with her and address whatever issues that led the two of you to this point. If she's already checked out of the relationship, one of you should find someone to sublease to and call it a day. Living with someone you recently broke up with will not work. You will wind up sleeping at your mothers house while your girl has the next dude living rent free, kicking it on your couch and drinking your capri suns.

Man, I wish I had Capri suns.

 

[a blinkin]

Nah. Can't be as cordial as possible. Just be as cordial as necessary. There's a difference in the two.

You don't want to be the guy who comes off as trying to be too nice, as that can be interpreted as you kissing *** to get her back.

First and foremost, you need to accept that come June, you're leaving. Whether you two figure things out and make it work is something that will be determined by both of your actions in the next few months, and your willingness as a man to put up with whatever is problematic about the relationship. But you should realize that this was a bad call on your part, and move on out regardless.

Give her the bare minimum attention. Hey and bye. If she starts up a conversation, let her speak while only giving her minimal feedback ("wow", "that's interesting", "no way", "word?" etc.). Your task will essentially become proving that you're fine with the relationship ending to both her and yourself. This way you will be able to pull the reigns back a bit if she comes correctly about fixing the relationship. If not, you've already gotten the ball rolling on truly moving on. Carry on for a few months and establish normalcy in the roommate idea, even if that means no sex (because that only means no sex with her, go out there and **** other thots). Then casually leave an apartment finder brochure laying on a table come March or April. That'll serve two purposes.

1. Your *** really needs to be on an apartment search, as you should have learned by now that living with this sort of girl isn't the best choice.

2. That'll expedite the process of her swallowing her pride and hopefully you two can have the conversation about whether you're going to fix things or whether this roommate situation was for the best since you two are really over.

Move. Out. In. June. Don't play with that part.

 

[Teknoman]

That doesn't mean she wants you to stay, bro. She's just acknowledging your legal rights as a tenant x

If you think you can make it work, have a mature conversation with her and address whatever issues that led the two of you to this point. If she's already checked out of the relationship, one of you should find someone to sublease to and call it a day. Living with someone you recently broke up with will not work. You will wind up sleeping at your mothers house while your girl has the next dude living rent free, kicking it on your couch and drinking your capri suns.

This.

 

[yeah]

That doesn't mean she wants you to stay, bro. She's just acknowledging your legal rights as a tenant x

If you think you can make it work, have a mature conversation with her and address whatever issues that led the two of you to this point. If she's already checked out of the relationship, one of you should find someone to sublease to and call it a day. Living with someone you recently broke up with will not work. You will wind up sleeping at your mothers house while your girl has the next dude living rent free, kicking it on your couch and drinking your capri suns.

Man, I wish I had Capri suns.

Next time you're at the store, pick some up for yourself papi. You deserve it.

 

[dayman]

Did you ask her if it's ok if she can pay the full amount of rent by herself and you will leave the apt? You said she was initially planning to rent that apt by herself.

That would be the best case scenario if she agrees to those terms (make sure to create a contract).

It would be extremely difficult to live in a 1 br apt with your ex for 6 months. Imagine what would happen if your ex is seeing someone else. She might be seeing someone right now and she just wants to end the relationship with you so she can see other dudes. When you're not around, she could be bringing dudes home to smash on the same bed that you two used to sleep on. You don't think that would upset you? The break-up is still new enough for emotions to go crazy, so I would suggest both of you to just not see/talk to each other at all if you two are serious about ending the relationship. 

 

[Grine]

Regardless of whatever the status is in your relationship, move out. Take your name off the lease and find you another place to live.

 

[theknowledgeableprofessor]

Pay the rent and keep it civil. It can be done, I did it on a 1 year lease, never did it again. Learn from it my man. A lease you cannot break.

We basically went our seperate ways after the lease, but during that time, we made the best of it, but didn't fool ourselves.

Hell, I'm going thru a divorce with my wife that doesn't clear up until June lol. We sleep in the same room, share bills, etc. It sucks but hey, stick it out.

Sounds like you guys should give each other space though. But keep the lease and make the payments, just spend less time around each other.