Forgiving and forgetting

[a blinkin]

Back when I still had my instagramb account some time last year, my guy @joe_heartless posted something that really struck a cord with me and has stuck with me ever since I read it (I screen shot it and it's still in my picture roll two phone later). And speaking of @joe_heartless, what's dude's NT handle? I remember a few cool folks from da gramb, but their screen names weren't the same. Anyway, I digress. He wrote:

What is the point of being able to forgive, when deep down, you have to admit you never forget?

Now, in before God Forgives I Don't Ricky Rozay the biggest bawse that you seen this far widda hunnid fifty eimmmmm's.

Forgiveness is a concept I've always struggled with. I tend to hold on to things much longer than necessary. I still remember the girl in kindergarten that lied and said I spit on her, resulting in me getting hit with a damb ruler. Protect the kids, man. Glad teachers can't hit em' any more.

Anyways. What Joe said really sums up my thoughts on forgiveness. See because when it's all said and done, I may be able to move past a situation, but I never forget. And because I never forget, I tend to hold past wrongs over people's heads. I'll let the thought of something I supposedly let go of influence the way I treat someone in the here and now. So can I truly say I've forgiven someone? What is the path to truly forgive? Is it possible to actively make yourself forget something? Would actively trying to forget lead to deeper psychological issues that stem from a person's tendency to repress things?

Holla at me NT. My birthday is on the 23rd of this month and I'd like to move on to the next phase of my life with a better grasp on this topic. Keep a look out for my "I just turned 25, now what vol. quarter life crisis" thread coming soon.

Excuse my misspelling, I'm on my cellular device and I don't review before I post. Yolo.

 

[gregzzy23]

Pass that

 

[deleted]

Actively trying to forget something is counterproductive.

By thinking "I need to forget about _____" you're just keeping it in your head longer.

 

[a blinkin]

Pass that

High off life, my friend. Nothing else.

 

[King of Trash Style]

I understand where you're coming from i have a lot of pent up frustration with my dad. There was a time i truly hated him but now at least i can tolerate him.

 

[a blinkin]

Good perspective. Repped

 

[Meangene45]

Actively trying to forget something is counterproductive.

By thinking "I need to forget about _____" you're just keeping it in your head longer.

So true.

 

[360waves]

Great post and it automatically made me think of something someone said that stuck with me as well. It went something like this.
"Dating, temporary relationships are a long road of slow destruction and carelessness of others."
I had to stop and think about it, we all got our hearts broken by that one female way back when and we have "changed" since then. Some dudes turn out to dog women, some don't but the more relationships you're in the more you were the person that cared less in the relationship. The more dudes a girl has been with either the more her heart is "protected" from being hurt so many times or she's just went off the deep end and doesn't care anymore and gets around. Self destruction and carelessness. Messing around with your heart is something serious and many take it lightly.
There's a story of a guy that got a heart transplant, after the operation his family didn't know who he was, he was a completely different person. He acted different, his temper changed, he disliked activities he once loved.

 

[T Lo Sweater]

I dont think i ever forgive. I just dont think its worth it. Maybe cause im set in my ways

The way i see it is like if you **** me thats it. I'm done. With girls it's been like that. I'm just very very very very selfish

 

[bendover]

I am VERY grudgefull. Here's how I see it. They did you dirty. Why would you forget that. That would be going against your smarts. I've lost A LOT of friends who I haven't spoken to in years. I don't care what they do or what they are up to, that doesn't mean I beef it or anything. It just means I don't care. I'm certainly not gonna forgive them or forget the situation either.

 

[guzzy]

 

All of this. You forget, you're allowing yourself to take another potential L.

Forgive, but always be prepared.

Ohhh and all that hate is bad for you.

 

[AgentZero]

I feel the same way as you OP, except that I have problems even forgiving in some cases where someone has really wronged me. I don't even remember the last time I said "I forgive you" straight up to someone. I mean I'll truly forgive someone if they make the effort to make things better or if it's something minor, but other than that I don't. Whether I actually act on it also depends on how major or minor it was, but I don't unless it was something major.

I too hold on to things for a lot longer than I should and I have trouble letting things go. I always hear that being able to forgive is one of the keys to being happy. I would like to try and learn how to, but I've been through some things where others have really done me wrong and I still get angry sometimes just thinking about them. I'm questioning whether or not I actually can.

 

[goldenchild9]

Forgiving and keeping it pushing cleanses your soul.

Holding on to grudges only hurts you in the long run.

 

[datboi81]

I low key carry grudges, in the sense that if you do me wrong and the opportunity arises to get you back, I might take it lol. Overall, I'm probably the most forgiving person I know. And it's because I understand human error. I've made so many mistakes and I understand that my perception isn't the only one. Sometimes people literally didn't mean to wrong you or cross you, but they do. I know I have, I just did is past weekend. It's life, not saying you have to get back to the same level with the person, but no point on ridding yourself of everyone who's ever wronged you one time. You have to look at the situation from all angles and put yourself in their shoes.

I do understand others can't view it that way. Like the pain is just too much and they can't move forward without deading the person. Not my style, but once again it's all in knowing that my perception of situations aren't the only ones.

 

[a blinkin]

I feel the same way as you OP, except that I have problems even forgiving in some cases where someone has really wronged me. I don't even remember the last time I said "I forgive you" straight up to someone. I mean I'll truly forgive someone if they make the effort to make things better or if it's something minor, but other than that I don't. Whether I actually act on it also depends on how major or minor it was, but I don't unless it was something major.

I too hold on to things for a lot longer than I should and I have trouble letting things go. I always hear that being able to forgive is one of the keys to being happy. I would like to try and learn how to, but I've been through some things where others have really done me wrong and I still get angry sometimes just thinking about them. I'm questioning whether or not I actually can.

I think we're all able to. Just doesn't always seem that appealing of an option. We feel as if we leave ourselves susceptible to being hurt again. In time, we gain the life experience and maturity necessary to put some troubles to rest.

 

[Sir San Diego]

I let **** go.

Life's too short for me to be angry every day about some **** that happened in the past. If the foul is flagrant, I just won't **** with you anymore, but I won't be sitting around wasting my time or energy on that person. I may use that person as an example for someone else in the present or future, but I won't be seeking revenge or trying to ruin that person's life.

We never truly forget the wrongs done to us, but it's our choice to either let that hurt eat away at us or bury it away deep where it doesn't affect us on a daily basis. I can't stress myself out with pain that I've grown, learned and moved on from.

If I did hold grudges, I would be bitter and angry at too many damn people. I've known people like that. They'll keep folks around JUST to remind them of how they wronged them. **** that.

I like being happy, laughing my *** off and enjoying life.

 

[AgentZero]

 

I feel the same way as you OP, except that I have problems even forgiving in some cases where someone has really wronged me. I don't even remember the last time I said "I forgive you" straight up to someone. I mean I'll truly forgive someone if they make the effort to make things better or if it's something minor, but other than that I don't. Whether I actually act on it also depends on how major or minor it was, but I don't unless it was something major.

I too hold on to things for a lot longer than I should and I have trouble letting things go. I always hear that being able to forgive is one of the keys to being happy. I would like to try and learn how to, but I've been through some things where others have really done me wrong and I still get angry sometimes just thinking about them. I'm questioning whether or not I actually can.

I think we're all able to. Just doesn't always seem that appealing of an option. We feel as if we leave ourselves susceptible to being hurt again. In time, we gain the life experience and maturity necessary to put some troubles to rest.

I agree I think we are all able to, except in say very extreme cases. The reason it's harder for me is because I'm someone who places a lot of importance and emphasis on fairness, kind of like an eye for an eye kind of thing. If I am wronged it creates a disparity in how well I treat someone compared to how well they treat me and it really bothers me until I feel it has evened out due to action on their part or action on my part.

Time does heal things but I wonder how long it'll take for some of these things not to trouble me anymore. It's probably not the way I should be thinking, but it's just part of who I am as a person.

 

[ctidda]

I let **** go.

Life's too short for me to be angry every day about some **** that happened in the past. If the foul is flagrant, I just won't **** with you anymore, but I won't be sitting around wasting my time or energy on that person. I may use that person as an example for someone else in the present or future, but I won't be seeking revenge or trying to ruin that person's life.

We never truly forget the wrongs done to us, but it's our choice to either let that hurt eat away at us or bury it away deep where it doesn't affect us on a daily basis. I can't stress myself out with pain that I've grown, learned and moved on from.

If I did hold grudges, I would be bitter and angry at too many damn people. I've known people like that. They'll keep folks around JUST to remind them of how they wronged them. **** that.

I like being happy, laughing my *** off and enjoying life.

I feel that bruh.. Im learning to do this more and more each day..

 

[jaypesoz]

I feel like whenever they ask people who turn 100+ years old, they always answer with they don't stress or hold grudges in their lives. They may be on to something...

 

[milestailsprowe]

Forgive and Forget NOTHING only move one

 

[htg designs]

Im down with forgiveness yo. It actually makes you feel better. Come to think of it, ANYTHING you let go of from your body/ mind, makes you feel better. Vomit- not the process but most likely you will fee better afterwards. Waste. Stress..


My post prolly seems left, and it is. But holding things in just aint right.
Let it go b.

 

[offbad]

 "I just turned 25, now what vol. quarter life crisis"

implying you'll live to 100

 

[Gordonson]

I let **** go.

Life's too short for me to be angry every day about some **** that happened in the past. If the foul is flagrant, I just won't **** with you anymore, but I won't be sitting around wasting my time or energy on that person. I may use that person as an example for someone else in the present or future, but I won't be seeking revenge or trying to ruin that person's life.

I like being happy, laughing my *** off and enjoying life.

This is exactly the way I am at this point. Depending on how severely I was wronged and how useful that person is to me, I will completely end the relationship right there. I enjoy solitude, so I don't need snakes/Brutus' around me.

 

[Based Jesus]

They'll keep folks around JUST to remind them of how they wronged them.

I'm doing this right now. Had a girl teach me a very valuable lesson and now I keep her around to never forget.

She's the only person I've ever done it for though. And she will probably be the only person I ever do it for.

 

[a blinkin]

OP where are you from?

Atlanta.

implying you'll live to 100

Who gon' stop me, hanhhh?