First off any nters saying why post on here should remember that we all consider each other closer than friends even though we couldn't pick 99% of us out of a line up, even though i feel you guys on the whole crying for attention steez you have to remember all the cries that went un-heard on NT alone.
Just last year didn't some cat from the dunk threads commit a fatal mistake while on campus? As a Forum i need not remind you that we're nothing short of a community/ family bonded by similarities or differences that make us one in the same, If your brother falls would you not pick him up? I myself have thought about doing some dumb **** but a simple convo with a stranger in the library, mall, store, etc actually saved me from those thoughts. Also you guys have to realize that the holiday season bring about the happiest time but also the highest suicide rate all year.
As for op I kinda feel where you're coming from but as someone who has seen the destruction and toll a suicide has on a family and friends i'm here to tell my story as a bit of light through the tunnel for you.
All my life I've been nothing short of a disappointment to myself and subsequently felt like a let down to my family, I was kicked out of high school and middle school 3 times each and my whole life never got anything higher than a d in school. From middle school to junior year in high school my average gpa was 0.03 for christ sakes. When i was 12 i made a silly school yard mistake that cost me quite a bit, I took candy from a kid but was charged with 5 felonies and 8 misdemeanors that would have me serving 3 months in juvie and would put me on probation until i was 21. From the time i was 10 until 16 i was homeless at least 5 times. I've never had a place to call a home for more than 3 years i've lived in the city(SFC), Daly city, Pacifica, Pittsburg(CA), Fremont, East Palo Alto, Redwood city, San Mateo, Foster city, Hillsdale, Alameda, I even moved to Nevada(sparks).
But between the moving to different schools and states/cities i decided that my life would ultimately be what i make it out to be, so i got back into school senior year and buckled down, i ended up getting all a's the first semester at a continuation school but was told on December 09, 2008 that my accumulated 120 credits(you need 230 to graduate) would all be taken away because of my principle giving credits for misc. actions like showing up on time and riding the bus to school. At that point i'm 17 and have just been told that all my hard work wasn't gonna pay off and would be revoked by the end of the day. Even though i was 17 they told me i could no longer attend high school and had to transfer to adult school and do classes at a JC until i turned 18 and could take my G.E.D ( this was in December and i wouldn't be 18 until the following October) in order to graduate from high school.
At that point i was also kicked out of my sisters house because i wasn't going to school, which i was but the day they checked up on me i had skipped because i was thinking about what i could do, I ended up in Fremont at Washington high for a bit and decided that this would be my breaking point, so i switched over to an adult school a month before school ended because it was like a knife to the heart seeing every one in my grade and classes talk about graduating and picking out caps and gowns and i'm stuck in Dante's academic inferno. I studied for the better part of half a year and ended up scoring a 700 average on my test (google GED averages to get a better understanding of why i'm proud of my score).
I got a job the month after passing my test and held down another job long enough to save up enough to buy myself my first car and get my license ( I can't describe how good it felt to take my driving test in a car that i had been working 70 hours a week to save up for

) and worked there the past 2 years only making minimum wage. But in July found out the place I've been calling home would be foreclosed in September, so my famb did a short sale and ended up moving leaving me and my brother to find our own way and the house closes out this Sunday.
Now my brother's another story but let's just say that even though he's 2 years my senior i'm still the big brother and he has $300 to his name right now instead of half of the 2 racks necessary. So we had to be out this week or end up homeless again, so i started a new job that made more money and found 2 places that are willing to take on our tenancy, one just called saying that we'd need a co-signor because of my brothers low credit score. But while typing this story i received another call from the other place telling me that i could move in as soon as i filled out all the paper work . The moral of this story is that no matter what happens as long as you remain firm in your stride and beliefs you'll eventually succeed in all endeavours. So OP keep you're head up.