Hinge Takeover >>> Tinder, Bumble Pof

Remy LeBeau said:
Leave it alone

Side note, if you're gonna approach somebody you work with don't go sharing your business with everybody you work with. 5-7 of your co-workers gonna turn into 15-21 of your co-workers all in your **** and you don't want the potential drama that comes with that.
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chrisftdot chrisftdot you need to take Remy LeBeau Remy LeBeau 's suggestion very seriously especially since you're in an industry that is female dominated. Your female colleagues are guaranteed to gossip among themselves plus they'll take it outside of work and share with their friend circles, etc...

Even worse is that if you get a new colleague join your department and you even try to build a friendship them, you can bet that your existing co-workers will fill them in on your past history, dating successes/failures and so forth.

I would also stop fixating on homegirl and keep your relationship strictly work related for the time being but DO NOT give her the cold shoulder or ignore her completely as she can use that as ammunition for HR by saying that she rejected an advance from you and you're no longer functioning as her teammate.

Tread lightly my G!
 
chrisftdot said:
Not a Tinder/Hinge/Bumble story but I asked my co-worker out the other day and I got turned down :lol:. Need some advice on how to proceed. I know it's a long story but I tried to summarize it as much as possible down below. For the purpose of the story I'll call her "Jess".

Cliffs notes:
- We're both Nurses and 26 y.o.
- She started working on my unit a couple of months ago
- I see her once every two weeks or so, as I work Full-time and she only works night shifts (Part-Timer)
- I've yet to actually work a shift with her, but I've had lengthy chats with her during the change of shift/handoff report.... or as I would be finishing my shift and she'd be starting hers
- I'd always get her to laugh in those 15-20 mins, and we'd always engage in some witty-sarcastic banter
- One day, one of my Foreign co-workers offered to grab me some water and asked me "How do you like your water?"... and I responded sarcastically with "IDK...medium rare?". Jess (My Crush) overheard my joke and started laughing.
- The next day, she was giving me report on one of the patients and she cleverly referenced my "Medium Rare water" joke and giggled... I know it's a big no-no to ask a co-worker out in a professional setting but I thought I had a chance after she referenced my joke :lol:
- The next time I saw her, I noticed she had a tattoo of which looked like a heartbeat but she told me it was the Harry Potter castle and it was just the form of art... regardless I started teasing her on her tattoo and pulled up a picture of the castle on my phone and compared them :frown:.
- Ten minutes passed, and I was fixated on asking her out. I didn't want to be too upfront so I asked her, "Hey Jess, are the DMs open?"... then she responded with, "Not, for you" in a sassy voice :emoji_coffin: >D...... and I just walked away
- I told 5-7 of my female co-workers (around the same age as me and her) the story and they told me she's usually on the shy and reserved side... and they all advised me to try again.

I need advice from some of you Alpha males... Should I just take my losses and move on or should I give it another shot?
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Don't act like she doesn't exist cause she's going to immediately notice and assume that you're in your feelings. You can still say hello and have a brief exchange with her when you see her, but cut out all that chatting and the jesting. Also, keep your business private especially in the workplace. More than likely she will notice the change and if she's interested, she will come around and if she does, don't get too giddy. Still operate accordingly. If not, move on. Plenty of other women in the world.
 
Just play it cool and don't change your behavior (talk to her about work, make a joke here and there, wtv)

If she wasn't into you: Then that settles it and you can still act normal at work (ignoring her would be the worst for sure)

If she was somewhat into you and wants you to chase: She'll get in her feels about why you're not pursuing her and she'll give you more attention.
 
Present said:
What makes you jump to the conclusion that she "isn't interested"?

She sounds quite interested actually, in what you don't know yet, but its so much so that I'm sure others have noticed and are just waiting to see how you move.

The best of us don't change up just because we getting some attention. Getting attention from women shouldn't be unusual or odd.

Women are just human beings - they have the same emotions as men do.

If a little attention gets you rattled then you're giving her all the power to do with your emotions as she will.

She should only be just one of the women giving you attention.

All in the car on the way to work anticipating seeing her. :lol:

Totally fixated. Goofball ****.

"I know it's a big no-no to ask a co-worker out in a professional setting"

Define "Ask Out".

If you have not clearly defined your objective then how can you ever get anywhere?

Doesn't matter what she wants - at all. Doesn't matter what her interest in you is. That will come out later.

If your objective is to hook up / have sex - then create the environment for that to happen.

If your objective is an actual relationship - then create the environment for that to happen.

Way too early for the "cut off" game because you haven't established anything to "cut off" - you aint even got her number yet Fam :lol:

None of this is on her - its on you as a Man, to have a clear objective and follow through with it while accepting nothing less.

Your time is (or should be) valuable to you.

Never let anything mess with your purpose / career / money though - this is a coworker so you'll have a lot going on.

W/O a clear objective you'll end up learning some lessons - especially messing with someone at work.

Nothing wrong with that if you know what you are doing and can mitigate the risks (have your resume ready / start applying for other jobs just in case / save your cash up / etc etc).
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Right. Hombre wasn't necessarily direct. He has been bantering with her and that's been the nature of the relationship. He jokingly asked her about DM's as opposed to being direct and asking her out which is why he's in this state of confusion. He doesn't know if she actually rejected or if it was a joke.
 
tomdiginson said:
Right. Hombre wasn't necessarily direct. He has been bantering with her and that's been the nature of the relationship. He jokingly asked her about DM's as opposed to being direct and asking her out which is why he's in this state of confusion. He doesn't know if she actually rejected or if it was a joke.
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This. If he had followed up with something witty when she said that, he could have sealed the deal
 
oidreez said:
This. If he had followed up with something witty when she said that, he could have sealed the deal
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She literally opened the door with her commentary.

Might have done himself a favor by not catching the ally and "scoring" - too many witnesses.

Her level of risk is under a whole different calculus.

That's what's keeping buddy off balance - that and unclear objectives.

Just because she can be open and flirty at work doesn't mean he can match her energy w/o significant consequences.

See if she has that same energy off work...keep it light / casual at first and see if she will bring everything you do back to work the next day.

People move funny.

"I saw you talking to Kim at the elevator after you took me out last night - what was that about?" :lol:
 
chrisftdot said:
Not a Tinder/Hinge/Bumble story but I asked my co-worker out the other day and I got turned down :lol:. Need some advice on how to proceed.
Click to expand...
Story update:

-She gave me her number after I was straight up with it and she even agreed to dinner sometime
-She told me, she thought I was joking around last time and thats why she responded the way she did
-Won't share her IG, but she's Portugese, brunette, and played D1 Soccer in college.

IMG_0617.jpg
 
chrisftdot said:
Not a Tinder/Hinge/Bumble story but I asked my co-worker out the other day and I got turned down :lol:. Need some advice on how to proceed. I know it's a long story but I tried to summarize it as much as possible down below. For the purpose of the story I'll call her "Jess".

Cliffs notes:
- We're both Nurses and 26 y.o.
- She started working on my unit a couple of months ago
- I see her once every two weeks or so, as I work Full-time and she only works night shifts (Part-Timer)
- I've yet to actually work a shift with her, but I've had lengthy chats with her during the change of shift/handoff report.... or as I would be finishing my shift and she'd be starting hers
- I'd always get her to laugh in those 15-20 mins, and we'd always engage in some witty-sarcastic banter
- One day, one of my Foreign co-workers offered to grab me some water and asked me "How do you like your water?"... and I responded sarcastically with "IDK...medium rare?". Jess (My Crush) overheard my joke and started laughing.
- The next day, she was giving me report on one of the patients and she cleverly referenced my "Medium Rare water" joke and giggled... I know it's a big no-no to ask a co-worker out in a professional setting but I thought I had a chance after she referenced my joke :lol:
- The next time I saw her, I noticed she had a tattoo of which looked like a heartbeat but she told me it was the Harry Potter castle and it was just the form of art... regardless I started teasing her on her tattoo and pulled up a picture of the castle on my phone and compared them :frown:.
- Ten minutes passed, and I was fixated on asking her out. I didn't want to be too upfront so I asked her, "Hey Jess, are the DMs open?"... then she responded with, "Not, for you" in a sassy voice :emoji_coffin: >D...... and I just walked away
- I told 5-7 of my female co-workers (around the same age as me and her) the story and they told me she's usually on the shy and reserved side... and they all advised me to try again.

I need advice from some of you Alpha males... Should I just take my losses and move on or should I give it another shot?
Click to expand...
Reading this it's amazing how we all over analyze every interaction with people we crushing on. **** that we'd never give two ****s about like someone laughing at a joke is like the biggest deal. Just read your update - good luck brethren!
 
chrisftdot said:
Story update:

-She gave me her number after I was straight up with it and she even agreed to dinner sometime
-She told me, she thought I was joking around last time and thats why she responded the way she did
-Won't share her IG, but she's Portugese, brunette, and played D1 Soccer in college.

IMG_0617.jpg
Click to expand...

Step one: Update your resume & shut up about it at work.

Step two: Update LinkedIn, start / keep saving up all the money you can, & shut up about it at work.

Step three: Be the best employee you can be & shut up about it at work.

As far as everyone at work knows...she shut you down.

Keep it like that. Cordial - professional - light spirited.

Nobody needs to know nothin!

Think of it as role playing.

She will respect that you aren't a goofball with no boundaries. Notice how she wont share her IG? Boundaries Fam.

Just know that if you do this - you will be learning some lessons.

Make sure the lesson is worth the tuition (meaning don't pay more than you have to).

Good Luck and ALWAYS be direct!

No jokes / playing = the best game.
 
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Had a similar thing happen to me at work a few years back. I'm an RN as well, but I got pursued by another nurse. I was down to give it a shot, so we went on 2 dates together. The dates went well, but lo and behold I started getting coworkers coming up to me asking about her and how things are going when I made a strong point to keep my mouth shut about it. I figured she knew the deal, but apparently not. It ended up making things extremely awkward and got too many eyes on us, so I just ended up backing off. Wasn't worth it to me.

Workplace romances are already inherently risky, but to air out your workplace romance to your "friends" at work is idiotic. You have everything to lose and absolutely nothing to gain by allowing these people into your personal life. 99.9% of these people don't give a **** about you and are simply gathering information about you.

Glad that it seems to be working out so far, but tread lightly moving forward. Being a male RN can lead to a lot of temptation, but the good thing about the industry is that it's so transient. That coworker you're crushing on might up and get a new job within the next 6 months to a year, and that's usually the time to pounce. Smashed countless old coworkers after they quit or I quit. :lol:
 
Comparison Ford said:
Glad that it seems to be working out so far, but tread lightly moving forward. Being a male RN can lead to a lot of temptation, but the good thing about the industry is that it's so transient. That coworker you're crushing on might up and get a new job within the next 6 months to a year, and that's usually the time to pounce. Smashed countless old coworkers after they quit or I quit. :lol:
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Looking back, I slipped up big time letting some of my co-workers know and there's def some lessons to be learned.

She has a FT job as a Public Health Nurse, and she picks up shifts on my unit here and there. So I would only see her once a week or so, if that. And I've never actually worked a shift with her, I've only talked to her during change of shift/report. Last night was the first time I actually worked with her on the same shift.
 
Comparison Ford Comparison Ford you're right about interactions varying from industry to industry.

I'm in IT and there's a definite shortage of females plus most of the dudes I worked with over the past decade were awkward AF. I've seen cases where some mans may or may not have been too thirsty/aggressive but ultimately ended up getting dismissed/terminated while the ladies ended up getting cushier administrative/management positions. I don't support workplace harassment in any form but when 'below average' (female) software developers/QA end up getting management roles with significantly less technical skills required and higher pay it makes you question things and be overly cautious.

A good friend and mentor had advised me on day one not to 'dip my pen in company ink' and just focus on my career. The 'game' is what it is and is 'broken' but it just isn't worth risking your career/livelihood.
 
Signed back up for all the apps. Most of them are so damn trash for me now. Tinder, Bumble, Badoo and so forth. Hinge and Blk the only ones holding it down.
 
Instagram is the real "dating" site these days.

I log into Badoo for a reality check whenever I begin to wonder what's out there for real.

Basically get my Abe Simpson on and invest in more profitable activities / self improvement, working out, investments, etc.

Meet most women on the street / in person these days.
 
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